Splitcoaststampers.com - the world's #1 papercrafting community
You're currently viewing Splitcoaststampers as a GUEST. We pride ourselves on being great hosts, but guests have limited access to some of our incredible artwork, our lively forums and other super cool features of the site! You can join our incredible papercrafting community at NO COST. So what are you waiting for?
I made Thanksgiving cards and sent them out to family and friends. They took a little time with punched turkeys and pumpkins and embossing and turned out really nice. We had a late Thanksgiving family dinner this weekend and one of my SIL's says, someone in this family has way to much time on their hands. I wish all I had to do was play with paper all day and she looks at me. I said, I guess some of us are just lucky, please pass the gravy. My first thought to myself, that's the last Thanksgiving card she gets and my second she gets a store bought Xmas card if any at all. Maybe her invitation to the family Xmas party at my house will some how get lost in the mail. I'm still alittle stuned by the remark.
That was completely rude and uncalled for. At least my sister-in-law never acknowledged the special stationary box I made for her. Mean people suck. From now on, I think our SILs get nothing but dollar-store cards.
I'm so sorry she would be so thoughtless to say something as rude as that. Unfortunately, some people don't see this as an art form. I'd definitely scratch her off of my handmade goodies list. ;)
Definitely rude! That's when it's nice to politely call someone out on that sort of behaviour! "Really? Why would you say something so rude about my hobby? Do you thing everyone with a hobby has too much time on their hands or are you just jealous and felt the need to put me down to make yourself feel better?"
Of course, I wouldn't say this, I'd get all irritated and wish I had the nerve to say it, lol.
Sounds like something one of my SILs would say, too. Needless to say, I don't send any homemade cards or projects that direction! I realize that we are all passionate about our craft but we do have to realize that not everyone sees value in the same things. Yes, they could be more tactful about it, but everyone is not tactful. Just do what I do, which is to stop giving things that aren't appreciated to people that can't appreciate them. Save your heartfelt creations for those with a heart.
I agree, save your creations for those who can appreciate them! It's a waste of your time, energy and materials otherwise. If anyone did that to me they'd be off my card list period, store bought or otherwise.
Oh no, that is terrible. Don't let her get you down. Just keep doing what you love because you love doing it and if it means she doesn't get some of your amazing creations so be it. Or you could kill her with kindness and keep sending them to her. That way you are not letting her change who you are.
I have one amazing SIL who loves my cards and then I have one SIL who is one of "those". Yes, mean people suck.
I'm sorry for that unpleasant remark by your SIL, and I understand about hurt feelings. I'm a grandma now, and I've had my feelings walked on many times through the years. It helps me the most in situations like this to tell myself, "They" don't have the right to determine how I'm going to feel. I am the one in charge of my feelings."
Someone here on the board posted a good response to people who say such thoughtless, unkind things. She said to smile at them and say sweetly, "Is that really what you meant to say?" You will get probably get quite a look, and not much of a comeback.
__________________ Bugga in OK
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." Dalai Lama
Wow, I'm so sorry you had to listen to that. Your SIL is definitely queen of rude.
There's a lot of one-up-man-ship in among my in-laws. Basically, my mother-in-law, though a wonderful woman, never once gave anyone a direct compliment. So, she ended up with a bunch of kids who compete with each other for whose the smartest, most talented, most whatever. They even had an argument over who liked vegetables the most. My guess is your SIL is horribly insecure. Your talent one-up'ed her so much, she thought she had to level the playing ground. She's just incapable of giving a compliment. Consider yourself her Martha Stewart - we all love to hate her because we'd all secretly like to be her.
And next time someone says something like that, just tell them what I do - "I don't have any more time than you do, I just manage it better." ;)
That is so rude, I would have been very upset and after dinner I would have asked her if I could speak with her and told her if she didnt like the card, then she simply could have said something privately to you. Regardless of how much time you have or dont have that is none of her business. Too bad one person has to make such a rude comment to someone that took the time to make homemade cards I love homemade gifts and so do all of my family members! I think the invitation should be lost for the christmas party! LOL
Goodness - I know I would have been hurt, but I would have tried to be more mad than hurt and thought to myself that I'd rather be creative than ...rude/bored/boring...
I like StickUps' suggested reply , and I'd definitely go for a bought Christmas card.
Here I am bowled over and amazed that my half-sis has just sent an email saying thank-you for the Thanksgiving card I sent her - sheesh, she doesn't even always acknowledge birthday or Christmas gifts.
I would have "accidentally" dumped the gravy on her lap or over her head. That is serious rudeness to do that at a dinner table where everybody is supposed to be thankful. She's probably just jealous (and rude) because she doesn't have the thoughtfulness and talent that you do. I wouldn't even send a card, unless there's kids, and I'd send one to them.
__________________ Well behaved women rarely make history.
First Tina made me laugh because I have all those conversations in my head too, but never say anything.
What a terribly unkind thing to say at thanksgiving. I'm sure others were just as stunned by her remark. Try not to be hurt, just don't spend any more time making her handmade things. I wouldn't send her any special occasion cards, but if you wanted to I would do the cheap dollar store kind because she obviously doesn't appreciate the time spent. To me a homemade card/gift is so much more precious because of the time carved out of someone's busy schedule to think about it and make it. Some people just don't get it.
Hugs
Kathy T
Location: along the bluffs of the Upper Mississippi River
Posts: 4,146
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I love Stickups remark, "I don't have any more time than you do, I just manage it better." I have seen people really straighten up when called out on rude behavior. They are used to getting away with it.
__________________ All I want is the chance to prove money won't make me happy!
That is terribly rude. I have had a friend's husband say that to me before. The only stamped holiday card they get from me now is at Christmas. They are off my other holiday list.
That comment happens to be one of my pet peeves. It is so belittling. It's "my life is so much harder than yours. All you do is sit around and play with crayons." Oh yeah.
When folks say stuff like that I just assume that they are jealous (even if they are not).
Having been on the receiving end of an identical comment from a family member, my strong advice is to just let it go. It isn't worth elevating it. Send her the invitation and just rise above it. I did and I think my husband was sooo relieved as he knew I was steaming.
But I never forgot it! And yes I keep sending a handmade card to this relative. Let's face it. NO ONE else understands our hobby!
__________________ Dear Paperlicious is my blog...with a series on how I'm learning to improve my cardmaking by studying others.
Save your beautiful creations for those that appreciate them! Sounds like SIL has issues, maybe even a little jealousy? There are too many that will love them to waste time on one who does not.
I am so sorry she said that to you, and in front of everyone too, that would really hurt. My guess is she's jealous or there is some underlying thing hurting her that may not have to do with you at all.
Is this normal for her? If it isn't and you have a good enough relationship, maybe you can ask her. If you think it would help tell her privately you didn't appreciate her comment. But I've known people who are deaf to that and when I said something like that it came back to bite me later.
I would take the high ground here. If you don't feel like sending her homemade cards, don't, but I'd still include her in family activities. I've seen families split apart when forgiveness (even though it wasn't deserved) wasn't offered and it leads to lonliness.
so rude. I love some of the comebacks posted
I hear that from friends and won't even make my family fun table settings for the holidays because those are the kinds of comments made to me.
My true friends know that although I don't have a career type job - I volunteer. They know how much of my "time" is taken for valuable organizations and the schools. They (true friends) have never questioned my free time hobby, since they can't imagine any time is free time for me. LOL!
I wish I could say some of those comebacks though, they always stay in my head.
I agree with Joan, she is probably jealous of your talent. It reminded me of a gal my SIL works with who always demeans the projects SIL brings in, you should have done it this way, it would have been better if, I would have done it this way etc. But.. who is the first one she goes to for advice on a project...SIL of course.
Oh how I love the " i am able to manage my time better" response!!! But, just let her comment roll off your back and send her a store bought card from now on.
Sounds to me like your SIL needs to develop not only good manners, but also an appreciation for having free time and doing something with it other than watch TV!
Fortunately, my SIL is one of those who loves my cards. When we go visit them every year, I take oodles of my cards for her to choose which ones she wants. This time she took 15!!!!
So, try to forget the rude, throughtless, crude comment, though I know it's hard to do.
I'm sorry for that unpleasant remark by your SIL, and I understand about hurt feelings. I'm a grandma now, and I've had my feelings walked on many times through the years. It helps me the most in situations like this to tell myself, "They" don't have the right to determine how I'm going to feel. I am the one in charge of my feelings."
Someone here on the board posted a good response to people who say such thoughtless, unkind things. She said to smile at them and say sweetly, "Is that really what you meant to say?" You will get probably get quite a look, and not much of a comeback.
That is a SUPER response. I know I will get a lot of mileage out of it this holiday!
I would be really hurt too..The more I'm hurt the madder I get .
I used to do Ceramics. I made a "Friend" something that took lots of time.
Her comment was "Wow ceramics a nice cheap gift"
I agree with everyone's comments. What is you SIL's life like?
I bet her nasty comment is based on pure jealousy? Some people are cup half empty no matter what their life is like. Does she have it worse than you too many kids she can't handle, not enough money, poor realationship with husband, job she hates but has to work, lots of worries about health issues?
Or is she just a sarcastic B$&%h that says nasty stuff. If it's the later I would never give her anything home made again. All she'd ever get from me again would be (cheap) store bought, and that would only be if I HAD too.
I got my feelings hurt on my Birthday this year. I didn't get cards from several people I always remember with handmade cards. I have decided not to send them cards anymore. I have plenty of things I can do with the time I spend making them cards. They won't even get store bought!
__________________ Bev
Organized People are just too lazy to hunt for things!!!
Last edited by bdeyes9; 11-29-2010 at 04:37 AM..
Reason: fix spelling
Definitely rude! That's when it's nice to politely call someone out on that sort of behaviour! "Really? Why would you say something so rude about my hobby? Do you thing everyone with a hobby has too much time on their hands or are you just jealous and felt the need to put me down to make yourself feel better?"
Of course, I wouldn't say this, I'd get all irritated and wish I had the nerve to say it, lol.
I think this kind of honesty would be refreshing and you said it so well. I would call her & say these words to her & give her the chance to apologize. And then no more hand crafted cards for her! dollar store it is! She may very well be jealous. I'm sorry you got hurt by her insensitivity. Call her on her behaviour now that you've had the time to reflect on it.
Splitcoast Dirty Dozen Alumni Creative Crew SU Design Team Alumni
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 15,348
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I'd be hurt! I don't understand why people need to hurt others! I agree with others that you should call her out about it...I have a girl where I work who is just mean and rude sometimes (and my DH says she is jealous of me...which I totally don't get...yes, I have a great life but I have my fair share of crap too as does everyone else AND she's got a good life too) but if I call her out on it she shuts up and acts better for a while. I also ha d mean friend in high school who I never said anything to and I totally should have!
It's hard to stand up for yourself but I've learned it's better to do it than not do it! I love the did you mean to say that one but I'm afraid it would go over some people's heads:-)
Sounds like pure jealousy to me. I have heard that garbage time and time again from self absorbed women who spend ALL their free time and money on themselves getting their hair and nails done and shopping- they don't even know what a hobby is. They don't posses any imagination what so ever and will never understand the joy that can be found in creating things. Most of them have nothing in their life like our hobby that brings us as well as other people joy. Make your cards for yourself for the joy of making them and for the rest of her family in mind, not her. The rest of your family probably thought she was ignorant and rude and you not sinking to her level made you look like the bigger person. It's the holidays, time to rise above petty quarells -so just ignore her and continue to do whatever makes you happy.
My SIL is one of those people that just doesn't listen when you talk to her. Every conversation is about all about her. She thinks she has a stressful life, hello, she works 2 days a week, has adult kids, goes on vacations all the time. She isn't back from one when she is crying she needs another one. I can't tell you the last vacation I went on she says well your just stupid. I have decided to buy a box of cards from the dollar store just for her and keep on sending to all the people that love home made ones. Thank you all for your suggestions and comebacks. Maybe one of these days she will stop talking long enough to hear one. One of my other SIL's did say to her kind of jokeingly, I don't think you will have to worry about getting anything else. How true she was.
I am sorry that you were hurt, but I would have asked her nicely if she would like to come and spend time with you playing with paper and let her see just how much work does go into making a card. I wouldn't stop sending her homemade cards, but I wouldn't put alot of work into them, but I would still send them. If you continue to show kindness to her she might start to feel guilty for what she said to you. We have a saying in our house, kill them with kindness, it works for the most part. With the economy the way that it is maybe she just feels bad that she isn't able to do more things with her time and she is jealous that you can. She is your SIL and for better or worse you are stuck with her so make the best of a bad situation. Good luck.
Definitely rude! That's when it's nice to politely call someone out on that sort of behaviour! "Really? Why would you say something so rude about my hobby? Do you thing everyone with a hobby has too much time on their hands or are you just jealous and felt the need to put me down to make yourself feel better?"
Of course, I wouldn't say this, I'd get all irritated and wish I had the nerve to say it, lol.
Lol I love this. I had someone one say something like that to me and I said in a very nice voice we all have things we do in our down time, some choose tv some choose computer and I choose to make cards. The lady I was talking to spend a lot of time in the bar and I was nice and didn't say anything about that.
I understand the hurt but I'd still send her a card, maybe she needs more positive in her life.
I have experienced the same comment from my SIL. I did ignore the comment and my hubby was very relieved that I did. But my kids did not!
When I got a card published for the very first time, my oldest DD, took the magazine to our next family get-together and really rubbed it in my SIL face. Of course, I didn't know this until we got home and the kids were laughing about it. Its hard to scold and tell them what they did wrong when I was secretly LMAO that she did that!
I know its hard but ignore what she said. She is just jealous of you and it makes her feel better to put you down like that. I can understand if you don't want to send her anymore handmade creations!
Update: Guess who just called me, you got it, the SIL asking info about Xmas. She shays what ya doing? I told her playing with my paper and glue and loving it. I said why don't you come over and give it a try, you might like it. She says no, I could never compete with what you make. I told her, it's not a competition, it's fun and relaxing and there is no right or wrong way to do it. Still she says no. I think after the first of the year when I don't have so much to get done for Xmas it will be my mission to get her over here and get her stamping. I know I can win her over once I crack the ice.
Update: Guess who just called me, you got it, the SIL asking info about Xmas. She shays what ya doing? I told her playing with my paper and glue and loving it. I said why don't you come over and give it a try, you might like it. She says no, I could never compete with what you make. I told her, it's not a competition, it's fun and relaxing and there is no right or wrong way to do it. Still she says no. I think after the first of the year when I don't have so much to get done for Xmas it will be my mission to get her over here and get her stamping. I know I can win her over once I crack the ice.
I think your heart is in the right place -- however, her heart obviously isn't. :( Don't know if you actually heard what she said to you, but when I read your quote, I heard it loud and clear. She sees her interaction with you as a competition - a competition which she needs to she herself as winning. If you do convince her to take up your hobby, be prepared to dodge more incoming slings and arrows as she trys to one-up your creative efforts. This may sound very cynical, but one of the truisms of life is that people don't really change, they just become more of what they already were.
One of the kindest things you could do for yourself is to allow these hurtful words to roll off your shoulders and get back to your paper projects. And smile when you do it! :cool:
I remember my response several years ago when some people I was at a craft fair with (I was selling Tupperware at the time) asked me if I wanted to scrapbook with them. My words were "Ugh! No way! I dont have time for that crap!" Now about 6 years later, I am hooked on scrapbooking, cardmaking and all papercrafty things. What changed my mind? 1) Me being open to giving something a try when I was in the need for friendship with others and 2) Them being kind and patient and inviting me to come and sit down with them and give it a try.
As someone else stated....we all have our "things" we chose to do with our free time. Next time this remark gets said, you can chose to tell the person that. "Hey, we all have the same hours in the day! So what does it mean to you if I chose to spend my down time or free time creating something vs watching tv or on the computer or just sitting around and bey-otching like some other people do?" I have said that to my mom (who spends about 12 hours a day watching tv!) and she pretty much shut her mouth and is much more supportive. Everybody has their "thing" and maybe someday she will discover hers...and it may even be papercrafting!
But yeah, maybe "forget" her when you are handing out your lovely creations and cards to others in your family, then see how she feels about it! LOL
PS...dont forget to make some really cute chocolate treats for everyone else at Christmas but not her then look at her and say "Oh, I know how much you hate all that papercrafty stuff I make so I thought I would just save you the trouble of having to complain about it and throw it away by just not making it for you!" Dont forget the wonderful, huge, stepford wife smile on your face when you say it too!! =)
WoW! I agree with everyone about what a rude comment that was. And I really like some of the comebacks. And, I even thought, "yeah, don't send HER anymore handmade cards"...but keep the peace because she is family.
BUT...I am blown away by your continued conversations with her. You are an amazingly giving, generous, and classy person AbbysGrammy. I don't think I could have invited her over to "play" with my precious papercrafty things after the remark she made. But you rose above it all and offered a piece of your heart to her....AGAIN.
Seriously classy. Bravo. (consider this a standing ovation!).
someone in this family has way to much time on their hands. I wish all I had to do was play with paper all day.
, I'd be both a little hurt and a little sad--and really tempted to say something like
'Well I guess these adorable tokens of affection for the wonderful people I'm blessed to call family took *some* time to make. . . . but that was nothing compared to the time it took to make a giant 'U Suck' card that I would *never* actually send to anyone no matter how much they seemed to deserve it (because one never knows for sure whether someone else's asocial behavior isn't an unfortunate result of being dropped on their head as a baby or having been raised by wolves or wearing their panties too tight).
But it was totally worth every minute spent creating that jumbo card, cause just writing their name on it lets me laugh off pointless rudeness, and once I start laughing, I remember all those wonderful people who are such a blessing to me. Which, as Mastercard says, is priceless.
Oh say, do any of you wonderful people have a pencil?'
In reality, I'm not sure I could ever actually write someone's name in a secret 'U suck' card--maybe they *were* raised by wolves.
But writing their name on a post-it note pad and putting that reeeeeeally close to the card. . . . then you could say to yourself 'Don't make me put you in the card. . . .'
Would you be hurt or mad?
