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I made a nice card for my niece's high school graduation. The problem is, the more I think about it, the more I really don't want to give it to her. It's not that I don't love her. It's just that I know it won't be appreciated. Unfortunately, that branch of my family tree has not learned the niceties like thank you notes and such. I know that the card will be looked at very briefly and tossed in the trash. It might get a little more notice if I paperclip a check to it.
Am I being selfish for not wanting my hard work to be treated with such disrespect? Am I being really silly? DH said that if it bothers me that much, go buy her a card. What do you think? Thanks for letting me vent.
I say buy her a card. Maybe it's because I am married to a CPA (I am his secretary) and we think alike. I have the same situation and it never crossed my mind to make my nieces and nephews cards that I know they will just look to see if there is a check enclosed. I only make cards for the people I know will appreciate them (especially during tax season!). If your niece doesn't send a thank you notes, you need to question whether the parents taught her to.
I'm a cheapo and wouldn't wanna spend money on a card! If you really like the card you orginally made for her and put a lot of effort into it, send it to someone who will enjoy it and make her a fast, quick one with minimal effort!
I'll take the opposite opinion. Who knows but that you're building memories for her with your cards? Maybe someday she'll say, "What I always remember about my aunt is that she made special cards, just for me. I probably didn't appreciate it at the time, but now I know how much it showed her love for me." (Or something like that!)
I know where you are coming from. My mom sent my cousin a birthday present one year and never heard from him or her sister about it. She is a read stickler for thank you cards so needless to say he never got anymore birthday presents from us. She instilled it in me though. I may be a month late but I get my thank you cards out for everything.
I agree w/Aubrey about making a simpler one to send her but I must say I love Webdeb's comment. What a great thought that someone would look back on how special receiving our cards was.
Maybe someday she'll say, "What I always remember about my aunt is that she made special cards, just for me. I probably didn't appreciate it at the time, but now I know how much it showed her love for me." (Or something like that!)
I guess I'm really a cynic, but I just don't see that happening. It would be nice if I were wrong. When her older sister had a baby last year, I made a nice card (I was really proud of it) to go with the huge box of "stuff" my mother, sister, and I got for her shower. No thank you note. I send another nice card personalized with the baby's name with a gift when he was born. Nothing. I sent a box of Christmas presents. You guessed it...nothing. Now, it's not the baby's fault, so I'll continue to send him gifts (though perhaps I'll send them with delivery confirmation so I know they got there in the Christmail mail rush), but I've stopped sending my niece anything.
I liked montigg's idea of making a simple card. Maybe I'll do that.
I make cards because I enjoy doing it. I know not everyone appreciates the work or thought that goes into a handmade card but that's their problem and I can't dictate how other people feel. I may be misinterpreting what you wrote but I think you're saying she probably won't appreciate anything you send (gift or card) so why make one. I guess my answer would be because you enjoy doing it.
Sometimes I think our cards are like "kids"... you work so hard on them, it's heartbreaking to send them to someone who won't appreciate them! My family all stamps and makes cards, and we worry that when we send them to our distant family in other states they think we are being cheap for making something... they don't realize that it takes $150 worth of supplies to make a card, and that we take the time to show we care about them.
I like MonTig's idea too, just make a 'simple' one. That way you still feel like you did something special, but won't worry that your card got thrown away without notice.
__________________
You don't have to take on the world, just get on its good side.
For people that I know don't "get it" I send them the basic card. Well, typically most of my cards are simple. But if I'm sending one to someone who appreciates it, then I'll put a little more effort into it. I say make her a simple card, and maybe send her a set of Thank You cards for her to use. (simple ones of course).
I feel for you and understand too. It's so frustrating when family members are ungrateful (or at least have the appearance of being ungrateful...)
I've got a bunch of family members like that too, and have gone back and forth between "do I continue to make an effort to stay in touch and remember them on special days, or do I just give up because they don't care".
Someone else had suggested keeping the really nice card you made and just making her a more simple one. That's my thought as well (and its what I usually do with the ungrateful ones that are on my list too!)
One thing you could do to somewhat tactfully let these family members know that they are being rude without coming right out and saying it would be to call several weeks after sending your gift or card to say, "I was just wondering if you got the gift (card) we sent last month. We hadn't heard anything so I just wanted to make certain it didn't get lost in the mail or something...." It may not get them to start acknowledging your gifts...but then again, it might. If nothing else, at least you will know that your gift arrived, and you'll have the satisfaction of telling them they are rude without ever coming right out and saying it. ;)
Of course, there is always the more blunt option: Send them a blank thank you card with a stamped, addressed return envelope along with your card or gift. hehe (That isn't advice to be taken seriously though...they'd probably just trash the thank you note, or send it back blank...but it's an amusing thought nonetheless...hehe)
Good luck!
~Sheri
Quote:
Originally Posted by stampinCPA
I guess I'm really a cynic, but I just don't see that happening. It would be nice if I were wrong. When her older sister had a baby last year, I made a nice card (I was really proud of it) to go with the huge box of "stuff" my mother, sister, and I got for her shower. No thank you note. I send another nice card personalized with the baby's name with a gift when he was born. Nothing. I sent a box of Christmas presents. You guessed it...nothing.
I don't know how much you put into the card, but I usually try to make at least 2 cards of a design especially when I'm giving it away. That way you can give her the card you really like, but can also keep one for yourself to put with your cards that you keep.
__________________
“Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else.” – Fred Rogers
I can see both sides of this issue and wouldn't it be great if stampin up made a bar code stamp and where the price is usualy they had the word "PRICELESS"
__________________ Dawn
member #1989
if you don't talk to your cat about catnip who will?
Personally I'd make a simple card and send it. Like a few others said, I make cards cos I enjoy it. Yeah it would be nice if everyone else felt the same way about our cards so we do, but oh well. I know I feel good after I put a card out for the mailman <shrug>
And since I started stamping, I can't imagine *ever* buying a card again.
I make cards because I enjoy doing it. I know not everyone appreciates the work or thought that goes into a handmade card but that's their problem and I can't dictate how other people feel. I may be misinterpreting what you wrote but I think you're saying she probably won't appreciate anything you send (gift or card) so why make one. I guess my answer would be because you enjoy doing it.
I am totally the same way. Hey! It makes me feel good that I made somebody a card and I like the way it turned out. Who cares what they do with it! :rolleyes:
Here is my take on it: I put a lot of effort into my cards because that is what I enjoy doing. I give cards because for me there is joy in giving, with or without thanks. If the people getting the cards don't take the time to enjoy the cards it is their loss not mine, I've already had my good vibes from it.
I guess you just have to ask youself "why" you are sending a card and that will give you your answer as to "if" you should send and "what" you should send.
I would send her the card that makes you feel the best. I agree that we stamp as much for ourselves as the receiver. I would also call her next time I sent a gift and ask if she got it. Say something about how worried you were the gift got lost since you never heard if she received it.
My mom yells at me each time she sends my son a gift and he doesn't write a thank you. I even address the envelope and put on the stamp...do everything but hold the pen. Like leading a horse to water. Maybe some day he will understand that a thank you card makes the gift giver feel appreciated. With e-mail and phones I would even prefer that to nothing.
I say make her a simple card, and maybe send her a set of Thank You cards for her to use. (simple ones of course).
I agree! A set of thank you notes would be a not so subtle hint that she needs to step up her etiquette.
I also tend to agree that I mostly make cards for my creative satisfaction. It's great when people gush about them, but I love the process of design and creation, so that's where I get my good feelings.
...a not so subtle hint that she needs to step up her etiquette.
I use to do things like this. It took a lot of years for me to figure out that etiquette is really just the art of putting other people at ease. That would include not pointing out their ettiquette mistakes.
I still slip up from time to time but I'm really trying to be nice.
Edited to add:
Hmmm.. as soon as I hit the send key the little voice in my head said, "You're doing it again." :( It's not fair to delete posts so I'll let it ride and take my lumps. Like I said, I still mess up.
FTR, I think sending someone thank you cards as a hint to send them is rude. But than again I yell "you're welcome" when I hold a door open for someone and they don't say "thank you" - lol.
We all have our peeves ;)
I make cards because I love the creative outlet. Cards are ephemera, paper products meant to be thrown away. I'm always greatly surprised to find that someone has kept a card of mine and displayed it prominently (sometimes even framing it!).
I know I don't keep cards I've received for more than a couple of weeks before I toss them. The exception to that would be if it contained a handwritten note that had touched me in some way. Those, I keep forever!
__________________ "Life is much too important to be taken seriously." Oscar Wilde Proud to be a member of Mo's Digital Pencil Challenge DT! My BlogMy Gallery
FTR, I think sending someone thank you cards as a hint to send them is rude.
Huh, never thought of it that way. A set of Thank You cards with envelopes AND postage stamps is my standard baby shower gift. You see so many blankets, bottles, and diapers (although I'm told you NEVER have enough), I usually stamp a set of baby-themed TY cards for the mom to do while she has a bit of downtime when the baby sleeps.
Back to the original thread, I have two types of cards. General birthday, congrats, etc. cards that I make when inspiration hits and personalized cards (I choose themes that are specific to the individual) for those who are "card-worthy." <grin>
I don't always get the response to all of the cards, but that's okay because ultimately, I make them because it's fun and I enjoy sending them out. I don't even care if they throw them away and in fact have encouraged them to do so, but it's always flattering and nice when someone gushes.
I make my cards (& dabble in other things) because I love it - I love coming up with the 'perfect' idea, I love what I've created (even the simple ones) & it makes me feel good! I don't know if everyone I've sent a card to keeps it but if it gives them any pleasure at all, it was worth it... I count myself as very lucky, my family and friends love receiving handcrafted items no matter what it is, how simple or how ornate.
I say - do what makes you feel good.
Santakitty
I agree with what everyone has said, but I can't believe nobody came up with the fact that it really is cheaper to make cards than to buy them. I know you can get some for under $2.00, but most cards I see toady are 3-5. I can make cards way cheaper than that!
Besides, I like making htem (like everyone else said.) I say bite the bullet and send her one. You never know what spark you might set off inside her! It might just be the spark she needs to get creative and grateful - you might get a Thank You note and an order! Maybe some of her friends will see it and want ot get into this stamping thing!
Some time ago I made 20 very labor intensive Charlie Brown theme cards for my DH 80 year old aunt. When she opened the package, she said "Oh, thank you" and hardly looked at them. I was heartbroken! After we left I said I would never put more than 5 minutes into a card for her again. A week later a family member told me that she has these cards all on her coffee table, has brought everyone in her apartment building to see them and never will give them away because they are so special to her. She has never said a word to me about them but I have made her very special cards ever since. Moral of the story....sometimes you do make a difference without knowing it.
I use to do things like this. It took a lot of years for me to figure out that etiquette is really just the art of putting other people at ease. That would include not pointing out their ettiquette mistakes.
Hmm. Ok. I can see what you're saying. But I still think a set of thank you cards is a good idea as part of her gift.
(If one is being given.)
I made my unappreciative neice a handmade graduation card last June and included it along with $50 worth of Creative Memories products that were very personalized to her interests. She opened the gift and card when I wasn't there to thank and I have not received a thank you card and it has been almost a year!! Her mother, however, did thank me for the gift and said she loved the card. A couple of months later, I went all out on a beautiful birthday card for the mother (my sister-in-law), who admired it so much she asked me to make some stamped images to give as a gift to hang on my mother-in-law's bedroom wall! I had never even thought of making something like that and was very surprised and flattered! Her daughter, my neice has never responded at all to any of my recent gifts and handmade cards, but her mother has in a big way!
I'm a cheapo and wouldn't wanna spend money on a card! If you really like the card you orginally made for her and put a lot of effort into it, send it to someone who will enjoy it and make her a fast, quick one with minimal effort!
I would understand it if you made a card and sent money to your niece but face it - making a card is a nice "gift" and a fun thing for you to do. Are you really expecting a thank you note for a handmade card? I've made lots of cards for shut-ins. You could have picked me up off the floor when one sent a thank you note and a second called to tell me how much they appreciated the card. In no way did I expect a thank you for simply making them a card.
The stamps I use to make the cards aren't cheap but I'm addicted. What better way put my addiction to good use?
I've made a number of graduation cards this year. I did put money in several of them. (Including non-family members!) The only thank you notes I expect are for the money gift, not the card.
I'm the type that is always trying to take the higher road. I send people my cards no matter. I figure I can do my hobby and enjoy it and make a card that is special to that person (whether they care or not) or I can buy a cheap (or not so cheap) card at the store that is mass produced. I have several relatives (I come from "poor white trash") that would never think of sending a thank you note for any gift and would hardly mention recieving a card. Doesn't matter. I'm better than they are and will continue to send cards and gifts.
I'm not snobby. And I don't mean this as "in your face." I just believe that what you send out you recieve back. So if I am snotty and mean-spirited then I'm going to get that back in the long run. If I'm nice and remember people then I will get that back as well. What goes around comes around. Balanced chi.
What's the old saying, "It's in the giving that you receive."
__________________ Michelle
Docorate of De-Edumacation, Lawd, How Cum granted by Rainsong
"What's life if not doing things for other people?" Martin Gray
When weighing a decision, I say go with the one that makes you a better person. Give her the nice card. She isn't going to appreciate it. She isn't going to thank you, but you'll be doing something for yourself -- rising above the totally 100% (I've been there) understandable resentment.
__________________ Dear Paperlicious is my blog...with a series on how I'm learning to improve my cardmaking by studying others.
I can see both sides of this issue and wouldn't it be great if stampin up made a bar code stamp and where the price is usualy they had the word "PRICELESS"
There is one but it's by River City Rubber Works.com . The number is 2065-D and called "Barcode Priceless". I bought mine at my local stamp store.
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dilema
If you do not feel she will appreciate the homemade card then why not just make a few easy thank yous and maybe a cute note to explain you thought she could use these for some of her gifts... if you still send a check then why not just make the money holder...something simple...
[QUOTE=myzuk]Huh, never thought of it that way. A set of Thank You cards with envelopes AND postage stamps is my standard baby shower gift. You see so many blankets, bottles, and diapers (although I'm told you NEVER have enough), I usually stamp a set of baby-themed TY cards for the mom to do while she has a bit of downtime when the baby sleeps.
Myzuk, I do this too and it is ALWAYS appreciated!! I don't think it is cheap at all, and neither have the friends for whom I have done it. Especially as you include the stamps. You're giving the newly-delivered mom not only a very nice way of thanking her friends for their gifts, but also the gift of time. Your time, AND the time you save her making/ buying cards and stamps.
__________________ julia www.juliascreativemusings.blogspot.com
Some time ago I made 20 very labor intensive Charlie Brown theme cards for my DH 80 year old aunt. When she opened the package, she said "Oh, thank you" and hardly looked at them. I was heartbroken! After we left I said I would never put more than 5 minutes into a card for her again. A week later a family member told me that she has these cards all on her coffee table, has brought everyone in her apartment building to see them and never will give them away because they are so special to her. She has never said a word to me about them but I have made her very special cards ever since. Moral of the story....sometimes you do make a difference without knowing it.
That's such a sweet story! It's true, often we dont' know how we touched someone's life. God knows and that's all that really counts!
Debbi,
If you made the card for your niece with love... give it to her!
I guess the bottom line is - What is to "enjoy or appreciate" a card. I love to make cards and rarely buy any cards. Once I send the card it is up to the person who gets it to decide what to do with it. My family is exactly the opposite. They feel guilty if they don't keep everything. They now have a huge collection of all the cards I have made. I tell them it is not necessary to keep everything I make just enjoy it and know that I love them or I wouldn't have bothered. I make cards because I love to do it and love to give cards.
You've already made it for her so just send it. You would
not have started and finished a card for her if you didn't intend to send it off. So put a stamp on it and mail it. Then you can go on to make other cards and save the expense of a second card for her. If you hadn't made the card at all, then you could just have done a simple one or gone to a discounted card store and bought one for cheap, if you really felt that way deep down.
I also stamp because I love it. Many recipients of my art"work" (I like to think of it as art"play"!) don't even realize they are handstamped or made by me. But then I think back to the days of standing in Hallmark searching for the perfect card while being pushed by the person next to me, listening to someone's screeming child because they want the special trinkets, blah, blah, blah, oh - did I forget to mention the $5 price tag for said card? Yikes! That is just as much work as making my own card. Not to mention my closest Hallmark is 25 miles away...
Anyway, like I said, stamp because I love it, but I know sometimes it goes right over someones head. There have been times where something turns out especially nice and I make a second one for the intended...however...there is always at least ONE person in the room who will appreciate it and that usually makes it all worth while.
Don't feel bad if you want to save it for someone else - it's your card - give it to who you will. Then you will both feel good!
I have a dilemma...
