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Old 05-12-2006, 11:31 AM   #1
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Default Adoption Support Group

I started a thread sharing my excitement over DH and I starting the adoption process. I am finding that there are several people who have posted that they have adopted too or are in the process of adopting. I thought it might be fun to start an adoption support group thread. This would be a place where we can all share in our joys and even our sorrows through this wonderful process.

All are welcome! If you have adopted, are adopting, have a family member or friend who adopted etc. join us! Or if you yourself have been adopted or are a birthparent please join us! Seriously, all are welcome!
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Old 05-12-2006, 12:45 PM   #2
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Hmm if you have not guessed-I am pretty much pro-adoption!

We have our paperwork in Korea for our 2nd (which we know will be a girl this time) but no idea about dates or anything exciting.

Congrats to all who have decided to adopt-it is wonderful!
(I amy be biased-but I think that's ok )
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Old 05-12-2006, 02:22 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by camsmom
Hmm if you have not guessed-I am pretty much pro-adoption!

We have our paperwork in Korea for our 2nd (which we know will be a girl this time) but no idea about dates or anything exciting.

Congrats to all who have decided to adopt-it is wonderful!
(I amy be biased-but I think that's ok )
Britta that is so exciting!! Keep us posted when you find out more. Is Cam excited about a new sister?!
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Old 05-12-2006, 03:48 PM   #4
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Congrats on your second Britta! That is so exciting

I posted in the previous thread, but we are going through the foster to adopt program for California. Baby A has been living with us since he was 8 months old and he is now 17 months old! Parental rights were terminated last month and now we are just waiting the 60 days before we can finalize.

Adoption is such a wonderful blessing. I am so thankful that we went through this process and have such a wonderful and loving son.
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Old 05-12-2006, 04:16 PM   #5
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Congrats on your finalization!!! Ours was pretty much a done deal once Cam arrived-but even still it was awesome finally having him officially "ours". The judge was awesome too-only adoptions in court that morning so everyone was happy. Lots of pics. It was great seeing so many families come together.
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Old 05-12-2006, 04:53 PM   #6
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Thanks for starting the thread! DH (Gary) and I are half way through our adoption classes and we are sooo excited! He was adopted at 6 weeks old and we are so happy to be able to give another child a chance like he was given!
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Old 05-13-2006, 10:02 AM   #7
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Congratulations on working through the classes. I think it's great that you and your DH decided to adopt as well.

The small agency (literally 4 people run it) that we are going through used to run group homes in California. The hubby in one of the couples that is currently going through classes was raised in one of the group homes that the agency ran! I thought it was so cool that it comes full circle for him to be able to adopt through them as well.
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Old 05-14-2006, 06:28 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Softangelkisses
Thanks for starting the thread! DH (Gary) and I are half way through our adoption classes and we are sooo excited! He was adopted at 6 weeks old and we are so happy to be able to give another child a chance like he was given!
That is so awesome!
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Old 05-14-2006, 06:29 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CAStampinMel
Congratulations on working through the classes. I think it's great that you and your DH decided to adopt as well.

The small agency (literally 4 people run it) that we are going through used to run group homes in California. The hubby in one of the couples that is currently going through classes was raised in one of the group homes that the agency ran! I thought it was so cool that it comes full circle for him to be able to adopt through them as well.
Keep us posted on how this works for you. DH and I are considering the foster to adopt too. They just talked about it at our last class so we have been talking about going that route!
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Old 05-14-2006, 05:46 PM   #10
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We have adopted 3 and we got them all as infants and they are now 10, 8, and 5. Every adoption was different and I would do it all again. If you have any questions, ask away. Those who are in the process, make sure you keep journals. It's fun to go back and read them. They still make me tear up.
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Old 05-14-2006, 06:29 PM   #11
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Congratulations to all of you! We adopted our pride and joy as well- life is full of blessings! What a wonderful thread!Thank you to all who are contributing!
Hugs and Heartfelt congratulations!
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Old 05-15-2006, 10:33 PM   #12
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My husband and I are starting the process! We are hoping to adopt a baby girl from Haiti!
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Old 05-16-2006, 09:23 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by StampingV
We have adopted 3 and we got them all as infants and they are now 10, 8, and 5. Every adoption was different and I would do it all again. If you have any questions, ask away. Those who are in the process, make sure you keep journals. It's fun to go back and read them. They still make me tear up.
V
Great idea on making a journal! Hadn't thought of that!
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Old 05-16-2006, 09:23 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by shannonigan
My husband and I are starting the process! We are hoping to adopt a baby girl from Haiti!
Oh how exciting! Congrats!
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Old 05-16-2006, 12:35 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StampingV
We have adopted 3 and we got them all as infants and they are now 10, 8, and 5. Every adoption was different and I would do it all again. If you have any questions, ask away. Those who are in the process, make sure you keep journals. It's fun to go back and read them. They still make me tear up.
V
We did a journal as well. My DH was studying Lingala (the language they speak in the Congo) at the time so there are all sorts of African proverbs and sayings in it that are funny to read back now since I heard them constantly while we waited. You can also do a scrapbook of how you get things ready (painting the room, getting the forms done. etc.) When people get pregnant they scrap ultrasounds and such-you should scrap your plans and preparations as well! I wish we had done that with Cam, but I did not start stamping or scrapping until he was here.
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Old 05-16-2006, 01:39 PM   #16
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Sharon, dittos on the journal. I journaled for our adoption of Jodi, adopted ONE YEAR AGO TODAY!!! We adopted her from China, and are now looking at adopting a second time.

Glad you started this thread. Adoption is the BEST blessing that happened to my DH and I!

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Old 05-16-2006, 04:10 PM   #17
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Sharon, dittos on the journal. I journaled for our adoption of Jodi, adopted ONE YEAR AGO TODAY!!! We adopted her from China, and are now looking at adopting a second time.

Glad you started this thread. Adoption is the BEST blessing that happened to my DH and I!

karen
Happy Gotcha Day!
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Old 05-16-2006, 04:23 PM   #18
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Are birthmom's invited too??
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Old 05-16-2006, 04:46 PM   #19
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How bout an adoptee????
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Old 05-16-2006, 05:45 PM   #20
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Happy Gotcha Day!
Thanks, Britta!!!!
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Old 05-16-2006, 05:55 PM   #21
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Canuck and Steph-welcome!


Steph-can I ask you a question? Is there anything you feel your parents did that helped you "deal" (for lack of a better word) with your adoption? We are very open now but it is at a shallow level. Cam knows another woman had him in her tummy and that she could not take care of him so he came to live with us. At this point (he is 4) it is more like a story. I know it will get harder so I try and talk about it regularly. We tell him how lucky we are to be his parents-how much we love him and are glad we are able to adopt him. But right now it has not gotten "hard" if that makes sense. Are there anythings you wish your parents had done OR anything you thought they did really well so I can try and remember?

canuckstamper-is there anything you think we could share from a birthmother's perspective? I do pray for his birthmother and we "recognize" her at his birthday and other times b/c I do not want him to ever think it is taboo to talk about her or ask about her. I try and talk about special talents he has and kind of wonder out loud if his birthparents had those as well-just letting him know I appreciate those parts of him (his eyes, beautiful smile, athleticism) that I feel were from his bio parents so that he can understand that I appreciate what is not "from us". Any thoughts?
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Old 05-16-2006, 06:56 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by camsmom
Steph-can I ask you a question? Is there anything you feel your parents did that helped you "deal" (for lack of a better word) with your adoption? We are very open now but it is at a shallow level. Cam knows another woman had him in her tummy and that she could not take care of him so he came to live with us. At this point (he is 4) it is more like a story. I know it will get harder so I try and talk about it regularly. We tell him how lucky we are to be his parents-how much we love him and are glad we are able to adopt him. But right now it has not gotten "hard" if that makes sense. Are there anythings you wish your parents had done OR anything you thought they did really well so I can try and remember?
My parents did an awesome job in raising me.
I came from a very poor Cherokee Indian family. I was the youngest, I have 5 brothers and sisters that I have never met. There is an empty feeling I have whenever I think of them. Im not sure what my parents could have done different to help ease that pain, because it is pain. To not know where you came from, or if you are different from you family now.
A child is to young to understand how deep and adoption can go. It is something you will deal with for the rest of your life. People always ask me questions or just go Oh really, Wow I didnt know that. I have never understood that response. Like, what was so "WoW" about it? I suppose that would be one thing that made me feel different.
I think that I would have liked if my parents would have been a little more open in talking about my adoption. I definitely feel like it is the parents responsibility to answer all the childs questions. There are things I know my mom doesnt like to talk about. for example, my birth mother and me trying to find her. I am 27 now and a mother. I am very curious about this family that just gave me away.
I would say to let your son know you are ok with him wondering about his birth parents. It is only natural for him to think about his birth family. Especially since he is of a different race then you. I am very proud of my Indian heritage. I would let him know who he is. Let him be who he wants to be and dont try to push aside the importance of where he came from. His Heritage should be very special to him and something he takes pride in. Not something that is made to feel less than what it is.
I am not sure if I made any sense here. Sorry for my ramblings!! Im sure you can tell I am still dealing with my adoption and my feeling about it. Hopefully you have gotten a little more insite by peeking into another's adoption perspective. Let me know if you have anymore questions or need me to ramble more!
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Old 05-16-2006, 07:13 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by camsmom
We did a journal as well. My DH was studying Lingala (the language they speak in the Congo) at the time so there are all sorts of African proverbs and sayings in it that are funny to read back now since I heard them constantly while we waited. You can also do a scrapbook of how you get things ready (painting the room, getting the forms done. etc.) When people get pregnant they scrap ultrasounds and such-you should scrap your plans and preparations as well! I wish we had done that with Cam, but I did not start stamping or scrapping until he was here.
OOo hadn't thought of scrapbooking stuff like that either! Great ideas ladies!
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Old 05-16-2006, 07:14 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolarBear
Sharon, dittos on the journal. I journaled for our adoption of Jodi, adopted ONE YEAR AGO TODAY!!! We adopted her from China, and are now looking at adopting a second time.

Glad you started this thread. Adoption is the BEST blessing that happened to my DH and I!

karen
Oh awesome! Congrats on the one year anniversary of your DD and congrats on wanting to adopt again!
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Old 05-16-2006, 07:15 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by camsmom
Happy Gotcha Day!
What a fun way to put it!
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Old 05-16-2006, 07:16 PM   #26
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Quote:
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Are birthmom's invited too??
Absolutely! I think it would awesome to have the perspective of birthmoms! Welcome!!
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Old 05-16-2006, 07:16 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steph772
How bout an adoptee????
oh definately! :rmgreen:
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Old 05-16-2006, 07:18 PM   #28
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Canuck and Steph-welcome!


Steph-can I ask you a question? Is there anything you feel your parents did that helped you "deal" (for lack of a better word) with your adoption? We are very open now but it is at a shallow level. Cam knows another woman had him in her tummy and that she could not take care of him so he came to live with us. At this point (he is 4) it is more like a story. I know it will get harder so I try and talk about it regularly. We tell him how lucky we are to be his parents-how much we love him and are glad we are able to adopt him. But right now it has not gotten "hard" if that makes sense. Are there anythings you wish your parents had done OR anything you thought they did really well so I can try and remember?

canuckstamper-is there anything you think we could share from a birthmother's perspective? I do pray for his birthmother and we "recognize" her at his birthday and other times b/c I do not want him to ever think it is taboo to talk about her or ask about her. I try and talk about special talents he has and kind of wonder out loud if his birthparents had those as well-just letting him know I appreciate those parts of him (his eyes, beautiful smile, athleticism) that I feel were from his bio parents so that he can understand that I appreciate what is not "from us". Any thoughts?
great questions Britta!
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Old 05-16-2006, 07:27 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steph772
My parents did an awesome job in raising me.
I came from a very poor Cherokee Indian family. I was the youngest, I have 5 brothers and sisters that I have never met. There is an empty feeling I have whenever I think of them. Im not sure what my parents could have done different to help ease that pain, because it is pain. To not know where you came from, or if you are different from you family now.
A child is to young to understand how deep and adoption can go. It is something you will deal with for the rest of your life. People always ask me questions or just go Oh really, Wow I didnt know that. I have never understood that response. Like, what was so "WoW" about it? I suppose that would be one thing that made me feel different.
I think that I would have liked if my parents would have been a little more open in talking about my adoption. I definitely feel like it is the parents responsibility to answer all the childs questions. There are things I know my mom doesnt like to talk about. for example, my birth mother and me trying to find her. I am 27 now and a mother. I am very curious about this family that just gave me away.
I would say to let your son know you are ok with him wondering about his birth parents. It is only natural for him to think about his birth family. Especially since he is of a different race then you. I am very proud of my Indian heritage. I would let him know who he is. Let him be who he wants to be and dont try to push aside the importance of where he came from. His Heritage should be very special to him and something he takes pride in. Not something that is made to feel less than what it is.
I am not sure if I made any sense here. Sorry for my ramblings!! Im sure you can tell I am still dealing with my adoption and my feeling about it. Hopefully you have gotten a little more insite by peeking into another's adoption perspective. Let me know if you have anymore questions or need me to ramble more!
Thank you so much Stepanie for your insight! It helped so much! One thing I think it has made me think about is that if possible I think I will ask that our children's (yup, we are wanting to adopt more then one -siblings-) birth parents write the kids letters. Maybe just explaining who they are and a little about them. If they feel comfortable doing so then maybe explaining why they were placed for adoption. Do you think that something like this would have helped you? Just tell me to shush if I am being too nosey.
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Old 05-16-2006, 07:38 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scrown8301
Thank you so much Stepanie for your insight! It helped so much! One thing I think it has made me think about is that if possible I think I will ask that our children's (yup, we are wanting to adopt more then one -siblings-) birth parents write the kids letters. Maybe just explaining who they are and a little about them. If they feel comfortable doing so then maybe explaining why they were placed for adoption. Do you think that something like this would have helped you? Just tell me to shush if I am being too nosey.
No you are not being nosey at all. I actually enjoy talking about my adoption. Like I said I am very proud of my heritage. My birthmother did write me a letter. It told me that my grandfather was a full blooded Cherokee Indian and he loved art. That letter is soooo special to me. It is the one thing I have from that part of me. I have a Indian dream catcher tattooed on my arm. I got it when I was 18. It was a way for me to honor that part of my life. They are always with me now. In a way it makes me feel closer to them.
I would have LOVED to know more, you know, something, anything! It is such a void to not know where you cam from. Who you are. I think that is why so many adopted kids end up in trouble. They have trouble finding there true identity. It seems sort of lost out in the world.
I have always had in the back of my mind that I wanted to create a law that required a birthmother to fill out a questionaire sort of thing. Answers to questions that the child should have a right to know. Also a health record. I have TERRIBLE health problems and the majority of them are hereditary. It would be nice to know what runs in my family and what doesnt. Also for girls, when did you start your period and things like that. An adopted girl doesnt know these answers. Simple things that your mom should be telling you. Maybe I can still work on getting something like that passed. I know there are laws and all to protect the mom. But the kid deserves some knowledge of there blood relatives. that is my 2 cents on that question!
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Old 05-16-2006, 07:47 PM   #31
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wow Stephanie! It is so neat to get a different perspective. Seriously. I think that is one thing that these adoption classes are teaching me is that there is more to adoption then just the adopted parents desires to have a child. There is the matter of the children as well. (and of course the birthparents) Thank you so much and I hope you continue to join us.
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Old 05-16-2006, 07:49 PM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scrown8301
wow Stephanie! It is so neat to get a different perspective. Seriously. I think that is one thing that these adoption classes are teaching me is that there is more to adoption then just the adopted parents desires to have a child. There is the matter of the children as well. (and of course the birthparents) Thank you so much and I hope you continue to join us.
I think one thing I should clarify on this is that I used to just think about our desires and not anything else. You know, we want to adopt because we can't have kids etc. But there is so much more to it. There is also that we can give a home to someone who may not have one otherwise. We have resources that can help him or her etc. I just hope that we can do a great job.
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Old 05-16-2006, 07:50 PM   #33
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No problem!! Thanks for letting me Blab for a bit!
There is for sure many different sides to adoption as it seems we all know first hand. Adoption is such a complex yet fascinating topic. I am looking forward to hearing everyone elses views and ideas. Maybe it can help us all understand each person involved in our own adoptions better.
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Old 05-17-2006, 05:13 AM   #34
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Thanks so much Steph! I think for me one thing that concerns (is that the right word? I am having trouble with that lately) me is that there is little chance at all that we would ever be able to get any more information about Camden's bio parents. I would absolutely support him in searching, but in our case (wih Korea) the chances of finding out are slim to none. They are just starting to support the idea of birthmothers having any relationship at all with parents-even in their domestic adoptions (those children that stay within Korea). The cultural mentality is different then here, so not sure if him meeting his birthparents or getting any more info is even in the cards.

One nice thing is we do have a nice group of families that go to the same schools as Cam-he certainly will not be the only child who was adopted from Korea in his school. Our next door neighbor has a son and his best friend is also adopted from Korea-we all go to the same pool in the summer as well. It is not uncommon for us to see adoptive families in our community, so I am hoping that as he gets older he will also be able to turn to others nearby who have gone through the same types of issues. Our agency is very supportive and offers lots of classes for parents as well to help us helpour kids.

Thanks ladies for all the sharing!
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Old 05-17-2006, 05:25 AM   #35
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[QUOTE=camsmom]Thanks so much Steph! I think for me one thing that concerns (is that the right word? I am having trouble with that lately) me is that there is little chance at all that we would ever be able to get any more information about Camden's bio parents. I would absolutely support him in searching, but in our case (wih Korea) the chances of finding out are slim to none. They are just starting to support the idea of birthmothers having any relationship at all with parents-even in their domestic adoptions (those children that stay within Korea). The cultural mentality is different then here, so not sure if him meeting his birthparents or getting any more info is even in the cards.

QUOTE]

I'm in the same boat, Britta. With China, there is less chance than Korea of finding the birthfamily. It is illegal to abandon a child, and yet you get in trouble if you have more than child?!?!? Jodi didn't have a note on her, telling us her exact birthdate, name, or medical history. I asked the orphanage director if we could have the clothes she was found in, and they said no. That made me sad...I would have liked to given my daughter anything they had.

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Old 05-17-2006, 05:27 AM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steph772
Also for girls, when did you start your period and things like that. An adopted girl doesnt know these answers. Simple things that your mom should be telling you. Maybe I can still work on getting something like that passed. I know there are laws and all to protect the mom. But the kid deserves some knowledge of there blood relatives. that is my 2 cents on that question!
I'm dealing with this right now. My oldest dd is 10 and is developing fast. I have no idea how to deal with this since I know nothing about her birthmom and her female health history. It's frustrating. I just so afraid she is going to start and I won't be ready. I was hoping she doesn't start until she is 12 but again, I know nothing about her birthmom. The best I can do is just keep her educated without scaring her.
BTW, I'm enjoying reading everyon's input!
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Old 05-17-2006, 06:10 AM   #37
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Originally Posted by PolarBear
Quote:
Originally Posted by camsmom
Thanks so much Steph! I think for me one thing that concerns (is that the right word? I am having trouble with that lately) me is that there is little chance at all that we would ever be able to get any more information about Camden's bio parents. I would absolutely support him in searching, but in our case (wih Korea) the chances of finding out are slim to none. They are just starting to support the idea of birthmothers having any relationship at all with parents-even in their domestic adoptions (those children that stay within Korea). The cultural mentality is different then here, so not sure if him meeting his birthparents or getting any more info is even in the cards.
I'm in the same boat, Britta. With China, there is less chance than Korea of finding the birthfamily. It is illegal to abandon a child, and yet you get in trouble if you have more than child?!?!? Jodi didn't have a note on her, telling us her exact birthdate, name, or medical history. I asked the orphanage director if we could have the clothes she was found in, and they said no. That made me sad...I would have liked to given my daughter anything they had.

karen
Yup-my neighbor also adopted from China and she has a copy of the foundling ad-but her birthdate was an estimate for her as well.
Our agency does do organized Homeland Tours for families (including other adoptees, going to the Holt offices, as well as counselors to speak with for tour attendees). Have you heard of any of that for China? We plan on doing it probably in 10 years or so-bu then Cam will be 14/15 and our 2nd will be about 10.
The cool thing is occasionally families traveling can escort a baby to his/her parents waiting in teh U.S.-kind of a full circle journey that way,.
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Old 05-17-2006, 06:51 AM   #38
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I think that another thing that would have helped me would to know other adopted kids, I mean I had my brother, but what help is a big brother to his little sister in helping her deal with this.
I guess for all the moms out there make sure your kids dont feel excluded from other kids because they look more like there parents. The kids also might say they are ok with being adopted, but it is still an issue that needs to be addressed. Maybe they think they are ok, but they are not. I have just started dealing with this in my life. I have kinda put in the back of my mind for soooo many years. and I didnt take the time to think about adoption. Not I have MANY questions, many doubts. I have ALOT to deal with now. I feel slightly abandoned now. I was a teenage mom. I got pregnant at 18 and my first thought when I got pregnant is there was no way I could EVER give up my baby! She is my ONLY flesh and blood in this world. WOW!! My Love for her is stronger because of that reason. My 2 little girls look just like me! It is sooo COOL! I have never had that feeling before!
Let your kids know that being adopted is perfectly OK. There is nothing "BAD" about it. Let them know it is OK to be curious, have questions, and so on.
I am sorry if I am giving you to much of a one sided view. I dont mean to put ANY pressure on any of our birth moms who might be reading this. I would LOVE to hear from a birthmom on this board. It might give me a little more perspective also in my healing process!
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Old 05-17-2006, 08:04 AM   #39
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Hi,

As a birthmom, I would be open to answer questions... Have any of you read the poem "Legacy of an Adopted Child" I sent it to my little guy!

Here it is

Once there were two women who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call mother.

Two different lives shaped to make you one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.

The first one gave you live, the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you a talent, the other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.

One sought for you a home that she could not provide
The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.

And now you ask me through your tears
the age-old question unanswered through the years.
Heredity or environment which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling, neither. Just two different kinds of love.

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Old 05-17-2006, 08:42 PM   #40
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Hi all! My Hubby and I are just starting the journey to adopt! We have 3 beautiful biological sons, Dawson -7, Payton -5, and Camden -3. We are trying to adopt a baby girl from Korea. Right now we are sort of stuck due to financial reasons. We do not even have enough yet to send in our application I have it filled out just waiting on the funds. I am trying to raise funds by selling hand made goods and have started a blog (see sig) to document our journey through the adoption process. How did you all handle the financial strain of adopting? I have to admit we do not have alot of income (hubby is military) so this is the hardest thing for us. What did you do to raise the money you needed? I am racking my brain and am already feeling a little frustrated. I know if I was just patient and could wait until hubby got his reinlistment bonus we would be fine but that is not until NOVEMBER! But I am just hoping and praying that if we are meant to do this that the funding will happen. We will find just the right fundraiser and/or will get just the right bonus. I have faith it will happen, I just don't know what I should be doing at this point. If anyone has a suggestions on what else I could do then I would be most appreciative an dopen to them! We can't apply for most adoption loans or grants yet though because we do not have our homestudy. There is so much to do and so little money, LOL! Sorry for rambling I just have so many questions and concerns that they are all jumbling up in my head and I have a hard time getting them out in written form.
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