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Unread 03-23-2007, 06:09 PM   #561
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On when to tell your child they are adopted... this is my opinion.

You should always tell, from the first moment they are adopted. You can do this by telling stories such as how excited you were when you found out you were going to be their Mommy and how you felt the first time you layed your eyes on your precious baby.

A GREAT way to ease into the subject is by reading books about other children who are adopted such as "Tell Me Again about the Night I was Born" by Jamie Lee Curtis (yes, the actress because she has adopted children.) The books is great as it talks about a couple who are sleeping and get "the call" and rush across the country to get their baby. The illustrations are priceless.

Another great book that doesn't specifically address adoption is called "In Case You Ever Wonder" by Max Lucado. The book talks about how much you love your child and about how "God picked the right family" for them, which easily lends itself to talking about adoption.

It's odd because my children have always known and yet I know so many people stress over it. I adopted one at 7 years old so of course he knew, but I also had a 14 month old and a 16 month old and though they don't remember not being with us, the also do not remember "finding out" they were adopted because it was always a part of the stories I told them. If you present it as the blessing it was, they will feel that it's special. If you hide it away and stress over telling them, they will wonder why you thought it needed to be a secret.

My last baby is the only baby I got at birth and it's very funny because people ask me if I'm going to tell her and I just laugh. How could I not tell her? I'd feel guilty to tell her a lie and if I didn't tell her, then I couldn't tell her about what a miracle it was that she came to be in our family. Besides, being adopted is such a natural part of my family that she just might feel funny if she weren't adopted

My advice is to tell and tell often! Never let your child "find out" they are adopted. Make it something that they've always known.

Please don't bash me if you disagree.. this is my opinion.
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Unread 03-23-2007, 07:54 PM   #562
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I agree with Wendy. I often say to my daughter, "How on earth did I end up getting the best little girl in Belarus?" It makes her laugh. She knows that we didn't plan on expanding our family, but when I saw her, I loved her immediately and wanted her to be my daughter. She knows she was chosen. Anika looks like me, so we don't have the questions that come up with multi-racial families, and no-one knows she is adopted unless one of us says something. She loves to hear me tell others how special she is, and the story of how we found her and what we went thru to adopt her. (LOL... one day in school, when the question was posed, 'how do you know your mommy and daddy love you?', she raised her hand, and said in a very exasperated voice.... "They had to do a LOT of paperwork, and they didn't give up!")

Hey, another little book that is just wonderful to read with your adopted children is 'A Mother for Choco' by Keiko Kasza. The author happens to live in the same town I do, and we invited her to one of our Adoptive Mom's support group meetings, and she is a delightful lady. We wanted to know all about the book, and she wanted to know all our adoption stories! She not only writes her books, but she is the illustrator as well. They are beautifully done! Amazon carries it. So does Barnes & Noble.
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Unread 03-24-2007, 05:18 AM   #563
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Welcome to the other new members. I haven't been on SCS alot lately; we're finishing our basement and my supplies are split, (i.e. storage and some of my SU supplies upstairs.) Anyway, I just wanted to add my two cents about the books. I LOVE the Jamie Lee Curtis book, even though we adopted our son from Armenia. I also have the book by Mister (Fred) Rodgers. His sister was adopted, it is a little dryer, more for 4-5 y/os, but I love that it explains the two ways to enter a family: birth and adoption. Great for opening up for discussion.

Also near and dear to my heart is my son's Life Book. The website was mentioned earlier. My son is 3.75 and knows his story. He still doesn't understand all the details but he can tell you he was in an orphanage and the orphanage workers took good care of him until we brought him home. He still hasn't asked questions about his birth mother (the life book pretty much says what Britta's synopsis says) so I know that is coming. I did his lifebook on my computer so it doesn't even have stamping in it (yet) because I was in a hurry and knew he needed it NOW (did it shortly after he turned 3.) I still need to add more to it. Hopefully once our basement is finished and I get my craft room.

I love hearing all the different adoption stories. Thank you all so much for sharing.
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Unread 03-24-2007, 05:23 AM   #564
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Oh another thing real "quick" (haha! since I'm rambling) DS looks so much like his father (except he has "my" eyes (color). Nobody ever knows we adopted him. I know God intended him for our family because he is just so like us! LOL!

It is so funny when he tells people he was born in Armenia, because he talks fast and so many people have never heard of it so we always have to "interpret" for him. We've had him since 7.5 months so he speaks only English (except for the Dora & Diego Spanish!), and he pronounces Armenia like "Ah-EEE-ia". It is just so cute!
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Unread 03-24-2007, 09:03 AM   #565
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Thanks to all for the advice.

Wendy-I would never bash anybody and really appreciate whatever info you can pass my way! I agree that it is best if adopted children "always know". I haven't at all tried to keep my daughter's story from her; I just haven't laid it all out for her yet. I am just not sure where to go from here. The Jamie Lee Curtis book sound like a great way to open up the subject! I do have other books packed away. Given that my daughter is now 3 1/2 I think I need to dig them out.

Thanks again! I love that a stampin website led me to an adoption group.
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Unread 03-24-2007, 09:09 AM   #566
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Jan the other books I love (I also have the Mr. Rogers one and like that one) are

*Hapy Adoption Day-great for international adoption as well

*It's Okay to be Different by Todd Parr.
This book is not an "adoption" book, just talks about differences that are "okay" (like it's okay to wear glasses, it's okay to have wheels) and one is a Kangaroo with a dog in its pouch and "It's okay to be adopted"
I liked the book especially when Cam was around 3 because it is bright and cheery and each page has only 1 sentence that starts the same way-so an easy read-along.

If you have cable the TLC show the author (Todd Parr) has is called Todd's World and each episide deals with a social issue a kid might have (like having ears that are different and getting made fun of). One episode I enjoy is the characters are at a fair and a little dog (or something) is lost and all the characters look for the mom-but the mom is a kangaroo with a different kind of animal for a sibling. They talk about how just because a mom doesn't look like the child doesn't mean she does not *love* him or is not her baby.
Total sidebar there-sorry
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Unread 03-24-2007, 05:28 PM   #567
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LOL I didn't actually think anyone would bash me, but just wanted to make it clear that it was my opinion. I hope it helped.

I'm sure it will come easier than you think. Just remember the joy you felt when you got your child, and place your story in the middle of that emotion! You'll do fine : )
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Unread 03-26-2007, 02:57 PM   #568
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Quote:
Originally Posted by camsmom
Jan the other books I love (I also have the Mr. Rogers one and like that one) are

*Hapy Adoption Day-great for international adoption as well

*It's Okay to be Different by Todd Parr.
This book is not an "adoption" book, just talks about differences that are "okay" (like it's okay to wear glasses, it's okay to have wheels) and one is a Kangaroo with a dog in its pouch and "It's okay to be adopted"
I liked the book especially when Cam was around 3 because it is bright and cheery and each page has only 1 sentence that starts the same way-so an easy read-along.

If you have cable the TLC show the author (Todd Parr) has is called Todd's World and each episide deals with a social issue a kid might have (like having ears that are different and getting made fun of). One episode I enjoy is the characters are at a fair and a little dog (or something) is lost and all the characters look for the mom-but the mom is a kangaroo with a different kind of animal for a sibling. They talk about how just because a mom doesn't look like the child doesn't mean she does not *love* him or is not her baby.
Total sidebar there-sorry
Gosh, I love this group! I'm checking to see if I get this program. The TLC website shows that it is on at 6am, so if I get it I'll record it for later. Thanks Britta!
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Unread 04-16-2007, 10:32 PM   #569
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Hey all, just thought I'd check in and see how ya'll were doing. Also I just HAD to let you know. There is a brand new site on the internet called Rubber Inspirations. http://www.rubberinspirations.com/ They have a waaaay cute set in the celebrations category called Sweet Bundle. It's an Adoption set! I was sooo excited when I saw it! I just had to come on over and tell everyone. Go check it out!
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Unread 04-17-2007, 08:16 PM   #570
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Just a small update We are FINALLY meeting with our social worker on April 28th! I can't believe it is finally time! We have had our paperwork in for the homestudy for about a month now and we JUST today got the call for our meeting. So frustrating. But, at least it is something!
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Unread 04-18-2007, 10:49 PM   #571
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Awesome Amanda!
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Unread 04-19-2007, 05:13 AM   #572
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Yeah Amanda!!! Keep us updated!
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Unread 04-24-2007, 07:09 PM   #573
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I understand about the expenses - unfortunately private adoption is very expensive. I look forward to the day when adoption expenses become regulated. We paid a lot of money for our last baby (over 20,000). I personally think that adoption expenses need to be federally regulated (can not exceed actual costs - under $10,000). Some people are becoming very rich and it is not the birthparents. Can I ask why you want to adopt from Korea? When we first completed our homestudy we specified a caucasian baby. We also decided that if we had to wait more than two years we would adopt internationally. Then one day I was watching a show on international adoption and I guess I had one of those "ah ha" momments. I thought to myself... a baby adopted from another country would not look like us and most children from other coundtries are of color. I then felt ashamed of myself because we have so many children in our country who are from different ethnic backgrounds that are being placed for adoption. I then had to seriously as myself why it was that we wanted to adopt from another country. We immediately called out agency and changed our paperwork to include all ethnic backgrounds (I dont like to use the term race because I feel that we are all from the same race... the human race). Two months later we were matched with a potential birthmom. We have since adopted another baby. Both are absolutely beautiful. They are African American/Caucasian. I would not change a thing and I am so glad that I had the opportunity to evaluate why I was adopting and the choices within the adoption plan. I was also wondering if you have considered adopting through the State Foster System as a Foster to Adopt Family? It is possible to get a baby and the state pays the fees. Are you set on adopting an infant? I dont want to be insensitive but... there are many older kids - even 3, 4, or 5 year old who would make great additions to a family. I ask this because you have already experienced what it is like to have an infant and there are a lot of children waiting to be adopted. The choice is yours and only you know what fits best for your family. I hope that I have been able to help give you some ideas and things to consider. Good Luck in your Adoption Journey!
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Unread 04-24-2007, 07:45 PM   #574
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for me international adoption was (to put it loosely) a "sure thing".
I did not want a child in my arms with even a chance that the birthparents would change their minds. I chose Korea because the likelihood of having a child born addicted to an illegal substance was low, and their health system is similar to ours.

Women who decide to place their child for adoption have a 50% rate of changing their minds-of course that can be at anytime throughout the whole process so I am not saying that 50% of domestic placements will not go through to final adoptions. I wanted to know that when I started I knew there would be an end.

There are children around the world who are in need of a loving family. I do not think it amtters where a child comes from, only that they are loved and cherished.

I am so glad your adoptions worked well-it is a wonderful thing!!
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Unread 04-24-2007, 08:10 PM   #575
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Quote:
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I chose Korea because the likelihood of having a child born addicted to an illegal substance was low, and their health system is similar to ours.
So true. We adopted here in the states. The birthparents picked us and really wanted us. Now that our son is three years old and going through what we went through health-wise with him (it is still on going), we totally think the birthmom lied about whether she drank or did drugs while preggo. She says she didn't. I think she did. Our first big clue was the fact that when he was newborn he was almost always awake. If I were to show you all of his newborn pics all you would see are BIG brown eyes. Mmmm... aren't newborns supposed to sleep A LOT? I am in NO WAY saying that if she would have told the truth we wouldn't have adopted him. He is our special gift from God and I wouldn't trade him for anything!!!! I am just saying, no matter where you adopt from you will always be missing parts of the real story about the child. Part of adoption is stepping out in faith to care for and love an unwanted child, regardless of his health. Drug babies need love too.
Here is my little sweetie.
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Unread 04-24-2007, 08:33 PM   #576
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I guess I just dont see that other countries have less of a drug problem. Drug and Alcohol abuse is a world wide problem as well as lying Unfortunately, you never really know unless weekly drug testing is performed on the potential bmoms - in and out of the US.

We did a lot of research into the various countries. We were unable to find a country where drug and substance abuse was not an issue and a risk in regards to international adoption. We found that Guatamala was probably the best country because the children were young - under six months - so thus less issues in dealing with attachment issues. The babies are not in orphanages.

There is never a guarantee - even in another country. Often those kids come back sick - many never fully recover. Many of them also have attachment issues which can be a worse ordeal than physical health issues. There are couples who end up leaving with a different child than their refferal and some who come home empty handed! When it comes to children... there are no guarantees.

I agree with the last post - all children need love, even those in our country as well as older children.

We each need to do what is best for ourselves and our families. For some it is international and others it is domestic - Private or State. Adoption is truely a miracle!
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Unread 04-25-2007, 08:13 AM   #577
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Quote:
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I guess I just dont see that other countries have less of a drug problem. Drug and Alcohol abuse is a world wide problem as well as lying
I totally agree with that. That is what I meant to say in my last post. I guess my mommy brain was too tired.

Quote:
Originally Posted by StampinCindy123
We each need to do what is best for ourselves and our families. For some it is international and others it is domestic - Private or State. Adoption is truely a miracle!
I TOTALLY agree with all of this too. Adoption truly is a miracle! I will say this, no matter what troubles we have gone through with our DS, I would not trade him for ANYTHING (even if it meant having a drug/alcohol free baby)! I would miss out on him hugging me and whispering in my ear, "I wuv you so much, Mommy." Or, "Mommy you are so cute!"
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Unread 04-25-2007, 08:25 AM   #578
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Quote:
Originally Posted by camsmom
for me international adoption was (to put it loosely) a "sure thing. I did not want a child in my arms with even a chance that the birthparents would change their minds.

There are children around the world who are in need of a loving family. I do not think it amtters where a child comes from, only that they are loved and cherished.
Although I hated to admit it, this certaily had an impact on MY choice. I couldn't bear the thought of possibly losing my child to someone who had already given the child up. Yes, I can understand many reasons why a woman would change her mind, but I didn't want to experience it. I don't want to share my son with another woman, (not at least until he is old enough to marry! ) I have a good friend that searched for several years and was finally reunited with her birth mother. It was a horrible experience for her. I can't imagine going through that as the mother of an adopted child.

Another aspect of our decision is that my DH is of Armenian heritage (he's 1/4) so we knew that he would share some physical characteristics with a child from Armenia. For us, that decision just felt so right! Our son is such a perfect fit into our family. I know that it was God's plan for him and us!

My brother adopted domestically and used the state system. It worked wonderfully for them. Really I belive that as long as you are adopting for the right reasons (to love a child and give them a good home) it doesn't matter where the child comes from.
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Unread 04-25-2007, 08:28 AM   #579
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Quote:
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Really I belive that as long as you are adopting for the right reasons (to love a child and give them a good home) it doesn't matter where the child comes from.
Well said!!!!!!!
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Unread 04-25-2007, 11:23 AM   #580
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Eeek! I am sorry of my post came off the wrong way. We live between Baltimore and DC so the drug issue is a big one here and (for us) was a factor.

Every person I know who has adopted has absolutely the right child for them. As Melissa said what matters is not where the child comes from, but that family they can call their own.
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Unread 04-25-2007, 11:28 AM   #581
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Quote:
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Eeek! I am sorry of my post came off the wrong way.
I'm sure mine did too. No worries. That is what happens when us women get to reading between the lines. *Raises hand* GUILTY HERE!
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Unread 04-25-2007, 11:39 AM   #582
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OMGosh! Valerie he is sooo cute!
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Unread 04-25-2007, 11:42 AM   #583
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OMGosh! Valerie he is sooo cute!
Thanks, I think so too! My opinion is a little biased though.
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Unread 04-25-2007, 11:48 AM   #584
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Quote:
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Thanks, I think so too! My opinion is a little biased though.
One of our favorite phrases,
"there are only a few truly beautiful children in the world,
and every family has them."

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Unread 04-25-2007, 11:54 AM   #585
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Quote:
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One of our favorite phrases,
"there are only a few truly beautiful children in the world,
and every family has them."

Good one!
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Unread 04-25-2007, 03:22 PM   #586
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Quote:
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Thanks, I think so too! My opinion is a little biased though.
nah, not biased, just truthful. he's adorable!
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Unread 04-25-2007, 03:22 PM   #587
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Quote:
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One of our favorite phrases,
"there are only a few truly beautiful children in the world,
and every family has them."

I like that one!
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Unread 04-25-2007, 03:30 PM   #588
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I was watching a show on lifetime the other day. It's called Mom at Sixteen or something like that. But basically it's about a girl who has a baby really young. She was going to give the baby up for adoption but decided that she couldn't. So her mom in order to keep her in school decides she's going to raise the baby as her own. The family moves and everything so that no one will know. Well this goes on for about 5 months. The main character Jacee in the end decides that she loves her son so much that she wants more for him and decides to give him to her counselor at her new school and her husband who have been trying to have a baby and haven't been able to. At the end of the movie the family who adopted him are making a video. And they asked the little boy where his new baby sister came from. He smiled and said, from my mommy's tummy. Then they asked him where he came from. He said from my Jacee's tummy. They smiled and asked him who Jacee was. He smiled and laughed and said she's my birth mommy. And smiled again and they asked him what was so special about that. He walked over to where Jacee was sitting on the couch and he said something that still makes me tear up. He said, cause I'm the only one who knows what her heart feels like from the inside.
I just thought that was so sweet. And a wonderful way to raise your child in an open adoption and explain to them where they came from.
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Unread 04-29-2007, 02:24 PM   #589
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We had our home visit yesterday! It went very well Our social worker was very nice and is an adoptive parent herself! Not from Korea, but she did adopt internationally from Russia. It was a neat experience. She said she had no concerns and our report would be positive! I can't believe we are finally on our way! Now comes the wait for referral
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Unread 05-03-2007, 04:26 AM   #590
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Hi Everyone,
I was referred to this thread by anniem888! She read that my husband and I are trying to raise funds for our adoption. We have a long way to go!

We've been on a domestic waiting list for 1 1/2 years now. We were told that it could be 3 years. But we've come to feel not 100% comfortable with how things are going. We've decided to go international. We would like to adopt from Kazakhstan.

Through much research and initially with the help of a cousin of a SCS'er....we found our new agency! While we live in Virginia our international agency is in Texas (Little Miracles International). As of yesterday we received our formal welcome into their program.

We used our current Homestuday from our local agency (who does not work with Kaz). We are planning to drop out of their domestic program but will see if they will be willing to sign off our dossier and do post placement. Reviews for our local agency on the international side are quite good.....but we've only been dealing with domestic which is a whole set of different people.

I have a feeling that they won't be willing to sign off our dossier....which means we'd have to start a whole new Homestuday with a different agency (probably one that deals and know's Kaz). This could set us back as far a our time and of course money. I would hope that our local agency will not turn us down on this. So....we'll see! Our local agency used to work with Kaz but no longer do so. It would certainly be a blessing and a great help to us if they continued to keep us as clients for post adoption and to sign our dossier!!

We just want to parent and to love a little one. We're excited about our going into a new direction.
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Unread 05-03-2007, 11:45 AM   #591
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Hi Eileen-one of my customers has a sister who is there right now with her new son .

I live in MD and so does the family adopting from Kaz. If you want any onfo about their agency I can try and get that for you.

Good luck!
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Unread 05-03-2007, 03:08 PM   #592
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Hi Britta,
Hey....we're *nearly* neighbors! It's so funny that all of a sudden Kaz seems to be the place where people are adopting from now. How exciting for your customers sister! That'll be us someday!

My husband spoke with our local agency this afternoon and they are willing to help us! For some reason we really didn't think they that would. There will have to be a few changes to our Homestudy for international use. Also we will get to keep our social worker as well. That being said.....I would still like to know the agency that your customers sister is using *just in case!*

Thanks for offering to get the agency's name for me!
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Unread 05-03-2007, 04:53 PM   #593
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I should see her soon and I will check.

I am glad the agency seems willing to work with your new one-good luck!
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Unread 05-07-2007, 02:26 PM   #594
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HI!

I'm just going to jump in here. I am the momma to 4 through domestic newborn adoption. I have a son who is 8, daughter 6, daughter 2 and daughter 5 months. We have dealt with 3 states and 5 agencies during our journey. We are a rainbow family and are looking forward to finalizing our 5 month old daughters adoption in the next month.
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Unread 05-23-2007, 06:47 PM   #595
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This group is so awesome. I just thought I'd do a search to see if one was started, wow! My husband and I are planning on adopting from Ukraine. We are so excited yet scared all at the same time. We too are trying to find the best way to pay for the process. We haven't started any paperwork yet, we hope to be in Ukraine sometime next summer, so it's a slow start. We have to plan around my teaching, etc.. I am just so excited this group exists.
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Unread 05-24-2007, 07:46 AM   #596
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Hi Aimee,

How exciting! Our son is have Ukranian and half Russian. I am on the board of Friends of Russian Orphans. Visit our website. If I can be of assistance to you in any way, please let me know.

Shelley

our website is "www.fororphans.com
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Unread 05-24-2007, 04:59 PM   #597
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Thanks so much. I'm definitely going to check out the website. Thanks again.
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Unread 08-08-2007, 06:50 PM   #598
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Long time and this thread has not havd any action!

We found out about our daughter in June and thought she would arrive in September,
We found out today that she will arrive next Tuesday evening from Korea. We have decided to name her Phoebe and are all very excited to finally have her home.

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Unread 08-08-2007, 10:36 PM   #599
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Congratulations on your new daughter! I am new to this thread, just found it tonight. I have 7 children, 1 birth, 3 adopted, and 3 foster. I can't imagine life without them. I am a single parent so I never thought I would be able to adopt but then 6 years ago when my daughter was 15 I decided that I wasn't ready to not have a child depending on me so I became a foster parent. A few years later I adopted Sabrina, she was 12 at the time (15 now), then a few months after that I became a foster mom to Totiana and Nicholas (2 and 4 at the time, 6 and 8 now). One year after they came to me I was able to adopt them. Now I have three more little angels, Ranee 4, Cathy 18 mos, and Patrick 4 mos, and I hope that someday I will be able to adopt them. Adopting through foster care has been a miracle to me. Because my children are special needs (due to AdHd for one and part of a sibling group with multiple placements for Nick and Toti) the state reimbursed all my adoption expenses and still helps with some of their expenses (childcare and insurance). I feel so blessed to have them. I can't imagine life without 7 people wanting hugs and kisses everyday!
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Unread 08-08-2007, 11:06 PM   #600
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Welcome to the thread everyone who is new!


And Britta YAY!!!! I'm so excited for you! I'm sure Cam is just gonna love his new baby sister!
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