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Old 07-09-2005, 11:35 AM   #1
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Default emotional issues with infertility

Hey . . . is anyone out there going through similar things.... I'd love to chat.

At 31, with nearly 3 years of unscuccessful ttc, I am completely miserable. I know I am missing out on some things in my life because I am so focused on what I don't and can't have right now. I feel like a terrible person because I get so sad and even angry sometimes when I see all these other people around me getting pregnant. My own SIL doesn't like who I am anymore because my difficulties and emotional issues have changed me, and she thinks I don't appreciate her status as a mother, or connect with her and her kids. I don't understand that, as I completely adore my two nephews, and have showered them both with love all along. I don't want to wake up at age 40 and realize that I've wasted 12 years of my life being miserable...

Anyone have any things that have worked for you to pull you out of a funk like this?

Thanks in advance,
Jessica
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Old 07-09-2005, 11:51 AM   #2
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I was very depressed both after my first husband and my mother died. I greaved very deeply, and I had to use the help of antidepressants. No matter what Tom Cruise says they help people!
Infertility is something you would also grieve for, because it is the lost of something that everyone feels is their gift. After my first miscarriage, I thought I wasn't female enough to carry a baby. There is also a point where sex just becomes something you have to do to get pregnant and that makes it work. Have you tried to do things that give you stress relief - so you can stop thinking about pregnancy? I know that it becomes an obession, and all you can think about. I hope this understanding helps. And know that it can always just happen - I never thought that I would have 3 children now! Best of luck and I will keep you in my prayers! Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you - short of surrogacy (that is supposed to be a joke! ) Hugs,
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Old 07-10-2005, 01:11 AM   #3
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I sent you a pm.
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Old 07-10-2005, 01:21 AM   #4
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Jessica,

I'm sending you a PM. 5 years + to get pregnant! Keep the faith!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}
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Old 07-10-2005, 01:44 AM   #5
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Sweetie...

Big Hugs coming your way!!

If you want to talk, let me know. I've been through all of it. I've had 10 miscarriages (over 7 years), and been on all of the emotional roller coaster rides anyone can think of.

I now have twin boys who are truly my miracle babies!!
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Old 07-11-2005, 07:56 PM   #6
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Hey I PM'd you!

Stephanie
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Old 08-23-2005, 06:22 AM   #7
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I PM'd you too!
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Old 08-23-2005, 10:17 AM   #8
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Jessica, you have already made the first HUGE step in getting out of your funk....you recognize it for what it is, it has changed your life in negative way and you want to change it. CONGRATULATIONS!!!

And you have already taken the second step....asking for help from people who have been there. When I was where you are at, I was amazed at the number of people I knew that had dealt with it too or were in the middle of it too, once we started talking about it. It is very common.

It is OK to be angry at the other people around you who are pregnant. You are not angry at THEM, and of course you don't wish that they weren't pregnant. You just wish it was YOU! You know what really really made me mad??? When someone was expecting their third child and was really hoping it would be a girl b/c they already had two boys. I likened it to they had been given a black Ferrari, and they were whining because they really wanted a red one. AHHHH! It made my blood boil....still does actually.

Please know that you will find a way to get past this. Truly. You will. And you already have at least six people here on SCS to help you, and I am sure there are more.

BIG HUGS!
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Old 08-24-2005, 09:14 PM   #9
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Beth said it right.. "you have already made the HUGE first step.." Recognizing a problem, rather than trying to ignore it, is the only way to make progress. You say that you are missing out on other things because you are too focused on what you don't have. That's the recognition part. Next step will be a choice.... to focus on something new or to continue where you already have said don't want to be.
I just looked at your gallery. WAY TO GO! You are a very talented and creative lady. So, you are already into the second step -- focusing on your art, not just on yourself.
Next -- in fact it should be first -- keep focused on God. He loves you! No matter the physical circumstances of our lives, this one thing is true -- God loves you!
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Old 08-26-2005, 10:18 AM   #10
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Things I've done to keep positive and focussed on other things:

Became a Stampin' Up Demonstator.
Have been charting all along (http://www.serena.ca), but decided to quit since you always know exactly when things are happening and I think that was stressing me out. Better not to know and just enjoy sex for what it is (I'm trying this theory out - I may decide to go back to charting later).
Lots of praying. And being completely open about it to others, especially when people ask "So, when are you gonna have kids?"
Joined a gym. No more of this "well, I don't wanna spend the money because I could get pregnant anytime"
Maintain a healthy lifestyle (no alcohol, watch what I eat, etc) and making sure that IF you do get pregnant, your baby will be in a prime environment.
Look into adopting, IVF, foster parenting. There ARE other choices out there for you if you really want to become a mother.

Hope that helps!
Keep your chin up. There are a lot of us in the same boat. I know it can be very frustrating and can destroy people. But only WE can control our attitude about it.
(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
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