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Old 04-15-2005, 10:40 AM   #1
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Default Is there anyone else who wants to say no But Doesn't?

Received a call from my Aunt today would like invitations made for her granddaughters birthday party...25 would be fine since she is just inviting the family....I did offer 3 years ago to make baby shower invites for my cousin (her Daughter). So now whenever a birthday party comes around I am called and told to make 25 or so cards..This wouldn't be an issue but she has 4 kids including the one I made a baby shower card for.They act likes its nothing to make 25 INIVTATIONS and when I take them over they act like it's nothing... and barely look at them...And I still don't get the invitiation mailed to me...

I love to make cards and I have made baby shower cards just recently for my mother in law and she oooeeed and aaawwwedddd all over them and then called to tell me how much she loved them...She lives in Florida while I live in Ohio and I still received a better response. Now when I get a response like that I love to do it...But when I get null to none..After 3 years now I am tired of doing it...When your appreciated you love doing it when your not you wonder why you keep on doing it...But of course I do it...Because they are family and you don't want to cause problems...

The grandmother and daughter have both stamped and realize how much money and time go into it...And both of them work part time jobs.
I have two kids of my own and work full time Even when she called today she could tell I was busy (you can tell when your busy) She told me time and place and I was like "ok thanks" and she is like oh hunny I am calling because you need to make cards for the birthday party....Was that even a question?? So of course I said "oh ok". My dh gets so upset with me because I don't say no.. I know I need to stand up but how many people want to say no but don't?? I want to make everyone happy...I just would like to know when I get frustrated I know there are other people out there in the same boat as me...

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Old 04-15-2005, 10:56 AM   #2
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I know how you feel. Made two cards for MIL's 60th birthday this past weekend (one from DH & myself, one from DD) and when she opened them, DH asked "Do you know that Lesley MADE those?" All she said was "yes" (curb your enthusiasm...), but she sure spent some time oohing and ahhing over the cheque inside (btw, I HATE giving a cheque as a bday gift, but it seems to be the way to do things on THAT side of the family )
Next one she gets will be Hallmark (I need to catch up on my scrapbooking anyways )

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Old 04-15-2005, 11:08 AM   #3
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With 3 kids involved and 25 invites each thats a lot... I would lay down my boundaries and give her the cost to make these,after all if you don't make them she has to buy them...Relatives like to take advantage in some instances, thats where our boundaries come in.. just my thought...
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Old 04-15-2005, 11:10 AM   #4
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I am right there with you. I have a hard time telling people no for most everything. Like babysitting their kids who of course don't behave like mine, so I get flustered with it and ask why do I do this to myself? I hand make alot of gifts or cards for friends and family. I have had someone tell me they don't want Mindy made gifts for thier birthday. That was very upsetting to me. I always get volunteered to make invites or cards but do it and press on. I look at it this way. I will be rewarded even if it aint from the person I made them for, ands I usually am. I just think, Well done my good and faithful servant.
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Old 04-15-2005, 11:12 AM   #5
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My new years resolution was to say no more. I am still having a hard time with it but have not given up yet. I feel like I always say yes and I don't want to do something and it is not at all appreciated. My DH always tell me to just say no and I tell him I working on it. I say to tell them you just don't have the time with the kids and work.
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Old 04-15-2005, 11:15 AM   #6
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I would hate that. I have a mum who pays me in rubber stamps. If I make cards for her she takes me to the craft store and buys me a stamp or cardstock or whatever.
You really should get them to at least cover the cost of what you are using.
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Old 04-15-2005, 11:17 AM   #7
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Just tell her that you've started charging for the cards you make, but will cut her a "family discount". Since they don't sound like they ASK you to do this favor for them, you shouldn't treat it as a favor. Approach it as you would anyone who asked you to make 75 - 100 invites in a year! Being family does not mean you have a sign on your back that says "Please take advantage of me!" (although my in-laws sure think so).
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Old 04-15-2005, 11:18 AM   #8
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Yeah, I agree: if she doesn't oooh and aaah over the invitations like she should (or at least take the time to look at them!!), she should at least pay for the material. At least. I know it can be tricky to ask all of a sudden for retribution if you haven't before, but you could explain that people have started asking for invitations more and more and that you're feeling overwhelmed with all of the time and material that goes into it. Hopefully, she'll understand. Like it's been said, she'd have to pay if she went to a store, so it's only logical that your relative should pay you a certain amount, too.

I hope this can help. I feel for you, because I'm a people-pleaser to and don't like to make waves, so I know where you're coming from! I send birthday cards to all of my friends and some never ever mention that they've received them. Just a "Hey, I got your card, thanks" when they see me, even if it's months later, would work just fine. They don't even have to go into the handmade part of it. But some just never acknowledge that I remembered and it kinda suck. But I get stuck into the whole pattern of "it's not fair if I send cards to some people and not others"... At least, I enjoy making the cards!

Hope the suggestions people will leave you will help! G' luck!

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Old 04-15-2005, 11:36 AM   #9
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Life is too short to be spending time doing something like that for someone who doesn't even seem to appreciate it. It is hard to say no, I think we all feel that way at some time or another. But you don't have to just say "no". I think it would be hard to charge her as well. However, if your life is busy and you just can't find the time....then maybe you will just have to tell her "it's not possible". Are you a demo? If so, then I'm sure you have stampin' events to plan.

Man, I just hate to see people being taken advantage of - that is when my spurs come out. You can politely tell her that you just can't do this any longer because everyone asks you and you don't feel right "picking and choosing" and don't want to hurt someone else's feelings if they find out you did her invites but wouldn't do theirs, make sense?

Good luck with this situation and let us know how you decide to handle it!
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Old 04-15-2005, 02:59 PM   #10
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Send her the bill afterward. If she doesn't pay it, the next time she asks, you'll have to ask her to settle up before you can buy any more supplies.
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Old 04-15-2005, 03:05 PM   #11
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is it bad that I immediately thought of "not tonight, honey, I have a headache"


stamp related, I'm ok with saying no to people, but I do agree to dumb things!

someone at church just told dh, "so your wife is at home, so she must have lots of extra time.... do you think she could do X, Y, Z for me."

OHHHHHHHHHHHH makes me wanna puke! I don't have extra time, that's called SCS time!!!
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Old 04-15-2005, 04:03 PM   #12
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My mom didn't even ask me to make those 30 cards last week--I volunteered! My husband just keeps looking at me and shaking his head. I can say no easily enough. It's keeping my big mouth shut that is the problem!
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Old 04-15-2005, 04:12 PM   #13
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Default Saying No

One thing I have learned is that it is fair to give people warnings, such as "OK, but I have decided I am not going to be able to do this from now on." You can add a "because" if you want to extend the conversation or be prepared for them to say "why". Why? It takes too much and time and costs me money I don't have. OK, maybe you dont want to be THAT honest, but they cant say you didnt warn them the free ride is over. It would be different if they appreciated your hard work.
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Old 04-15-2005, 04:24 PM   #14
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Default Hmmm.....

Are they paying for the invites or do they want these done as a "favor"? If they want these as a "favor", this could be one way to handle it. Call her back, as soon as is possible. Ask her 3 very direct questions then tack on the response (#4):

1) What color/s is she expecting the invitations to be?
2) What budget is she planning to spend on the invitations?
3) Will she be providing envelopes, or does she want you to provide those as well?
4) She *does* realize that your preparation fee is ____% of the materials cost, right, making the total for the invitations $_____.

Just remember...we make cards. We give them away when we send them to those who appreciate them. Those who don't appreciate them and wish to treat us like a their local Hallmark store can *PAY* for their goods, just like at their local Hallmark store!

Just my NSHO.... ~ K
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Old 04-15-2005, 04:29 PM   #15
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Smile ....say no But Doesn't

I agree with telling your relative that you would like to make cards/invitations but have had to start charging in order to get supplies, but that you would cut her a "family rate." That way you could still make cards for family, get some $$ for your work and keep things "happy". My mom, sister and relatives and their relatives and friends have always shown me utmost respect by paying me without any trouble--and they do ooh and awe. : >

HTH,

Ellen

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Old 04-15-2005, 04:34 PM   #16
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I think Kaylyn has a great idea for next time. It's not confrontational, but it does get across the idea that your supplies and time aren't free.

I've got the same problem as Lindalee. Just can't keep my big mouth shut. You wouldn't believe how many PTA jobs I've done because of it. I was even president for two years. Maybe duct tape would help...
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Old 04-15-2005, 05:18 PM   #17
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I gotta learn to say "no" gracefully, too . . .

One of my favorites, tho, when I have my wits about me, is:

"I'm so flattered you asked me to do this! But, I'm so sorry--right now I already have commitments to _____, _______, and ________, and I know I couldn't fit this in and do even a meager job on it with all that going on . . . "

And, that is it. No other explanation, no other apologies. That's it.

Make it your MANTRA, baby!
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Old 04-15-2005, 05:59 PM   #18
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Wink You are sooo right

I can feel your pain. Family can be stressing at times, especially when they take advantage of such a giving person which you seem to be. I feel you made the right decision this time, but in the future, maybe put your DH on the phone when those selfish calls come in and maybe he can help BLOW THEM OFF!!! Hope everything works out for you!
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Old 04-15-2005, 06:00 PM   #19
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I made baby shower invites for a good friend of mine and she called me up one day (before the shower) and asked me if I could make matching thank you notes. I was PMSing, so unfortunately I told her that no I wouldn't make them for her however I'd be more than happy to sell her the supplies so that she could make her own. I think you could probably politely make this your automatic response.
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Old 04-15-2005, 07:00 PM   #20
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I've been asked to invitations like that at the last minute like I can whip them out of my...back pocket. I have found a great response. "You will have to make one of them yourself, because then you would understand why it is necessary to charge you so much money to do them" Either they end up doing them all themselves, or pay my price...works everytime.

Good luck,
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Old 04-15-2005, 08:02 PM   #21
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OOOO, I was just reading the solution to this in "Sidetracked Home Executives"...put a note beside your phone that says "Just say NO"!!!! They said it helped them (two sisters) to get a grip on what all they were saying they could commit too! I'm going to try it!! Sometimes if my DH is around he will be whispering it in the background...but he isn't always around!!

Good luck!
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Old 04-15-2005, 10:42 PM   #22
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I haven't had this happen with cards or scrapbook pages yet...but I get it all the time to make cakes, cookies, or home made ice cream. Of course, no one realizes that it takes TIME to make this stuff. If I make the cake, I use a box, however, it takes 6 hours for home made ice cream. It's no wonder I'm always the last one to things and am always late.

I have had a lady want to "pay" for a scrapbook but I don't think she'll be happy with the book with what she wants to pay for it. She looked at a book I made for dh for Valentine's Day and fell in love with it. I can't do a project like that for her with that much time put into it, for the little bit of money she can afford. I have a feeling I may be there to help her with ideas and she may have to make it herself---then to realize that it is expensive.
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Old 04-15-2005, 11:45 PM   #23
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The older I get, the easier it is to say NO.

Maybe that's one of the good things about aging.... LOL
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Old 04-16-2005, 04:43 AM   #24
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Stampin Wrose
The older I get, the easier it is to say NO.

Maybe that's one of the good things about aging.... LOL
Well, it's one of the few good things!
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Old 04-16-2005, 04:49 AM   #25
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I too have a hard time saying no, and a hard time charging friends and family. I would probably be able to handle something like this though:

"Well, it takes a lot of work and time to make these, and I've got a lot going on right now, maybe you could come over and we'll do them together?"

At least then if she did she would see the work that goes into them, and you wouldn't have to do it all yourself.

I know it's probably better to charge or just say no, but if you're anything like me, thats probably not going to happen.
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Old 04-16-2005, 05:11 AM   #26
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Red face

Quote:

Originally Posted by Billybob-lvs-Lisa
I can feel your pain. Family can be stressing at times, especially when they take advantage of such a giving person which you seem to be. I feel you made the right decision this time, but in the future, maybe put your DH on the phone when those selfish calls come in and maybe he can help BLOW THEM OFF!!! Hope everything works out for you!

OK...Sorry about that I told my husband about the whole situation and how good everyone was making me feel on split coast stampers. So I guess he needed to get on it... They try so hard
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Old 04-16-2005, 05:21 AM   #27
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For people that don't appreciate my work I either say no (i.e. they don't get handmade stuff anymore) or they get something that doesn't take much time and effort for me to make --

What I would do in this instance is -- say you realize there are 4 kids in this family and every year she asks you to make invites and there are about 25 to make, well already you pretty much know in advance -- I would do one-sheet wonders or something very simple -- even maybe a card/invite that involved printing the information on the inside and then on the outside do a design that isn't layered -- I know if you pick glossy c/s you can do just a nonlayered design that is simple. That way you have fulfilled your end of the bargain, but you haven't killed yourself over it, either, and if/when they don't ooh and ah you won't have to beat yourself up about the time you spent, becuase you won't have spent much time --

For quick layered card, I got one of those card/mat stacks that Sizziz has -- they are little background papers in them that you can cut down a bit to fit the front of a card (they are like 4 x 6 so you just need to trim a bit) -- for those family members that really don't much care about cards get this version -- then I just stamp a simple cake or happy birthday on a piece of white and mat it once and stick it on and be done with it.

Anyway, don't fret about it -- in my experience we all know how much work, but there is always going to be people that don't care for crafts or are just plain rude about it. I have beat myself up about it until just recently when I got busy with the kids and "got real" and realized I did this to make ME happy so whatever else those people think it is just their problem.

Good luck!
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Old 04-16-2005, 07:01 AM   #28
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Quote:

Originally Posted by lexialex
OK...Sorry about that I told my husband about the whole situation and how good everyone was making me feel on split coast stampers. So I guess he needed to get on it... They try so hard
That's so funny! I thought something was up with that one. Anyway, I would just buy some Walmart paper and print out the info in quarters (so 4 postcards for each 8.5x11 sheet) then put some ramdom stamping around the wording and voila! Cheapy, easy, and if-they-hate-em-they-won't-ask-again invites! And make sure you give them to her sans envelopes and postage stamps of course Then just tell her that's all you had time for. That way you arent out a lot of time or money.
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Old 04-16-2005, 07:50 AM   #29
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NO? Never heard of the word.
I get suckered into a lot of extra work because I don't know how to say that two letter word. People just assume that, because I like being creative and I like to stamp, that I will drop everything else to stamp 40 wedding shower invitations... until 2am... on short notice.... and of course, you never get a thank you or anything in those situations!
So, I guess that I'm going to have to learn that little word. I'm told by my friends that it's a pretty easy word.
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Old 04-16-2005, 08:10 AM   #30
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Quote:

Originally Posted by inkylady
I too have a hard time saying no, and a hard time charging friends and family. I would probably be able to handle something like this though:

"Well, it takes a lot of work and time to make these, and I've got a lot going on right now, maybe you could come over and we'll do them together?"

At least then if she did she would see the work that goes into them, and you wouldn't have to do it all yourself.

I know it's probably better to charge or just say no, but if you're anything like me, thats probably not going to happen.
This is just what I would suggest, actually, that you would love to "HELP them do it, when can we get together?"

Take the "maybe" right out of it. If she can't give you a date and time to help then it is a no go, and it is her turning the opportunity down, not you.
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