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Old 12-31-2008, 05:06 PM   #1
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I'm So UPSEt!!

My Dear MIL asked me months ago what I wanted for Christmas. Since I have been dying for a cuddlebug, that's what I asked for. I even found her a coupon and took her to the store to see what it was.
GUess what I got for Christmas? A SET OF POTS AND PANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!! I love my MIL, but why did she ask me what I wanted when she didn't really care? And did I need pots and pans??? NOOOOOO!!!
Sorry! I just had to vent!
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Old 12-31-2008, 05:10 PM   #2
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Take them back, get the $$ and go buy your own CB!
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Old 12-31-2008, 05:10 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by samswindle View Post
My Dear MIL asked me months ago what I wanted for Christmas. Since I have been dying for a cuddlebug, that's what I asked for. I even found her a coupon and took her to the store to see what it was.
GUess what I got for Christmas? A SET OF POTS AND PANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!! I love my MIL, but why did she ask me what I wanted when she didn't really care? And did I need pots and pans??? NOOOOOO!!!
Sorry! I just had to vent!
Don't blame you I would too... Pots and pans to me are "family gifts" unless I specifically asked for them for myself.

My MIL would ask for a list and we would put stuff DH wanted, stuff I wanted and some combined stuff that was what we wanted but for the house... he would get fun stuff and I would get stuff for the house didn't take long to work out not do that for a list any more.
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Old 12-31-2008, 05:17 PM   #4
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Take them back, get the $$ and go buy your own CB!
I agree. Get the $$ and get what you want...!

Let me share Ok? I was 8 months pregnant. i had gained over 50lbs....I received a pair of pj's (all one piece with feet) in size Junior 5. How would that fit ever? Let it go...make the exchange...tell her you did not need pots...and send her a card. Do not even sweat.
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Old 12-31-2008, 05:19 PM   #5
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OH, you poor thing! I would be *so* disappointed! I hope you can get one soon!!
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Old 12-31-2008, 05:19 PM   #6
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Take them back, get the $$ and go buy your own CB!
Oh, I can't take them back. She's already been over to see how I stored them in my cabinets and to make sure I gave my college kids my old ones!
I know I make her sound awful, but she's really not. She's just passive-aggressive. She thinks my card making is frivolous and this is her way of showing it without confronting me. LOL!!
I'll just live with the pots and pans and save my money for my CB.
Family--what can you do?????
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Old 12-31-2008, 05:19 PM   #7
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She sounds like my MIL. I'm sure yours isn't as bad, but mine would SPECIFICALLY do something like buying me the one thing I didn't want.

I agree with returning the pots & pans and buying what you want instead!
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Old 12-31-2008, 05:21 PM   #8
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Oh, I can't take them back. She's already been over to see how I stored them in my cabinets and to make sure I gave my college kids my old ones!
I know I make her sound awful, but she's really not. She's just passive-aggressive. She thinks my card making is frivolous and this is her way of showing it without confronting me. LOL!!
I'll just live with the pots and pans and save my money for my CB.
Family--what can you do?????
Take them back. who cares?
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Old 12-31-2008, 05:22 PM   #9
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Time for your husband to buy you the Cuttlebug...
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Old 12-31-2008, 05:23 PM   #10
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My MIL did the same thing to me years ago. She asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I said I would love a jig saw to work on some craft items. She gave me a food processor! Everyone I know including her knows I hate to be in the kitchen, hate cooking. I tried it once then threw it in the garbage and felt much better afterwords.
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Old 12-31-2008, 05:24 PM   #11
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I'm sorry you couldn't take them back. I totally understand.
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Old 12-31-2008, 05:29 PM   #12
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My MIL should have a birthday on Oct. 31st since she can be such a witch...she even dyes her hair..JET BLACK! I never see her because she thinks she's too good! I like it that way...if I see her at the store it ruins my day!
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Old 12-31-2008, 05:33 PM   #13
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Oh, I can't take them back. She's already been over to see how I stored them in my cabinets and to make sure I gave my college kids my old ones!
I know I make her sound awful, but she's really not. She's just passive-aggressive. She thinks my card making is frivolous and this is her way of showing it without confronting me. LOL!!
I'll just live with the pots and pans and save my money for my CB.
Family--what can you do?????
I've had the same situation ~ someone who asks what to get for someone else, and then just gets what they want anyway... never what's on the list. I hope you get your Cuttlebug soon!
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Old 12-31-2008, 05:33 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by samswindle View Post
Oh, I can't take them back. She's already been over to see how I stored them in my cabinets and to make sure I gave my college kids my old ones!
I know I make her sound awful, but she's really not. She's just passive-aggressive. She thinks my card making is frivolous and this is her way of showing it without confronting me. LOL!!
I'll just live with the pots and pans and save my money for my CB.
Family--what can you do?????
OMG that is so like my MIL as well. Her opinion on crafts and such.
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Old 12-31-2008, 05:36 PM   #15
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Oh well, I'll get over it. However, my hubby and I have an anniversary in March-25 years! I believe I need a 'silver' cuddlebug for my gift!! HEHE!!!!
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Old 12-31-2008, 05:37 PM   #16
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My MIL gave me a CASE of diet cookies (the kind you eat rather than a meal) one Christmas. She also misspelled my name on the card, but shoot we had only been married for five years or so.

Hope that makes you feel better

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Old 12-31-2008, 05:39 PM   #17
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Sorry about your MIL's mean-spirited gift. My ex-MIL used to buy me clothes 4-5X sizes bigger than I was in the most hideous colors and fabrics and then wonder why I never wore them. What a *itch and she wasn't even born on Halloween. I think your DH should do some after-Christmas shopping. Joanne's is having a sale! Go for it!
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Old 12-31-2008, 06:16 PM   #18
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Sorry you didn't get your cuttlebug.
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Old 12-31-2008, 06:20 PM   #19
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I am soooooooooooooo lucky I have a wonderful MIL!!!

Now SIL and my own mother are a different story!
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Old 12-31-2008, 06:20 PM   #20
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Does it make you wonder why people bother to ask what you want when they don't even bother? I think that is the insulting part! I'm sorry she was a pain.
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Old 12-31-2008, 06:21 PM   #21
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How disappointing! But, I have found the best way to get things I want is to NOT ask for them, put some money aside when I can, then buy them for myself after Christmas or my birthday! LOL!
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Old 12-31-2008, 06:26 PM   #22
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I'm so lucky that DH and I don't speak to his family
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Old 12-31-2008, 06:27 PM   #23
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Quote:
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Time for your husband to buy you the Cuttlebug...
Exactly!
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Old 12-31-2008, 06:27 PM   #24
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Sorry you have that kind of MIL! I can remember what that was like. The first year we were married, the now EX-MIL gave us a set of kitchen KNIVES!
The LAST Christmas we were married (and this was 1 month AFTER she knew we were getting divorced!) she gave ME a NIGHTGOWN and HIM a pair of PAJAMAS! What was HER problem!

My second MIL was the sweetest and most gentle considerate lady I ever knew. Unfortunately, she is gone now. But that FIRST one is still prowling around making life miserable for someone, I sure! LOL!

Honey, you deserve not only the CUTTLEBUG but a MEDAL for putting up with MIL for all these years!
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Old 12-31-2008, 06:55 PM   #25
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I don't even count presents from in laws anymore. If I can use them, I do. If I can't, I either get my money back or give them away. And I don't look for any hidden messages in what she buys us, because there is none. Whatever you tell her goes in one ear and out the other, and she won't remember what you said. When she happens upon really great deals somewhere, she'll buy them and ask us if we want them. I actually HAVE a fantastic set of pots and pans that she bought for us when she found a fantastic deal about two years ago (not at Christmas) that I LOVE. I've complained about her over the years, but I've come to realize (after reading these message boards!) that it could be MUCH worse.
Good luck saving for your CB, and dealing with your inlaws!
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Old 12-31-2008, 07:09 PM   #26
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My MIL used to be the exact same way.. I was pregnant with my 1st, and told her I was excited to go out and buy a crib.. she went the next weekend and bought me one from a garage sale. I don't think I had ever been so disappointed. Then they got a dresser and she was going to stencil it.. asked me what color for the flowers. I said pink and green to match her room.. she painted it blue. It leaves you in such a tricky spot. You don't want to make waves so you act "obedient." She's much better now (bought me a BIA this year with lots of supplies to go with), but I'm way past keeping stuff just because it was given to me now. I'd take the pots and pans back and get the Cuttlebug. And if she asked, I'd say, "Thank you, I appreciate your gift. It was nice you thought of me, but I would get more use out of the Cuttlebug as I already have pots and pans." Next year you can buy her a weedeater or something.
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Old 12-31-2008, 07:25 PM   #27
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I think there should be MIL thread!

My DB and I have been together for almost 6 years and I dread every Christmas or birthday. I know it's "the thought that counts", but what happens when the thought isn't even there?

His parents are fairly well off, and my DB always gets a check from them. So of course, he got his check and some other little things. Meanwhile, I got a rock with some fish painted on it, and a little dog figurine that looked like it came from the dollar store. I won't go into the long painful list of [email protected] gifts I have gotten from her. Once I told my DB to tell his mom to just get me a giftcard from somewhere (since cash is always a good thing). So I got a $20 card from a local drugstore...I think I bought some cold medicine . She doesn't know anything about me, and it seems she doesn't care to.

I'm so sorry you didn't get your CB! At least they're not too pricey and I've seen Michaels advertise them for 50% off from time to time. Personally, I would guilt your hubby into getting one for you, since you have to keep the pots she got you. Crying might work!!!
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Old 12-31-2008, 07:30 PM   #28
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My MIL used to be the exact same way.. I was pregnant with my 1st, and told her I was excited to go out and buy a crib.. she went the next weekend and bought me one from a garage sale. I don't think I had ever been so disappointed. Then they got a dresser and she was going to stencil it.. asked me what color for the flowers. I said pink and green to match her room.. she painted it blue. It leaves you in such a tricky spot. You don't want to make waves so you act "obedient." She's much better now (bought me a BIA this year with lots of supplies to go with), but I'm way past keeping stuff just because it was given to me now. I'd take the pots and pans back and get the Cuttlebug. And if she asked, I'd say, "Thank you, I appreciate your gift. It was nice you thought of me, but I would get more use out of the Cuttlebug as I already have pots and pans." Next year you can buy her a weedeater or something.
A Weedeater!!!! I love it! She wouldn't know which end was up!!!! I really do love her, I just don't understand her. She buys everyone else what they ask for, just not me. You would think after 25 years, she would learn to like me!!!! Of course she says she does--I am a perfect Daughter in law of course!!--but she just does the weirdest things sometimes!!!!!!!! But she's family-can't live with her, can't turn her into a toad!!!!
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Old 12-31-2008, 07:40 PM   #29
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Thanks for starting this thread! It's been nice to read about other folks MIL's. I don't want to even get started telling you about my current MIL (as she is living with us for the next 3 months and there is way too much to complain about)!

Take care and go out and get yourself a Cuttlebug for your anniversary!
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Old 12-31-2008, 08:09 PM   #30
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Y'all are all so sweet and funny! Perhaps I will just invite my MIL for dinner so she can see me use those new pots and pans----then feed her take out because I spent all day hand embossing my placecards!!!! HEHE!!!!! That's a good one!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 12-31-2008, 09:00 PM   #31
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My MIL gave me a CASE of diet cookies (the kind you eat rather than a meal) one Christmas. She also misspelled my name on the card, but shoot we had only been married for five years or so.

Hope that makes you feel better

Kathryn
okay that is brutal, my mil can be difficult but you are all putting her in a much better light or i am at least getting a better perspective of her.
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Old 12-31-2008, 09:13 PM   #32
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Sorry to hear you didn't get the CB, I would be disappointed too!
I also think you should pack them up and take them back, unless that would cause divorce, then just keep them as "spares" and make sure DH knows what you really want for your anniv!

Next year when she asks you what you want, say "Oh, I don't know, any gift from you is a treasure" (since it doesn't matter anyway), then she'll have to ask DH what you want and maybe she'll actually get what he says you want! You can hope!

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...... Next year you can buy her a weedeater or something.
Snort! That's funny!
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Old 12-31-2008, 09:27 PM   #33
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okay that is brutal, my mil can be difficult but you are all putting her in a much better light or i am at least getting a better perspective of her.
I think you hit the nail on the head. Looking at things like this in a different perspective can make a huge difference. When first married my MIL upset me all the time making me feel very inadequite at everything. I was getting upset all the time. I finally realized I had a choice to either let it get me upset and be upset all the time or look at it as my MIL's quirkiness.

I would just cut down on the money spent on her gift and use it to buy myself what I really wanted. When she gives you a gift, just act like you really like it and appreciate it. That way if the hurt was unintentional no one is hurt, if it was intentional, she will be upset because it backfired on her!! Keep whatever it is for six months then give it away. If she asks about it tell her you really appreciated the gift but it just wasn't your size, style, or it just didn't fit with your decor.
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Old 12-31-2008, 09:29 PM   #34
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Oh, I feel your pain. Every year this lady that is a friend of my parents asks me what book I want for Christmas. Every year I give her a list and what do I receive....thick thick biographies of people I don't want to read about.
I have told her I don't want biographies, but historical fiction etc. Her reply, was that she only reads non fiction.....Go figure I end up giving them to the library lol
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Old 12-31-2008, 09:33 PM   #35
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My former MIL was like this. I asked for a fluffy robe one year and got an old lady housecoat with baby blue flowers embroidered on the front. It zipped from ankle to chin! Mind you I was 24 years old at the time. It was hilarious on. So, the next year I got smart. I asked for Gone with the Wind on VHS (yes, some time ago...). Perfect gift, no size to get too big or too small, no style to choose, etc... I got a roasting pan. I thought the movie might be inside the pan, but no, just a cheap-o dish towel.
Birthdays were great, too. I opened my birthday card I received in the mail and the first thing that fell out was a coupon for Vagisil. I'm so glad my best friend was there to see that one! We died laughing. And, no, I didn't need the Vagisil.
(Edited to add... there were other coupons as well, that was just the one that dropped out first...)
Oh, the stories I could tell...

Happy New Year everyone!
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Old 12-31-2008, 09:39 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by samswindle View Post
Oh, I can't take them back. She's already been over to see how I stored them in my cabinets and to make sure I gave my college kids my old ones!
I know I make her sound awful, but she's really not. She's just passive-aggressive. She thinks my card making is frivolous and this is her way of showing it without confronting me. LOL!!
I'll just live with the pots and pans and save my money for my CB.
Family--what can you do?????
Some people in my family felt that way about my card making/ crafting too, but I think they might have seen the light. This yr (first yr since I've been crafting...3 yrs) I got some crafting supplies and a g.c. to my fave lss. I have been telling my family for years and they finally "listened"...so maybe if you MIL sees how much you really enjoy this craft and maybe if you make her items and such on bdays and such she might reconsider.

But I think you should be honest with her. Ask her why she asked you what you wanted when she bought you something you didn't ask for. Then, you could kindly tell her that you don't need the pots and pans and tell her if she doesn't mind if you could exchange them for something that better suits you.

hth
and good luck!
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Old 12-31-2008, 09:39 PM   #37
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I guess I am blessed to have a good MIL, she got for my hubby a crock pot two years ago, LoL, but NOT for me. But he asked for a crock-pot and some bed sheets. Last year she got me bunch of stamps, and stamping supplies and 3 stamping books. This year was kinda poor because of their financial difficulties, but I am not complaining, she gave me a sewing machine when we were there for Thanksgiving.

I knew this year that it will be kinda tough for gifts, so I have been saving my money and got what I wanted.

Happy New Year.
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Old 12-31-2008, 09:42 PM   #38
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I think you hit the nail on the head. Looking at things like this in a different perspective can make a huge difference. When first married my MIL upset me all the time making me feel very inadequite at everything. I was getting upset all the time. I finally realized I had a choice to either let it get me upset and be upset all the time or look at it as my MIL's quirkiness.

I would just cut down on the money spent on her gift and use it to buy myself what I really wanted. When she gives you a gift, just act like you really like it and appreciate it. That way if the hurt was unintentional no one is hurt, if it was intentional, she will be upset because it backfired on her!! Keep whatever it is for six months then give it away. If she asks about it tell her you really appreciated the gift but it just wasn't your size, style, or it just didn't fit with your decor.
I love the way you think! I just love this. I am going to have to subscribe to this thread now, so I can re-read your post. So positive! I love it! Thanks for sharing you insight
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Old 12-31-2008, 09:48 PM   #39
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Originally Posted by samswindle View Post
Oh, I can't take them back. She's already been over to see how I stored them in my cabinets and to make sure I gave my college kids my old ones!
I know I make her sound awful, but she's really not. She's just passive-aggressive. She thinks my card making is frivolous and this is her way of showing it without confronting me. LOL!!
I'll just live with the pots and pans and save my money for my CB.
Family--what can you do?????
JUST passive aggressive??? Well I am aggressive so I would have politely told her I didn't have room for them and ask her for the receipt so I could return them. (She'd politely decline, receipt is lost, etc) and I would say, then I will donate them to someone less fortunate than I.

I am sorry this happened to you!! Thankfully my future MIL lives far away and we don't have to see her very often
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Old 12-31-2008, 09:49 PM   #40
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My former MIL was like this. I asked for a fluffy robe one year and got an old lady housecoat with baby blue flowers embroidered on the front. It zipped from ankle to chin! Mind you I was 24 years old at the time. It was hilarious on. So, the next year I got smart. I asked for Gone with the Wind on VHS (yes, some time ago...). Perfect gift, no size to get too big or too small, no style to choose, etc... I got a roasting pan. I thought the movie might be inside the pan, but no, just a cheap-o dish towel.
Birthdays were great, too. I opened my birthday card I received in the mail and the first thing that fell out was a coupon for Vagisil. I'm so glad my best friend was there to see that one! We died laughing. And, no, I didn't need the Vagisil.
(Edited to add... there were other coupons as well, that was just the one that dropped out first...)
Oh, the stories I could tell...

Happy New Year everyone!
ROLFL, thank you for my first belly laugh of the new year!!
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