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Old 04-01-2005, 06:56 PM   #1
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Default HELP. A memory album for a stillborn baby.

Can anyone help me. I've been asked by my neice to do an album of her baby that was born stillborn. The problem is that there are no pictures of the baby. She has ultrasound pictures and possibly footprints. I thought I would do one with lots of embellishments and poems. Does anyone have any ideas. I really need help and I'd like to finish this before Mother's Day. Thanks.
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Old 04-01-2005, 07:07 PM   #2
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This is a tough one. I also lost a baby (Anna) that we have no pictures of. One of the things that a therapist had me do that was very helpful was to write a letter to her. It was a very helpful and healing thing for me. I would ask the mom to do this and make a very special place in the album for it.

I hope more respond. I'll be watching the posts. May have to do this one myself.
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Old 04-01-2005, 07:09 PM   #3
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Does she have any pics while being pregnant? You could do that with the ultrasounds. theres a country music song about that. Its something like they didn't know my name. I'm sorry to hear about her lose its hard to lose somthing as dear as a child.
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Old 04-01-2005, 07:09 PM   #4
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Maybe leave a page or two for the Mom to journal on. Embellish the outside leaving space in the middle for writing. What a special thing to do for her. Even without photos it will be nice to have something to honor the baby's memoies with. My thoughts and prayers are with her.
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Old 04-01-2005, 07:36 PM   #5
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Default album

One suggestion is to do a 6x6 album instead of the full size. They are so much easier, especially when you don't have a lot to work with.

Another thing I think is neat is to do a list that would read like
Ten things that --- taught us.
1. It's always better to have loved and lost than not to love at all.
2. Some things just have to be trusted to God.
Etc.

You could also use pictures of teddy bears, baby chicks, puppies, that type of thing with the poems you had thought of doing.

It would also make the mom feel better if she knew other people shared in her loss so maybe a few close relatives could write a little letter to the baby or to the mom about the baby.

Hope this helps, it's going to be a very hard, bittersweet task.

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Old 04-01-2005, 07:39 PM   #6
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did the hospital give her any type of momentos for the baby. Where I work, we usually will cut a locke of hair, make a small beaded bracelet with the baby's name if they had one,
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Old 04-01-2005, 07:41 PM   #7
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I have been struggling with this too. I am the mother of an 11 year old daughter and a daughter who died when I was 5 months pregnant (last March) after finding out that she was sick. I do not have pictures either...just ultrasound shots. A friend of mine is holding them for me because it has been too painful to see them. I have thought about some of the angel stamps in the catalog. The angels in the Christmas (p. 44) section seem appropriate. Maybe in Night of Navy. Also, if you know the gender and name that would be appropriate as well. Not trying to tell you what to do, but since I was in somewhat of the same situation I thought I'd add my two cents.

There are poems on the internet you can find dealing with situation. If you'd like to PM me I can find some of them and I'll send them to you.

This is not an easy task and you are a wonderful person for doing this for your niece.

Oh, and while well intentioned, generally sentiments such as "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and "it was God's will" are not well received. (According to those in my support group). Although I'm sure you know your niece better than anyone here at this site...so please take that for what it's worth.
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Old 04-01-2005, 07:44 PM   #8
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I just heard a song the other day that had to do with the loss of a child. It's by Natalie Grant (a Christian singer). It brought me to tears. Maybe that would be nice to add to the album (it's the first time I heard it so I might be wrong since I don't remember all of the words).

When I miscarried my babies, the parent of one of my students gave me a gold baby ring as a special rememberance. I wear it often and it helps me feel close to them. That might be something you could put in the album with one of those momento holders. Then she could take it out if she wanted to wear it and place it back in when she's finished.

HTH!
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Old 04-01-2005, 07:45 PM   #9
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If the mom/family was religious, perhaps you could take a psalm or passage from the bible for inspiration or comfort. Maybe get a picture of their place of worship, a prayer card, a religious medalion, etc. and add that to the page.
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Old 04-01-2005, 08:00 PM   #10
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hmmm... this is a tough one... one that I want to do as well but haven't brought myself to do it. We lost our first daughter when I was 16 weeks pregnant in Feb 2002. What I want to scrapbook are all of the cards we received when we shared the good news of the pregnancy and the US pics and the cards we received after she was gone. We also wrote a letter to her, one from my DH and one from myself. We sealed them and still haven't read each others... or opened them since that day.
Anyway, maybe you could ask her if she received any cards that you could incorporate into it... or maybe the sentiments that others wrote in the cards...
Good luck and God bless you for you undertaking such a difficult and precious task.
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Old 04-01-2005, 08:00 PM   #11
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Default Stillborn scrapbook

Hi...

Sorry for your friend's loss. At the hospital where I work, the company that takes the photos of the newborns also offers complimentary photos of the stillborn babies to the parents. Now with confidentiality laws, the parents have to consent to having the baby photographed. Is there a way you can ask the parents if this was done. I know you said that there are no photos, but perhaps this was actually done for them. People are sometimes mortified that this is done, but I have helped take these precious photos and the pictures of these babies are so beautiful and serene (or there are closeups of hands and feet) that the families are extremely grateful they were done.

I also like the ideas about poetry and letters being added to the scrapbook. Check the internet for poetry or sentiments related to this type of loss. Did the parents name the baby? Maybe a page could be dedicated to the baby's name.

Good luck with your task. I am sure the family will treasure the scrapbook.
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Old 04-01-2005, 08:30 PM   #12
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I to lost a baby and I didnt have any pictures or ultrasounds. But I did have a calendar where I wrote some things down in it and I also bought the little feet pin of about 8 weeks and some other things, there are some poems about losing a baby I think if you gather all she has and just put it all together. I have a large envelope that I keep all my things in and i take it out to look at it often maybe I will put it in a scrapbook.
My heart goes out to her!!!!
Julie
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Old 04-01-2005, 09:02 PM   #13
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This is my first time posting so please forgive any errors. In Aug '03 my second son was stillborn at 6 1/2 months pregnant. Since the hospital did take photos and foot prints I have those in a keepsake box. I did a 6x6 album. Here's what I included:
1. His name and stats that were on the card from the hospital
2. A poem "God Lent Me an Angel" by Heather Peterson
3. Both mine and James' hospital bracelets
4. Baptism certificate (the priest was called in at the time of his delivery)
5. A piece of his receiving blanket and a piece of his hat
6. Cards my husband I received
7. My son was creamated so I have a picture of the beautiful sunset after we scattered his ashed in the Pacific Ocean.
8. Part of my therapy was to make his "In Memeory of" cards. So that is in the book as well.
9. Also, along with maternity photos and ultra sound pics, I included the dates of when I first felt movement, found out his gender, etc.

I did not include the hospital photo of James because it is too heart breaking for me. Plus, I made the album so I could share with other if they wanted to look through it and felt it would even more difficult for others to view.

I hope that was of some help. I am so sorry to here of her loss. Please encourage her to find some form of support group. It has helped me so much.

Lisa
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Old 04-02-2005, 08:12 AM   #14
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My heart aches for your niece and her husband -- and the rest of her family who had so been anticipating this little person's place in their lives. I've never had children, but I'm imagining how I might feel if this were to happen to any of my nieces and nephews. Difficult, precious, and bittersweet are good words for what you are doing.

I'm not a demo or anything, and I can imagine how grating the phrases Wendy mentioned would be, but a line that comes to me happens to be in the SAB set, "All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen." It's definitely a different understanding of the words and, to me anyway, gives the ideas of trust in God and His care of the baby beyond what we can see -- without being preachy or dismissive.

These are wonderful ideas the rest of you have put in here. God bless you all who have had to go through this.
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Old 04-02-2005, 08:43 AM   #15
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SO sorry for the loss. In the resources section, Beate has a great tutorial on the star books. This might be a good way to put the few ultrasounds and such on and also could be used for things like the hospital bracelet and other things gathered. it is here:
//www.splitcoaststampers.com/resources/star.php

You could combine it with some of the other fabulous ideas already given. HTH
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Old 04-02-2005, 09:30 AM   #16
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If you want to add footprints as a background you can create them with the side of your fist (pinky side) then add toe prints with your fingers...
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Old 04-02-2005, 09:41 AM   #17
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Default Re: Stillborn scrapbook

Quote:

Originally Posted by GMC
Hi...

Sorry for your friend's loss. At the hospital where I work, the company that takes the photos of the newborns also offers complimentary photos of the stillborn babies to the parents. Now with confidentiality laws, the parents have to consent to having the baby photographed. Is there a way you can ask the parents if this was done. I know you said that there are no photos, but perhaps this was actually done for them. People are sometimes mortified that this is done, but I have helped take these precious photos and the pictures of these babies are so beautiful and serene (or there are closeups of hands and feet) that the families are extremely grateful they were done.
I also work in an NICU and this is done in our unit as well. Usually the social worker on duty keeps the photos for when/if the parents decide they want them (many times they initially refuse and later change their minds.) You have a profound task, you are an angel for taking it on.
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Old 04-02-2005, 09:41 AM   #18
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I am so sorry for the loss, my favorite thing that our hospital does in the memory box is include a certificate that says "baby's name" who lived in the hearts of "parents names"
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Old 04-02-2005, 11:02 AM   #19
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My neice was delivered stillborn on her due date. My sister has a picture of her but has chosen to keep it private. I felt the need, months later, to scrapbook a page in her memory.I used deep feminine colours, no pastels. I included the prayer card from her funeral, a beautiful poem about God's garden, a memory card, and a picture of the clothing that my baby neice, Justice, was buried in. The page was painful to do, but was a beautiful tribute to her.
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Old 04-02-2005, 11:13 AM   #20
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{To all that have lost a little someone}}}}}}}}}}}}

Me, too. Have no photos/ultrasounds . . . Painful miscarriage in the 1st trimester. Devastating. . .

Support for me was very lacking; my loss wasn't recognized as such by those around me because it "only 1st trimester" . . . "wasn't meant to be--obviously, something wrong and nature knew best" . . . "You can have another--you're so young!" . . .

Alas, what some do not realize: Once you know that this precious little someone exists, they have your heart . . . and it breaks, no matter at what stage the loss occurs.

This album will help her survive this more than I have words to describe . . . Bless your dear heart for doing this with such love, understanding, and support.
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Old 04-02-2005, 11:20 AM   #21
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My condolences to all of you who have lost little ones.

It's wonderful that your niece trustes you so much with this task. Do you know if there are any pictures of the nursery? Maybe that would be something to include . Shower pictures? Anything that had to do with the upcoming birth. I really like the idea of including the cards. I'm one who keeps everything and sometimes it comforting to go through and read all the little notes.

With the 3 -D images you sometimes get in ultrasounds these days, maybe you could find an artist to do a pencil drawing from one of those. Even a family member or friend who saw the baby and who is an artist could do a drawing from memory.

I;m sure what ever you do will be much appreciated,
Will keep you all in prayer.
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Old 04-02-2005, 12:41 PM   #22
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I did an album for my cousin 2 years ago when her full term baby died while in labor. They did take photos after the birth so I included in the album the following: ultrasound, photos after the birth, lock of hair, the clothes they dressed her in, her hospital hat, the moms/ dads and babies bracelets, parts of cards that they received at the funeral, poems that I found on the internet, the funeral notice, the little card/booklet from the funeral, letters from mom/dad and grandma, pictures drawn by children in the family, the email letter that mom sent out after the birth to let everyone know that the baby had died, I also included the good parts like the cards and well wishes that they received upon learning they were pregnant, the last page had a photo of her headstone. We did end up adding a page with an ultrasound of the babies little brother when they became pregnant again.

My cousin absolutely loved the album and it sits out at their house all the time for anyone to look at and to remember their first child. Their 2nd child knows all about his older sister in heaven and looks at the album all the time and even talks to her.

I hope they make it through this tough period and that your album will bring them some peace.
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Old 04-04-2005, 02:59 PM   #23
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my twonie's worth
from helping homebirthers and VBAC moms to scrapbook I realized that what most often is mourned but unlamented is the hopes that you have for the new little someone
Start with the selfish ones:I was going to be a mom ( dad, aunt,grandma, bro or sis) and now I'm not
this leads to: what did that mean for me ? (parking close to the mall, pushing the stroller into [email protected] and getting cute outfits dressing you up and... loving you! )
which invariably leads to sobbing and crying and cleansing articulation
The book or keepsake that includes tags with these hopes ( baseball player, gymnast, teacher, musician, mystery! ) will be more beautiful and heartfelt than a little book full of blank pages which is what we're afraid of before we get started
DO however leave room for "today you would have started school
"today you would have graduated and such
the hopes don't come all at once and cannot be documented all at once either
I hope you find some healing space and some new hopes for your future
the best tribute is living well
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Old 04-04-2005, 03:05 PM   #24
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Quote:

Originally Posted by jm_donahoe
SO sorry for the loss. In the resources section, Beate has a great tutorial on the star books. This might be a good way to put the few ultrasounds and such on and also could be used for things like the hospital bracelet and other things gathered. it is here:
//www.splitcoaststampers.com/resources/star.php

You could combine it with some of the other fabulous ideas already given. HTH
I agree, this would be small, but really nice!!!
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Old 04-04-2005, 03:06 PM   #25
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I still have all the thinking-of-you cards that I received when my 2 miscarriages happened. Check with your neice, and maybe she'd like a spot to include these cards. I know personally they will always mean something to me.
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Old 04-04-2005, 06:09 PM   #26
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Default Jesus snuggling an infant

I found this picture SO comforting when I lost my first baby. To think she was safe and being snuggled somewhere was a blessing

http://www.keatonprints.com/printsnuggle.htm
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Old 04-04-2005, 07:01 PM   #27
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs to all who have lost a loved one}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
my sister lost her baby at 34 weeks and we were not able to come home (military duties for dh and me). i think you have alot of great suggestions to get you started. i know that for my sister, she does some journaling. maybe you could make an inspiration album or a journal for her to write her feelings, etc. It's been 4 years since her loss and my ds is the same age as what her DD would've been. i know sometimes she says that she compares my son to what delaney would be doing at this age.
I will keep them in my prayers!
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Old 04-04-2005, 07:02 PM   #28
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I just found this wonderful resource on scrapbooking a loss!

http://www.pregnancylossribbons.com/...okyourbaby.htm

Good luck and let us know how the project turns out!

(((HUGS))))
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Old 04-04-2005, 07:14 PM   #29
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Default Loss of baby

Hi,
I have lost a baby girl, Jazzmine, she was stillborn full-term.
At first I DID NOT want to look at the pics, I thought my heart would actually tear apart in my chest and I would die. I am so gratful for them now, please double check with the hospital about pics.
They gave me her wristband, her little hat that they put on her when they brought her to me, the little receiving blanket she was wrapped in, her hand print ( her little feet were too wobbly to get a print) her hospital card that was on her bassinet, no hair though, all of my babies are born baldyheads.
Definitely follow all the wonderful advice you've already recieved here, she will appreciate and cherish anything and everything you may do.
I wish you the best,
Kristen
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Old 04-04-2005, 07:30 PM   #30
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I HAVE AN AMAZING SAMPLE

last august i had a miscarriage... would have been everyone's first, ours and both sets of our parents (grandchild).

my MIL (best stamping friend) made me a WONDERFUL little tag book/memory book of our baby we nicknamed Squirt from the day we found out we were expecting.

she used scripture from ecclesiastes that many are familiar with. (for everything there is a season, and a time and purpose under heaven. then she went through and made a spread for many of the 'seasons' like a time to laugh (when we found out), a time to love (wondering about him/her), a time to weep (when we found out), a time to embrace (family and friends wanting to help), a time to mourn, and a time to give up. ... okay, getting teary here...

and she bought the matching 6x6 for me to put all the cards that i received and pics of them wearing the cute shirts we got them, etc. the past few days i've been working to fill in the few open pages by recording all the memories. one side is happy cards and memories, the other is greiving. took a long time, but i am finally ready to do it. needed to get past Squirt's due date before i could tackle it.

it was the most amazing gift i could ever have received. to know that someone else loved and cared our baby like i did... it helped tons. she did a beautiful job too.

many times i have considered uploading pics of it here. problem is she used no stamps, just a non-SU scrap kit (she could not have surprised me if she used stamps).
let me know if you are interested though, and i would be more than happy to post pics.
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Old 04-04-2005, 07:36 PM   #31
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Okay, reading this has been tough, and I shouldn't have read it, but I just couldn't tear myself away. I am praising God even as I type this for my two healthy,happy baby girls. I am really dealing with post-pardum problems (I have a 4 month old), but now my problems seem oh so small.

My cousins twin daughters were still born. They didn't want the pictures that were taken at first, but now 2 years later they are oh so grateful to have them. I sure hope that someone at the hospital thought to do that for this family.

I wish that I could say something helpful. May God bless their family and you for being willing to do something so nice for them.
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Old 04-04-2005, 08:29 PM   #32
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I would echo the "don't give pat answers" sentiment. When we lost our baby people said things like "It's just God's way" or "all things work out for the best" etc. It felt like a punch in the stomach. The people who helped were the ones who just said "I'm so sorry" and let me cry. (The best ones cried with me.) My friend lost her only child due to a cord accident - full term. She's in her late 40's and menopausal, so there won't be any more pregnancies. She said that when she called me and a friend, and we all cried together on the phone, that it was like a healing balm to her soul.

There is a song that I loved called "Glory Baby" by Watermark (off the "All Things New" album). The lead singer wrote it when they lost their firstborn at 16 wks.

Here are some of the lyrics:

Glory baby, you slipped away fast as we could say baby...baby...
You were growing, what happened dear? You disappeared on us, baby...baby
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we're home with you...until we're home with you

(Chorus)
Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know that there's a day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You'll kiss our tears away
When we're home to stay
Can't wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby, let sweet Jesus hold you 'til Mom and Dad can hold you
You'll just have heaven before we do

(Bridge)
I can't imagine Heaven's lullabies and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, Heaven is your home
And it's all you'll ever know...all you'll ever know....


The song is gorgeous, and makes me cry every time I hear it. I've had three miscarriages, and I try to imagine my babies resting in Jesus' arms. In the 81st Psalm David said "Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere." I miss my babies, but I know that they will never know pain or heartbreak or sadness. And I'll be with them soon enough (not that I'm planning on dying soon, but in the long term scheme of things this world is just a dress rehearsal.)

My condolences to your friend. Give her hugs from us. Does she need a RAK?
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Old 04-04-2005, 09:55 PM   #33
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I am going to be doing an album for my sister and her husband who just lost their first baby Kate, my niece, at 5 months in Jan. It was a cord accident. I was blessed to be at the hospital, to be a support for my sister, and get to hold my niece a little bit, those moments will forever be in my heart. And we have the confort in knowing that Kate is safe and well in Heaven with Jesus, and one day we will see her again.

THere are some good pics, especially those precious hand and foot prints. I am doing a 8x8 album for my sister and a 6x6 for each of the grandparents. I already did a framed 12x12 layout ( 14x14 frame) overlayed with vellum for the memorial service, everyone loved it. I have some ideas for the pages, but after reading these posts I have so many more.

Thank you all for the kind words and ideas you have shared. I am very blessed to be a part of such a great website community.

P.S Sorry I wrote such a long post.....
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Old 04-05-2005, 04:48 AM   #34
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TurboKel, I think you should post pics of it in the gallery, even f it isn't stamped or SU!. It sounds like a beautiful book and I'm sure there will be many to benefit from seeing it.
My heart goes out to all of you who have suffered this type of loss. I can't imagine what you must be feeling.I'll keep you all in prayer!
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Old 04-05-2005, 08:05 AM   #35
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Default Memorial Album

I lost two babies shortly after birth - that's actually how I started scrapbooking...my grief counselor suggested I create a memorial album.

I'd wait a bit until the mom is able to help you. Then have her look for ANY items she has that pertains to the baby or pregnancy. Not just u/s pics but maybe receipts from the doctors' office, her story about finding out she was pregnant, dreams she had for the child, maybe cards or quotes anyone has sent her since she lost the baby (I didn't include actual cards but did include some of the quotes from them.) I know of some people who leave blank pages and add a letter to the book each year at the "birthday". Even without pictures...I bet you'll be surprised at how much she does have to share about her baby once she's had a chance to grieve a little. And helping with the album will be good therapy for her.

My .02 at least.

Jane
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Old 04-06-2005, 11:05 AM   #36
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Default Re: Memorial Album

Quote:

Originally Posted by troopersma
I'd wait a bit until the mom is able to help you. Then have her look for ANY items she has that pertains to the baby or pregnancy.
.....I bet you'll be surprised at how much she does have to share about her baby once she's had a chance to grieve a little. And helping with the album will be good therapy for her.

If she is anything like me she will have tons to share about her baby, but it may take a very long time to be ready to.

Part of what made the gift book I received so special is that someone else recognized my grief and took the time to do it for me. It helped me understand that others just might be hurting as well. Reading the completed book about my baby was wonderful therapy. It really helped me move on to the next stage.

That said, now that even more time has past I am very glad she included a matching scrapbook for me to put and record memories as well. I am finally ready and want to put it all together.

So I guess I'm suggesting that the combination of both worked really well for me and has been very helpful!
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Old 04-06-2005, 11:17 AM   #37
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I did a scrapbook for our daughter who was stillborn at 36 weeks. In it I included:

Letters to the baby after she died about my feelings, ultrasound photos, footprints, cards received from loved ones, favorite scriptures, our Birth Plan that we filled out before knowing she was gone, photos of me during the pregnancy, photo of our other dd wearing the t-shirt we made that said "I'm Going to Be A Big Sister", the list of people to call when we went into labor for childcare, photos of us planting a tree in her memory...hope this helps. I just put everything I could think of in that book! It was a very healing process, maybe you two can work on it together.
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Old 04-06-2005, 11:43 AM   #38
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here's another beautiful peom, especially if you'd like to have this done for Mother's day...also by Heather Peterson...

Happy Mother's Day Mommy
By Heather Peterson

A kiss to you on Mother's Day
a hug from me to you,
I know that you are sad sometimes
I know that you are blue.

Please wipe away that tear,
and put on a happy face.
For I'm with God in Heaven now,
And oh, Mommy, what a wonderful place!

God gave me wings so I could fly,
they are white with a hint of blue.
I'm a big boy Mommy, with these wings of mine,
they carry me down to visit you.

God is teaching me how to catch your prayers
prayers that come as wishes.
Your wish is the same everyday,
a wish that I could have stayed.

I have a prayer for you now Mommy,
I pray that you will hear,
God needed me here with him,
I have no pain or fear.

For I am an Angel now you see,
I watch over you each night and day.
A little piece of Heaven on earth,
guiding you on your way.

I come to tuck you in each night,
as you wanted to do with me.
I hear your prayers and kiss your cheek,
and then I watch you dream.

Before I leave you and go back home,
I look at you and sigh.
And as I fly back to heaven,
I sing you a lull-a-bye.

A kiss to you on Mother's Day,
a hug from me to you.
I love you Mommy,
please don't cry,
you'll get to hold me soon.


There is another one that I sent to someone who wound up having a full term stillborn, but I can't seem to find it...if I come across it, I will post here again...
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Old 04-07-2005, 09:56 AM   #39
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okay--i FINALLY got my pictures uploaded AND in the correct spot. sorry it took so long!

here is the link to the album my MIL made for christmas after our miscarriage:

http://gallery.splitcoaststampers.co...y.php?cat=4330
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