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Old 08-17-2008, 02:06 PM   #1
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Default Frustrated - family stole from me

I'm so mad right now I don't know what to do. My stepdaughter (14) and niece (11) were here 2 weeks ago. Well I just went to stamp for the first time since then and found half of my markers GONE, flowers emptied and eyelets jumbled into other containers. Who knows what else is missing. I already told my husband he will be talking to these 2 and they will be reimbursing me for what they stole. I told him I have no issue bringing their mothers into this. I work hard for what I have and will not allow thieves into my house regardless if they are family or not. I thought I could trust these 2 but I guess not. Since we moved my stamping/scrapping stuff is in a cut out in our living room since we had room for it out here. I will not be rethinking this and possibly moving it back into the bedroom.
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Old 08-17-2008, 02:30 PM   #2
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Oh no!! I'm so sorry this happened...these situations are never very easy to deal with.
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Old 08-17-2008, 03:17 PM   #3
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That stinks! I hope everything works out for you!
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Old 08-17-2008, 03:23 PM   #4
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Wow. I'd call this a teaching moment. Big lesson to be learned. Thou shalt not steal.

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Old 08-17-2008, 03:24 PM   #5
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I know that it can be really frustrating to have someone come into your stamping area and use things without permission. One time I came back home and my niece had used some SU stamps that I had not mounted yet. She just put them on the wooden blocks without cutting them out and then didn't clean them. It wasn't a mean thing--- she was about the age of your stepdaughter and just didn't know. When she came back to visit I took her in and explained that if she wanted to use my stuff she had to ask permission and then everything had to be put back exactly the way it was before she got there. I did the same thing when my daughter got to the age where I knew she would want to come into my craftroom with her friends. I am deadly serious about my stuff and everyone knows it now and they also know what I expect of them. I am happy to say that my niece who is enrolled at Savannah College of Art and Design and my daughter, a 10th grader are two of my favorite people to stamp and scrap with now.
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Old 08-17-2008, 03:27 PM   #6
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Maybe they just wanted to be like you & stamp? I would look around & see where they may have left the markers etc. Could be they didn't steal them they just didn't put them back where they belong. Kids will do that!
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Old 08-17-2008, 03:36 PM   #7
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I have a sil that if I don't LOCK my stampin room, she will steal half of my stuff to put with the other half that she already stole from me. Needless to say, she isn't allowed at my house UNLESS I have enough people here to watch her like a hawk. Pretty sad to have to do that, she is 52 yrs old.
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Old 08-17-2008, 04:02 PM   #8
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I hear what you're saying. I would be angry, too, if I went to use my stamping stuff and it was missing. Are you absolutely sure they didn't put things in the wrong places? My mom is notorious for thinking putting it in a random basket is putting it away. I hope that's the case. If not, I hope you can work it out with them.
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Old 08-17-2008, 05:50 PM   #9
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I've gone through my whole desk, and they are no where to be found. My husband cleaned the spare room that they were in today and they are not in their either. They know and have been told numerous times they do not touch my stuff. My SIL scrapps so my niece knows to stay out of our stuff. Hubby knew I was mad as I left for about an hour just to get away from it.
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Old 08-17-2008, 05:54 PM   #10
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I'm sorry this happened to you. I certainly hope that you can get to the bottom of this. I would!
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Old 08-17-2008, 05:55 PM   #11
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Quote:

Originally Posted by travelinscrapperView Post
I have a sil that if I don't LOCK my stampin room, she will steal half of my stuff to put with the other half that she already stole from me. Needless to say, she isn't allowed at my house UNLESS I have enough people here to watch her like a hawk. Pretty sad to have to do that, she is 52 yrs old.
THAT is just RIDICULOUS. GROW UP! I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.
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Old 08-17-2008, 06:02 PM   #12
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In a way it would be fun to have a SIL that would take my stuff..can you imagine hiding a stuff animal that is light activited so when she would move your stuff the animal noise would scare her...or maybe a mouse trap that would go off when she touched your ribbon..or dye that would stain her hand when she grabbed at all your paper.
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Old 08-17-2008, 07:49 PM   #13
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OOOOOH! Those are some WICKED ideas! I love them! Hopefully I'll never have that situation to deal with. The OP sure has my sympathies on this, though--it's a no-win situation.
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Old 08-18-2008, 05:23 AM   #14
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Bummer! Hopefully you are able to find the stuff or they are willing to give it back to you. I don't think people understand how valuable stampin' stuff really is!
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Old 08-18-2008, 05:47 AM   #15
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Try to stay calm before making the call to these girls and their families. As suggested before, it's possible the markers are somewhere else in your home. Kids do strange things. If they are not, kindly letting them know how disappointed and upset you are and that you expect to have the items "replaced" might get everything back. I would also let them know that you feel bad about this, but from now on they will no longer be allowed to touch your stamping tools without supervision since they are not yet mature enough to be trusted to treat your supplies with the respect and care necessary. Hope everything works out. I would have been really upset also.
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Old 08-18-2008, 05:56 AM   #16
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I do hope you can get this sorted without to much trouble - I myself would chop anyones hands off that touches my stuff.........no joke!!

I have worked hard like the rest of you to buy my stuff and it can only be used by others under my supervision - i have no problem with them using it then.
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Old 08-18-2008, 06:28 AM   #17
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Quote:

Originally Posted by ujxm048View Post
I'm so mad right now I don't know what to do. My stepdaughter (14) and niece (11) were here 2 weeks ago. Well I just went to stamp for the first time since then and found half of my markers GONE, flowers emptied and eyelets jumbled into other containers. Who knows what else is missing. I already told my husband he will be talking to these 2 and they will be reimbursing me for what they stole. I told him I have no issue bringing their mothers into this. I work hard for what I have and will not allow thieves into my house regardless if they are family or not. I thought I could trust these 2 but I guess not. Since we moved my stamping/scrapping stuff is in a cut out in our living room since we had room for it out here. I will not be rethinking this and possibly moving it back into the bedroom.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Both of these girls are old enough to know better. They should have been taught to respect other people's property. I'm sure if the situation were reversed and you did the same thing to some of their possessions, they would be screaming. I really hope the markers are just misplaced.
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Old 08-18-2008, 06:40 AM   #18
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I am sorry this happened to you. It's horrible when someone steals from you. Makes it worse when it is family. As the poster above said maybe the markers are just misplaced. Keep us posted.
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Old 08-18-2008, 06:56 AM   #19
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Bonnie BealView Post
Try to stay calm before making the call to these girls and their families. As suggested before, it's possible the markers are somewhere else in your home. Kids do strange things. If they are not, kindly letting them know how disappointed and upset you are and that you expect to have the items "replaced" might get everything back. I would also let them know that you feel bad about this, but from now on they will no longer be allowed to touch your stamping tools without supervision since they are not yet mature enough to be trusted to treat your supplies with the respect and care necessary. Hope everything works out. I would have been really upset also.
I agree with this more passive approach. Call the girls and tell them that you know they used some of your stuff and you will discuss that with them next time they visit, about how they need to ask before using, but for now "I am not able to find the markers and what ever else, that you used. Where did you put them when you were done with them? I really need them NOW for a project I am working on."

What this does is:
1. Let's them know that YOU know that they used (if not took) your stuff.
2. Gives them a chance to opt out with "oh my gosh, I accidently put them in my purse and brought them home..I will get them back as soon as I can"
3. Lets them know that you know exactly what you have and will confront if it is missing.
4. Gives you opportunity to talk to them about asking permission to enter your personal space, much like you would not rumage through their things when they visit. (dont rule that out as a teaching tool). But you have the most op to teach and avoid a full blown incident if you approach it in an non accusatory manner to start with. If they lie and say they weren't in there, then you have to take it to another level if you desire to pursue it.
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Old 08-18-2008, 07:23 AM   #20
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Wow, sorry to hear that.........it's so hard with kids sometimes. My kids know better but that is only because I have raised them that way and they also go shopping with me for my embellishments, etc so they know the cost.

Good luck dealing with this. Hopefully their mother will be "helpful".
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Old 08-18-2008, 07:35 AM   #21
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Bonnie Beal
Try to stay calm before making the call to these girls and their families. As suggested before, it's possible the markers are somewhere else in your home. Kids do strange things. If they are not, kindly letting them know how disappointed and upset you are and that you expect to have the items "replaced" might get everything back. I would also let them know that you feel bad about this, but from now on they will no longer be allowed to touch your stamping tools without supervision since they are not yet mature enough to be trusted to treat your supplies with the respect and care necessary. Hope everything works out. I would have been really upset also.
Quote:

Originally Posted by onelightningchicView Post
I agree with this more passive approach. Call the girls and tell them that you know they used some of your stuff and you will discuss that with them next time they visit, about how they need to ask before using, but for now "I am not able to find the markers and what ever else, that you used. Where did you put them when you were done with them? I really need them NOW for a project I am working on."

What this does is:
1. Let's them know that YOU know that they used (if not took) your stuff.
2. Gives them a chance to opt out with "oh my gosh, I accidently put them in my purse and brought them home..I will get them back as soon as I can"
3. Lets them know that you know exactly what you have and will confront if it is missing.
4. Gives you opportunity to talk to them about asking permission to enter your personal space, much like you would not rumage through their things when they visit. (dont rule that out as a teaching tool). But you have the most op to teach and avoid a full blown incident if you approach it in an non accusatory manner to start with. If they lie and say they weren't in there, then you have to take it to another level if you desire to pursue it.
I'm sorry this has happened to you. Things like this will happen with your OWN kids, too sometimes even after they've been taught how to use them or what to touch/not touch.

I totally agree with the two above approaches. As angry/hurt/surprised as you might be, these approaches allow the girls to 'learn' that you will not be taken advantage of while still maintaining a reasonable relationship with them. As a stepmother (twice) I know just how hard it can be and your 'anger' could go a long way in destroying the relationship you have/will have with your SD and or niece. Cool off, talk with them and move on.

In the long run, you'll be glad you did.

(off my soapbox now)
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Old 08-18-2008, 08:51 AM   #22
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I've had similar issues with my older kids and lack of respect for my scrapping/stamping things. But I honestly believe that it was because my DD didn't know how expensive these things are. I doubt she would have let the baby crumple up my Bazzill if she knew it was $.60/sheet. Now that she does know, she's careful to keep her kids out of it.

Markers are tough. I know that the ones we use are $$$$$ but do you think that maybe they though a marker was a marker and no big deal? I give the kids new crayons and markers all the time and never really account for them. So I could see my kids using my Copics without giving it a second thought, KWIM? So I stressed to them that they were Mommy's special markers and that they weren't to touch them. But my grandkids would have no clue and be likely to grab and use them if they were in sight. (So I hide them LOL~)

Anyway, I hope you get it all worked out. It's not right to take things that don't belong to you, ever. But hopefully, it wasn't maliciously done.

I had a step daughter come into my house while we were away on vacation and help herself to all my Bath and Body Works stuff. According to my niece (who was house sitting), she said that I had "more than enough" and that she "needed some for herself" I was majorly peeved and didn't hesitate to let her know it. So I do know exactly how you feel. And I watch this girl like a hawk now when she's in my house. The sad part is that I'd have given it to her if she had just asked me.
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Old 08-18-2008, 09:18 AM   #23
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I totally feel for you...

My boys ranging in age of 20-6 have NEVER and I say this with absolute certainty used or taken any of my supplies without permission. It is a boundary that my hubby and I have taught them. They also would not go into someone elses belongings without their permission. Now there is a difference between them going into a friends parents office and messing with things and using their friends supplies, The neice may though they were the step daughters things. With this said these girls were obviously not taught right from wrong. I do believe the suggestions made are a better way to go than blowing up at them. What I would do is call the parents calmly and say... "the girls were using some of my supplies while they were here, and now they seem to be missing. I did not give them permission to use the items but I am sure they did not purposely steal the items but I do need them back ASAP. The cost to replace the items is $X and I am not able to replce them at this time. If there is any damgae once they are returned I would apprectaite replacements for them." You may not get them back, but it will be very clear that you know what happened and will not allow it again! If they argue you can say something like..."I understand what you are saying but the girls are the only ones that had accsess to them" Or "I can see how you do not get the value of my items as you are not involved in this craft but it would be the same as if they went into you tool box and took X, X and X"

Let us know what happened...
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Old 08-18-2008, 10:44 AM   #24
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Wow! That does take nerve. I totally feel for you. Our supplies are very expensive. I am so glad that my 10 year old niece understands the value of my stuff and has enough respect for my supplies that gives me the confidence to allow her pretty much full use of my stamp room. It is a shame that children are sometimes not taught to respect the property and space of others. I think the suggestions given to you about handling this in a way that will not damage your future relationship with both girls is great advice. Please let us know how this turns out.
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Old 08-18-2008, 10:56 AM   #25
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Sorry about the markers but it is now almost 'back to school' time and perhaps they needed new markers for school and just took yours. Kids can be thoughtless sometimes.

I would hate it if someone riffled through my stuff but fortunately, that has not happened - yet.
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Old 08-18-2008, 05:34 PM   #26
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Thanks girls. Hubby is going to have to talk to SD when we have them next as I will be out of town with my mom. I know I will have to talk to her the time following that as he will just pass it off as no big deal. He knows how much this stuff costs, but unless it is something of his he won't make a big deal about it.
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Old 08-18-2008, 11:38 PM   #27
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I would maybe talk to her right away. In my experience with kiddos the longer you wait to address a situation the less Important the wrong dead becomes...JMHO!
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Old 08-19-2008, 04:12 AM   #28
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I can understand your frustration. Both of these girls are old enough to know better, unless that is, they have been taught to know better. That being said, I think their mothers should be told.

My studio is outside, and everyone knows it's off limits.

I hope you find your markers. Like the previous poster said, maybe they are just misplaced and not missing.
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Old 08-19-2008, 04:37 AM   #29
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If your hubby doesn't think it is such a big deal, point out the 120.00 set in the catalog and tell him that is what he is buying for you. When you let kids get away with stealing, they will do it over and over again.
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Old 08-19-2008, 04:49 AM   #30
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I have daughters who are 14 & 12. Let me tell you, the 14 yo was much more responsible with my supplies at age 9 than 14. It is the age. They become absent minded and careless.
I think you ought to call her and casually say something like "I seem to be missing some of my markers, do you remember if you put them someplace else?" If you let DH handle it, then it will appear as if you are trying to come between the two of them. Give the girl an out- like if she calls tomorrow & says "oh a couple of them ended up in my bag" just accept that so she can save face. Basically I agree with what the others said above- don't wait & handle it with care & don't leave it to DH to handle.
You will have a relationship with his daughter for years to come, you need to make sure it stays on good terms.
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Old 08-19-2008, 04:53 AM   #31
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It is a bit more complicated unfortunately. They do not have a phone (mother has cell but kids can't use) to contact and her mother has removed the computer from her use. I will be home for a few hours when they get here that weekend so we will be talking to her then. I am also going to send my SIL an email and tell her what is going on. That is if hubby hasn't already told her as he works with her
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Old 08-19-2008, 05:54 AM   #32
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Give the girl an out- like if she calls tomorrow & says "oh a couple of them ended up in my bag" just accept that so she can save face. Basically I agree with what the others said above- don't wait & handle it with care & don't leave it to DH to handle.
You will have a relationship with his daughter for years to come, you need to make sure it stays on good terms.
As I said before and others have said - please handle this with care. Also take care with the words you choose in the email. Electronic communcation can easily be misunderstood--especially if you accuse someone's child of stealing

Good luck and let us know how it goes.
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Old 08-19-2008, 06:18 AM   #33
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I'm so sorry this happened to you (..Hugs..). The one thing I hate worse than a lier is a thief. Hopefully this is just a misunderstanding and she (or they) did not mean to take them. My kids are 8, 6, and 2 and they know better than to go by my area without asking.
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Old 08-23-2008, 06:58 PM   #34
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Just be careful how you handle this. Take some time to think about it before confronting them or their parents.

If you handle it great, then it may prevent the kids from doing things going forward that could be worse than just taking a few markers etc. If you handle it poorly, it could cause more than you think later on down the road. Maybe it's not your niece - maybe its her friend or maybe it is her. Who knows.

There is a bigger picture here aside from the fact you are missing stuff. Good luck
s_anthony is offline  
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