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This is not to be a slam on anyone... especially my M-I-L. My in-laws were down from Canada to visit for a week. (They are always very helpful~ or try to be. I always enjoy my time with them~ trying to look past their ummm... quirks. They LOVE our kids and spend a ton of time with them~ that goes a huge way!) DH was out of town (how convenient!) and I would spend the later hours of the evening down in the basement working on some swap cards.
Anyway, my m-i-l was trying to teach me a paper technique that she had just learned... she was explaining it to me while not using any supplies- just words. Well, I was out running an errand and I came back to see her working on a project using this technique. She says to me I hope you don't mind but I went down and got some of your paper scraps that were "laying around" to use for this project. AAAAACCCCKKKKKK!!!! Those weren't scraps~ they were all my precut pieces for my swap card!!!!! And she was using as a base (not an important piece) my in color 12x12!!!! Also for my swap!!! I didn't want to say anything since she does so much and she wouldn't take it so well. So I spewed it all on my DH. He didn't think it was such a big deal until I told him how much time I had spent planning this card. "Just order more paper..." he said. That is when I had to break the news to him about a pack of DSP being $10 and shipping on top of that. I just told him I would suck it up but he was going to have to give me some un-interrupeted stamp time...
As a stamper, I would never go down to someone elses craft room and use "scraps just laying around"! The non-stampers will never understand!
Thanks for letting me rant!
I'm sorry that happened to you. No one in my family would dream of touching anything in someone else's house without permission. Although my ex-mil on the other hand drank a bottle (yes the whole bottle) of bordeaux wine by herself (only comes out once a year in november) without asking - it was my birthday present from my ex. That one bottle 20 years ago was over $100. I was po'd to say the least. So I know exactly what you are feeling.:twisted:
I'm not sure being a stamper or a non-stamper is even the issue here...this is just common courtesy. I would never, EVER just help myself to anything as a guest in someone's house...
Thanks for understanding! This is just one of her quirks. I normally wouldn't think it such a big deal... ok maybe I would... I just have to stay positive and find the good things in people so I don't start disliking them or not wanting them to come visit. KWIM?
Thanks, Victoria! I think I might have found an alternative but if it doesn't work I will let you know!! You are very kind to offer!
I was thinking the difference is what is scraps to someone else is very important swap material to a stamper!
What a terrible thing to happen. Sometimes for swaps I only have just enough of a certain paper to finish them, so I can imagine how you feel. I would be horrified if someone just helped themselves to my supplies without even asking. How much nicer it would have been if she had told you she learned a new technique and would love to teach it to you. Then you could pick the paper to use. Sometime people (sometimes especially relatives) feel that anything they find is fair game. Go order the paper you need and tell DH that it's combat pay.
__________________ Mary Ann GALLERY Fan Club member since 4/08
I'm not sure being a stamper or a non-stamper is even the issue here...this is just common courtesy. I would never, EVER just help myself to anything as a guest in someone's house...
Thanks for understanding! This is just one of her quirks. I normally wouldn't think it such a big deal... ok maybe I would... I just have to stay positive and find the good things in people so I don't start disliking them or not wanting them to come visit. KWIM?
Thanks, Victoria! I think I might have found an alternative but if it doesn't work I will let you know!! You are very kind to offer!
I was thinking the difference is what is scraps to someone else is very important swap material to a stamper!
They aren't "scraps" until they are in the recycling bin outside. Until then they are cardstock. Maybe teeny tiny pieces of cardstock, but beloved cardstock none the less.
__________________ Victoria
~Made of awesome
~My 6th Avon 39
:shock: WOW...how kind of her to use your pre-measured, pre-cut and neatly stacked "scraps" for you :rolleyes:
Even before starting paper crafts, I thought of "scraps" as being odd shaped and sized "individual" peices of paper. These are usually found in a waste basket, tossed aside in a disaray, piled in a container or box apart from other items, ect. basically...lonely misfits lying around.
I am so sorry your MIL's definition was very different from what ours would be :( I am sure she has no idea of the feeling of violation you must have felt. I applaud you for handling it so well, and forgiving her.
So glad you have SCS to come to for support in times like these ;)
Oh, no......., lol! Geez, as messy and disorganized as I am, when it comes to cutting layers for swap cards, I am very meticulous! Little stacks lined up exactly in a row, starting with the base card (or front anyway) and then going down to the next size layer, then the next... It would be VERY obvious to anyone that it was a project-in-waiting, NOT "just scraps"!
Maybe you could invite her down to your craft room sometime and casually give her a tour...something like, "this is where I keep my virgin paper, this is where I layout projects, over here is where I toss all the scraps until I have a chance to sort them, etc." If she doesn't get it after that, then probably the only safeguard that will work is a padlock on the door.
I know in-laws are here to teach us patience, lol. Still, I do miss my MIL, if only when thinking about my son and how he'll never remember her, or my own mother for that matter...
Wow! The longer I live, the more I realize that everyone has different "boundaries." If your MIL is a nice person otherwise, that sounds like what's going on.
There seem to be more and more people that have the feeling "what's mine is mine.....and what's yours is mine, also."
I have 5 grown children with spouses, so I know whereof I speak, lol.
Several years ago, one of my DIL's was staying with us temporarily with our son. While I was at work, she decided to "help out" and put several of my oriental-type small rugs in the washing machine. Yikes! These were real rugs, not bathmat throw-rugs that can be washed. Yes, it ruined them. Yes, she was so sorry and didn't know. And yes, I held my tongue!
Thumbs up to you for a great attitude and a forgiving heart.
__________________ Bugga in OK
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." Dalai Lama
Wow! Really takes nerve to use something that belongs to someone else without asking. Even my 10 year old niece knows what "scraps" she is allowed to touch without asking and what card stock she has to ask permission to use.
Maybe you could do a swap with someone else on here to get what you need without paying a lot in shipping and buying more than you need.
Yikes! I would have been seriously ticked off. Much credit goes to you for keeping your mouth shut until you talked to your DH and for being able to come up with something else for the swap.
I would have been upset as well. I would have said something to her, though. Nothing harsh, but just a gentle way of saying, "It's not huge deal, but these were actually for a project I was working on. I'll be happy to show you where to find where I keep my scrap paper".
My heart goes out to you!!! I am so sorry to hear of your loss...
Thank goodness my M-I-L doesn't walk steps or think of dirtying her fingers with craft supplies, or I would have to put a BUNCH of locks on the door!
I like what buggainok said about boundaries...that is really what it all boils down to. I am constantly surprised by the boundaries - or lack thereof - of other people sometimes.
Sorry this has happened to you. I have to say that even my grands won't touch my stuffs without asking first. DD and DIL even would ask first. I have made sure though, that everyone KNOWS to stay away from my stuffs unless I'm there to say help yourself or where they can take stuffs from. Hope your DH understands your point of view on this and that it never happens again
I'm not sure being a stamper or a non-stamper is even the issue here...this is just common courtesy. I would never, EVER just help myself to anything as a guest in someone's house...
I have come to realise that mother-in-laws don't think of themselves as guests. Matriach - yes .. guest? hahahaha no. :mad: (guess who is threatening to come and vist next week? :o )
Hope to you can sort some paper out for your swaps :(
HAHAHAHAHA, I almost died laughing when I figured that one out. I agree I would never touch anything is anyone's house. My Mom babysit for years for me and didn't touch anything in my house, and at the time I couldn't care less, she was helping me out. My Dad too [and we're Canadians too,] its all the individual
Wow! The longer I live, the more I realize that everyone has different "boundaries." If your MIL is a nice person otherwise, that sounds like what's going on.
Um, my MIL once read my diary, which was sitting on my desk in our home office, and then asked me questions about what I'd written in it. I was horrified and as soon as I got a chance, I reread what I'd written just to make sure there wasn't anything too personal. Thankfully, it was just the end of January and I hadn't poured out anything embarrassing, but sheesh, she's got a really different set of boundaries than I have!:rolleyes:
OMG - what nerve! I have one of those faces that says everything and if that were to happen to me, my face would of had a big ol' flashing neon sign that said "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR _______ MIND!" And then I would have been a big ol' wuss and said, oh that's ok, I figure out something.
Luckily for me, no one in fam would think of using some one's things with out asking.
i'm so sorry that happened to you, are you looking for a lock for the door?
ACK! While my friends and I pretty much have an "open cupboard" policy in each other's homes, I would never go into someone's craft area and help myself to supplies without asking -- particularly if there were stacks of the same size paper pieces sitting out. (((hugs)))
Heather
__________________
When you follow the sheep, you end up in sheep dip.
So sorry that this has happened to you . Reading all the responses made me wonder if I made my MIL mad. She used to live near us and my DH and I and our kids would come and visit her frequently. Usually, I get bored of just sitting there doing nothing. So I would clean her kitchen or wash her clothes or even clean her bathroom . I did not know that it was rude . I thought I was doing the right thing.
I hope you got yourself sorted one way or another, whether with new stock or a subsitute. If your DH OKed the new stock, I'd have gone that way :-).
I'd agree that it's not so much related to stampers vs non-stampers as a personality thing. I wouldn't use paper without asking, and I wouldn't assume anything was scrap till it was in the bin. DH is a fidgety person and often does origami, but he'd only use something like a paper serviette.
Now, am I the only one curious about what paper technique your MIL was trying to show you??
And more power to you for remembering all the good things she does and not letting her *paper crime* take over.
If it had happened to me, the *gasp* would have given away that those weren't "just scraps"!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellahenderson
So sorry that this has happened to you . Reading all the responses made me wonder if I made my MIL mad. She used to live near us and my DH and I and our kids would come and visit her frequently. Usually, I get bored of just sitting there doing nothing. So I would clean her kitchen or wash her clothes or even clean her bathroom . I did not know that it was rude . I thought I was doing the right thing.
My MIL got made at me once for doing the dishes. Apparently I didn't properly put the dishrag over the faucet to dry, but left it wet in the sink. I didn't know the rules. Let's just say I never did dishes for her again.
__________________ Kathy Wrose "Fun must be always." - Tomas Hertl, San Jose Sharks "It was fun." - Kirk, Star Trek: Generations
I think it really comes down to respecting other people's spaces. Like many on here, I wouldn't dream of entering someone else's craft space and using stuff even if it just looked like it was lying around. Even my lovely hubbie knows better now. It might just look like rubbish to him, but he never touches it because he just knows that in reality it is one of my 'little treasures'!!! Mother in laws are basically just difficult territory. I dislike mine a lot but I try to hold my breath whilst she stays and thank goodness for the hundreds of miles which separate us the rest of the time. However there are limits, I will not change the way I do things in my own house, no matter how frequently she digs at it!!!!
However, I think the OP did the right thing. Feeling aggrieved is perfectly natural (I hope venting it on here made you feel better!) Not saying anything which would create more bad feeling was also the right thing to do. It was just thoughtlessness on your MIL's behalf, not nastiness. Just concentrate on how lovely she is with your children and try not to dwell on the rest.
So sorry that this has happened to you . Reading all the responses made me wonder if I made my MIL mad. She used to live near us and my DH and I and our kids would come and visit her frequently. Usually, I get bored of just sitting there doing nothing. So I would clean her kitchen or wash her clothes or even clean her bathroom . I did not know that it was rude . I thought I was doing the right thing.
Well, you can come stay at my house and get bored anytime!;)
This, I think, is really a matter of the individuals involved. My in-laws do lots of cleaning when they are visiting, but it rarely bothers me. Except when I go to their house and wonder if I'm doing enough to help when I'm there....
First, I am appauled that anybody would invade another's privacy/home without asking.
My husband has three grown daughters, all with husbands/live-ins and kids.
For some reason they believe that any money we make from our jobs belongs to them or that they have a right to it.
Since I have no children of my own, IS THIS NORMAL?
Every time one of us gets paid, they call wanting money. It amazes me, since I own an in-home sewing business. They must have radar...
One of my fellow stampers trades merchandise for her ironing and sewing, it is soooo cool to have friends like that! I work hard for every penny I earn!
Sadly, none of the girls are working, only one hubby is working and all of them are on welfare, medicaid, foodstamps, & WIC.
We have no health insurance and pay full price for all medical care. Like I have extra money to send them for diapers when my meds cost me 400 a month and my hubby's is 200 a month! We buy & pay for everything ourselves with no help from foodstamps, etc.
I guess I don't get this mentality. Is it normal? BTW, my husband, until last year, always worked two jobs and was never "in the system" when he was raising these three daughters. Where do they learn this not working and letting everybody else pay for everything?
I jsut want to scream get a job and then you can buy your own diapers and clothes!
I'm fairly close as well, across the Bay, in Sunnyvale. Anything put in the mail would get to you REAL fast. PM me if you are short any materials and I'll check my stash and send what I have.
__________________ It's not finished until the ink is DRY - the voice of experience
It's not a matter of being a stamper or not. Weren't we all taught as children (I'm assuming we're all adults on here) that we shouldn't touch things that don't belong to us? Keep our hands to ourselves. Even my Service Dog knows to keep her wet nose off things that don't have her name on them.
If you don't live there, you are a guest no matter who's home it is. I don't live in my parents home, I don't open their fridge on my own, I ask if I can use the powder room before going in.
Fortunately, my outside family and friends know my office/craft room is off limits unless I am in there and even then they're are boundries that are not to be crossed.
Patti
P.S. At very least, I would have told the mother-in-law of the original poster that the materials she used were not scraps. I would have explained exactly what they were for so she would know that she had gone where she should not have. I see no harm or disrespect in saying that.
Sorry this happened and I too agree with your being upset. It's really commendable of you not to have made a big issue of it. But if were me I would tactfully say something in a kind way, as some of the others here have mentioned, only because this could very well happen again if you said nothing.
Differences between stampers and non-stampers...
