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-   -   unappreciative receivers (https://www.splitcoaststampers.com/forums/general-stamping-talk-17/unappreciative-receivers-355677/)

shirolives 06-16-2008 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kmccullo (Post 10173617)
. I made him a card this year. It was a black happy birthday stamped on a piece of folded notebook paper. He actually called me to ask what was up. I said the effort in making it was equal to the amount of time and appreciation he had for the last card I gave him. His wife, a cardmaker, was cracking up in the background and told him that it serves him right. She hate it when he ignores her work too.

I am cracking up over this too! You rock--so funny. Thanks for making my day lol.

cntrymom4 06-18-2008 09:07 AM

Actually, I give handmade cards for the Joy it gives me to give it. And of course the fun of making it. I know I gave them a little piece of me and it was special and from the heart, even if they through it away. Of course it breaks your heart to see someone just toss you aside, but I'll still keep giving.
Sandee

susansews2 06-18-2008 09:26 AM

I've been making cards for a LONG, long time, (I'm nearly 60), and I've found that if I make the card unique to the person receiving it, it means a lot more to them, (ie... golf theme for golfers, cooking/sewing theme for susie-homemakeer, etc.). But... if I make a fancy, involved card that is more about ME and my fun, it doesn't go over as well. If I keep the project about the person receiving it, and not about myself, I feel better, too. Praying for them while creating the card is a wonderful idea!

cycworker 06-18-2008 09:30 AM

I just make cards because I love it. I don't care whether people ooh and ahh over them.

Snellybelle 06-18-2008 09:31 AM

I learned a lesson, my dh's old 85 year old aunt got a set of my handmade cards for her birthday. She said "Oh, thanks" and put 'em back in the bag they came in. I thought she really didn't care or didn't want them or hated them. The next week I found out she spread them out on her coffee table and showed family members that came to visit her later. She told them she could never use them because they were "so special" and thought they were the prettiest cards she ever has seen. Some people just can't show appreciation even when they do appreciate.

wickedaunt 06-18-2008 09:34 AM

I am always amazed at the number of people who actually look forward to receiving one of my cards. I have a male friend who puts them all in a lucite display case (they are themed around his prize TravelAll). I think he's secretly in love with me (don't tell my husband, wink, wink). Every Halloween I stamp take-out boxes, fill them with candy, and give them to the people at work. Last year I found my boss's in his garbage can, so I grabbed it and took it home. Guess what he's getting next Halloween? When I kidded him about it later, he said he didn't know it was something I had made, it was that good (nice recovery). So ... I like to think that if someone doesn't appreciate a handstamped card, then maybe they don't know any better (hello, it's stamped "hand made by Diana" on the back.) The joy in making the cards, and especially with someone in mind is what it's all about. Also, man bashing aside, the men in my life really appreciate the hand made cards.

tchk 06-18-2008 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeahsCreations (Post 10169006)
Yeah, I've decided that I don't need people to ooh and ahh. The real joy for me is making them. I like to pray for the person I'm making the card for while I make it, but I don't always do that.

The nuns in grade school taught us about "making an intention" out of an action. This is, in fact, a form of prayer.

I always make an intention when I crochet a baby blanket for a newborn, for example. Each stitch then becomes a prayer for the expected child.

Using card making as a form of prayer is a wonderful idea! While I have used it for years in my needlework, I never thought of doing it while making a special card- thanks so much for the reminder!

ShariW 06-18-2008 09:40 AM

I've kinda stopped paying attention. My mom never commented on the cards I made, except the one I made for her and forgot to put "mom" or "mother' on it. However, when she passed away almost 4 years ago I was in for a surprise. I found every card I made for her tucked away in drawers. I've been doing this for years and didn't know my mom did it as well. When I opened some of these drawers, there was a card that could be seen immediately. I never stopped making her cards because my husband told me that since I have more invested in my card making than Hallmark everyone gets a handmade card. :) :) I also realize that when I make my CHRISTmas cards, that some of them will just plain go in the circular file. I'm with all of you who love to make cards and let the joy go to those who find joy in them and the rest of them are missing out! :)

swimmermama 06-18-2008 09:40 AM

Hmmmm...
 
When I have time, I love to make wrapping paper for gifts. Sometimes I stamp the gift when it's already wrapped - there is so much less stamping that way. But that causes everyone to realize that it's handstamped, and I get uncomfortable that it takes the attention away from the person receiving the gift.

I actually like to see them just say "Thanks!" and then treat it like everything else. I figure I do it for them, so taking away from their moment is just the opposite of my intention, even if they are just trying to be nice.

MiamiKel4 06-18-2008 09:43 AM

Ohhhhhhh yes, it has. In fact, one family member (shall remane nameless!) said "um, what's with the card - are we trying to save some trees?" >:( I was floored! I spent HOURS on it! Yes, that's hours, lol. But, I didn't take it personally, I just learned from it and didn't make the same mistake twice with her :)
I think one of the nicest gifts you can give is something from the heart. It only takes a second to buy a card in the store, but its something really joyous to know that you can give or receive something so unique and personalized, created in the heart and mind of a friend just for you! That really says a lot. I have cards sitting in my craft room that are one of a kind - made just for me. They aren't in any store :*)

cactus blossom 06-18-2008 09:44 AM

When I give one of my handmade cards to someone who doesn't seem to appreciate it, I suggest to them that when they are ready to throw it away they can give it back to me. That way at least I will remember what I made for them.

austamper 06-18-2008 09:55 AM

I'm sorry that he was insensitive. :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luciesfloozies (Post 10171149)
I don't want to sound like a "man basher", but isn't that just like a man to not notice?? Some men are more sensitive to those things, and they DO notice.

I made my dad a Shirt card, and he said "it was cute, the one with the bottons?" The buttons were purple, because it's my favorite color!

My Mom absolutely loves my handmade cards. She saves them all.

I was recently at a baby shower and me and another person gave handmade cards, and everyone commented on them!!
No one commented on the store bought ones!!;)

I made my dad a card and a mini scrapbook for fathers day and he cried like a baby. My dad doesn't cry. It makes me tear up now thinking about it. Now I dont want everyone to cry when I make them something but it'll always be a sweet memory of me and my dad for years to come.

Lease 06-18-2008 09:56 AM

This is funny because my sister and I both make cards and when we gave my mother Mother's Day cards one year that we spent hours on, we found out later that she through them in the garbage because Mother's Day was over and she needed some room. lol At first, I was soooooooooooooo mad, but then I had to consider the source, 84 years of age and don't mean no harm.

OnTheBorder 06-18-2008 10:01 AM

If not the recipient, then maybe others!
 
My thought on this one is even if the recipient is just not that into the handmade card (hah! isn't there a comedy routine about this!), there may be others who see it and get enjoyment/a chuckle/happiness from it. It's kind of like the idea around "if you see someone without a smile, give them yours".

Grins and giggles to you all!

Maria

sprtchick 06-18-2008 10:03 AM

I send mom and dad handmade cards all the time. They rarely ever get acknowledged. Very sad. Well I love them anyway.
Blessings.

monique1019 06-18-2008 10:12 AM

Mine are so much appreciated that...
 
My dad keeps the cards I send him out all year 'round on his bookshelves, so despite the fact that it's June, you will see the cards I sent for Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. He apparently is so proud of my accomplishments that he took all of the cards to work to show his two co-workers, both of who are scrapbookers. So I guess even though I'm 32 my dad still likes to show off what his little girl can do!

I also have a former manager, a man who ironically is only four days older than my dad, who always calls to tell me he and his wife received my cards and how much they appreciate it.

My grandmother, on the other hand, doesn't say boo to even acknowledge the fact she received the card.

And I don't make my mom many cards unless it's "Mom-specific" as she's usually sitting right across from me making her own (we live together). But she "oh's and ah's" and does the "Oh, I'm SO stealing that idea" as appropriate too.

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones!

carmenv 06-18-2008 10:17 AM

I like getting feedback on the cards I send, but I mail them off knowing that I might not. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't, but it doesn't stop me from making them and sending them. At least I know in my heart that I'M doing the right thing by being thoughtful. If someone chooses NOT to acknowledge the work I've done AND the thought that went in to even sending them a card in the first place (handmade or otherwise!) that is their problem. It's the only thing that keeps me (relatively) sane! ;)

junglelady 06-18-2008 10:18 AM

[QUOTE=MaryEileen;10172768]I enjoy making cards for people. It's surprising sometimes who appreciates and saves the cards. Both my brothers and both my sons have told me they have every card I ever made them. I get many appreciative comments, and sometimes just a quick glance.

It's because of all the cards my DIL has made for me and my hubby that I got into it as well. I'm on the 2nd scrapbook that holds every card she has given us. I treasure them because I know about the hard work that goes into them. And...I refer to the scrapbooks now to get ideas for my own cards!

angelic_frogs 06-18-2008 10:20 AM

I absolutely LOVE making cards (I really need to update my gallery to reflect that! LOL!). When I get done, I usually show them to my cousin who is also a cardmaker, stamper, etc. I also show them to my boyfriend. From my cousin, I always get compliments and suggestions, but from my boyfriend its usually just a head nod.

However, the other day, I made a card for my BF's boss whose mother passed away. I gave it to BF and told him to write something and sign it. When he gave it to his boss, he said the boss was very impressed and really liked it. My BF's reply? "Oh, she'll look for any excuse to make a card!" LOL! I guess that's true, but it makes me happy because I enjoy doing it!

I also made a Father's Day card for BF. I then mailed it out of state with return postage so his daughter, who lives in Arizona, could write in it and mail it back. Usually she comes and stays with us for the summer, however, she wasn't able to come this summer. Even though he doesn't usually show much interest, he did acknowledge the fact that I took the time and was thoughtful enough to send it to his daughter for her to send back to him.

moster 06-18-2008 10:21 AM

I make cards for the women and kids in my life and buy for the men -- mainly family members -- because we try to outdo each other with funny cards. However, my sister recently told me that when my BIL's family was at their house, he got out the cards I had given his kids (my niece and nephews) for Easter and spring birthdays to show off to his family. She said he was completely bragging about my "talent" and the time I spent making something nice for his kids. He always goes on and on about my cards, but I thought he was just being nice. I made him a Father's Day card and he LOVED it!

nancystamps 06-18-2008 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by buggainok (Post 10171159)
My sweet departed dad had a wonderful saying: "It takes all kinds, and they're all here." That is really the truth, especially when it comes to family members, lol.


Now THAT saying would make a GREAT stamp!

scrapgranny 06-18-2008 10:33 AM

It's so therapeutic to read through these posts and see that so many have experienced the same feelings that I have! I make birthday cards for family and all of my staff at work, but not for the guys...some will rave and some will say nothing...the bottom line is that I do it because I love making the cards and it's such a personal expression to that person. When someone doesn't say anything, I just move on...

stampingwriter 06-18-2008 10:37 AM

At the very first SU party I ever went to, the demo said something like "I once saw a stamp that said 'If you knew how much time I spent making this card, you'd never throw it away." I really wish I'd bought that stamp."

So I guess I was sort of prepared for the some-folks-will-appreciate-it, some-won't thing. (Another woman at the party mentioned her father automatically flips over the card to look at the price. She wanted a stamp that said $99.99)

As many people have said, I do it because I enjoy it, but I also try to make a card the recipient will appreciate. My MIL is my biggest fan -- she always comments on the cards I send. (Her birthday was in April, and she even commented that I'd "used a different sort of paper" because there was some glossy cardstock this time)

oohby 06-18-2008 11:11 AM

Future MIL same way -- unappreciative
 
Cards have always been special to me, even when I was purchasing them. Now that I make them, they are even more so. Even though my future MIL got me a small sewing machine for my crafts (especially for cards) for my birthday, she literally just tossed my thank you card aside on the kitchen sink, in front of me, without really looking at it. I made one having used the sewing machine on it to sew certain embellishments onto the card to show her how I use it because she's not at all into the cardmaking or into my SU stamps (even though she got at set for me for Xmas -- then she said she thought she was shorted on the order because of the price, even though my now SU upline from whom she purchased didn't even charge her the S/H she should have).
After the tossing aside of the card, knowing how excited I am about cardmaking (enough to actually get me gifts to make them yet disparage them when giving), I've decided not to spend the time creating cards for her. I've told my fiance that. So we purchased a birthday card at Hallmark for her birthday and she oooohed and ahhhhhed over the verbiage and thoughtfulness expressed in that card. SOOOOOooo never again will I create a card for her, even though I felt badly that I made that remark to my very loved fiance.
I do make these cards because I enjoy them, but I do put love into them for the certain person. My 7- and 10-year old great nieces understand more than my future MIL how to better respond with kindness and courtesy and are more genuinely excited when they get something homemade from the heart. I don't just want the accolades but it's apparent she doesn't appreciate anything from me, so I will let her son, my fiance, choose them. :-| My fiance does appreciate them and so wants her to as well, but I've given up. It hurts my feelings too much.

boonstoon 06-18-2008 11:21 AM

MIL
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by oohby (Post 10210628)
It hurts my feelings too much.

Krista,
I'm so sorry your future MIL hurt your feelings. Mine has done that quite a few times-and not related to cards!! It's nice that your fiance appreciates your talent; try to concentate on that.
My MIL has never really said a LOT about my cards - she does mention them, though. But last weekend, she opened a drawer in her dining room and showed me a ziplock bag filled with all the cards I've made her and my FIL. That made me feel good that she's keeping them! I had no idea I'd made that many for them.
I guess it's up to each of us to choose whether to make cards for everyone - or just make them for those who show their appreciation. I make all my cards now - I enjoy making them. But my feelings have been hurt by recipients before, so I know how you feel!

StampnKim 06-18-2008 11:31 AM

I really think some people don't mean to be insensitive when they are opening up their cards. I think some are uncomfortable anytime they receive gifts whether it's the spotlight syndrome or feeling like they might get too emotional in front of people. My MIL and FIL could not make it to our wedding for health reasons, so I made them a special wedding album using the smaller Creative Memories album that matched our big album. I had spent hours on each page to try and make it special for them. When I presented it to them, my MIL commented "How nice." and my FIL just asked if they were the pictures of the wedding and then continued on with story that he was telling. I certainly felt a bit awkward and was definitely embarrassed knowing that my husband was feeling really bad about the reaction. Well, a few days after we got back from their house, my SIL called and told us her parents were gushing over the album I made and were showing it to anyone who happened to stop by their house. In fact, the album was placed on their coffee table to show it off. I now know that they were just not comfortable expressing their gratitude and that feeling was actually amplified when they realized how much time was obviously put into it. They did tell me later how much they loved it when they could control their emotions better than at the moment it was given to them.

However, if you know for certain that someone just doesn't care about stuff like that, you could use the cards that you practiced on so you don't have to feel like you wasted your time and supplies too much. I don't know about you, but I've got plenty of cards that show an obvious "needs improvement" regarding a particular technique I was practicing. Those are perfect for people you know don't care especially if you don't like giving store bought ones. I just know that I love making cards for people no matter what their response is. It gives me that time to just think about how much I care about them, and it helps me improve my craft! :)

angelladcrockett 06-18-2008 11:32 AM

We all make cards for people because we love to do so. Whether the recipient appreciates it does not matter. Don't forget the law of reaping and sowing: what you sow will come back to you. If you sow kindness, you have kindness coming to you. You don't have to believe in God - the law still works. So do the right thing anyway. When you feel unappreciated for your efforts, remember that He sees what you do and you will be rewarded for your good. Blessings to the rest of you stamping addicts!

Berries 06-18-2008 11:50 AM

:p

Now I don't feel quite so alone! I soooo feel everyone's pain on this one. My daughter has to constantly remind me that I do it because it is FUN for ME!!!! While that is true enough, a round of applause would be nice too. I don't make many cards but recently finished a 35 page 12x12 album that took me the better part of six months and let's not count how many dollars. Another thirty five dollars to ship it across the country and I recvd an email that said: " Thanks, I got the book". Had myself a fine little pity party I did!!! I am over it. I did have the foresight to have a copy of it made for me. I will enjoy it..........ALOT! And tell myself what a great job I did every time I open it up too!

oohby 06-18-2008 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by angelladcrockett (Post 10210825)
We all make cards for people because we love to do so. Whether the recipient appreciates it does not matter. Don't forget the law of reaping and sowing: what you sow will come back to you. If you sow kindness, you have kindness coming to you. You don't have to believe in God - the law still works. So do the right thing anyway. When you feel unappreciated for your efforts, remember that He sees what you do and you will be rewarded for your good. Blessings to the rest of you stamping addicts!

Absolutely, that is what I must do. However, I just cannot bring myself to do less than or give imperfect cards (other than stamped verses that may not be completely straight). While she is definitely the type that just doesn't care about that stuff (and not the majority whose hearts are just so full, they don't know how to adequately express her feelings -- I've known her four years, and I've heard her blurt "I love you" perhaps once to her son or anyone else in her family -- in comes out so freely in mine, it's just a shock -- and even PDAs are not freely flowing like in my family).

But I must continue and give to her as I do to all the others ... my future FIL and future SIL (who absolutely appreciates them), even my future SIL, who is 16, has lots of issues and the main reason we have not yet married, appreciates the work and effort and responds ... and I just have to not make it a big deal when she makes no comment whatsoever. And I certainly know it ends up in the circular file. If they ever come upon saved cards years from now, from not just me but from anybody (except maybe her two grandchildren), I will be totally flabbergasted.
She is just not a warm person and certain things don't matter to her. I know she loves her family but she is not a touchy feely affectionate person. I put a lot of thought into cards, how I present a gift or card, and some just don't appreciate that touch. It should not stop my joy in doing it.

sarashep 06-18-2008 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeahsCreations (Post 10169006)
Yeah, I've decided that I don't need people to ooh and ahh. The real joy for me is making them. I like to pray for the person I'm making the card for while I make it, but I don't always do that.

That's a great idea and very thoughtful! Our Daily Bread Designs has a new set (I forget the name- its Fishers of Men or something) that has a "Stamped with a Prayer" sentiment...

I had just looked at that site and then saw the comment- how perfect is that?? LOL

Maricela 06-18-2008 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pidgesmom (Post 10172100)
I have two SIL's - one doesn't acknowledge anything handmade and the other has commented "You made this? You must have too much time on your hands." I have deemed them both not cardworthy. They usually get whatever $store notecard I have on hand now. I don't need to be complimented - all I would expect is a thank you.

that's what my SIL was suggesting at one time on why she doesn't make cards. she said I can cause I'm a SAHM, but she's got a job. like I told her, we all have the same amount of hrs. in a day. we squeeze in what is more important to us, right???
I've gone days & days (gasp!) w/out even touching the supplies (gone to sobbing!).

Tamarama 06-18-2008 12:09 PM

I make cards & give them to everyone, even if they throw them out. (which most probably do) It doesn't bother me, because I make cards because I like doing it. Also I think it is cheaper than buying. (some of them anyway) Having said that I do save the cards I like better for people I know will like them & the ones who don't care as much get my not so favorite cards.

Redbugdriver 06-18-2008 12:25 PM

LeahsCreations.....
This is a great idea. I too pray often, but have not thought of praying for the person who's to receive the card. Thanks for this idea.

amyz2988 06-18-2008 12:31 PM

When I gave my father-in-law his card for father's day (Nautical themed because he's a retired sailor from the Merchant Marines), he stated, "Oh... so-and-so made me a card with a boat on it. The boat had my boat's name on it!". It kind of miffed me because this other lady makes cards on her computer... totally not the same as handmade! Of course I could have put the name of the boat on if I had spent 2 minutes making it on my computer! I guess next year I'll just zip one off on computer paper instead, since that seems to be more appreciated!

blest2bhere 06-18-2008 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kmccullo (Post 10173617)
I had the same issue with my brother who does like your FIL. I made him a card this year. It was a black happy birthday stamped on a piece of folded notebook paper. He actually called me to ask what was up. I said the effort in making it was equal to the amount of time and appreciation he had for the last card I gave him. His wife, a cardmaker, was cracking up in the background and told him that it serves him right. She hate it when he ignores her work too.

lol I love this!! What a great idea. I'm glad he had the good sense God gave him to notice the difference in cards! My FIL especially, but also my SD, doesn't always take the time to say anything, but I think they would notice if I bought them a card.

threelemmons 06-18-2008 12:46 PM

I would say that 95% of the handmade cards I send are to people who really appreciate my effort! The other 5% go to relatives!! HA! HA! HA! But I always ask the person I've sent a card to if they've received it, under the guise that I want to make sure they got it since my cards typically are heavier than the average card and may get stuck at the post office ;) But I want them to show a little gratitude! It's good for them! If I don't think a person will appreciate the card, then I won't send them one. Whew! Talk about making life EASIER!!!

cbet 06-18-2008 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amyz2988 (Post 10211463)
When I gave my father-in-law his card for father's day (Nautical themed because he's a retired sailor from the Merchant Marines), he stated, "Oh... so-and-so made me a card with a boat on it. The boat had my boat's name on it!". It kind of miffed me because this other lady makes cards on her computer... totally not the same as handmade! Of course I could have put the name of the boat on if I had spent 2 minutes making it on my computer! I guess next year I'll just zip one off on computer paper instead, since that seems to be more appreciated!

Try to cut him some slack - it could be that to him, handmade is handmade and he was more saying "see, here's someone who has something in common with you"; not "look, I like this one better".

This comes from someone who sometimes makes cards on her computer, and I promise that I spend a lot more than 2 minutes on each one. We don't all just pick something premade from our Hallmark program and print it out on copy paper :)

pjw2855 06-18-2008 01:15 PM

amyz2988.......Creating cards on the computer takes a lot longer than just 2 minutes (unless someone cheats and uses a card program). I think what the person (what ever FIL is) was trying to say they thought the idea of including the name of the boat on the card did make it extra special. That's personalization. That does show a lot of care from Sender to Receiver.

I personalize all the cards I give to people in some way or another. Yes it takes a bit more time and thought, but I enjoy doing it.

Patti

P.S. Even if a person does use a card program at least they are showing more thought and time than giving a store bought card.

SCEmily 06-18-2008 01:27 PM

Are you sure the people not commenting on your cards know they are handmade? There has been several times I gave one to someone and they had no idea. For example, this past Christmas I gave my husband's uncle his card, and he didn't say too much. A little while later he came up to me totally shocked that I made it (someone else told him). I mean he was standing there inspecting it for like five minutes looking at how it was put together and all. It was actually really funny. This happens all the time though.

White Wiskars 06-18-2008 02:51 PM

I have been making cards for 16 years.
 
I work on my cards everyday, and I enjoy what I do, All my friends look forward to their Birthdays, and Christmas. We are travelers, and I send a lot of Thinking of You. They tell me, that they have bought large Fames with Glass and hung it on the wall to display all the Cards that I make. Last Valentines' I broke a bone in my back, made only 5 cards..........I heard from all my friends then, either by mail or phone, saying they missed getting a card.
It's been almost 3 months since surgery, and I am now able to sit for long periods, so I am trying to catch up........Mostly my cards are of flowers, trying to make them as real looking as possible, some are watercolor.
Nothing computer on the card front, just a saying inside the card. I only use Stamp'n' Up rubber stamps, just flowers. I am looking forward to the new Catty.
I did have a friend leave the card I made for her, at the church, someone found it, with a note sitting under it in the kitchen, it said........I know this card was made for someone else, sure wished it was mine, I picked up the card, and the next time I saw the Gal that I made it for........she said, I always look forward getting a card from you Annie, and I got home without it, thank you for giving it to again., this of course made me feel better, as it did make me a little sad.

White Wiskars
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