Splitcoaststampers.com - the world's #1 papercrafting community
You're currently viewing Splitcoaststampers as a GUEST. We pride ourselves on being great hosts, but guests have limited access to some of our incredible artwork, our lively forums and other super cool features of the site! You can join our incredible papercrafting community at NO COST. So what are you waiting for?
and now I am a victim. I spent hours - even an entire weekend, putting together a recipe tin with family recipes. I grew attached to my little box. The box had about 25 family recipe cards included. All of which I indiviually made and decorated. I gave it to my husband's nephew's bride for a bridal shower. First she claimed she could not open the tin. Then she looked inside for a second and then set it aside. Now they are stationed in California and the shower was here in Nebraska, she didnt get alot of gifts but gifts cards. So it wasnt like she had to keep moving with opening gifts.
Anyway my feelings are a little hurt. She didnt even bother to show it to anyone. Maybe when she gets settled she will appreciate more. heavy sigh
I know how that feels and it's not a good feeling. Objectively, perhaps she will gush over it at a later time. It sounds like an amazing gift of love. Depending on her age and how/where she grew up, it may be that handmade gifts are not her cup of tea, either. Which would be a real shame, since they are the ones to be cherished!
My aunts are quilters. One of them makes heirloom quality quilts for everyone in the family. One of my cousin's kids let her dog use it as a bed! The dog shredded the thing and my aunt was just sick over it. Can you imagine?!
The hardest part of this hobby is understanding that there are people who just don't appreciate the time and effort we put into the cards, gifts, scrapbooks, etc. That is part of the reason we will never make the money we deserve.
Still, I feel bad for you and can image your disappointment.
Know what you mean but than there are those recipients that REALLY appreciate your work. I reconnected with a friend whose daughter and mine were friend in jr hi but because of different interests, drifted apart. Anyway, we had lunch recently, 20+ yrs since the girls were close, and she said she still has some of the things I made for her daughter all those many years ago.
She's probably scared that her new husband-to-be may ask her to cook now. :grin: Is that too snarky? Sadly there are many folks who just don't care about something personal like that - but there are still many that do! I think it's a lovely gift...and given with love!
I'm sorry ......that happened to you. Some people just don't appreciate all the time and effort. but here in SCS we all know and appreciate the time and efforts!
Well, I'll boo hoo right along with you, Bonnie. I know that hurts. Like everyone says, we have to remember that there are just those people who don't have any idea of how much effort and love we put into things we make.
I also sew and crochet as well as make cards and papercraft. Over the years, I've had people who absolutely love and treasure handmade things, and those like the bride who, for whatever reason, just don't get it.
I've become pretty philosophical about it. I love to make things, paper and otherwise. I make them as nice and lovely as I possibly can, and I give them to folks with the hope they will be enjoyed and appreciated.
If they are, that's icing on the cake, and I'm happy. If they aren't, I come here and tell you guys about it, or tell my long-suffering sweet hubby, who has become very good about making me feel better in situations like this.
I hope you know WE all love your little box with recipe cards, and would be thrilled to receive such a gift!
__________________ Bugga in OK
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." Dalai Lama
That is an outright shame. If she didn't appreciate the box, she could at least have shown appreciation over the family history of recipes. That is a gift in itself.
I honestly get sick of peoples reactions to things such as this. They act like they have never seen a handmade gift before. I have had alot of good reactions, and alot of negative ones as well. I had a friend that I invited to Easter dinner (as well as Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years) and I made little Easter baskets from a template from Hot off the Press, filled them with candy and gave them out. She made a comment which she thought was funny, "Oh look, a dollar store thingy, how cute", now she knew darn well I made them as I had posted them on Facebook, and you know what, I had enough, wasnt in the mood and sorta told her off. I'm sorry but when your friends know you made things and that you have the passion to do so, they could be little more apreciative, which as I said, some really are. My sister in law always loves what I make and so do a few others. Sorry this happened to you, its just not right! I would call her and ask her if she realized all the work you put into that, and does she realize the wonderful recipes you gave to her. Shame her into looking into it more! Sorry, I just get so upset about this kind of thing! Have a good day! ♥♥
Sorry this happened to you. She sounds like she is oblivious to the care and love you put into your gift. I, for one understand that the family recipes alone are something to cherish. I have handwritten recipes my late husband used his entire life (even some he had from boyhood from his neighbors that he would gather) and when I take them out and look at them I am filled with love as I recall the times he cooked for me. Hopefully your new family member will realize her lucky gift later on when the wedding hoopla settles down.
What an incredible shame. We've all been in these shoes. I now decide ahead of time---"will this person appreciate this and the time put in?" If not, I go with a different gift.
Our time and talent and energy should be reserved for those who will likely appreciate it. The rest can get a 5-min. thought out gift.
Good luck in the future. I'd run with the 5-min. thought out gifts for her on future events.
Thank you all for you kind words. Maybe I am having separation anxiety from the recipe box. :p
The collection of recipes are someting I got as a bonus from the project. So I can be glad of that.
She does like to brag about all the things she does "for her man" like cooking etc so I may hear about the recipes at some point.
She has alot going on so she may say more in the thank you note but I am not holding my breath or setting myself up for dissappointment. I am however going to make myself a recipe box!!
I hope that when she unpacks all of her gifts in her new home one day, she will open your beautiful recipe box and be so very delighted with the treasure she finds there. So many times, my daughter, nieces, friends of my daughter were so nervous at their family bridal showers hoping to say and do everything perfectly, that they were unable to enjoy the moment and appreciate all their lovely gifts chosen so carefully for them. I am so hoping you receive the most lovely of thank yous. And if not, then know that many of us here, me included, would have so appreciated your recipe box. Jeanne
Sorry. Some people are just insensitive. That's why I only make a hand crafted gift for someone who I know will appreciate it. We will gush about things here on SCS that the general public will just shrug their shoulders at. There are some non-creative types who really love hand crafted items, and then there are those who just want the gift card. You've got to know the recipient. I hope she'll appreciate those recipes in the future.
I honestly get sick of peoples reactions to things such as this. They act like they have never seen a handmade gift before. I have had alot of good reactions, and alot of negative ones as well. I had a friend that I invited to Easter dinner (as well as Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years) and I made little Easter baskets from a template from Hot off the Press, filled them with candy and gave them out. She made a comment which she thought was funny, "Oh look, a dollar store thingy, how cute", now she knew darn well I made them as I had posted them on Facebook, and you know what, I had enough, wasnt in the mood and sorta told her off. I'm sorry but when your friends know you made things and that you have the passion to do so, they could be little more apreciative, which as I said, some really are. My sister in law always loves what I make and so do a few others. Sorry this happened to you, its just not right! I would call her and ask her if she realized all the work you put into that, and does she realize the wonderful recipes you gave to her. Shame her into looking into it more! Sorry, I just get so upset about this kind of thing! Have a good day! ♥♥
You know, I agree with you somewhat. I'm inclined to just let things like this go, but maybe we need to speak up more when people are just outright rude.
OT, but kinda fits in here...I was watching Suzy Orman and someone said they were brought up not to talk about money. Suzy says that is stupid, we all need to talk about something as important as money. I agree with that.
Maybe rudeness falls into the same category. Unless we "tactfully" let others know they are being rude and insensitive, they will just keep on being that way. Maybe they will anyway, whether they are told or not, but at least we know we spoke up.
__________________ Bugga in OK
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." Dalai Lama
money and gift cards eventually run out...that recipe box will live on and hopefully will be appreciated when the gift cards are gone. I have a friend who will not make anything for her mother in law because MIL told her she doesn't like handmade stuff. I think it held a stigma when she was little. But at least she was honest and my friend won't waste her time working on something handmade for her.
So sorry. It is very hard to have your hard work and your anticipation of appreciation from the recepient treated this way. I don't think people understand the work and love that goes into these gifts. It's hard not to let these experiences influence what you do in the future. Just remember that you enjoyed doing it and that there are individuals that appreciate such gifts.
Sorry that your wonderful, thoughtful gift was not appreciated. I think your idea of making one for yourself is a good one, you know you will love it and all the family recipes.
I am so sorry this happened. It's so frustrating when you put a lot of work into something and the recipient doesn't realize how much love and effort you put into it.
You mentioned that she has a lot going on and that she may say more in her thank-you note. Ironically, my friends threw a baby shower for me just this afternoon and after I got home, I started worrying that I may not have taken enough time to "oooh" and "ahhh" over each gift. Then I read your post and thought, "I wonder if the bride feels that way too, now that she's home and going back through her gifts?" Sometimes in the midst of a shower the guest of honor can get a little overwhelmed and may not give full attention to each gift. When I got home I had the chance to look back at each gift, share the gifts with my husband, and then write out a grateful thank-you note to each gift giver. I hope the bride is doing that as well, as she shows the gifts to her fiance and they talk about them together.
I really hope she and her fiance realize what a beautiful gift you've given them. I am so sorry that her reaction was such a poor one, but hopefully she's now enjoying the gift and writing you a beautiful thank-you note!
I am so sorry this happened. It's so frustrating when you put a lot of work into something and the recipient doesn't realize how much love and effort you put into it.
You mentioned that she has a lot going on and that she may say more in her thank-you note. Ironically, my friends threw a baby shower for me just this afternoon and after I got home, I started worrying that I may not have taken enough time to "oooh" and "ahhh" over each gift. Then I read your post and thought, "I wonder if the bride feels that way too, now that she's home and going back through her gifts?" Sometimes in the midst of a shower the guest of honor can get a little overwhelmed and may not give full attention to each gift. When I got home I had the chance to look back at each gift, share the gifts with my husband, and then write out a grateful thank-you note to each gift giver. I hope the bride is doing that as well, as she shows the gifts to her fiance and they talk about them together.
I really hope she and her fiance realize what a beautiful gift you've given them. I am so sorry that her reaction was such a poor one, but hopefully she's now enjoying the gift and writing you a beautiful thank-you note!
I hope the OP even gets the thank you note! Just like appreciation for a handmade gift (especially one as special as receiving family recipes), the art of taking time to write a thank you note (even an email one) seems to have disappeared. I hope the OP gets some type of acknowledgement for the gift.
Your story (I'm sorry, too, that this happened to you) reminds me so much of how my sister-in-law behaved after she and my brother got engaged. It wasn't long after they became engaged and she went from being her usual sweet and thoughtful self to BRIDEZILLA. At that time nothing was good enough for her...everything connected to her wedding needed to be bigger, grander, and more sparkly. At the time I was a floral designer so I volunteered to supply and design all the wedding flowers as my gift to them. Knowing full well (not like anyone could miss it...LOL) that I was dealing with Bridezilla I decided to make a sample of her bouquet in silk as well as a sample of a bridesmaids bouquet. I'd already made these samples LARGE and she demanded (yes, that's the right word to use) that I make hers even larger. I told her it was her wedding and if she wanted to carry a bouquet as large as a casket spray that's fine by me. LOL She had NO humor about that (go figure) and I did as Bridezilla demanded. She walked down the aisle with a ridiculously large bouquet. When she and my brother got back from their honeymoon they threw a party for the family, and as soon as we all arrived at their house the first thing she did was apologize for having been a Bridezilla. I was the only family involved in creating anything for their wedding so she took me aside and apologized to me more personally. That meant a lot to me, but because I knew Bridezilla behavior wasn't her natural way, I didn't really feel it necessary for her to apologize to me like that.
So maybe you weren't dealing with your nephew's fiance...maybe you just temporarily met up with Bridezilla.
This is such a shame- I think (at least over here) that there is a fine line distinction between Handmade & Homemade,- Handmade is viewed as Artistic/classy/sohisticated etc, whilst Homemade has a sort of 'second best/ cheap & cheerful reputation. Crazy, isn't it? But I think we all know at least one person who values any gift they receive solely on its monetary cost, and a lot of people who value the time, love & sentiment of a gift as a price beyond rubies. You can only hope its nerves/stress that made her appear to be so rude, and not the pattern of things to come!
It really does crush the spirit doesn't it! :-( I made bitty book mini photo albums for my niece's when they graduated from high school. I also made one for my daughter and she loved it and really enjoyed filling it with her friends' senior pictures. When I visited my sister's house we stayed in my niece's room and there sat the carefully crafted book completely empty...ditto for her sister's. What a disappointment. All I can say is that I enjoyed making them for the girls and if they didn't put them to use I guess that has to be OK with me.
Hopefully your bride-to-be was just overwhelmed at the shower and maybe she'll take more notice when she isn't in the midst of the party.
I'm so sorry! That's just so hard to watch when we've put so much love into our gifts. If it helps, I'll share with you a story from when I was a bride. A friend gave me a homemade recipe book. It was beautiful and you could tell she put a lot of work into it. I tried to gush, I really did. But at the time I got married, I was neither crafty nor a cook. I couldn't give it the attention it deserved because I just wasn't "there yet". I kept it though. Here I am 12 years later, I can cook and I craft, and I cherish it. Maybe she doesn't appreciate it now for whatever reason, but will love it later!
Here's my story...I make handmade Christmas gifts for my coworkers. They KNOW each year they will get a handmade gift..like it or not. I resign that I truely enjoy making them and they know that as well. They might throw the item away once it makes it to their house, but that's ok with me. The other day I was complaining to a coworker that when I buy king size sheets for my bed, the pillow cases are also king size. I always have to buy regular pillow cases (might not match). The coworker said please give her the pillow cases and she would resize them (she quilts) for me and in return, she wants me to make her christmas ordiments that I had made them 3 years ago. I never knew anyone liked them. You just never know! So, continue to make things because you LOVE doing it, not because you expect someone else to love it as much as you do. There are people that just don't get it...and if they express they don't want it...don't make anymore for them. My family EXPECTS handmade cards from me, and if I don't have time or am caught off guard without a card, I have purchased one or two and they are disappointed. Some of my cards don't make the cut with me, but they LOVE the idea I took the time for them. :-)
Sorry for your troubles! I'm sure she will look at the precious gift you made for her when she is alone and realize how special it is. Only other crafters truly understand and realize the sentimental value of handcrafted gifts because we all know the effort, thought and emotions that go into our own individual craft. I've actually started to "choose" who I send cards and create scrapbook pages for.....
How awful - I understand why you feel so hurt! You put so much time and love into that gift. I think this also just shows a lack of understanding of how to be a gracious gift recipient. Even if you don't know and appreciate the amount of work that goes into a hand crafted gift like that, each and every gift you recieve should be met with delight (even if you HATE it!!!!) I too am careful about whom I choose to send my crafted items too, and they go to the people who I know appreciate them.
I made a wedding flip out album for a friends daughters wedding shower and at the time I was a bit disappointed because she just kind of held it up and said oh this is great! It wasn't until her mother told me later that her daughter said she just couldn't wait until everyone left so she could really have a good look at and to put some photos in it. Maybe there was a lot going on so your husbands nephews bride couldn't express herself properly at the time. It will probably end up being one of her most cherished gifts.
I did receive a nice thank you regarding the recipe box! She said she really appreciated the time and work put into the recipes and that they will get a lot of use.
I agree with whomever said it in one od the postings - nervousness and overall the excitment she didnt have the time to look at what she was receiving.
I do feel better! AND...I am making myself a recipe box!
Woohoo! I was reading through this thread feeling more and more down until..... I came to your last post. I am so glad you got an appreciative TY note. That's awesome. Not only that, it truly is something she will appreciate more and more as time goes by; someday she's going to say to her daughter "Yep, I got that at a wedding shower before your dad and I first married, and I think of (you) everytime I use it."
I think when one is young, it's all about themselves. The gifts she was looking for was money and house things she thought would cost a lot of money. Gifts of the heart are seldom appreciated by young people who haven't gotten past the stage of IT'S ALL ABOUT ME. It takes a few years, and perhaps for them to have children of their own when the thoughts of IT'S ALL FOR ME change to IT'S ALL FOR YOU. A few years of preparing meals and cleaning up after others that the true gifts of the heart finally hit home. My aunt made me some linen kitchen towels she hand embroidered, and I saved them because I did like them, but I didn't treasure them until after she passed away. Now they are some of my favorite things. I love hand made gifts and always have. But some things that have been made from love, I did like at first but it took me a few years to really appreciate their value!
I'm sorry for the reaction (or I suppose non-reaction) you got. I know the recipe box must have had many hours and so much care put into it. Hopefully in time she will appreciate what you did for her.
Quote:
My aunts are quilters. One of them makes heirloom quality quilts for everyone in the family. One of my cousin's kids let her dog use it as a bed! The dog shredded the thing and my aunt was just sick over it. Can you imagine?!
Oh no! I would love a quilt as a gift any day over a $500 gift certificate. They are beautiful works of art and I absolutely cherish all quilts I have recieved.
Glad the recipient showed her appreciation. And I certainly wouldn't make ANYTHING for the cousin whos kids let the dog use the quilt as a bed! Not even a handstamped card
I think when one is young, it's all about themselves. The gifts she was looking for was money and house things she thought would cost a lot of money. Gifts of the heart are seldom appreciated by young people who haven't gotten past the stage of IT'S ALL ABOUT ME. It takes a few years, and perhaps for them to have children of their own when the thoughts of IT'S ALL FOR ME change to IT'S ALL FOR YOU. A few years of preparing meals and cleaning up after others that the true gifts of the heart finally hit home. My aunt made me some linen kitchen towels she hand embroidered, and I saved them because I did like them, but I didn't treasure them until after she passed away. Now they are some of my favorite things. I love hand made gifts and always have. But some things that have been made from love, I did like at first but it took me a few years to really appreciate their value!
Well they are stationed in Fairfield CA away from all family and friends. I hope they feel love from back home if they use the recipes! All us aunts, mothers and grandmothers contributed with our favorite recipes!
Cathy H, it is so coincedental that I read your post today. I just went up to my dad's to celebrate his 78th birthday with him today. I almost didn't make a card, I have been so busy, but quickly this morning went down and made one. Nothing fancy, or that I would even post to show anyone. I thought he probably wouldn't even care. But do you know he was so happy about it. He even asked me questions about it, and wanted to know how I got my name on the back of it. (personalized stamp) Then he went on to admire the envelope. (which was plain black with one strip of paper added to it) It made me very glad I took those 20 minutes to make that simple card. So I guess you just never know who would appreciate something handmade.
We've heard it before
