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-   -   Stamping my grief out, I guess. Have you? (https://www.splitcoaststampers.com/forums/general-stamping-talk-17/stamping-my-grief-out-i-guess-have-you-166938/)

stargirl 07-19-2006 09:12 PM

Stamping my grief out, I guess. Have you?
 
I'm just curious how stamping helps others. My mom died June 21, and I have really been hiding in my stamp room a lot. I'm a private crier, so I don't like to cry in front of Dh and three DS's if I can help it. So, I stamp and cry, and make a lot of really unattractive cards and pages. I seem to have lost my creative muse, but the desire to stamp has not gone away. I guess when I stamp, I can think or not think. Sometimes I think about Mom, sometimes I think about what color of ribbon I need. I just wondered if any of you have had similar experiences with stamping being theraputic in tough times. Mind sharing? Oh, a little about my mom: she had the most beautiful smile ever.

nadine529 07-19-2006 09:18 PM

I think stamping is therapy for a lot of people. It helps to distract a bit. I'm so sorry that you lost your mom. I know it must hurt.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{big hugs!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

scrown8301 07-19-2006 09:20 PM

I have tears in my eyes. I'm so sorry for your loss. I couldn't even imagine what I would do if I lost my mom. Your mom must have been an amazing person. It's wonderful that you are able to work through your grief with stamping. It's funny how just a little thing like stamping can be such a big help. I know it's not the same situtation but when DH was deployed to Iraq last year I stamped all the time. It was mostly because (like you said) I was able to lose myself in the stamping. It was nice to be able to think about what color combo to use or where this flower should go. I know that you said you don't like to cry in front of DH or DS but maybe that might help. I don't want to sound like a therapist or anything but I am sure they (ecspecially your DS's) are hurting too. It might help to be able to grieve together. Sharing memories of your mom is a great way to remember her and to get through the day to day. My grandpa passed away a couple of months ago after years of health problems. I was closer to him then even my own father at times. It was a hard loss that I still have a hard time with but I know talking about it with those that loved him too really helps. Again I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you comfort in your time of sorrow. (((HUGS)))

blueheron 07-19-2006 09:30 PM

How very, very sad for you. My heart--and hugs--go out to you on the loss of your mom. I, too, am grieving over the loss of someone dear to me and am also a private crier. I've mostly just been surfing SCS and sending out RAKs (cards that I made during happier times). It makes me feel better to get outside of myself and do something nice for others. I've tried stamping a couple of times lately, but have ended up throwing the cards away. Tonight is the first time I've made anything I've kept in over a month.

I think stamping can be great therapy. As you said, your mind is free to wander and flitter from thought to thought. You can think about your mom--or think about your stamping--or think about nothing at all except how to get your layers on straight.

Glad you reached out in your grief. We, your SCS sisters (and brothers), send lots of hugs your way.

gmcbunny 07-19-2006 09:33 PM

I am so sorry for your loss - you are in my thoughts and prayers

Str8Fan 07-19-2006 09:35 PM

First of all, let me tell you how sorry I am for the loss of your mother. I can't even imagine your pain. I miss my mom enough just being so far away, but I know (God willing) that it isn't for an eternity.

I also think that it can be therapeutic to be creative and stamp. Day before yesterday, DS was on a field trip with day camp. This was his first time being off base (in this foreign country) without me or his father. I was a nervous wreck about him getting lost and was a blubbering idiot. Finally I was able to calm myself down started working on some cards. Before I knew it, a couple of hours had passed and I had already made about six beautiful cards.

I don't know how DH is with you (all are different) but it might not be too bad to cry with him. This could also be therapeutic for you!

cre8nart 07-19-2006 09:57 PM

My heart goes out to you for your great loss, Stargirl.

Yes, the creative process can provide excellent medicine/therapy to see you through times of grief. It sure has helped me. I hope that your stamping will continue to give you much-needed comfort through the difficult and sad times, as you reminisce on all those wonderful times spent with your Mom and her beautiful smile! You mentioned scrapping also...when it's not so painful, maybe you can put together a scrapbook as a dedication to her. Cyber-hugs!

Take care of yourself,
Annie

rachelstamps 07-19-2006 10:07 PM

((((((((((stargirl))))))))))) I'm so very sorry to hear of the loss of your Mother.

My Mom died in February at age 57 of lung cancer. I have done a lot of crying over stamps and ink in the past few months. Stamping can be incredibly therapeutic and I have heard many stories of how it has been there to help people "deal." One of my uplines told us a story of how it helped to pull her from a serious depression. And it has really helped me.

And then there are the wonderful and amazing people that stamping brings to your life. Like the SCS community. We are hear any time.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

MSBetsyZ 07-19-2006 10:17 PM

(((Stargirl)))), I'm so sorry about your mom. No doubt about it, there's just nothin' that can compare to the loss of a mom. I am a private crier, too, but I also agree that it wouldn't hurt your family to see, and share, your grief.

As to the stamping, yes, I think it does help. Regardless of whether or not the end result is beautiful, lol, it just feels good to be away from the intensity of your thoughts for awhile.

Hang in there, girl.

Extra hugs...

ajcmeyer 07-19-2006 11:01 PM

My heart aches for you. I am so glad you have something to distract your heart and mind for at least short periods of time.

I don't know if this at all similar but we are stationed in Alaska and the winters here can be pretty difficult with 20 hours of darkness. I find that stamping is my way to bring some sunshine into my day!

Coletta 07-20-2006 12:03 AM

I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine your mom would want you to do and be and create something positive even through your grief. If it helps you through this difficult time, then that's definitely what you should do.

(((HUGS)))

Coletta

smitty2004 07-20-2006 01:52 AM

we all heal differently,and at different paces, your creativity will come back,let yourself cycle thru the hurt. in months from now you will start to remember her in your style and design. we carry our love for the family we've lost forever in our hearts, and that comes out in our creativity(eventually).
so very sorry about your mom.
jan

Meema 07-20-2006 01:59 AM

I'm So Sorry
 
And you are in my prayers. We mourn our loss, but (hopefully) our loved ones live on in heaven.

I am dealing with the tragic loss of a sister right now, but God will get us through this.
I hope you have a faith in God, our Heavenly Father, because he promises us we will all be together eternally. (No tears in heaven) Can you just imagine eternal?? Never ending.

My parents passed about 18 yrs ago, and now my sis, but I know we will all be together in God's beautiful mansion that Jesus has prepared for us.

You may pm me if you like, we are all here for each other, and there are some awesome SCS *sisters* here.

Happy Heart 07-20-2006 02:03 AM

I really do feel your pain! I lost my mother over 30 years ago. She died of lung cancer at the age of 55. The pain eases, but I don't think you ever get over the loss, and I think that's a good thing....wonderful memories of the ones we love help sustain us in our daily lives. Even to this day I often think, 'What would Mom have thought of this? What would she say?' She was my best friend!
I'll be 61 in August, and it feels odd to be older than my mother ever got to be! I try to enjoy life for the both of us.
I'm wishing you peace and good thoughts as you heal your broken heart.

miss 07-20-2006 02:46 AM

This was a very nice post. I have a creating keepsakes mag. that I saved (I usually dont read it since I don't scrap that much) but it had an article that basically said the same things & showed the pages the people had made to kind of ease their pain, pages specifically about the subject of their grief. It made me cry to read & I could completely understand the "therapy" part of it.

I am glad stamping is helping you through. I probably could've used it the same way quite a few years back, but sadly didn't discover stamping til well after the fact.
Best wishes to you.

kristransue 07-20-2006 02:58 AM

HUGS to you, I am glad you have stamping to help you through it all. I am more of a shower crier myself, but I may try my stamp room too.

Sibylle 07-20-2006 03:16 AM

I'm so sorry about the loss of your mom. My mom died last year in March and it was so hard. I found stamping to be my therapy as well. This last winter I made an accordian album of her life and it was very healing. Right now I am working on an album of my parent's lives together (my dad died three years ago) and I have found that to be really therapeutic. So stamp away and just play right now. In time you will find your creativety returns and you can make some wonderful memories for your children to remember her by.

I will say this to you. Your children are also grieving and need help with that. Even if you can't cry in front of them, talk to them about your feelings, it will help them with their grieving process.

Your are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sibylle

bensarmom 07-20-2006 04:03 AM

Stargirl, I'm so sorry to hear you are hurting. Stamping and crying are some of the best things you can do. If you don't feel productive you might try finding a card you like and CASING it. You will have a pretty card in the end, and your thinking will be centered around what you need for the card, not how to make or design a card. You might also want to begin stamping things to give to others. When I lost my dad to cancer life stopped for me and I got very depressed to the point of not getting out of bed. When I began doing for others, the depression gradually left. (I didn't have stamping at the time.) You might have a passion for the elderly so you'd make cards for nursing home residents, or soldiers, or children or even a church group...start a card ministry...........so many people love getting our cards in the mail or getting them to send to others. As you are able, reach out to others like you have here. Your family and friends need to grieve with you. They need to be able to comfort you somehow. My mother shut us out when my father died, and she's built a wall around her so she'll never be hurt again. I pray that won't happen to you. In time, you'll get better and hopefully be able to stamp some wonderful creations that will include pictures of your mom or some sort of memories pages or cards. Sending prayers of healing, and hugs your way.

Jo Cypher 07-20-2006 04:08 AM

My Dad died July 11. My daughter leaves for Air Force Basic training July 31. In May my daughter planned to have a StampinUp party as a last Stamping fling before she left. Now I am glad that we had it planned. The upcoming party will get my moving to clean my house and get my mind on something else.

I am sorry for your loss. I have lots of great memories of my Dad. My Mom, siblings and I were with when the Day he died. It was a really hard day but I am thankful I was there.

camsmom 07-20-2006 04:45 AM

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find moments of peace during this time, even if your hands are inky at the same time. When my dad dies I found myself cutting out things a lot for my Kindergarten classroom. I had tons of posters, bulletin boards, etc. ready to go since doing something where I *kind of* had to concentrate but not really think helped me pass the time. I wish I could say it will get easier-I think mostly it gets different. ((hugs))

girlygirl 07-20-2006 04:49 AM

This is the sweetest post I've read in a while. I can see you really love, respect, and cherish your mom. You should definitely keep on stamping and healing, and I will think good thoughts of you. Hugs!

Waldsb651 07-20-2006 05:05 AM

What a timely thread. My dad passed away this exact hour one year today. It was a total shock, even though he had been ill, but we didn't expect it. I am also a closet crier, and having my rubber stamps to work with has been the best medicine I could have. My 15 yr old daughter has and is still having a hard time missing grandpa (today is going to be a tough one) and I have her stamping and mailing to others. I have always said scrapbooking/rubber stamping is the best therapy anyone could have. Prayers are sent your way, the pain never goes away, but it does get easier.

Laura Duet 07-20-2006 05:10 AM

I am sending love and hugs and friendship vibes your way Star Girl! I can only imagine the extreme pain you are in and I send you my sympathies in the loss of your beautiful Mom........

I think stamping is definitely therapeutic. Before I stamped I cross-stitched. Once when I was going through a terrible trauma I cross-stitched my way through it. One day my only cross stitch needle broke.....I told my friend at work about it. The next day she had a package of the most beautiful and well-made cross stitch needles for me! She will never know how many times I have told this story as an illustration of kindness......

it helps to have friends and a hobby to get through the tough times in life....

love, laura

afancycat 07-20-2006 05:36 AM

So many thoughts and prayers are being sent your way. I think anything you enjoy doing is theraputic during difficult times....be it stamping, scrapping, photography, sewing, etc. You may have lost your enthusiasm but you should find it to be temporary and that will return as you process through the grief. Just keep stamping and keep what you are working on.....in time you will see just how you processed through this period in your life.

Just bearing your heart in this discussion thread and having so many people respond from their heart to yours will hopefully be a wonderfully theraputic thing for you too!

Blessings to you.

barbcowan 07-20-2006 06:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by camsmom
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find moments of peace during this time, even if your hands are inky at the same time. When my dad dies I found myself cutting out things a lot for my Kindergarten classroom. I had tons of posters, bulletin boards, etc. ready to go since doing something where I *kind of* had to concentrate but not really think helped me pass the time. I wish I could say it will get easier-I think mostly it gets different. ((hugs))

So true.
Hugs to all of us who have lost a wonderful & loving parent. It is by far, the worst "club" I have ever been a member of :(

Melody Smith 07-20-2006 06:34 AM

Stargirl, my heart goes out to you. My mom died 32 years ago, and I still miss her so I understand the heartache. I think stamping is very therapeutic during times of loss. It gives me time to think without interruption, cry if I want to, and I think sometimes the sorrow helps the creative process some. My prayers are with you.

laxeash 07-20-2006 06:46 AM

(((Hugs))) to you. I feel for you and hope stamping helps to relieve some of the pain and loss.

Take care.

serialpurrs 07-20-2006 06:59 AM

I lost my mother in late March and where creative activities normally are a godsend for me I haven't been able to use it this time around. I have tried but I end up just sitting there with an empty stare. It haven't been untill the last few weeks that rubber have been calling my name again and it actually allowed me to put ink on cs/paper.

This time around I have been much more tempted to scrapbook, but haven't felt ready for the journaling part yet so I'm doing a lot of mental planning of what I'd like to do eventually once the rawness doesn't feel as raw anymore.

I think we just need to let ourselves do what we need to do, whether it is making a bunch of "ugly" cards that'll only see the trashcan or a box in the sea of boxes in our craft area or do nothing at all. The creativity will come back when we are ready for it.

Cynthia Wilson 07-20-2006 07:03 AM

Stargirl, I am so sorry for your loss. I think the very act of making things, cards, quilts , knitting etc. to work out grief has been one way many women through out the ages have used to deal with grief. I started quilting after repeated miscarriages and each stitch helped me with the healing process. I can look now at some of those early pieces and remember the pain I worked out. They weren't very original , all teacher picked projects, but they helped me get out, learn a skill, and relate to others. This website offers some of that. One can venture outside your own space, learn techniques, CASE a few cards, and talk in the forums. What a wealth of healing. Bygone eras had "mouning clothes" which helped with the grief. There is even a series of cloth designs that were acceptable to wear after the solid black days were over. Some of these are quite lovely. After a time color would come back. In today's world we sometimes rush to get over grief. We don't let people take the time to heal. That is too bad. Use your stamping place to cry and deal with the pain. Keep making cards for the process it is a therapy you can't price. Keep in touch with your SCS community. I will pray for you.

kphorse 07-20-2006 07:11 AM

Stargirl,

I am so very sorry for your loss. If I could heal your pain I would. I lost my Dad 2 years ago this month. I go into my stamp area and cry into my stamps. How well I know that feeling.

You will never get over the loss the dear ones, but with time, the pain will ease and beautiful memories will fill in thoses areas! Always remember them, for they are shining down on us from their stars in the sky!

Hugs

astraea54 07-20-2006 07:17 AM

I agree, it doesn't get easier, it gets different. I lost my mom 11 years ago today, and it still gets to me. I didn't have stamping at that time, so I can't really answer your question about the therapeutic benefits of it.
My only advice is allow yourself to feel whatever it is you're feeling. Today I'm feeling angry - normally I would have felt bad about feeling angry - but now I understand it's a valid feeling and it's okay for me to feel that way.

danssister 07-20-2006 07:42 AM

Lots of hugs to you, Stargirl!!!!! Stamping is therapudic for me, too. I had my second miscarriage 2 months ago, and spent lots of extra time in my stamp room. Around that time there was a request for cards to soldiers, and that really helped give me someone to do something for. And I sent cards for some of the posts in the Need a Lift forum, too. It really helped, as is a support group. Thinking of you! :)

hookandstamp 07-20-2006 08:37 AM

Stamping is wonderful therapy. I know there are many nights when I use it to deal with my bipolar issues. It's a way to be creative, to focus energies on something constructive not destructive.

I'm sorry for your loss.

jmhoffmann 07-20-2006 08:54 AM

You have my heartfelt sympathy in the loss of your mom..I lost both my MIL on July 25 and my beloved mom (Dec. 2) within four months of each other in 2002. It was so very hard for me and I did find my stamping helped with the healing process. Both were back east and I live in CO Spgs. so my DH and I traveled to attend both wakes and funerals. MY DMIL passed away very suddently from a pulomonary embolish and my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and it had spread to her bones and liver. She lived two weeks after diagnosis. It was such a rough time for both of us but we consoled each other and cried when we needed too. It has been four years and I still get very lonely for both of them. I guess it never actually goes away but the memories help and they will always be in our hearts. It helps to know that I believe that they are both happy in heaven.

Know that you are in my heart and prayers.

Love and hugs, Joanne

teresad 07-20-2006 09:39 AM

Stargirl, I add my deepest sympathy at the loss of your precious mother. I too use stamping as therapy to get me through the tough times or when I just don't feel like dealing with the outside world. In those times I draw great comfort in knowing that I am not the only one sitting in the room, not the only one weeping. My heavenly Father is sitting with me hearing everything I say or think and feeling everything I am feeling.Telling me to just leave it all with him. I guess that is why I find myself in 'my room' so often. It doesn't matter whether I 'create', doodle or just cry. It's there that I find peace. It's there that I know I can just 'dump' everything and not be judged or penalized. I pray that after this time of 'rain' that you will see and feel the sunshine. That God give you peace and days filled with joy and sweet memories of your mother. I thank you for sharing with us what you are going through. Maybe this has been a little therapy for all of us. Blessings to you and your family~ Terri

gv-copperdog 07-20-2006 12:41 PM

Stargirl, I totally understand the place that you are at. I lost my mom when all my boys were really little. I didn't have stamping then. I would have been stamping for sure. My mom and I shared our birthday (July 8) and I don't like to celebrate it much anymore. Time has healed a lot, but there is grief for a very long time. I stamp now for other therapy -- I'm going to be an empty-nester (with my DH) this year -- two of my boys are getting married and the other got married last year. They grew up fast! Pour your grief into stamping and enjoying your wonderful family. Changes happen quickly. I will be praying for your peace and comfort. - Gay Howe

witty5 07-20-2006 01:43 PM

My heart is sad for the loss you're experiencing. My deepest sympathy as you work your way through the grief of her passing.
I do understand what you're saying about finding some solace in stamping. When I lost a pregnancy (I know that's not like lossing a mom - but it was grief that needed to be worked through) I found that stamping was such a help. Some days I didn't want to, but often it could just be almost mindless activity to keep me going. I"m glad you have this craft to aid you now.
Wendy

debbies 07-20-2006 05:08 PM

I'm tearing up just reading your post! Create even if you aren't at first happy with the results! One day someone is going to come up & thank you for a card you made them & you will smile!! Use your talents to make others smile!

tiggerificandi 07-20-2006 05:22 PM

Stamping for me has always been a stress relief. I just get lost ... yet sometimes it helps me think. I did a lot of stamping/scrapbooking while my hubby was deployed for six months. Sometimes I invite others to come play with me. But, there is nothing like spending several days night and day stamping/scrapbooking until the wee hours of the morning. It really does relax me.

Sorry for your loss. I lost my father many years ago, and it still hard to believe he isn't just a phone call away. It helps me to think and talk about what he would have enjoyed ... that way my kids can get a sense of what he was like since they were so young when he died.

puffin1953 07-20-2006 05:53 PM

I'M SORRY YOU LOST YOUR MOM
 
Dear Stargirl... I wish I had some words of wisdom that would help with the pain you are going through. I will pray for you and your family that the Lord will bring you comfort. I know it can take a long time. I lost my father when I was 18 (I'm 53 now). It really hurts when I think of how little time I had with him and what a brat I was at that age. After he died, my mother and I really had it rough-relationship wise. She and I were, unfortunately, not very close. I never realized that Dad was the glue in our little family. Since I was at that "I know everything" stage, I fought with my parents quite a bit as I was trying to transition from kid to adult. I did a lot of things the hard way. The day my dad had his heart attack was my 18th birthday and they were planning a surprise party for me. Sadly, I ended up at the hospital. My mother greeted me with the words, "See what happens when you argue with your father!" I will never forget those words as long as I live. Dad died 10 days later on March 16, 1971. I graduated from high school in June and it was a very sad day knowing my dad wasn't there to see me receive my diploma. Stargirl, despite your pain, look what you have done. We are all here sharing with you-and each other-some of the deepest pain we have ever felt. I have tears in my eyes like so many of the other ladies-for you, for them and for my dad. I hadn't intended to make this post so long but your reaching out in your time of need and reading all the responses made me reflect on some of the fundamental things while we are here on this planet. One last thing for you and for everyone. If you've never heard the song "In the Living Years" by Mike and the Mechanix (sp?), find it and listen to it. (DH and I always get quiet & reflective when we hear it.) It is absolutely the BEST song that reminds us to stop feuding with our families. We only have the living years to tell our fathers, our mothers, our children, anyone we are close to that we love them. Stargirl, I know you had a great relationship with your mom. Please communicate with DH and DS's. They need to know the depth of your grief. And keep stamping, you will find your muse. With love & blessings, Vicki


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