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Old 09-27-2006, 12:21 PM   #1  
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Default Q about comment on sympathy card, please-

I have only ever sent sympathy cards about people I didn't know very well. I may have been sending them to people I love, but never about anybody I knew. Well, this one is for the parents of a young man I knew since he was 6. His parents lived next door to my mom for 25 years, and he was only 6 when they moved in. He was the cutest little boy ever. He's stuggled for years with addiction, but died this week of a drug overdose at 32.
My question is, do I just say how they will be in my prayers, or is it appropriate to add something about my memories of Brian? He had a kind, sweet smile, and a personality to match. I'd like to say something like, "I will always remember Brian his sweet smile and his welcoming kindness. All of you will continue to be in my prayers. " I'm really struggling with this, and each time whatever I say sounds wrong, even if it is sincere.
Help!

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Old 09-27-2006, 12:25 PM   #2  
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Erin, I know exactly how you feel - I think what you just wrote is perfect. I know when my grandmother died, the cards that mentioned something the sender found special about her meant a lot to us. Maybe not so much in the immediate uproar of planning the funeral, etc., but when we looked at them again later.
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Old 09-27-2006, 12:27 PM   #3  
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I think people usually appreciate hearing good things about their loved ones. I just lost a close friend to cancer and his family said they really appreciated it when people told them little stories and memories about him. It just reinforced the good things they knew about him. We were even able to laugh with each other as we shared memories.
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Old 09-27-2006, 12:39 PM   #4  
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Thank you both so much! I think this is also difficult for me since I've never had to plan a funeral for a loved one or receive sympathy cards. It helps to hear from somebody who has.
I have a few days to think about it before I send the card, so I will think on it some more before I actually write it down.
Thank you for your help!

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Old 09-27-2006, 01:43 PM   #5  
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Erin, what you have in quotes above is so appropriate! Having lost too many people who were close to me, these kinds of words would have meant so much to me. They know their loved one is gone, and that many people will continue to keep them in prayer; but what they really need is to hear is that you remember all the things about Brian that made him special, unique and loved.


(((hugs)))
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Old 09-27-2006, 02:03 PM   #6  
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In difficult situations, when we always wonder about the "right" thing to say, I've found that words spoken from the heart (like your's in the OP) mean the most to people!
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Old 09-27-2006, 02:16 PM   #7  
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I agree, a personal message about a happy memory or about his smiling face, what you'll always remember about him, will mean so much to them. I'm sorry for your loss.
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Old 09-27-2006, 02:46 PM   #8  
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Go with your words from the heart - it will mean more to them
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Old 09-27-2006, 02:50 PM   #9  
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tell them exactly what you wrote. parents of children that die with many unanswered questions need to be reassured, reassured that the person was good despite the demons that they dealt with daily. tell them, it will heal and help with the closure. he died a terrible way, and they need to remember the good, and not focus on the negative. give them the kind words.
just my thoughts...
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Old 09-27-2006, 04:04 PM   #10  
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I agree with Jan. My step-brother died when he was 19 (I was 1. I know my step-dad appreciated hearing how David was special to different people. He also had a drug problem, so there was a lot of icky stuff--and that made hearing the good stuff even better, I think. What you have in quotes is beautiful--it's heartfelt and genuine--and I understand what you mean about wanting to say the right thing--words that bring comfort and smiles are always good. What a sweetie you are for wanting to say the right thing.
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Old 09-27-2006, 04:10 PM   #11  
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I think it is really nice to share a memory. When my grandfathers died, it was so nice to hear stories about them from others
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Old 09-27-2006, 04:19 PM   #12  
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I absolutely agree, the memories you share with his parents will help them deal with such a sad situation.
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Old 09-27-2006, 07:09 PM   #13  
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Just another message totally agreeing with the others, add the personal memories! The parents will know how much their son meant to other people, (you in this case). In the wake of such a tragic death it will be comforting to know that others remember good things about him.
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Old 09-27-2006, 07:17 PM   #14  
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I lost a BIL earlier this year to suicide - he fought his demons long and hard and many of those who didn't know him thought he was a "loser". It was so special to read that there were people outside of the family who also knew the sweet soul that was lost to us. I say put the fond memories in. It really helped me...
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Old 09-28-2006, 06:39 AM   #15  
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Thank you all for your comments and kindness. I know what I want to say now. I appreciate you all!

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Old 09-28-2006, 06:47 AM   #16  
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I really think what you said in your post is perfect because what you say should come from your heart and obviously that is where it is coming from. That is how you remember him and you are keeping them in your thoughts because he is in your thoughts! It would make them feel good.
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Old 09-28-2006, 09:23 AM   #17  
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Go personal. It may be difficult but, I think his family would love to hear your stories or memories of him. I am so sorry about your loss.
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