OT: When Does Your Husband Put His Foot Down?

[havonfamily]

I have another thread,here, about having extra tax money, this year, for the first time, (Forums at Splitcoaststampers), asking for suggestions of what I should consider getting with my few dollars. And Cat Woman mentioned she wanted an organized scrap space. Well, that made me want to make mine better too! LOL!
So my husband just asked what was I going to get. I asked if I could have a couple of dollars for a counter and some cabinets, under it, to hold the counter up. He said no, but that's ok, I'll save my money He usually puts his foot down if it's going to cost over $50 - $60 But he is a great guy, I love him, and I can't complain. He puts up with my scrapping obsession What about you?

[LidaB]

Well, we operate under the "don't ask, don't tell" policy here, so he can't say much! Thankfully, we have the same philosophy and habits as far as money goes, so that helps... And the fact that he has more - and even more expensive - hobbies than I do REALLY helps!

[contrapat]

How timely your question is! Yesterday, DH found out (by asking me, I don't lie) how much my credit card balance was. Way too much, since I'd promised him to pay it down ($3600) and it wasn't going down. So, as of now, I have taken a loan out of our savings, paid off the card, and am strictly limited to $100 a month for three years, until it's paid back. Then I go back to $200 a month spending money. We each take $200 a month for personal money, even though he makes far more than I do (like 5 times as much?). It's just that he has no real hobbies, and finds it not hard at all to stay within his budget. I'm a spender, and when he told me I didn't have to pay off my card each month, well, I spun out of control. So, it's going to be tough but fair. I'll have to really want something to buy it, with only a hundred a month to spend.

[havonfamily]

Oh LOL! That is Too Funny!! I wish He had some hobbies that would make me feel justified in what I spend. But since he likes to stay at home and relax (he's a hermit), all the spending I do, makes it feel more amplified

By the way, I grew up in Minnesota and lived there for 21 years before getting married and moving out to California. Do you know where Bemidji is? It's close to the Canadian border. I grew up there I miss Minnesota so very much!

[Sheena74]

It is very rare for DH to put his foot down as long as we have the extra $$. If he says we have extra $$ to spend and to enjoy shopping for my hobby I learned to ask 1 important question so there is no problems down the road.. "How much $$ can I spend?" I insist on a dollar amount. I learned this early in the marriage. At X-Mas it was 600 a piece to spend so he doesn't care if I spend it on 1 item or on 100 items. If I just want something and there was no discussion about having extra spending $$ ahead of time then he will say no when I want to spend over 100 dollars- usually that is the limit but it always depends on how much $$ we have in the bank ect... This is also on top of my 100 dollar "allowance" givin to me every month to spend on my hobby.

We both have expensive hobbies and I rarely ever tell him No either. Mine is obvious (card-making, stamping, mini books, scrapbooking, altered items ect) and his is Gun Collecting, hunting (no we don't eat what he kills either- we give it to my brother) and fishing. the real expensive part to his is Gun Collecting.

We do everything equal when it comes to spending extra $$ - I only get X amount of dollars if he gets the same except on rare occassions the only exeption is my "100 dollar allowance" I get this because I am a SAHM and rarely ever get out of the house- so we agree I deserve something (even if it is a tiny amount of $$) to stay home and take care of our son. I do 99.9% of everything to do with childcare - DH hasn't been woke up in the middle of the night by a cry since our Son left the colic stage almost 2 years ago, DH hasn't changed a diaper in over 2 years, DH does nothing except give love and fun attention to our son- no displine, no nothing like that... Its all my job! I Love my Job!!Even if I am the meanie and he is the nice one.

Sheena

[Cartermrc]

He has realized-after almost 38 years of marriage and raising 2 kids-that I need to create something every day to be happy! His hobbies are cooking, TV and gardening on a budget, so he spends very little play money on himself. He's way too cheap to have a hobby like golf or electronics gadgets. We have no debt, our house is paid for, we're not travelers and live quite frugally. Can't take it with us I figure.

My needlework hobby is basically paid for by working at a local cross stitch shop, thus I have the money I save there for card making supplies!

[Cathy H]

My husband golfs. A lot. I would have a very hard time outspending him.

[bettyjoanes]

DH always puts his foot down!! Right now its about buying SU so I just ignore him.. lol he is retired now so it is hard to buy and get in the house without him seeing it, darn it. I plan to stick with SU about another year, by then I should have all the colors and the Big Shot, then I'll be happy.
We both have credit cards but he only looks at my statements and not his own! hahhaha, My SU gets paid for every time, his stuffs waits!!! Otherwise, I only use my card if he is with me so he can't complain too much!! lol He is a Hot rodder and a golfer so out spends me by far! I keep telling him this but he unfortunately doesn't see it at all! bah! men! One of these times I swear I'm going to sit him down with his golf receipts and car show tallies and prove it that he spends wayyyy more than I do.. lol
e.g. golf tournament in April is $80 entry, plus gas about 25, plus balls $20.00 - he always looses them, drinks, food, etc est. 25 or 35
MY SU I spread it out and by every other month and restrict that to around 150. I'll get him back soon I swear!! LOL
Interesting thread!

[jackie1]

We just moved into our new home a couple of months ago and I took over one room as my craft/office/homeschooling area. DH has agreed that we need to put in shelves, counters and other storage that will make life easier for me in my space. The nice part is that DH can do most of the work himself so all it will cost us is the price of the supplies. As for my monthly spending budget, it has gone out the window the last month as we received our tax refund and the money from the sale of our house so I have been able to buy alot of extra supplies for my card making.

[jennik]

We also operate a don't ask don't tell policy. He far out spends me, so no worries. He does make comments now and then, but I just ignore him.
jennik

[mtgchic]

I guess my hubby is the odd man out...not only does he not put his foot down, he often tells me to go ahead and get it if I'm debating about a purchase. He just wants a happy sweetie, and he knows that a fresh box of ribbon and paper can make my week!

[LidaB]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mtgchic

I guess my hubby is the odd man out...not only does he not put his foot down, he often tells me to go ahead and get it if I'm debating about a purchase. He just wants a happy sweetie, and he knows that a fresh box of ribbon and paper can make my week!

My husband does that, too, if I actually say I'm considering buying something but it's expensive so I'm waiting a while or something...

The only time he's ever asked how much I have invested in stamping stuff, I guessed (*completely* guessed - I really don't have any idea because I've been doing it a long time) a number and he got this bug-eyed look on his face like, "Are you freakin' kidding me?!" As soon as I said, "yeah, it's still not as much as ONE of your motorcycles, though, so I have a ways to go!", he never said another word about it! LOL!

Really, we both work, and there have been a couple years where I've made more than him because he works on commission and sales have been bad. He wouldn't DARE try to pull the man card on me and tell me how/not to spend, especially since my crafting stuff has been used for many of my daughter's school projects over the years (besides the sanity factor for me!)!

[LidaB]

Quote:

Originally Posted by havonfamily

Oh LOL! That is Too Funny!! I wish He had some hobbies that would make me feel justified in what I spend. But since he likes to stay at home and relax (he's a hermit), all the spending I do, makes it feel more amplified

By the way, I grew up in Minnesota and lived there for 21 years before getting married and moving out to California. Do you know where Bemidji is? It's close to the Canadian border. I grew up there I miss Minnesota so very much!

Yes, my husband has two motorcycles in the garage and another at a friend's house that they've been working on to sell... He hunts, so he has more guns than I probably know about... He has more CDs than I've ever even *considered* buying... He can't say much about my spending!

I actually grew up in Kansas and moved here (Minnesota) when I was 22. I LOVE it here and don't want to live anywhere else, except to retire someday and get out of the city and move farther north. I live in the St. Cloud area and haven't been to Bemidji in many years, but I have a cousin who lives there, ja, you betcha! LOL!

[heatherla]

I'm with Cathy on this one. My husband is a crazy golfer and MUST get new clubs every couple of years so that he can keep up with technology. In addition to that, my husband is OBSESSED, like crazy-out-of-control obsessed with audio/video stuff. I won't even go into how much he has spent- even our family doesn't know because they would thinks he's got a problem. Granted, I enjoy it too, but he's just crazy about it!!!!

So, when it comes to me spending money, which I don't do a lot of because I feel bad if I do, he still puts his foot down on my hobby and how much money I spend on it- it's kind of like a double standard I think, but with that being said though, I'm usually the one who forbids myself from buying the stuff that I want after I finally break him on something, thinking that I will piss off my husband if I do. Haha, we are a strange pair.

I would love to organize my space and have a beautiful room for it [right now I have some shelves I got at a garage sale and a kitchen table I got for $15.00 at Value Village] but he's telling me to wait on it. I'm glad though that he is, because I want to see what type of space I would like and how I want it set up before I pay for anything.

Don't get me wrong, my hubby supports my hobby just as much as I support him in his, but both of us want to make certain that when I do spend money, I'm spending it on stuff that I will use.

~~

[Flowers4ever]

My DH hasn't mentioned all my "stuff" for a couple years now - which is very small and modest. My stamping "budget" went out the window 2 years ago when we had our daughter's wedding at our farm - no stamping time or money for that - now my budget is still out the window with a new beautiful grandaughter!! I am going to get back to it soon and start making scrapbooks for her - but right now it's too much fun shopping in the baby department!!
I'm actually in the St. Cloud area today babysitting! We have vacationed in Bemidji many times - it's a beautiful area. Hope to get to Crafts Direct today just to walk around and dream a little and plan my next shopping spree!! Yeah, MN is great!

[blondie090277]

My husband actually asked me while standing in my studio the other day if we should take out more insurance on the house to cover my craft room supplies alone. He learned a long time ago to stop asking how much I was spending (I earn my own crafty spending dollars with card sales, illustrating and teaching). The only time he asks me to to spend anything is if we are need the money for other things and I then of course contribute That being said the often doesn't look at the back account when I dump some money into it from my paypal account for some family "fun" money.

Sometimes when I have boxes dropped of at the doorstep he raises his eyebrow, but then again he doesn't have any hobbies. So he pretty much considers me spending his hobby money and mine. I know better than to raise a fuss when he actually wants to do something like go to a hockey game once in a blue moon. It works for us

[Cathy H]

After reading all these comments I've decided I don't spend enough. I wish there were some stamp stores to go to to shop at but they've all closed down!

[sewnmachine]

Hmmmm....... put his foot down........ that would be .......NO. But I think we have a very unusual arrangement. Here how it has worked for 40 years of marriage:

We have separate checking accounts, separate savings accounts, separate credit cards, separate car titles, separate income tax filings and refunds......we do own our home jointly.

The reason this has worked so well , for so many years is that we are both very very responsible about our financial contributions to our family/home/marriage.

His responsibilities: Home owner insurance, property taxes, contributions to stocks and home repairs and maintainence, gas bill, phone bill, internet bill, vet bills, his doctor bills and prescriptions (on his insurance plan). Whatever is left is his to spend however he wants.

My responsibilities: Car insurance, electric bill, water bill , groceries, and general family member gifts (birthdays...christmas.....) my doctor bills and prescriptions on my health insurance. Whatever is left is mine to spend however I want.

We don't live beyond our means. His credit card is zero, mine is $400. We have never had cable tv, we don't have new cars,so we don't have car payments. We take little mini weekend trips - usually to Casinos because that's what he likes to do. While he's at a Casino, I'm usually in our room crocheting and watching the cable tv that I WISH we had.

He doesn't have any hobbies, so he usually has ALOT more money than I do. I have several hobbies, and I love spending money on them. The only time things sort of spun out of control for me was when I quit smoking. I quit smoking, and started buying sewing machines with all the extra money I was saving. To date I have 11 sewing machines, 3 sergers and an embroidery machine. Then there are the guitars..., the tarot deck collection....., the yarn for all my unfinished needlework...... and now of course this papercrafting hobby (((( who saw THAT coming???))))

So, in a word, no - my husband has no reason to attempt to put his foot down.

[AmberDawn]

My hubby golfs and also has a few R/C airplanes so his hobbies are WAY more expensive than mine so he'd never put his food down, lol! We also have seperate checking accounts since we both work full time, it's a wonderful system, lol!! He pays all the bills and I buy groceries and stuff for the house. We literally have no debt so we just enjoy our hobbies to the fullest extent possible while we can, ha!

[AuntKimi]

My husband scuba dives, so just one trip out on the dive boat is an easy $50-60 plus his tanks and tips for the crew.

He did make a comment one time but it was fully warranted as I was "collecting" and not "using".

We each have an allowance that we use for our fun money. Since he can't dive all the time, he usually can accumulate more money than I do - BUT - his daughters do their part to separate him from his cash!!!

[Mel H.]

He doesn't ever put his foot down...but I also know how much I can and cannot spend as I pay the bills. If I want something "big" I ask for it for birthday, Christmas or Presidents Day!

[crafty1021]

Our household is run like the military: Don't ask, don't tell. He doesn't really have many hobbies, he likes to golf but here in WI that is limited to about 15 minutes a year but it is pricey. I never say a word to him about what he spends and he gives me that same courtesy. Like tonight when I came home with 10 new Copics and two embossing folders from HL, he didn't ask what was in the bag and I, sure as darn-tootin', didn't tell him! Works for me!

[Joan B]

My husband doesn't put his foot down on anything. But, we pretty much have veto power over any major purchase. I wanted to get one of those huge craft storage pieces of furniture. When he saw the price was almost $2000 he looked at me like I was nuts. So I came to my senses really fast!

Good thing one of us is sane about money!

[sillyfilly]

I have a great husband. We have been married 33 years. About 4 years ago I came home from work. We have 4 bedrooms and it's just the two of us. He put new carpet in, fixed the closet with shelving, bought 2 long tables and a new light and said happy birthday. He hardly ever complains about me spending $$. I have way too much stuff and I keep buying it like there's no tomorrow. He has an expensive hobby. He does competitive riding with his horse. Believe me I could buy lots of stamps for what his horse cost. I am glad he has something he enjoys. So I'm pretty lucky.

[peajay]

The only thing I use our CC for is online purchases that can't be made via Paypal and have it come out of my checking account (which is why I rarely do business with companies that don't accept Paypal payments). CC purchases need to be explained to hubby just so he knows it's a valid purchase and not an unauthorized use (we've had that happen a couple times).

As long as I can help pay the monthly bills he could care less how much I spend. If it's a large purchase, like my Cricut, I talk it over with him first although he's never said "no". He's really just my sounding board so I can decide if it's something I really can't live without.

I work a full-time job just like he does. He wouldn't dream of micro-managing my spending.

[Toy]

I police myself way more than my DH ever would. I handle the finances, so I know when I have the ability to purchase. Unfortunately, not even a small amount lately!!

My DH is a hunter/fisherman, as well. He has over the years collected a nice arsenal, so he is happy. He only purchases an annual hunting and fishing license and occasionally some ammo.

Although I have a need to order some cardstock in the near future, I could go for several years without spending (aside from adhesive). Since my design teams provide me with stamps and some embellishments, I always have a good amount of fresh supplies. Thank God!

I also make a few dollars here and there selling product and some older sets. That always goes back into the craft.

[guitargerle]

We also sort of have the don't ask don't tell policy up to a point. He never really says I spend too much although I know he thinks I have too much stuff. But I just point out his well stocked double car garage full of tools and the workshop in the basement and ... He tries to say it's not the same thing but really what he has is a craft room for boys and I know it and I don't mind. Can't say much when he's put almost 5 grand into building a wood splitter than broke the first time he used it so now he is rebuilding. He points out that it will be useful and I point out that the money I make off my Christmas craft sales is also useful and paid for a compound sliding 12 inch miter saw and a chain saw last year for him rather than anything for me and this year it paid for a hospital grade air cleaner because of his allergies as well as a dyson animal vacuum for the same reason. Love the vacuum BTW - I actually like to vacuum now!!! Plus I work full time as does he and pay all the food, all my own gas and 1/2 to more of all the joint bills for the house. He gets pretty quiet about that time so no... he might wish he could put his foot down but he knows he doesn't dare really do it because it wouldn't work anyways.
I paid for my studio from my own pocket and saved and bought it little by little to get all the pieces I wanted for it and now it is finally almost done again - I say again because almost a year ago we were almost to the same point when the basement, which is where the room is, flooded and the demo people had to pull it all apart. I almost cried watching all my freshly painted wook wainscotting being thrown into a portadumpster. But it is at the point now where I am so close to having it finished and everything in its place and yet so far at the same time. A real brain puzzle to firgure out where to put everything.
Great thread!

[jeanstamping2]

Dh really doesn't put his foot down. I'm the one who does this..

I'm the one who pays all the bills in the house. We have a ours and mine checking account. Our meaning both of our money and Mine meaning I pay my bills with my money.

Dh has a lot of things he wants spend our money on. But he always ask how much can he spend.

I'm also the keeper of the Debit card. Cause if he had it...WE would have any money left!

[cat_woman]

My husband doesn't say anything about the money I spend on my crafting. Occasionally he has made a remark about how much I spent - usually when I want to buy something else - and then I remind him about the $500 to $600 a month he spends on cigarettes and beer (I don't drink or smoke)! Up until the beginning of this month, I was the bread winner, but now our roles have reversed. The only time we "delay" a purchase is if its over $500. Then we discuss (or rather try to convince the other we should spend the money). If we can't agree, we don't spend the money. But usually I don't have a problem getting my husband to agree to spend money on things I want. I spoil him rotten too. I just within the last year spent about $3500 for new equipment for his recording studio, new set of golf clubs, and paid off his truck for him.

What Havonfamily (the OP) was referring to about the unified storage/crafting space wouldn't be a problem except that we live in this tiny tiny little house (only about 600 sq ft total) and we rent right now, so I don't want to get anything until we're settled.

So that's my story....

[ctorina]

My poor DH is clueless when it comes to the cost of craft supplies, granted he does have Parkinson's Disease and it has affected some of his executive thinking skills, so I handle all the finances. And he really can't put his foot down, because he had an accident which left him with a dead foot. One day he was in my craft room and said, "Wow, you must have two hundred dollars worth of stuff on this table!" I told him he was exactly right! Want to know what was on the table? A bunch of Copic markers, a Cuddlebug, the Wizard, and a bunch of dies, numerous stamps and paper. Sounds like two hundred dollars to me! Who am I to argue!

[RIRed2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ctorina

My poor DH is clueless when it comes to the cost of craft supplies, granted he does have Parkinson's Disease and it has affected some of his executive thinking skills, so I handle all the finances. And he really can't put his foot down, because he had an accident which left him with a dead foot. One day he was in my craft room and said, "Wow, you must have two hundred dollars worth of stuff on this table!" I told him he was exactly right! Want to know what was on the table? A bunch of Copic markers, a Cuddlebug, the Wizard, and a bunch of dies, numerous stamps and paper. Sounds like two hundred dollars to me! Who am I to argue!

hahahaha, I cant stop laughing.
I am not married but have put my foot down. NO more spending. I have been stamping almost 2 years so you usually spend a lot trying to get all the things you think you need to create something fabulous, I just ordered about 300 dollars in copics, my biggest ticket, so I have pretty much every thing I need or want. Except I do need insurance on this stuff. copics are expensive, then there is my 90 prisma color pencils, cuttle bug and folders, 25 nesties, stamps, paper, I think I need at lest a $50,000 policy, if something should happen that would cover all my craft stuff and a table and chair

[jactop]

I think DH would need therapy if he knew how much money I spend on stamping supplies so keeping him in the dark is like an act of charity.

[babydal57]

DH "putting his foot down" is such a foreign concept to me. Ever since we got married, we set an amount over which we discussed the purchase with each other before buying. At first it wasn't much as we didn't have much, LOL. $100 But over time as our finances improved, the dollar amount went up. $500, $1000, etc.

We talk about major purchases now like property, a boat, expensive cars, etc but not much else. And one time he even surprised me with a new truck. I loved that!

We each have a separate "fun money" account and we can spend that however we want, no questions asked. So I never have to justify my spending to anyone. I work full-time just like hubster, so it's all good.

[sophmad]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jactop

I think DH would need therapy if he knew how much money I spend on stamping supplies so keeping him in the dark is like an act of charity.

That's the perfect description for my house, too!

[havonfamily]

Oh this is such a great discussion! And it's so interesting to hear how everyone else can talk to their husband's about buying stuff/supplies I'm absolutely fascinated to hear that most everyone has no problems for the most part, on spending money on "our hobby"
Thank you to all who answered and I hope I wasn't being to forward in posting this question, but I was only curious if anyone seemed to have a husband like mine I love him to pieces and he does let me spend, don't get me wrong, but for some reason, he has no problems if it's a couple small purchases of $20 - $30. But it's too much if it's one big $60 or more purchase. And the funny thing is, I am so used to that now, that if it is around $60, I get kinda sick when I am at the checkout/register!! LOL! - Just a quick side story, I sold some scrap items at a LSS, and made $140. I went to go spend it and got the hot flashes and cold sweats (with nausea too), just seeing the total come to $150! I thought I was going to PASS OUT!! The nice Ladies were kind but laughing at me, saying it was a good thing my husband was not there to see it - LOL

So I mentioned the whole counter top and 2 small base cabinets to him again, saying it would keep the room from getting to messy (it's a pass through room in our home), and he's mulling it over- Yeay! I told him we'd only need 4' of counter, and it would cost less then $30 (can you tell I checked??). So maybe I might get a small space carved out for scrapping yet!

Please keep your stories coming, I love to hear and I'm so happy for you Ladies!

[booklvr]

My husband has never put his foot down....yet.....he has no idea how much some of this stuff cost most times, unless he buys something for me for a gift, but he knows I love my stuff, and don't do anything else really, so he does not say much. Although he does not really know about a few of my purchases, like I have 2 cricuts, the create and the expression.....

[franb63]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jactop

I think DH would need therapy if he knew how much money I spend on stamping supplies so keeping him in the dark is like an act of charity.

AMEN!!! Mine would stroke out as well. Thoooooooo a couple of years ago at Christmas time he told my SU Demo.. here take this money and get what she wants off her wish list.. when it was like next to nothing I thought he would have just a mild coronary! lol

Now when he looks at my room he just says "When we move you need to build a big room for all this stuff" .. STUFF?? what stuff??!! This "stuff" is PRICELESS! LOLOL

[dmariehill]

My dh finally put his foot down last night. He told me no more new hobbies - I can keep the two I have (as he defines then - papercrafting and sewing), but not another one. There's no more room at the inn! I'm really fine with that, as his definitions are so broad that I didn't bother to clarify that I'm not really sewing, I'm starting to quilt - I'm just leaving the categories as they are.

A couple of months ago, he started trying to guess how much I've spent on SU, luckily, I hadn't looked at that point, so I couldn't honestly say. I think the real problem began when I got a crafting space in the office. Before it was all hidden in cupboards and under beds, now it's more concentrated and out in the open. So he can tell how much there is. He really just hates clutter. Once I finish org'ing it so that it can mainly be put away, he'll do better!

[cutiepatutie]

My DH puts his foot down, right in front of the other when he's walking out of my room shaking his head. He doesn't ask me about anything I buy, ever. I've recently said to myself "enough." I've always "discussed" any purchase that was over $500 (not many are, so we don't have this conversation often).

[Scrapjanny]

We don't have the kind of marriage in which anyone has to "put his/her foot down." We're both reasonable about our finances; and if we want to make a purchase of something more than $25, we do check with each other to see if we can afford it. It's not a matter of whether or not either of us will "let" the other one buy something. Our money is, in fact, "our" money. We don't separate his money and my money. The only exceptions to this are birthday, Christmas, and other gift money. I don't hide any purchases from him, and he doesn't hide any from me - at least none that I've discovered.