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Old 02-25-2008, 07:52 AM   #1  
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Default Invitation Question...

I am making baby shower invites for my niece and since this is her second child, what she could really use is gift cards for Wal-Mart or Sam's Club to help out with buying all teh diapers and formula...how would i tactfully word that suggestion? I don't want to see her get a bunch of stuff that she already has from her first daughter and since she' having another girl, she won't need too much.

TIA!
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Old 02-25-2008, 08:05 AM   #2  
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Hmmm. I would tuck a little note inside the envelope, not directly on the invite, that says "Your presence is the only gift that we ask! If you would like to bring a gift for <Paula-prego>, gift cards to Wal-Mart or Sam's Club would be much appreciated!"

I don't claim to be Miss Manners or anything, but that's what I'd do! hth!
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Old 02-25-2008, 09:09 AM   #3  
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My suggestion is that she register at Walmart and mainly include the things she needs and I am pretty sure that you can add gift cards to the registery. I am sure that some people will inquire about what to get her to you or whoever they are RSVP'ing to and if they ask what she could use you could let them know what she needs. There really isn't a tackful way to ask for a specfic gift on an invite.
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Old 02-25-2008, 09:13 AM   #4  
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I didn't even think it was "etiquette-ly correct" to have a baby shower for a second (or more) child... I know I'd be taken aback if I received an invitation that suggested what kind of gift I should get. JMHO!
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Old 02-25-2008, 09:28 AM   #5  
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Originally Posted by kwelch10377View Post
My suggestion is that she register at Walmart and mainly include the things she needs and I am pretty sure that you can add gift cards to the registery. I am sure that some people will inquire about what to get her to you or whoever they are RSVP'ing to and if they ask what she could use you could let them know what she needs. There really isn't a tackful way to ask for a specfic gift on an invite.
Ditto!!! We recently received a wedding invite with a slip inside stating where they were registered. Although many people are doing such things, I still think it is considered bad etiquette. My advice would be to give the info. only if a guest asks for it!
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Old 02-25-2008, 09:53 AM   #6  
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I didn't even think it was "etiquette-ly correct" to have a baby shower for a second (or more) child... I know I'd be taken aback if I received an invitation that suggested what kind of gift I should get. JMHO!
I am with you Mullycat - showers are usually for when you have your first baby only, no...? Unless for some reason she was unable to ever have a shower the 1st time around...
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Old 02-25-2008, 10:01 AM   #7  
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I'm a grandma and have been to many, many baby showers. I agree with most of the other posters. There is really not a tactful or correct way to request specific gifts on ANY type of invitation.

You are permitted to let people know that NO gifts are expected, just their presence. You usually see this on wedding anniversary invitations, or sometimes second weddings.

The baby registry idea is a good one. And also, if anyone who receives an invitation asks what she needs, you can then say that gift cards would be appreciated.
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Old 02-25-2008, 10:14 AM   #8  
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I disagree with showers are only for the first time around. For the second shower you don't ask for things that are typically asked for at a baby shower. (ie. stroller, car seat, baby furniture, clothing) You have a diaper shower, not a baby shower, it refers to a small-scale baby shower, generally for subsequent pregnancies. On the invite put you are invited to a diaper shower. Include the brand and size(s) of diapers that the mother to be would like to recieve. As for the formula, I don't know how you would ask for this, I don't think it is proper to ask for money or gift cards.

I hope this helps!
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Old 02-25-2008, 10:26 AM   #9  
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that diaper thing is a cute idea, I've never heard of it. In that scenario (where it was a 2nd or more child) I would probably use a different word than shower - maybe like a "diaper party" or something like that. It sounds cute and is a great way to welcome the new one into the family. I just think that if I had to go to a baby shower every time my friends/family had another child, it would get old quick (I would be broke!) and it would be asking a lot of the people around you to keep having to give. Just my 2 cents
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Old 02-25-2008, 11:51 AM   #10  
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It's so funny to me that I'm the only one who thinks it's ok to include a note with her preference, since I'm a stickler for good ettiquette myself. I would die if anyone thought I was ever being tacky! lol!

A few things factored into my advice:

1) Since it's a for a second child, having a shower in itself is a departure from traditional ettiquete, so I made the assumption that it would be a more casual gathering of close friends/family. I thought, if they aren't put off by a 2nd child shower, they probably won't be offended by a note saying what she needs.

2) I'm 34 yo, I have never received a shower or wedding invite that did not include those little registry cards that stores give you. This goes for small weddings at someone's home, to huge, elegant affairs. I think that including the registry info is becoming more and more the norm. People are busy, nobody is going to go to a shower or wedding without a gift in hand, so having the registry info handy makes everyone's life easier.

(p.s. I'm even starting to see registry info for childrens' birthday parties! I, for one, appreciate it. I hate trying to guess what a 7 year old is into and doesn't already have!)
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Old 02-25-2008, 12:11 PM   #11  
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Originally Posted by mullycatView Post
I didn't even think it was "etiquette-ly correct" to have a baby shower for a second (or more) child... I know I'd be taken aback if I received an invitation that suggested what kind of gift I should get. JMHO!
I didn't think it was either. *shrug*
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Old 02-25-2008, 01:40 PM   #12  
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I, too am kind of surprised at the shower for a second child, especially the same sex. I did have 3 friends take me to lunch and each gave me a few 'boy' things when I was pregnant with my third (the first two were girls), but I only had a 'real' shower with my first. Those friends also shared their boys' outgrown clothing with me.
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Old 02-25-2008, 02:43 PM   #13  
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A friend threw me a "Meet our new baby" shower a couple of weeks after my 2nd daughter was born. Her reasoning was that the 2nd child is no less important that the first one and should be celebrated.

While we were not looking for gifts . . . we were happy to celebrate our daughters arrival.
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Old 02-25-2008, 03:02 PM   #14  
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In our family Showers are 1 per event.
1 bridal shower..no matter how many times you get married
1 baby shower..no matter how many babies you have
There was one exception...DH's cousin had a surprise pregnancy
when her "youngest" was a young teen. She had a wonderful 2nd shower
Most everyone gave large gifts because she had nothing...and we were so glad it wasn't us LOL
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Old 02-25-2008, 03:51 PM   #15  
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My friends threw me a diaper shower when I had my second child. most people brought diapers but some bought little cute outfits too. I live in the south so that southern hospitality always shows for showers. I have always given a gift to all my friends who have had a baby or gotten married regardless of the number of times and whether it be a gift at a shower or just taken to them when I went to see the baby or wedding. A lot depends on how close you are with these people and what others in your "group" have done, kwim?
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Old 02-25-2008, 05:23 PM   #16  
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Originally Posted by bdeyes9View Post
In our family Showers are 1 per event.
1 bridal shower..no matter how many times you get married
1 baby shower..no matter how many babies you have
There was one exception...DH's cousin had a surprise pregnancy
when her "youngest" was a young teen. She had a wonderful 2nd shower
Most everyone gave large gifts because she had nothing...and we were so glad it wasn't us LOL
I had a third child 10 years after the first two and had given EVERYTHING away, my sister in law had a shower for me and it was a huge surprise! It was for close friends and family and my nieces knew that everything would be getting passed on to them! I feel that gift card requests is a little tacky, almost like "just send money", do the diaper and formula idea.
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Old 02-25-2008, 05:31 PM   #17  
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Originally Posted by krystie leeView Post
2) I'm 34 yo, I have never received a shower or wedding invite that did not include those little registry cards that stores give you. This goes for small weddings at someone's home, to huge, elegant affairs. I think that including the registry info is becoming more and more the norm. People are busy, nobody is going to go to a shower or wedding without a gift in hand, so having the registry info handy makes everyone's life easier.
Just because something is becoming "the norm" doesn't make it right and just because stores give out those little registry cards doesn't mean that it's ok to put them in invitations. JMHO.
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Old 02-25-2008, 07:26 PM   #18  
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Okay, let me clarify: This, i guess, isn't really a SHOWER per se but a gathering of aunts and uncles and grandparents. We weren't going to have a shower for her until the family started asking why we weren't, so we decided we better. Plus, I think that not having a shower for the second baby is kinda discounting her importance...so we're having one.

I've decided that when the guests RSVP i'll mention it if they want a suggestion, and since it's only close family and not a million people it won't be that big of a deal. Thanks for all your input...

As for the wedding registry cards, i only don't like them cuz they usually don't match the rest of the invitation. Nothing to do with etiquette, and everything to do with aesthetics. Go figure!
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Old 02-26-2008, 06:29 AM   #19  
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Don't worry about what is "etiquette" or not - its not "etiquette" to drink out of a finger bowl however, Queen Victoria of England did so as one of her guest had done so and she didn't want them to feel ill at ease - Etiquette is a set of rules to help people feel at ease in a situation not something to be "used" in snobbery. Society is too quick to make judgements - would I go to a second baby shower? yes, because I feel that every child that is a true blessing.

If you don't believe in second showers, wedding etc. don't go - that's etiquette, commenting on etiquette isn't, especially out of context.

As for OP's neice - what a blessing that she has so many people that want to do something for her. Just an idea - I know my mother has clipped coupons for a new mother and added them to a baby present, every little bit counts when you have that extra little one to take care of.

PS as for the gift registry cards - most of the time I am relieved I have them so I don't have to chase someone that I have RSVP'd for a full detailed list. I look at them as "wasn't it nice of the to let me know their likes and that I am a busy person too and they have made it easy for me to get them something they really want"... it really is about how you choose to perceive things.
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Old 02-26-2008, 07:04 AM   #20  
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This has been a very interesting thread for me to read. My best friend is expecting her first baby in early July and I am thinking of throwing a surprise shower for her in April/May time. We don't really have showers in this country, so, although I'm currently planning to use a shower theme for the front of the invites, I plan to be clear on the details inside that it's intended as more a tea party for my friend so she can have a good giggle with all of her friends before the baby arrives. I know everyone will visit once 'bump' is here, but I wanted to do something where she would be the centre of attention rather than the baby. So while I'm sure some people will want to bring gifts I want to try and be clear that that is not the purpose of the gathering, iykwim?
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Old 02-26-2008, 07:19 AM   #21  
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I honestly think your best bet is to "gently suggest" when guests call to rsvp.

Truly, any gift is a blessing, and if someone already picked something out, they might be offended if they were told it wasn't wanted.

I've always been of the belief that you invite your guests for thier company, not thier gifts. Therefore, (and this is solely my opinion, not intended to offend or alienate) asking for a gift, or specifying what you want on the invite is presumptuous. But then again, lots of things I wouldn't do (like wear jeans to a wedding) are very common place now.

Oh well, I think the bottom line is, if someone asks, let them know what she wants. If they don't ask, let it be.

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Old 02-26-2008, 03:19 PM   #22  
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Originally Posted by RiverIsisView Post
...Etiquette is a set of rules to help people feel at ease in a situation not something to be "used" in snobbery. Society is too quick to make judgements - would I go to a second baby shower? yes, because I feel that every child that is a true blessing.

If you don't believe in second showers, wedding etc. don't go - that's etiquette, commenting on etiquette isn't, especially out of context...
Thanks for the support. I was starting to feel a little picked on there for a while.
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Old 02-26-2008, 03:56 PM   #23  
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[QUOTE=RiverIsis;8923336]Don't worry about what is "etiquette" or not - its not "etiquette" to drink out of a finger bowl however, Queen Victoria of England did so as one of her guest had done so and she didn't want them to feel ill at ease - Etiquette is a set of rules to help people feel at ease in a situation not something to be "used" in snobbery. Society is too quick to make judgements - would I go to a second baby shower? yes, because I feel that every child that is a true blessing.

If you don't believe in second showers, wedding etc. don't go - that's etiquette, commenting on etiquette isn't, especially out of context.

I agree. In my family we have a baby shower for "every" baby. Of course, because we are so close and know each others situations we give what we can or pitch in for something needed. that's it, we don't concern ourselve with, what did you call it? etikett? yeah, we just spread love.
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