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Old 09-30-2006, 09:09 PM   #1  
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Default Installment #1 of sayings

I found a printout of sayings that I had printed in 1999 and thought I would share with you for use on cards or just for laughs. Some I have heard before some are new to me.

After forty it's a matter of maintenance

Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy

Anyone can drive a car, but it takes someone special to drive a school bus

The best antiques are old friends

Cat lovers are PURRfect

A clean house is a sign of a misspent life

Countless numbers of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives

A daughter is a little girl who grows up to be your friend

Dinner will be ready when you hear the smoke alarm go off

Don't criticize your wife's judgment - Look who she married

Don't criticize the coffee - You may be old and weak yourself someday

Don't mess with the cook's buns

Don't worry about a little gray hare

Forty isn't old if you're a tree (Note: I'm thinking this one for Lovely as a Tree set)

A grandma fills the world with love

A grandpa is a special friend

Housework is the crabgrass in the lawn of life

Husband and cat missing...Reward for the cat

Husband and dog missing...Reward for the dog

I cook with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food

I don't do mornings

I hate four letter words...Like cook, bake, dust and wash

I like my bifocals, me dentures fit me fine, my hearing aid is perfect, but Lord I miss my mind

If Daddy aint' happy, who cares

If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy

If men are God's gift to women, then God must love gag gifts

If you don't like my standard of cooking, then lower your standards

In the cookies of life, good friends are the chocolate chips

Men are good for only one thing, but how often do you have to parallel park?

Note: I'm going to post this one so it doesn't get too long.
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Old 09-30-2006, 09:16 PM   #2  
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Continuation:

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious

Mom, somebody called from somewhere and said to call back

A mother is a special friend

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes

The only thing better than a good friend is a good friend with a bag of M & M's

A sister is a friend

Teachers are special people

This house is cleaned every three months whether it needs it or not

Three reasons for being a teacher...June, July and August

To a friend's house the road is short

Today's menu: Two choices - Take it or Leave it

When sweetness fails and tears don't work...*****! (Note: I hope this doesn't get bleeped out)

A woman's place is in the mall

You know you're old when "Getting a little action" means your prune juice is working

Your friendship is the nicest gift of all

All moms are working moms

Anyone who says money can't buy happiness doesn't know where to shop

An Aunt is a special friend

Chance made us neighbors, hearts made us friends

Daughter-in-law...You are the love of my son's life and also my friend

(Note: breaking for 3rd post)
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Old 09-30-2006, 09:25 PM   #3  
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Continuation part 3

Dust is a protective covering

Dogs come when they're called, cats take a message and get back to you

Friendship is one of life's greatest treasures

God bless my microwave

Guess what I made for dinner... reservations

Happiness is being married to your best friend

Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out

Housework done properly can kill you

I can't be overdrawn, I still have some checks (Note: this would be cute for a clear checkbook cover)

I didn't intend to do a thing today and so far I'm right on schedule

If you don't believe the dead come back to life, you should be here at quitting time

Just when a mother thinks her work is done she becomes a grandmother

Life is like an ice cream cone...just when you think you've got it licked, it drips on you

My next husband will be normal

Neighbors are friends nearby

Never try to teach a pig to sing, it wastes your time and annoys the pig

One beautiful person and one old grouch live here

Our hearts are next door neighbors though our homes are miiles apart

Show me a house that's excruciatingly clean and I'll show you an older, female relative about to visit it

Some mornings I wake up grouchy, other mornings I let him sleep

Someday we"ll look back on all this and laugh our buns off

Teacher's motto: When all else fails, pray for a fire drill

Time will pass and we may part, but true friends stay close at heart

What part of no don't you understand?

Working for the Lord doesn't pay much but the retirement plan is out of this world

NOTE: I'll stop for tonight and type some more sometime tomorrow.
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Old 09-30-2006, 09:39 PM   #4  
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Thanks StampinOma! I needed to laugh a little.

My favorite saying is: Having children is like being pecked to death by a duck.

My friend and I saw it on a pillow at a store. I wish I would have bought it.

Every time our children are driving us a little crazy, we look at each other and say peck, peck, peck or something along those lines. It always makes us laugh!

I'm looking forward to the rest of your post.
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Old 10-01-2006, 10:38 AM   #5  
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btt
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Old 10-01-2006, 01:14 PM   #6  
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These are fun; thanks for posting!
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Old 10-01-2006, 04:42 PM   #7  
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Wow...
Did you ever put a lot of work into these. I'm glad 'cuz they're great and I'm enjoying reading them! Thank you so much for sharing them!
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Old 10-01-2006, 05:10 PM   #8  
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Thanks! I went to a craft sale this weekend where I saw some of these on plaques. One of my favorites was: "It doesn't take brain surgery to change the toilet paper."
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Old 10-01-2006, 05:49 PM   #9  
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These are a hoot. Thanks for posting!
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Old 10-01-2006, 10:36 PM   #10  
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Fun! I'm going to copy and paste these into a computer document -- just in case I need a silly card while my brain has shut down for repairs.
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Old 10-02-2006, 02:37 AM   #11  
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These are great...thanks for posting them.
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Old 10-02-2006, 04:54 AM   #12  
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Thanks so much for taking the time to post these, they are great!!!
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Old 10-02-2006, 05:31 AM   #13  
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Thanks for the laughs! What a fun way to start off my Monday morning!
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Old 10-02-2006, 05:39 AM   #14  
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I appreciate your work and willingness to share these. I've made a copy and will send it to my stamp group. (Our name is "Stamp for Joy!")
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Old 10-02-2006, 06:03 AM   #15  
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Great list! Thanks!
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Old 10-02-2006, 10:10 AM   #16  
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Wow!!! You are all so very welcome. I often have problems coming up with a sentiment and thought someone else might benefit from this also.

If I had been smart and computer literate I would have typed them all on Word and put it in a pdf format.

Oh well, maybe next time.
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Old 10-03-2006, 03:47 PM   #17  
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Old 10-03-2006, 04:47 PM   #18  
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Thanks for posting this. I will copy this into word for future reference. Thanks a bunch.
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Old 03-13-2007, 09:55 AM   #19  
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Just stumbled upon this now. Just an FYI...StampinOma posted more here:
Installment #2 of sayings

See post #7 where Japan compiled all of Oma's sayings into a Word document.
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Old 03-13-2007, 10:15 AM   #20  
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Thank you!!!
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