how do you handle criticism of your work?
 

I just sent pictures of things I did for my son's wedding last weekend to a friend several states away who could not attend. I am really proud of this work (I sent her the same pics as I have in my gallery here) and told her that the owner of the restaurant where we had the rehearsal dinner approached me about doing some work for them for other parties. I told her I was excited about that...... here is the email I got from her:
cute and folksy but just no sparkle. In some of my crafting circles there are people who do papercrafting. Their work is amazing in terms of color, texture, and depth. Yours just looks like scrapbooking. Hope you don't mind the honesty but this does not have the "bridal" quality. I know how you enjoy this type of thing... keep working with it!
I swear, I am cut deeply. Any of you ever have this experience? Photos in my gallery if you are interested.

A true friend does not tear your work down particularly when they know how important it is to you. Especially true since this was your son's wedding. There is a way to give comments that would help you. Your friend does not know how to do this. I think you need a better friend.

Tell her thanks, you've been added to the 2/$1 Dollar Store card list! I wouldn't consider her a friend. Years ago my sister told me she thought people who made cards were cheap - I told her no card was cheaper and I've never sent her a card again!

if I knew how to spell a bronx cheer I would give it to her. How uncouth. I checked out your gallery and i think the wedding pictures are lovely.

I just made invitations for a friend's wedding. She wanted simple and that is what I made. They are truly lovely (she helped design them so I am not patting myself to hard :) )

Your friend would probably look at what I made and say the same thing to me.

I love your theme and how well it all coordinates. Don't mind what she says, listen to all the ohs and ahs you got at the reception and rehearsal dinner, not to mention the restaurant owner.
we tend to hear the bad and let the compliments go over our heads.

I purposely have not checked the work in your gallery because, regardless of whether the work is to my liking, the "friend" who sent this comment to you behaved unbelievably poorly. In fact, it was mean and uncalled for.

I am sorry that she said this.

I would be upset for days (not because that is how I should react, but really, I know I would.)

Now, off to check out the work!

Ok, I checked out the wedding stuff.

I remember these when you posted them earlier. LOVE LOVE LOVE those treat boxes in particular. These items are lovely.

Ditch the friend, work for the restaurant! Hold your head up high!!!

Your work is beautiful! I agree with Joan!
Serena

I also agree with everything Joan said!

Sounds like she's just jealous....

Just ignore that type of ignorant stuff. Some people just don't know when to shut up.

I love that "paper cake" you made! Your friend is crazy, not to mention tactless!

She's not a friend!

Wow..Very harsh and not called for. Sharing work with someone is done in the spirit of friendship. Her comments were not constructive and harsh. I have received criticism on my work when it is asked for, or family and friends mention maybe to use a different color or something (when asked...). I did get my first negative and nasty comment on my blog recently. Someone complained my tags look alike and I should try doing better. I was floored, and the comment was left on my birthday of all days. Just mean. Please enjoy what you are doing, and I know your son is thrilled with the work you did and hope you don't let this prevent you from sharing. I did just pop over to see your work, and LOVE the wedding cake you made out of paper. I haven't tried anything like it and it is inspiring to me. (Love your studio too...oh my!) Remember, this is supposed to be fun and don't let someone be a wet blanket on your fun!

I agree with felixdog...she is NOT a friend! True friends care about their friends feelings and would never intentionally hurt them. She failed miserably at this.

I guess you have one less friend now. Just checked out the photos and you do beautiful work. Really great technique and obviously hours & hours of work put into these projects w great love for the bride and groom. Be happy and proud of what you contributed to their wedding celebrations.

I don't know you personally, but I have more regard for your feelings than your friend does. I don't know you and yet I would not say anything like that to you. After reading her comments, my heart hurts for you!

What your friend said compiles to many hurtful, cruel, digging words. If I were you, I would rethink the friendship. I would have to wonder if she has a serious underlying issue with you. Is she angry, jealous, annoyed, or trying to break off your friendship for some reason?

Her statements are so cutting:

1. " cute and folksy but just no sparkle. "
2. " In some of my crafting circles there are people who do papercrafting. Their work is amazing in terms of color,texture,and depth. Yours just looks like scrapbooking. "
3. " Hope you don't mind the honesty but this does not have the "bridal" quality. "
4. "I know how you enjoy this type of thing... keep working with it!"

Wow. Her words are beyond hurtful. Critical, hateful and mean -- I just can't understand her cutting loose on you like that.

I agree with whoever said to let this roll off of your back. Your work is beautiful, and I'm sure your son thought so! For every "style" there are those who like and those who don't. Tactfulness is everything when bringing constructive criticism to the table. I hope you continue to follow your own creative beat and not let anyone derail you.

From one fellow papercrafter to another, I have empathy for what you went through. {{{Hugs}}}

When did your friend become the expert on what "Bridal quality" should be. Your work is amazing!

Wow, your work is just beautiful. I wish I were half as talented as you are. The friend who said those things to you probably doesn't have a crafty bone in her body. You keep posting your stuff here because we sure appreciate all the work that went into what you did for your son's wedding. And I'm sure your son and new daughter loved what you did for them!

I am sorry she said these things to you...they were uncalled for and hurtful. But your work is darling and that cake especially is adorable. So sweet.

Some people just need to make themselves feel better by putting themselves into the "unsolicited advice" category, because they feel so superior. It's really too bad.

I would personally let her know that her unasked for "honesty" really was hurtful and uncalled for. You don't just have to take her input without giving some back and she should know how she impacts others when she does this. Kindly standing up for yourself is not a bad thing and might help give you closure. Hugs.

Oh my goodness, I can't believe someone who is supposed to be a friend would say such hurtful things! I would feel cut to pieces and feel like giving up my papercrafting but don't let this person ruin your hobby. They are NOT your friend and don't waste your precious time even replying - cut her off because you don't need people like that to pull you down because if it has happened once, it will happen again. Rise above it and keep going with your hobby. If the restaurant said such nice things about your work and is interested in you doing some work for them: GO for it! Don't feel put off or pressured that your work might not be good enough for them - your gallery speaks for itself!! Sending you some cyber {{{hugs}}} to help you feel better....

Like Neece said, my heart hurts for you. I think your work is beautiful, and I can see how much love you put into your son's wedding. Every crafter has their own style, some of us do cute well, some do elegant, some do vintage/shabby chic, we all have our own way of making our work ours.

Please don't let these remarks stop you from pursuing your hobby further, if the restaurant likes your work I think that compliment far outweighs the negativity from one person that you've received.

Like someone else mentioned, I would also send an email back to your "friend" and let her know how much she has hurt you. I would never let any of my friends off the hook for remarks like that.

Keep doing what you do, you do it well!

I am dumbfounded by this woman's hateful words. It makes me want to cry just reading them, and I can't even imagine saying something so awful to another human being. I haven't even looked at your work, because it's beside the point. Obviously it's good, or the restaurant owner would not have encouraged you. Your friend, however, is not okay. I think she must be suffering from some deep emotional pain or mental issue to be so cavalier with hateful words. Put her on your prayer list, she needs help.

Psst...I had a sneak through your gallery, and I think the wedding stuff was VERY cool!

I read the title of your post and thought "Depends how it's offered". I read the content of your post and my jaw nearly hit the floor. That's not crticism of your work, that's just hateful. I agree with Carla - it sounds like she has issues and needs help.

I'm so sorry you got spoken to this way but do try to focus on the reactions of people who actually saw and handled your work. The fact that the restaurant owner thought highly enough of it to ask you about working for other customers speaks volumes - people don't associate their businesses with just any old garbage, they have reputations to protect and this one obviously felt their reputation would be safe with you.

Have yourself a big inky hug, head for the stamp room and put your "friend" right out of your head.

Our mouse-mats in work have a couple of quotes at the bottom of them - the top part is mostly guidelines about coaching and working with people.
Anyway, one of the quotes is "Tread softly because you tread on my dreams". (WB Yeats,).
You shared your excitement with your friend and she trampled it into the dust. I'd be hurt too, and feel like crawling into a dark hole somewhere and hiding. I'm more of a believer that if you can't say something nice don't say anything. I did once have a comment that I thought was nice misinterpreted, so I try to be more careful about what I write- but there simply are no two ways of interpreting what your friend wrote.
I wouldn't like her to see some of the wedding cakes I have made which were most definitely not "sparkling" and "bridal", LOL, but were what the couple wanted.

The only thing I can agree with is keep on - said without that patronising tone that I would find in the email ;-). And keep on enjoying it - don't let her rob you of the pleasure you find in your papercrafting. Instead, feel affirmed by the interest the restaurant owner expressed in your work.

I am so mad! That takes some gall. My heart hurts for you so much right now. If she was standing in front of me I would give her a good cussing out.

She is just jealous, mean & petty. Nobody makes that type of comment unless she is envious. There is a criticism and then there is just downright mean. That is just a mean person.

I wouldn't even dignify her presence with an e-mail. I just drop her. I think if you say something to her she will just be setting at her computer with a big grin on her face all proud of herself she hurt you. I had people like that in my life and I know their game.

Hugs to you. Your work is beautiful. I loved everything. My favorites were the favors and cake. If I was a guest at the wedding I would have been oohing and aahing over everything.

I looked through your whole gallery. I loved your craft room. It's one of those rooms you walk into and it feel creative. You know the person who uses that room is over the top creative. I am not just saying that to make you feel better. I can always tell what kind of crafter or artist one is by her creative space.

I also noticed you had a lot of sparkle on your cards. I didn't see folksy. ;)

I can appreciate honesty and truthfulness. This friend did not write her note in that spirit. It was this sentence that proves it: "Yours just looks like scrapbooking." Her note was not meant to be informative. It was meant to diminish you. Just scrapbooking?! Has this person looked at scrapbooking in the past five years? It's a work of art! I equate "just scrapbooking" with "just a stay-at-home mom." You should write her back and say "Wow, my wedding contribution looks just like scrapbooking? Thank you so much! I'm flattered!" ;)

This "friend" is several states away, and not close enough to attend your son's wedding. Yep, you can cross her off the friend list. Hate to say this, but that may have been her intention with the note. She may be severing ties with her nastiness. Let her go. Better to have friends here that encourage and uplift you rather than friends several states away that bring you down.

Your projects are fabulous, the guests must have been thrilled with their goodies. You obviously worked hard on them and they turned out great. You friend was probably jealous, and that's no excuse for her words.

I have never had criticism of my work like that, but I have had toxic friends.

It was a little bit of a epiphany for me when I realized I could walk away from a toxic friendship.

I read your post and went to look at your gallery. Wow!!! I loved it!!! I loved the use of the knife and fork stamp set! How smart!!! I personally see it as very nice. The comment about sparkle made me wonder if she was talking about lack of "bling or shimmer". But then I read the other comments and she is just mean. I think your work is beautiful!!! I am sure you worked with the bride on these and it was the version that she wanted....what a nice thing to do and TONS of work!!!!! I would send her one with a tube of glitter dumped in the envelope just for spite!!!! LOL!!!!!

My cousin got married recently. Now keep in mind, my mother is a self appointed authority on what should and should not happen at a wedding. The save the date cards came, very arty very "today". Great picture of the couple-professional photographer on the beach in California. You get the picture. My mother turned up her nose. SAid that you couldn't see both of their faces in the picture and they weren't dressed up. They were, and who wants a mug shot for a photo??? First strike. Figured this should get interesting.
The invites came. They were VERY pretty. Used kraft paper and other accents- I thought they were beautiful and VERY modern. My mother hated them. They weren't white. She even told my Aunt (mother of the groom) that they weren't nice. OMG!!!
At the wedding- the menu was printed on similar kraft papers. Very pretty. My mother stuck up her nose. Seriously!!! I collected all the menus off of our table and keep them to upcycle them!!! LOL!!! Everyone was handing them to me! I have already reused some of the papers!!!
You can't satisfy people like that!! Trust me, one is my mother, I know!!! My mother told me that she didn't know why I scrapbooked....it was just paper, she just wanted to see the pictures. I have never made her anything I have made, not a card, not a mini scrapbook of her grandkids, nothing. I got the point, she doesn't like PAPER!!!! LOL!!!!

You need a new friend, one who doesn't need to insult you to feel better about herself. It sounds like sour grapes and jealousy to me. If one of my friends ever said that to me, she would be an ex-friend.

Westiemom, TBH I just got finished dealing with a "mean" relative (was still crying) when I came across your post. My advice, keep your beautiful crafting and ditch your alledged friend (unless there is a very good reason you can't).

My other advice is to treat her with kindness but let go of the friendship and put the onus of anything exceptional on her. You don't need to lower yourself to behaving as she does. That is not you and you need to be true to you.

BTW your work is beautiful. TBH I was envious when I saw it.

Michelle (binkiemonstermom) What a great example. I understand your mother! LOL My eldest graduated this Spring and we ordered traditional announcements because my DH is from England and they do things differently. I wanted his family to get the traditional invite with the two envelopes etc. However, if it hadn't been for that I probably would have done what most families did with the photo montage or made them!

OMG!!! I'm so sorry your “friend” was so very cruel. I looked at your things and thought they were lovely. I agree with Chickadeelodge, I would let this “friend” know how cruel you found her comments to be. I think it will help you feel better. I also love the quote that Cook22 offered, "Tread softly because you tread on my dreams" WB Yeats.” You know, you might want to consider including that in an email when you respond to that person.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

I want to say that I looked at your gallery and the cards and items that you made are wonderful and I agree with the others that this so called friend is not a real friend. I would attach this thread to a message and send it to this person and let her know that there are people who are real artists in there own rights who thinks that your work is amazing and that her opinion does not count. A true friend would give you constructive advise (not that it is needed in your case) and build you up instead of tearing you down. This is one person that I would take off my friend list. Keep up the great work and enjoy the work that you will get to do for the reastraunt and others who truly appreciate your talent.

OMG.....I can't believe a "friend" would say such things....you are so talented and made absolutely beautiful things for your son's wedding! I have 2 teenage boys and hope to be able to use my "paper craft" savvy someday for their weddings! Keep up the wonderful work, don't let your friend bring you down!

Wow. I thought this would be another post about a relative who doesn't "get" your hobby, or made the "too much time on your hands" comment, or something like that - which, to be honest, most of us have been-there-done-that.

That e-mail from your friend was just vicious. I haven't looked in your gallery, because whether I am drawn to your style or not doesn't matter. That is an e-mail that only a bitter, nasty person could have sent. I have words for people like that, but I can't use them here.

If the restaurant talked to you about doing something for other parties, THAT is HUGE!!! That's not even your new daughter in law trying to not hurt your feelings, or your mother who likes everything you do. You're talking about someone with no agenda other than liking your work and thinking that it would be impressive to their other customers. Soak that up and enjoy it!

Love the quote. Your gallery is terrific. As others have said, you have family support especially your new daughter-in-law and her family. I have two sons and hopefully if that someday ever comes I hope my "daughters" will allow me some crafty input. I would let "your friend" know her words did hurt you and keep her in your prayers.
Keep inspiring the rest of us!

That's how I would react as well.

You didn't ask for her opinion ... you asked her to share your joy.
I'm with Joan here.
And ... obviously the restaurant liked your work ... so go with it!

Now ... I want to see these pictures! Off to the gallery!

Two quick comments:

1. Your work is beautiful so don't let her comments get to you.
2. She's not your friend and it might be time to cut ties, just saying.

NO! Don't do this! Please don't give her access to ALL of our galleries and blogs! I don't want her coming around to my spots on the web and spilling her poison on me! Please leave your SCS friends out of this!

Your work is wonderful! I love all the projects you made for your sons wedding. Everything looks well made and coordinated. I have no idea what your "friend" was talking about. I agree with others just to let this friendship peter out....she doesn't seem very nice or supportive.

Continue to make great projects that please you (or your customers!!!) and enjoy the process.