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I talked with a friend today that is dying of cancer. She lives a great distance from me, but we have kept in touch over the years by phone, e-mail and infrequent visits. This vital woman no longer goes out and has lost a great deal of weight because she can't keep food down. I feel so helpless after our conversation today. I want to DO something for her, but what? I have never been in this situation before and I don't know if the only idea I was able to come up with is appropriate or not. I thought that I would send her a packet of cards for all occasions. I know that talking on the phone is tiring for her. I thought that with all of the other things her family is probably doing now, picking up a card for a birthday that she might want to acknowledge, or a thank you would not be something they would have time for. But perhaps even this idea presumes an energy level she does not possess. I have no idea. Please advise, I just don't know.
I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I think is it a lovely idea that you want to do something for her. And I think sending her a packet of hand made cards is lovely. I would suggest going a little bit farther, provided you have the time.
How about making and sending HER some kind of "Thinking of You" card each week? It does not always have to say "Thinking of You." It could just be "HI!" or not even have a message on the front. A short note from you on the inside would let her know you care. It might keep her spirits up to hear from you more often and by knowing that she can expect something in the mail.
Plus, if she keeps all your cards where she can easily see them, it will brighten her day each time she looks at them.
you are probably doing more than you realize by just being there and thinking of her.
I recently watched my mom die of cancer. In the last few months she was not in the frame of mind or health wise to do much but exist. the medicines and pain were very draining so I'm not sure your friend would be up to writing and sending cards (if that what you meant by sending her cards) BUT I do know that my mom did love the cards that she received in the mail so I think sending her a card a week or maybe even more would be a wonderful way to brighen her day that way even if she was REALLY to tired to do much of anything she would still know that you were thinking of her.
I'm no expert...just sharing what I found with my mom.
I just want to say that when I was going through chemo and all of my hospitalizations, getting cards in the mail meant the world to me. Just thinking of your friend enough to make her a card every week or so will mean the world to her. Visitors we great don't get me wrong, but sometimes I was just too tired to visit, but my cards always brought a smile to my face. I will be prayer for you and your friend.
My Mum has just gone through chemo and is now on the mend. The thing that she hated was other people's reaction .. or people she has known for years just ignoring her becuase they didn't know what to say whenthey noticed the 'chemo cap' as we called it. What I'm trying to say is don't ignore it, give her a quick ring every now and then (my Mum was often better earlier in the morning so i would call then and not in the arfternoon as she often napped).
I love the card idea, it's a lovely thought but don't forget to send HER the odd one too - which you're probably doing anyway - but that's something my Mum loved too.
All the best to your friend - I wish her a speedy recovery.
I am sorry to hear about your friend.I would say sending her a card as often as you can will mean the most to her. The smile it would put on her face will mean so much to her family also. If you need any help in making the cards for your friend just let us know! I would be glad to help.
I think offering to spend time with her whenever you can (and when she is up to it) may be helpful. If you're not able to, send things 'just because so she knows you're thinking of her often. You are a dear heart for wanting to help make things happier in her life right now. I hope she takes you up on whatever you can do for her - it will mean a lot.
__________________ Elaine ~ A_Place_For_Ink / Stamp Connoissuer A Place for Ink!
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. My mother passed away from cancer (Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma) and I can tell you that just getting a card from you would be wonderful for your friend. I don't know what it is, but when her friends found out that she had cancer, they stopped coming around. I think some people have a hard time dealing with seeing someone that sick. Though she didn't have the strength to even think about who wasn't coming around, I can tell you that a bouquet of peach roses and a card made her smile one day (sent from her best friend in WA state). I think the fact that you care so much and worry about her during this difficult time is so kind. As someone mentioned, I think you should send her a card every week. It's always nice to get something in the mail, especially from a friend or loved one. I'll keep your friend in my prayers.
__________________ Member of RAK, BRAK, & Soldiers' Angels (Ladies of Liberty & Cards Plus team) My Blog
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Having gone through chemo myself, I know I appreciated getting cards while in the hospital. When I got home, the cards mostly stopped coming and that made me a bit sad. You sound like a very good friend and will continue to send her cards to cheer her. Don't feel bad if you call and she isn't up to talking. It is hard to get back up to some kind of normal after chemo.
I will keep her and you in my prayers. Good friends like you are hard to come by. I cherish the friends that saw me through and are still with me.
first of all I am sorry about your friend. If you could swig it at all fly out to see her and have a private celebrate life lunch. even if you have to bring salads from a local diner to her home. i wish her comfort.
mischelle
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend! I recently had a friend pass away from cancer (melanoma). When he had to leave work because he was so sick, I started sending him a card a week. I now wish I could have sent more. He so looked forward to my cards. He called me once to tell me how he really liked them and was so appreciative we both were in tears. He passed away much quicker than we thought a card was in the mail to him when I was told he had passed away. Send cards you make to cheer her. She will absolutely love them and look forward to getting them! I was told after my friend passed away that when he saw an envelope with my return address, he would stop everything and open it to see it. It helped me deal with his passing too! So what you do helps the both of you!
Please include her address and many of us can send her a card too if you feel that might help too!
In one of the magazines, perhaps RubberStamper, it had a Chemo Kit. It was one of the 1 gal clear paint buckets that was filled with goodies to help someone thru chemo. I did a quick google search and there are lots of info about what goes into one of these kits and I bet you could probably alter the kit and add somethings she would enjoy.
Or perhaps a lovely journal where she can record her thoughts as she goes through this tragic journey - you could include the poem 'What Cancer Cannot Do"
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal eternal life
It cannot conquer the spirit.
I am so sorry for your friend and you. My prayers go to you both and your families.
So sorry to hear about your friend. I agree with others. Sending your friend a card a week is a wonderful idea. As much as she would probably like to have cards to send others, this is a time for her to concentrate on getting through this versus writing others. She probably is not able to get out much so a nice card in the mail would probably make her day. I think just knowing that someone is thinking about her and wishing her well would be a big boost to her spirits.
__________________ Martha
"When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life." Jean Shinoda Bolen
Yes, yes, send her lots of cards. Quite a few years ago, my mother had cancer and was ill for a long time before she passed away.
I had a dear friend who sent my mother lots of "store-bought" cards all through the months of her illness. She didn't even really know my mother, but wanted to do something nice because she was my friend.
My mother really loved getting the cards, which were always cheerful and pretty and usually said something about thinking of you, or sending you cheer.
This was way before scrapbooking became popular, but my mom asked me to get a photo album so she could keep the cards in it. We filled up the book with the cards my friend sent.
All these years later, I still have the album and am so touched that my friend took the time to send those cards that meant so much to my mom.
__________________ Bugga in OK
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." Dalai Lama
Hugs to you Jutta! A card would be wonderful, and maybe a photo of you? She might appreciate "seeing" you again and hopefully it would give her warm memories to re-live while she's resting.
First, let me say that I am so sorry to hear about your friend's diagnosis. Just like many others on here, I too have been touched by cancer (not myself but my dad and my aunt). What a wonderful friend you are to want to reach out and do something for her! I think what all to often happens is people don't know what to say so they just don't say anything at all. I really urge you to talk to her about the things that she loves, that you love and the things that brought you togther as friends.
I think sending her a card and maybe a small package of something she enjoys (maybe a coffee or tea, a movie/DVD, a good book or magazine) would be more then sufficient! I don't know if anyone hass suggested putting together some photos of you and her, or of her family in a scrapbook form. It doesn't need to be ellaborate or expensive, it's the memories that count! This idea comes from a book that was given to my aunt, Jan, when she was dying of Ovarian Cancer at the age of 32. Her co workers took photos of themselves around the office and then wrote mini paragraphs beneath them about how much they missed her and things just weren't the same without her there! They even had the local McDonald's hold up a "We Miss You Jan" sign that they photographed and included in her book. This was done back in 1986 - I was only 8 at the time she died, she was my godmother, my second mom. I still have that book they made and every now and then I like to look through it to remind me of how much she was loved and apprecieated!
Your time means everything, my aunt died but my dad is a survivor! Cherish every moment that you can with her and let her know how you feel about her. There's no better time to do that then the present!
My thoughts and prayers are with you all in your time of need!
__________________ Jennifer
To the world you may just be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
If your friend is home someone is taking care of her. That person needs to be recognized and have something done for them. Possibly provide a meal for the caregiver even though your friend can no longer eat food. Caregiving is difficult and takes a lot out of a person physically and emotionally. My prayers go out to your friend and her family.
I, too, have a friend dying of cancer and it was very disheartening for her not to be able to make and send out cards for Christmas. She was in the hospital for 5 weeks, from right before Thanksgiving to the Friday before Christmas. She tried to make cards several months ago, but it just tired her out too much.
About a month before her [unplanned] hospitalization, I made 50 Christmas cards and gave them to her early with postage stamps, thinking she'd have plenty of time to work on signing them and getting them out. That plan did not work out, but her husband was able to send out a card whenever one was sent to them, simply by copying the return address. I know they both appreciated it.
My friend has received many cards during her illness and she especially cherishes the handmade ones.
I think your idea of sending her all-occasion cards is lovely! If you include a sentiment on the inside, all she'll have to do is sign it and mail it out.
I am so sorry for your friend. My best friends mom has recently been battling breast cancer, so I made a pack of cards for her. Each one of them had the same sentiment "Thank you for your prayers and encouragement". I knew she had a lot of close friends praying for her and encouraging her in many ways and I just wanted to help her with a nice way to thank them. She never did really say if she liked them... but I thought it was a good idea ... at the time.
I would like to suggest sending her cards frequently and enclosing a quote, funny story, joke or riddle in them. Years ago my Dad was in the Navy and was hurt while they were docked in Italy. My mom bought some cards for me to send. Each card had a riddle inside and on the back of the card was the answer to the riddle before it. They were silly children's riddles but my dad really looked forward to each card. They brightened his day and let him know we were thinking of him.
A few years back, I had a co-worker going through cancer treatments. I used this website (http://www.brownielocks.com/january.htm) for ideas to send different cards. This website lists a holiday for everyday. Did you know today is "Answer Your Cat's Questions" day?
Also, I would suggest sending postage stamps if you can. Then, she won't need to rely on anyone else if she wants to surprise someone with one of your cards.
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I am so sorry about your friend.
When I was taking chemo and radiation, I had a few friends who kept in touch through e-mail and phone calls. Those who lived close by made food often. I received over 500 cards....isn't that amazing? I appreciated each and every one. One ladies Bible class (I had never visited or even met anyone from that group) had me on their prayer list and sent a card every week. I wonder if she could be put on a prayer list from a church close to her....I BELIEVE in prayer. They could also send her cards. On the days that I was having a treatment, someone from my congregation was praying for me every 15 minutes. I still have that sign up sheet and carry it in my Bible.
One particularly kind friend made me a tape. She read from the Bible and sent it to me. She knew I wasn't able to go to church and how much that bothered me. It was comforting and so sweet of her. I knew she cared and I was touched that she took the time to do this.
I think your idea is very thoughtful. I remember someone offering to decorate my tree for me at Christmas. How nice! Everyone is different, but I think that showing that you care is the most important thing. She probably doesn't feel like having visitors anyway. I also think telling her...just like you told us, is important. You can't do anything about her cancer. You can show her that you love her. You sound like a good friend and really caring person. I believe you will help her with your compasion and caring. Where would we all be without that?
A good friend of mine passed away from breast cancer last fall after a long battle. She was 36...her kids are the same age as mine. Anyway what she really appreciated were the cards and things for the kids! Of course she liked when people stopped to visit and sent her hearfelt thoughts and cards, but she really liked knowing that her children were being thought of. It was harder for her to think about them than herself. I bought her daughters a pile of scrapbooking supplies for when they decided to go through their mom's photos. I was able to visit her, as she was only 3 hours away, but I still sent cards to her and her family. Speaking of which...I should do one now before I forget. Her family needs support still!
Anyway, even if there aren't kids, definitely do as the others suggest...sending cards is great because they can look at it over and over on their time. Still phone calls, even if VERY SHORT, are great too.
She will definitely appreciate ANYTHING you do!
__________________ Cher No longer stamping...on to bigger things.
I had to write back and tell all of you who responded how very much I appreciated your kind words. I cried as I read your sweet, caring replies to my post. I cried for my friend, whose life will be so cruelly cut short. I cried for her husband, her daughter, and her adorable grand-daughter. And, selfishly, I must admit I cried for me too. I don't want to lose her.
I have decided to send cards frequently and call a few times a week for now. I don't know if I will go to see her (she lives 8.5 hours away), but I will stay in touch with her and let her know how close I hold her in my heart.
I don't know what to do.....
