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Old 10-28-2005, 11:20 PM   #1
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What is going on with me?

I am up and down, up and down, emotionally. It seems everynight, I seem to get horribly depressed. I am just so low, I can't stamp, I can't do anything. I AM keeping house and being a good mom, etc. But inside, I am just feel terrible. There is a lot of financial stress right now, but I feel that there is so much more. I take a little "help" at night, but I don't know if its working. I am stuck at home alot and have been having to watch other peoples kids, I am going to go back to school in January, and I am a NERVOUS wreck! I am just worried and anxious, stuck, gaining weight, poor and just mad at my husband, mad at the world, mad at everything.

I am happy sometimes, but it doesn't seem fulfilling. I feel stuck inside this house and feel like I can't get out. The weather is changing and getting colder and I wonder if that is part of it.

I feel like I am not "keeping" up with everything I want and feel I am supposed to do.

I have two kids in school right now and my 3 and a half year old daughter is so clingy and jealous of anyone who takes any of my affection. I feel like my life is getting sucked out of me.

I have barely had a chance to do anything, much less check in here at SCS. I just can't seem to get over this "hump".

These highs and lows seem strange, and I don't know why at the end of the day I just feel so down.
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Old 10-28-2005, 11:33 PM   #2
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Wink Hope this helps

First and foremost, get out of the house WITHOUT the kids!!!! Even if it's for a cup of coffee. I started going thru a similar situation, I felt "stuck" and was angry at everyone but as soon as I realized I am a valuable person and needed to keep my needs and sanity in mind, it got a little better.

As far as going back to school, this is a HUGE committment and can be very overwhelming and scary...just take one day at a time, don't think in terms of homework, test, studying, etc. Think, I can't wait for the first day of school and all the exciting things I will learn, everything else will fall into place.

Have you discussed all of this with your hubby? The whole situation and the severity of it?

I assume that the "help" you take at bedtime is Dr perscribed (I hope I didn't offend you with that comment) but at this point you don't need any other hurdles.

I hope I was a little bit of help...if you'd like to talk more feel free to PM me.
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Old 10-28-2005, 11:38 PM   #3
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Default re: anxiety

yes, the "help" is doctor prescribed. It starts with a p and is 20 mg. I have NO IDEA if its a big dose or what. Or even what it is supposed to do! I am kind of embarrassed to talk about it. It helps me sleep at night at least without waking up a MILLION times to go to the bathroom. Only two or three at least.

I need to get out of the house, and I am not doing it. School is a way for me to "get out". I am 30 and need some time for myself. I am worrying if I am just creating more stress for myself as a busy mother of three. more later...-H
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Old 10-28-2005, 11:43 PM   #4
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Well, you certainly have alot going on in your life. It's no wonder you are feeling depressed. But talking and venting does help. Is there a pastor or someone else you trust that you can talk to?

I went through a similar "phase" at one point in my life and it was VERY difficult. And it was depression for me. I was in a abusive marriage, and I had just been diagnosed with RA and FM. That's when I took up stamping. I took a class on a whim (by myself!) and I was hooked. Stamping is my haven- the place where I go when life sucks!

The only thing I can advise, is to talk talk talk about it. Find out if it is depression or you are just having a hard time. There IS a difference, and there are ways to help you cope with either one!

Sending hugs your way! Marlene
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Old 10-29-2005, 06:38 AM   #5
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I can tell you that I have been exactly where you are. Talk to your doctor about changing your meds. What he has you on may not be the right one for you. The last time I went through depression my dr. put me on Lexapro and it worked wonders. There are so many different meds for depression and sometimes it takes trying different ones. If after 3-4 weeks on the meds you don't feel any better or you feel worse then it maybe time to try something different.

Trust me when I say that taking medication for this is nothing to be ashamed of. I know it is hard but once you find the right medication it will get better. I have been treated twice for depression. The first time I didn't even realize that was what was wrong with me. The second time I knew what was happening and it was way worse than the first time I experienced it.

Keep the faith and I promise it will get better.
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Old 10-29-2005, 11:11 AM   #6
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*HUGS*
I don't really have any advice for you, but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
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Old 10-29-2005, 01:10 PM   #7
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If you're still feeling this way (or worse) with meds, get back in to see your doc. Tell him that it's not working right. Ask for something different. There are lots of prescription drugs out there for depression that are better than Prozac (imo, no offense to anyone intended). Ask about Lexapro or Effexor. DO get some time for yourself. Swap sitting with a friend or someone at church for a morning or afternoon each week. When her kid is at your house, your clingy one will have someone other than you to interact with. Chances are, your little one is picking up on your stressed vibes and is acting out on that. Your free time doesn't have to cost you anything. You could drive to the mall and just walk around. Exercise is great for depression----releases all of those good endorphins. And if you have insurance, find out about getting some therapy, or look for a local support group that you can attend. All the medicine in the world won't help if you're unhappy in your marriage and you don't have anyone to talk to. For me, it really heps me to go help others. Volunteering always helps me to put things into better perspective. But you should find what works for you.

{{{{HUGS}}}} I'm really sorry that you're feeling so bad right now. Hang in there and don't forget to pray.

CALL FIRST THING ON MONDAY AND GET INTO YOUR DOCTOR!
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Old 10-29-2005, 03:08 PM   #8
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}

My heart goes out to you at this time. Everyone's suggestions about seeing the doctor again are great.

And PLEASE don't be embarrassed to discuss what you are taking. Mental health is the most important type of health care there is. If your regular physician cannot help you, by all means go to a psychiatrist. They are best capable of screening for depression. No one will think bad of you for doing so. You must take responsibility for your own health and happiness.

It is truly amazing how depression medications can turn things around.

May I also suggest lots of prayer and read the Bible - inspirational books (not self-help) like Chicken Soup for the Soul.

I've had SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) for many years. This is the time of year when it used to hit me really bad before I sought treatment. I live in Wisconsin and you know our weather here in Fall and Winter leaves much to be desired.

Big Hug, and If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me.
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Old 10-29-2005, 03:28 PM   #9
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This is basicly a repeat of what others have said.
First, I send you lots of HUGS!
Second, give yourself a break. You are a busy mom & you are doing so much for so many. Take some time for yourself. I know it can be hard. But even getting out for a walk can really help.
Third, I would consider the fact that you may be suffering from some depression and/or anexity. I agree w/ what others have said. Ther is a website and the name is something like depressionhurts.com. Anyway, take their survey and then call your Dr. Some of what you are feelling can just be needing more seraton (sp.?) or some other hormone. Taking B-vitamin and getting exercise is supposed to help. That wasn't enough for me so I tried Lexapro and now I am taking Flouxetine (a generic Prozac) and boy what a difference in me! All I can really say is thank goodness we live in a time where there are so many options for us!
I wish you good luck. I'm sure you are a wonderful and valuable person who deserves the best from life!
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Old 10-29-2005, 06:00 PM   #10
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I hear you.My heart goes out to you - It is good to vent here! But -It is important to get out of the house- It is good to get things off your chest so talk to someone.- About the meds- A little is okay- But take care that they do not mask what you need to feel ,or to say. I think strong meds stop you from getting to the heart of what your feeling, If you need to go to school enjoy it, be kind to yourself.You are not alone and are a special lady! Your feelings may get out slowly, but they need to get out to the surface. Take care!
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Old 10-29-2005, 09:29 PM   #11
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Did your doc check you for diabetes? Are you on the pill? Both of those things can have an effect on your mood. I went off the pill and had some relief, but I take lexapro and I love it. I was on celexa for awhile, but had some side effects. My doc suggested lexapro and it has made a big difference. I think my depression comes from unchecked anxiety. lexapro helps both. Hang in there and keep asking questions and working with your doc to find what works for you.
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Old 10-30-2005, 01:25 AM   #12
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Default Depression Rears its ugly head

Hey numbe one you said something is NOT RIGHT so you are halfway [email protected] give yourself a pat on the back. You are getting these responses cause this story sounds all too familiar to way too many of us. Depression has way too many causes and symptoms and "names" but most of what you describe that kind of feeling like you can't get out of your own way rings all too true.

Talk to your dr!! your current medication maybe need to be changed to a different one or a different dose. I am also a big advocate of psychotherapy to get at what is going on underneath all the external "stuff" . To me therapy keeps you honest ===kind of like going to the gym -sure you Could exercise at home but Would you really? So I was in therapy for a lot of years before I accepted any pharmaceutical assistance and then how amazing o let them work together.
Last year I discovered the tanning bed when I was gettign ready to go to Jamaica and behold I thought it was the excitement of leaving the cold and snow but that light therapy stuff really works! (the year before during a bad spell I had ott lighted my whole house) So that is a pretty cheap and non invasive self care thing you can do too.


good luck and also you might mention to your dr any (or any other ) hormonal issues you are having. for me a lot of this started in my early thirties and had a definite hormonal connection. So it is interesting to note at any rate and get the help you need whether it is extra help at home or changing meds or coming and talkign to us..

hang in

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Old 10-30-2005, 01:49 PM   #13
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Just want to say, hang in there. I have no idea what to say except seek help, make sure you get out a little bit to spend some time on yourself. That phase where the kids are very little can be trying even under the best of circumstances, it seems they are NEVER going to grow beyond whiny, clingy, needy, etc. Then they get to be teenagers and a whole new set of issues develop . . . .

Hang in there, hang in there. Look for a women's bible study maybe, where they provide child care and you can go interact with other adults.

Take your vitamins and eat right, honestly, this can help out a lot with your mood.
Living in the Midwest, I also struggle with SAD, hits me after winter is over and early Spring is here, but I am telling you that other than the extra hour of sleep I got last night, I don't look forward to changing our clocks.
Hugs,
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Old 10-30-2005, 04:11 PM   #14
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I understand being overwhelmed and feeling like things are getting away from you. Not having the ME time that you need can really bring you down too. I work full time, take the kids to day care, pick them up, run my daughter to all of her activities, try to keep the house up, try to spend quality time with my kids, and do all all the balancing of the finances. There is just not time enough in a day to get it all done. I have a busy head on top of it so I am constantly thinking about what I need to do for the day, what I did, what I didn't get done, what I need to do tomorrow. My doctor put me on Lexapro and it was a lifesaver. It doesn't solve the problems, but it seems to control all the craziness that goes on my head when I try to go to sleep at night. Just getting enough sleep can help too! Just remember, things always work out in the end, just hang in there!

Heather
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Old 10-30-2005, 04:30 PM   #15
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Just so you know, 20 mg. is a very low dose. You may need to talk to your doctor about upping your dosage, if this is something you think that you want to do.

I have chemical depression, my mom is bi-polar, and all of my siblings have depressive issues, so do 3 of my 4 kids(youngest is too young to tell yet).

I was on the full dose of Zoloft for about 6 months, with a secondary prescription of Disipramene for panic attacks and PMS. I weaned myself off of them and onto herbal stuff--I don't like taking chemicals!

Getting out of the house helps depression. Even if you have to take your kids, it still helps. It's also the last thing you want to do when you are majorly depressed! Make yourself do it--leave the house for at least 1/2 an hour every 2-3 days. It will help more than you know!!!!

A complex B vitamin will also help--it promotes the production of Seratonin in the brain--which is your 'feel happy' brain chemical. I would also highly recommend being on a multi-vitamin.

You also have to force yourself to do things that you enjoy. Like stamping, reading, going for a walk, having a bath, etc. It will be forced and hard to do, but the more you do it, the easier and more fun and relaxing it becomes.

I spent 2 years being suicidal every day. It's not fun, don't let it get to that. I know it sucks seeking medical help, but it does help and that's why it's there! Your kids love you, and so does your hubby, and believe me--THEY WANT YOU THERE WITH THEM, SO STOP BEING ASHAMED AND SEEK HELP!!!! Keep bugging your doctor until you start feeling better. It can take a couple of months sometimes to get on the right dosage, or to find alternative treatments that work better.

I know it doesn't seem like it, but things will get better. Keep talking about it, it helps!

Oh, and just accept the crazy--it's a whole lot easier when you do!!!
Jen
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Old 10-30-2005, 04:52 PM   #16
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First of all, none of this is your fault...and not in your control--so don't be embarrassed. There are so many people who struggle with depression and/or anxiety. They're a chemical imbalance and can be helped--It just takes working with your doctor to get the correct medication and dosage. You can feel better...and will...once you get the kinks worked out! Good luck!
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Old 10-30-2005, 05:29 PM   #17
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You are so not alone. You are getting some good advice here. I don't believe in things like "things always work out for the better" or "God never gives us more than we can handle" -- and I don't say that disrespectfully to those who believe in those things, I just don't buy it. You have to be a fighter....

Things sometimes do not work out, which is why YOU have to seize what little control you feel right now and make sure you get the help you need and deserve. Depression is as much a disease as diabetes or cancer. In all likelihood, you need medication change/adjustment and psychotherapy and you need some lifestyle changes. It is all just so overwhelming right now, so focus on getting a good doctor who can help you. Then one step at a time. Best wishes!!!!
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Old 10-30-2005, 09:00 PM   #18
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Sweetheart,

You are describing what many busy mothers go through. I know this only because I began to share my story with other moms at playgroup and M.O.P.S. (mothers of preschoolers). To my surprise many other moms were having the same symptoms and feelings. Boy, talk about the best kept secret among moms.

After having my girls (ages 3 and 5) I took was feeling very depressed. I was on Paxil (yucky side effects), Zoloft (made my hair fall out) and finally Lexapro (virtually no side effects). I feel soooo much better and have for years now.

Occasionally, when I have a lot going on (in your case, financial as you mentioned), I begin to feel overwhelmed and the depression begins, But that's when I recognize that I need to cut back on the things that are stressing me out.

It is very very important that you TAKE time for yourself alone (no kids, no husband) and do something for yourself. It may seem unnatural at first, but just give yourself a push and get out to do something you enjoy. Once a week is not a suggestion, it's a MUST. Afterall, you are a busy lady with three children. That's quite a lot of work.

Your husband's support is vital for you to get through this, but I agree with everyone else that getting in to talk to your doctor is very important. You will begin to feel better. Please, please don't feel embarrassed. As I said, you are not alone.

I like the one suggestion that you could invite a friend over who has a little one to play with your 3 year old. Then you can chat and she will have a playmate. If you don't already belong to a playgroup, check into it. It's really a lot of fun for moms and kids.

As far as beginning school (just to get out); well, at this point, I would suggest taking care of you first. I'm not sure what your goals are, but you could maybe begin school with just one class (or two) and then ease your way in until your feeling your old chipper self again.

I know when my husband is out of town for an entire week, I am definitely overwhelmed. I don't mind so much when he's gone for 2-3 days, but a week is killer. It's very stressfull. So I can understand your feeling stressed and depressed.

Hugs to you. Please take care of yourself. You are the only one you, your kids and your husband have; so take care of you first.

Michelle

P.S. You and your husband need to go out on a date at least once a month together. Swap babysitting favors with another friend (no babysitting fees). You will really see a difference.
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Old 11-01-2005, 12:54 AM   #19
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Hey there, you are totally not alone!

I am a SAHM of 3 kids and a military spouse who is often not home! So I know how you feel.

Don't feel bad for having to take the extra "help" if it helps, why not. I tell you, I worked in an office of 60 women and I swear at least 1 woman in each office was on some kind of antidepressants. I was so shocked! You never know who is on them. It's ok!!

Have you had your thyroid checked?? Oh boy, let me tell you I was hypOthyroid for years before I knew what the hell was wrong with me! It affects sooo much and if you don't recognize the symptoms right away as being thyroid, you will look at them individually and brush them off. You know how I found out I had Thyroid problems?? I was watching the Morning Show and they listed every symptom I had and described how someone feels with it and my jaw just dropped! Since discovering it and getting my blood tested regularly, life is SO much better!! So there may be a medical underlying cause of all this that you might not know about that is adding to your stress.

Do get with some girlfriends for a mom's night out. I started a group when we were stationed in Germany. It was a blast!! We would get together once a month and bring covered dishes to the volunteer house that month and we'd chat, have mixed drinks, and play gift exchanges and laugh our hineys off until 1 or 2 am!! I tell you, it saved many of us from depression because we had that outlet. I even had one friend say it saved her marriage her DH was never home either.

You'll get your groove back, you've just got to get an outlet for the steam and then you'll feel much better. You can't be a good mom, wife, & person if you don't love yourself too!!
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Old 11-02-2005, 07:44 PM   #20
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I can certianly understand where you are in your life. I am 34 and have 4 kids and a soon ex hubby. A few years ago, I was so depressed that I went to the dr.--funny it takes getting so down before we do anything for just ME- any way I have a thyriod disorder. Mine is DEAD. It makes me feel so bad about me and everything around me. I get the super cabin fever feeling and that the world is against me feelings. Have a complete blood work done up and ask for the thyriod testing. My prayers are with you. And do get out ofr a walk if you can. take the stroller if need be and let the little on ride. At least you will get some fresh air. Ultimately though, get out by yourself! Taishea
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