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Old 08-23-2007, 05:43 PM   #1
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Default Unwritten School Carpool rules?

I have a silly question...is there some sort of unwritten carpool rule (which if there is, no one told me about) that dictates that you continue with the same carpool, year after year regardless of changed circumstances?

Here's the situation...three years ago my son and several other neighborhood kids (all of whom lived within 5-10 minutes of each other) changed schools and lost busing, so we formed 2 different carpools. In my son's carpool was DS, 1 child from family A, and 2 children from family B-total of 4 kids. The other carpool was 1 child from family C and 3 siblings from family D. Last year over the Christmas holdiay the Family B (2 kids) moved 2 neighborhoods over, equi-distant from the school as us, but in the opposite direction, meaning that when I did the AM pick up I actually drove the 15 minutes to the street school was on, then another 15 minutes to their house and then back to school. Since the carpool was already established for the year I agreed to continue picking up these 2 kids (however in order to co9tinue getting to work on time, I now had to leave my house 15-20 minutes earlier each moning).

Fast forward to this summer...in my carpool, for various reasons, Family A (1 kid in my car pool) decided to drop out of car pool completely. In addition, the family w/ 3 kids had one graduate and no longer going to same school. If no changes had been made one carpool would now have 3 kids, all of whom live within 5 minutes of each other, and I would have only had my son from the neighborhood and would have been expected to drive 20-30 minutes to pick up the other two who moved out of the neighborhood.

Well the other carpool ask me if I want to join with them. I jumped at the chance- it saves me gas money and time in the morning since everyone lives within 5 minutes of each other.

Last night, the night before school starts, the other mom calls and asks me if I'm still planning on picking up her two children (BTW she already knows that the other child has dropped) I told her that I was going with the other carpool since everyone was much closer. She then gets all huffy and says something along the line of "So you're kicking Suzie and Johhny out of carpool?!" I was kinda shocked, I didn't kick anyone out of a carpool, I just joined a different group-the orginal carpool simply dissolved.

I got the distinct impression that she doesn't care that her children are no longer in the neighborhood and expects me to drive the etra 20-30 minutes every AM to pick her children up. Now she's trying to make me feel guilty. WTH? Did I do something wrong? Was I obligated to continue with this carpool year after year even though she choose to move out of the neighborhood? Any why am I the bad guy and not the other family who dropped out first?
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Old 08-23-2007, 05:53 PM   #2
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lol You make me happy my kids will be bused!

I would say let the other lady get over it! She's the one who moved away and I don't think with the price of gas here that I would have driven out of MY way as long as you did! If the shoe was on the other foot I'm sure she would of dropped you like a smelly sock!
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Old 08-23-2007, 05:54 PM   #3
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For what it's worth, I don't think you're the bad guy at all.

First of all, why would she wait til the night before school to assume that you were still doing the carpool?

Secondly, why would she assume that you have no problem wasting time and gas money to pick her kids up when they are out of the way?

Thirdly, have they made NO friends in their new subdivision to create a new carpool?

Just my thoughts , tho I am a bit grumpy tonight

I just do it all on my own, so I'm only responsible for my own kids. Easier that way.
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Old 08-23-2007, 06:03 PM   #4
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For what it's worth, I don't think you're the bad guy at all.

First of all, why would she wait til the night before school to assume that you were still doing the carpool?

Secondly, why would she assume that you have no problem wasting time and gas money to pick her kids up when they are out of the way?

Thirdly, have they made NO friends in their new subdivision to create a new carpool?

Just my thoughts , tho I am a bit grumpy tonight

I just do it all on my own, so I'm only responsible for my own kids. Easier that way.
1. I wondered the same thing myself

2. I guess because I did for the second half of last school year.

3. In her defense on this one, our kids all go to a catholic grade school which is not in either neighborhood-I assume that the kids in her new subdivision go to either the neighborhood public school or the neighborhood catholic school (which is not the same catholic school her kids attend)

4. I wish I could just drive my own, but as a working mom with a demanding job, I simply cannot leave work in time for a 3:30 pick up and DS at age 13 (8th grade) is really too old for the school's latchekey program.
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Old 08-23-2007, 06:10 PM   #5
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I was trying to figure out why you were doing ALL the driving! but apparently you do the am and the other mom does the pm? Not that it matters.

I don't blame you for wanting to switch and keep your car pool local. With gas prices what they are (crazy in my state)...

I wonder if you could have called to let her know after you received and accepted the invitation? Just a thought.

Hopefully there will be Someone from the school all your kids attend who is a bit closer to the other family, even if not in the same neighborhood.
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Old 08-23-2007, 06:15 PM   #6
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I was trying to figure out why you were doing ALL the driving! but apparently you do the am and the other mom does the pm? Not that it matters.

I don't blame you for wanting to switch and keep your car pool local. With gas prices what they are (crazy in my state)...

I wonder if you could have called to let her know after you received and accepted the invitation? Just a thought.

Hopefully there will be Someone from the school all your kids attend who is a bit closer to the other family, even if not in the same neighborhood.
I admit that I probably should have given her a courtsey call, but since her and the other mom are close friends and other mom knew about the change I assumed she also know. Goes to show you that you should never assume.

As for the driving, I volunteered to do all of the AM and let the others split the PM since I can't do the PM. Also, when we first started the AM was also split and I hated waiting around for the others to arrive so that I could leave for work, plus I couldn't seem to keep straight what day was not mine so I volunteered to do all the AM.
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Old 08-23-2007, 07:20 PM   #7
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My guess is that she's feigning indignation. She probably already knew that you joined the other carpool & hadn't bothered to try to make other arrangements. It sounds like she doesn't want to bother with driving her own kids. I wouldn't expect someone to drive OUT OF THEIR WAY to come get my kids. She was trying to use some of that infamous Catholic guilt on you!
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Old 08-24-2007, 05:44 AM   #8
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If there's room, could the huffy lady bring her kids to YOUR house by the time you leave to take your son for the morning routine pickup? Let her figure out the pm dropoff, since you are not picking up. That way she is still part of it but YOU don't have to drive out of your way to pick up her kids. Sounds like she wants her cake & to eat it too. What part of carpooling does she contribute to?
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Old 08-24-2007, 05:55 AM   #9
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As someone who has just started driving her child to private school, I can say I have no desire to carpool for this reason. Unless the child is in your neighborhood or on the way to the school why would you want to drive past the school to pick someone up! And if the other mother can't figure that out, she needs help. There are some kids we could carpool with but I would have to drive away from the direction of the school and then come back. It would add 15 or 20 minutes to the trip. You carpool so you spend less time in the car, not more. Maybe a courtesy call to say you don't plan on carpooling anymore, but beyond that you were justified in what you did. She should thank you for having gone out of your way for all those days last year!!
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Old 08-24-2007, 06:03 AM   #10
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. It sounds like she doesn't want to bother with driving her own kids. I wouldn't expect someone to drive OUT OF THEIR WAY to come get my kids.

AGreed! I think she should have been the one to offer to bow out of the carpool as she was the one putting extra driving/time on the others.

Perhaps a phone call from you when you decided to go with the other carpool would have been helpful to her. But either way she's wrong to expect you to drive so far out of the way.

Carpooling is suppose to make it easier to travel for those living relatively close. Her kids being in that group defeats the purpose.
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Old 08-24-2007, 06:48 AM   #11
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You didn't do anything wrong, so forget about it. Yeah, you should have probably called and told her that you were changing carpools, but done is done.

SHE should have called and asked if you guys were still doing the carpool too.

It is unrealistic for her to expect you to drive 20 minutes out of your way to pick up her kids. I don't care that you did it last year--that was a courtesy because she moved part way through the year. Sorry, but she is a grown-up and should have thought of how moving would affect her kids school, and carpools. Not your responsibility.
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Old 08-24-2007, 07:13 AM   #12
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Unless the people in the original carpool had said it would be continued this year, then there is no basis for her outburst. It was rude of her to call the night before. Anyone in their right mind would have called at least a couple of weeks inadvance to confirm carpool arrangements for the year.

Let it go. Sometimes it's easier to throw blame on someone else. You happened to be a convenient target. If she's a decent person, she'll let it go too.
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Old 08-24-2007, 07:38 AM   #13
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That's just what happens when you move away from the pack. You did nothing wrong. Carpooling is suppose to make life more convenient, not the other way around.
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Old 08-24-2007, 09:29 AM   #14
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My kids are so walking to school this year (and I'm walking with them, but hey, I need the exercise). I was a carpool mom for a year, and it worked great, but I wouldn't expect someone to drive out of their way to get my kids.
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Old 08-24-2007, 03:43 PM   #15
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Nope - this mom is being unreasonable. As a general rule carpools are "re-upped" year to year. She's just being a P.I.T.A. (Pain In The . . . ) - I've had a few of those over the years . . . ugh!
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Old 08-24-2007, 03:46 PM   #16
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Quote:
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Goes to show you that you should never assume.
reminds me of the classic Odd Couple episode, teehee
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