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-   -   How long after divorce? (https://www.splitcoaststampers.com/forums/family-matters-f64/how-long-after-divorce-t558514.html)

stampinmomnh 07-31-2012 08:44 AM

How long after divorce?
I know it varies on the people involved, but how long did u wait to get into a serious relationship after you divorced? I feel like I'm ready and it's been 6 months, but the relationship was over way before. Everyone else is like take time......any advice?

EHeeger 07-31-2012 09:21 AM

I think that if you feel ready...Get out there!!! Just be cautious, there's a lot of crazies out there these days.

Leeann34 07-31-2012 11:24 AM

I agree, the best time is when you're ready. Just be aware that people talk but so what? Take your time and enjoy life.

stamper1996 07-31-2012 01:26 PM

It took several years for me, but the end of my marriage was sudden and unexpected, so I had a lot to work through.

If you feel you are ready, that's all that matters. Stick your toe in the water and see how it feels. If it doesn't feel right, step back and take a little more time.

bmbutler 08-01-2012 08:21 AM

Dr. Joy Brown recommends one year.

msp.crafter 08-01-2012 06:40 PM

I feel it depends on when your heart has healed and you can welcome trust and love into your life again. There is no time limit. It depends on the individual who enters your life and how long your marriage was truly over. Anyone who is divorced knows when that moment occurred. Go for what feels right for you. You have nothing to lose. You never know what could be now. I am giving this advice being married to my second husband who is my soul mate and world. I was married for seven years before to my high school sweetheart. Its your time to be happy...go for it.

HappyStamper79 09-15-2012 01:55 PM

My advice to you is to do what feels right to you. It varies with everyone. I started dating very soon after it was all said and done...I felt that was right for me. I had felt my relationship was over 3 years prior so I was excited to get out there again. About 4 months after that I started dating one man who has now become the love of my life. Best of luck in what you decide to do.

muddy otter 09-30-2012 12:55 PM

I'd agree that when you feel right is probably the right time. I like the advice someone gave me of making no serious changes for a year. But I think it's a bit like advice on dating after someone passes away. I think if the relationship was distant and in terrible shape for a long time, you may have emotionally gone through a lot of the loss far longer before things were legally final.

My divorce was final this past month after a 17-month separation and I don't feel ready yet but I know that's me, and who know's what I'll feel in 6 months? It's been a roller coaster over the last 2 1/2 years.

The only guess I'd make is that you'd probably be in the strongest position to move forward once you've kind of sorted through your feelings about the end of the marriage--and gained some confidence about what you'd want to be differently next time. One thing I learned going through therapy for issues with my family is that it can be easy to get sucked into things that feel familiar emotionally. If you see a pattern there, or similarities between family issues and marriage issues, might be worth looking at those common factors a bit, and keep a healthy amount of self-awareness and skepticism moving forward. I know I'm still probably a little too keyed up on the skepticism end to relax just at the moment.

That being said, very warmest wishes for every happiness, whenever you're ready, and for confidence and joy in moving ahead! :-)

babygoofus 10-02-2012 07:14 PM

I started dating fairly quick after I left my ex husband. I had know the guy for 12 or so years previous. I was very comfortable with him and at the time, it just felt right. I learned after the fact that might not have been the best move. Like you, I was mentally out of my marriage long before it was actually over. I was very young when I got together with my exhusband and i never knew what it was like to "date" someone. I fell in with this other man but I think it was because I was afraid of being alone.

With that being said... DATING SUCKS and I am not very good at it. I do not know how to do it right. I have had a few BF's since my divorce in 2007. Nothing signifigant by any means. It is a big game and I have gotten really good at figuring it out.

If it has been awhile since you have dated.... be prepared a lot has changed. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

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