Dear Abby, I have an etiquette problem with other stampers...

[dacpam]

I am having a problem here and hope some of your imput will help me out. Maybe it is me expecting something in which I shouldn't but I was taught good manners by my parents and just assumed others have had the same teachings. It has to do with thanking people. Please bear with me for I really need help in understanding this. Let me know if you think I am wrong or if I shouldn't expect people to say "Thank You" for some things I did.

Last summer on SCS, there was a thread about SU sets that people wanted to have, how pricey they were on Ebay, etc. A member said she really wanted "Roosting" but it was always pricey on ebay for her. I PM'ed her and said I had it and if she was interested in it, let me know. I never heard back from her.

Jump ahead to Dec. I was elfed by an extremely generous owner of a member company here. I was shocked and a bit embarrassed by her generosity and tried to refuse it but she insisted and sent me even more than originally said. I made a lovely thank you card and sent it off to the US address of the company (she resides in Canada) within a couple of days of receiving this incredible gift. (I have never heard that she got it but hope she did!)

The day after she elfed me and I unsuccessfully tried to get her to give it to someone more deserving, I heard back from the SCS member saying she was still interested in the stamp set "Roostin" if I still had it but she didn't want to pay much for it. Since I had just been elfed, I wrote back asking for her address. She lives in Canada so thought this was my way of paying forward my elfing. I sent it to her, no charge, even paid the Canadian shipping. Guess what? I have NEVER heard from her. No thank you, no PM saying she got it or anything. This was a good set in great condition and I could have sold on Ebay for some extra $ but I was so excited to give it to someone as a surprise. You can imagine how disappointed I have been.

Jump to Jan. I sold about 100 sets on this site. One SCS member bought 2 sets from me but about a week later, wrote me a sweet PM saying that she couldn't get the $ together, that she was sorry etc. It was so moving that I sent them to her anyway. I figured that someone like this should have these sets and again, I felt so good about doing something nice for someone. So I shipped them to her. Guess what? I have never gotten a PM thanking me, telling me they came or anything. PM's are free, no stamps needed and it only takes a minute to write. I was once again, disappointed.

Let's go to the beginning of Feb. now. On one of the threads, someone said they always wanted Polar Bears. I had it and thought, OK she wants it and it will get lots of loving use with her. Again, I asked for her address, sent it to her and yes, you guessed it, have never heard a word.

I love to surprise people. I get all excited inside and like to imagine how happy people will be when they open up a package and find something they have wanted. I also like to hear a response so I know it makes them feel partially as good receiving something as I do giving it.

I am not without my own mistakes. When I was selling all those stamp sets, I listed 3 separate cutting systems for sale. A lovely lady bought a cutting system for kids to use at a local hospital. By stupid accident, I sent her the wrong cutting system. When she let me know, I apologized, explained what a stupid mistake I made and shredded her check. She graciously accepted my apology, but the guilt of it still stays with me.

I just sold some Bazzill papers here and last night I got an email from one of the buyers telling me how excited they were to get the package, I was their new best friend (!) etc. It made me feel so good and I smiled for an hour afterwards! I wrote her back telling her how much I appreciated her letting me know. And she BOUGHT that from me.

So fellow stampers, what am I doing wrong? Is it too much to expect a simple thank you from people nowadays? Am I so old-fashioned? Are thank you notes or even PM's a thing of the past? I really just want to share in their excitement and that is all I wanted from this. I simple thank you. It is not a money issue. It is a simple matter of manners.

Tell me what you all think. Please. I am so puzzled and very disappointed.

Pam

[BillieDee]

*boggles*

You sound like an angel to me.

[chickers089]

I cannot believe that no one sent you a thank you. It's just sad! I mean, we're card makers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Send a thank you!!!!!! I think that people like you are a rarity these days so I will thank you for being so kind and giving!

[Jrs92]

I cannot even process the thought of not sending a thank you. It only takes minutes to write. What a kind person you are for continuing to send free sets to ungrateful people. Your heart is big!

[RiverIsis]

Oh I just wish I could hug you - you have been very kind. Its not too much to expect a thank you of some sort. I belong to a card group and we always thank each other - its especially important when it involves shipping and crossing borders to other countries. Take heart, that you have done the best you can do - the only other thing you could do is contact them again and just make sure they got the package with the mail being involved. I had a 2006 Christmas card take 9 weeks to arrive to the receipient.

[peggysue]

Pam, remember how many people are on this web site. Over 100,000. In a city of 100,000 people, as you go about your daily business, is everyone you meet polite, thankful, appreciative?

I would guess the answer would be no. Sad, but true.

In some situations maybe life just happened. The person got really busy and were scatterbrained. I know that has happened to me. Someone sends me a really pretty card and each time I log onto SCS I think to myself, "oh, I need to send so and so a PM thanking them for the lovely card!" And I get sidetracked by something, or one of the kids needs me and I log off without having thanked them yet again!

That being said, you can only control your own actions and your own response. If you are a generous, warm, thankful, caring person, be happy about that.

[resqbarbie]

I don't think you are wrong at all... You seem to be one of those special people who enjoy giving. All I can say is if it makes you feel good to give, keep on doing it. Don't expect anything in return and occasionally you will be pleasantly surprised. But...my mama always taught me to say thank you...and I try to.

So thank you for being a wonderful generous person!

[Nancy1970]

WOW, what a generous soul.... and how RUDE that no one sends a thank you!

[Annek]

***scratching head***

I don't get it either. Saying thank you is such an easy thing to do, not sure why it's difficult for some folks. I know we are all busy, etc - but if someone has gone to the trouble of sending something - especially if it's a freebie - the recipient's only real obligation is to be gracious enough to thank the sender.

Sorry you aren't appreciated for your generosity. Big hugs!

Anne

[sprtchick]

Pam I did not get anything from you but I "THANK YOU" for being so generous to others...what a shame that they are not thankful enough of your generosity to acknowledge it.
Blessings to you.

[amanda0711]

My goodness. You are incredible.

I have found that people in today's society either don't have manners or don't have time to have manners.

I can understand that people get busy and life gets in the way so a prompt response is not always easy. But some sort of acknowledgement or thank you should have been expected in each situation you mentioned.

If the feeling you get from making someone happy is greater than the feeling you get from not receiving a thank you, then I say keep sending joy to other that could need it. Good things will come to you.


(On a funny note, I just received a thank you note yesterday for a wedding we attended in June 07. It was very late but still very nice to get the note of thanks!)

[Runamok]

wow, you have really gone out of your way to brighten other's days!
I sympathise with your feelings--that would be so disappointing! I have never been tought to write thank you letters and such--don't get me wrong, my mother is an angel, that was just not one of her prioraties raising 11 children. I got a lovely card once from someone here on SCS for a VSN challenge, and I didn't know what to do. I finally PM'ed to let her know I got it, and I was embarassed it took me a few days. But I really didn't know what was right, now I do, and will never sit on it again, I know that I would feel the same as you. And may I add that you sound like the nicest, most generous person!

[tay0479]

I think a "thank you" is always deserved if you do something for sombody. Especially when it is something that they wanted or will benifit from. With that said, it seems to me that society in general is NOT thankful. It can be something a simple as waving at someone when they let you merge into traffic or writing thank you notes when you get a present (which I make my boys do). It seems that most everyone is to involved in there on life to realize that you took time out of yours to do something nice for them. I also think that society in general is more rude now than before. Not giving up seats for the elderly in a crowded waiting room (I also make my boys do this), holding a door open for someone, I could go on forever. I was very glad to here that you can admit when you are wrong and take actions to correct it. Most people will blame someone/something else for there mistake. With all this said, You are awesome to have sent these people stuff and yes you should get a thank you.

[cmayk]

You are so sweet and generous, Pam! I know I am truly thankful for the way in which you recently helped me. *hugs*!

[sistastamper]

I do think that it was very inconsiderate of those people not to acknowledge your generosity. Everyone is busy but that is no excuse not to show a little bit of decency when someone does something as nice as you did.

I know it's not the same but THANK YOU. Thank you for proving that there are still some caring individuals still out there.

Take care,
Lisa

[Pixie Dust]

Hi Pam...I do not think a simple thank you is too much! When I was little my mom made my brother and I write Thank-You notes to anyone who gave us a gift. I still believe in that today. Maybe we are a rare breed. I read an article in my local paper awhile back about a man that had lost everything b/c of a tragic accident. So I emailed the writer of the article and got his address. I sent him the amount of my paycheck for one week. I wrote him a letter and said I know this check won't save you but I sure hope it will help. Not that I was expecting anything back, b/c like you, I did it just for the feeling of helping someone who needs it or would appreciate it. Needless to say the only thing I got back was a canceled check. So I guess everyone is different.:rolleyes:

[thechecker]

I too love giving things to people that I hope would enjoy them. That said, I did stop doing it for certain people who never bothered with a thank you!


Anne

[Lazorkay]

Would you please move to Texas and be my new bestest friend?

snort, snort.

You have been very generous! I must say, sometimes I am horrible at
sending thank yous. Time just gets away. But, no one has ever just sent me something just to be nice either.

Again, will you PLEASE move to Texas and be with me? :mrgreen:

[Lazorkay]

OR even better - some of you girls could join my SWAP

[Rubber Stamp Nut]

I'm sorry that you haven't been thanked, so I'll thank you! Thanks for being so nice! Unfortunately we live in a society full of self-absorbed people who can't see past themselves. It's a shame...truly. But I hope it doesn't change you because we need more people like you. So, thank you again!

[Katie018075]

I hope they are reading this thread and feel a bit embarrased..wow, I can't believe how wonderful you are for what you did for other people!!

[austamper]

Thank you for your generosity. It's a shame that it hasn't gone thanked. I have always been taught to do things for others without expecting a thank you but its always nice to hear. I'm a BIG "please/thank you" person. I mean with everything. Have you ever seen the tv show The Closer? Thats me. It literally drives me nuts to get e-mails from my boss telling me to do something without so much as a please or thank you.

SO long story short...no.. you are not wrong in how you feel. *HUGS*

[miamiscrapper]

Pam, you are not doing anything wrong. A simple "thank you" should be common courtesy. Unfortunately, not everyone sees it this way. Don't let these people change your kind ways.

[SavvyKat]

Pam,

I am so sorry to hear to hear that no one bothered to say thank you for the most generous items you sent! IMO it is rude. If someone sent me a set I really wanted but couldn't afford due to high prices on ebay I would be so flabbergasted and delighted. I would send you a Pm for sure and make you thank you card and perhaps send a little something else to you!!!

It is frustrating when you do something nice for someone and they don't respond with anything. It is most simply rude.

Despite all that has happened you are an angel and I believe what goes around comes around!

[karcher70]

{{Hugs}} You are just too sweet

It never ceases to amaze me how rude people are. Sometimes just a simple thank you can mean the world to someone.

With that said, THANK YOU!!! for posting this, and hopefully some people can learn how to be gracious and give thanks for the kindness of others :-D

[Hambo]

Hi Pam! I completely feel for you, as I think I'm "old-fashioned" in this regard as well. I go out of my way trying to do nice things for people all the time, and it just seems like a tiny little "thank you" in return isn't so much to expect?

I often come across discussions where people are irritated by the shipping costs charged by companies and such, yet when I often throw in free shipping (which comes out of my pocket) on someone's order just to brighten their day, or throw in some free stamps or something, do you know that no more than 1 in 5 people ever acknowledge it with a simple "thank you"? It's depressing. Trying to make someone happy ends up making me sad. I guess I could just quit doing it or offering anything for free, but then I figure why punish that one person who DOES have the manners enough to respond.

Dear Abby (or is it the other one?) ran a column just a few weeks ago, asking people what they thought was the #1 thing wrong in the world right now, and a lot of people agreed with my thinking, that it's an overall lack of courtesy these days. It's the "me me me" generation where people are so wrapped up in their own "busy" lives that they feel like it gets them off the hook for thinking of someone else. But guess what? We're ALL busy people, so that's no excuse.

Again, if people could just remember the Golden Rule that they were taught as kids, and realize that it STILL applies even as we age... I think so many of our problems in the world would disappear.

Although I know it's hard, try to keep a good attitude and comfort yourself in the fact that you can only be judged for your own actions and intents, and that what will be remembered about you is that you're a very generous and caring person.

(((((hugs)))))

[CknODaC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by amanda0711

(On a funny note, I just received a thank you note yesterday for a wedding we attended in June 07. It was very late but still very nice to get the note of thanks!)

Miss Manners says that it is appropriate to send a wedding thank you up to one year after the wedding date... something about giving the newlyweds time to adjust to married life... :-D


To the OP,

I am so sorry they didn't at least acknowledge your kindness. You are a rare gem in this world!

But, playing devil's advocate... remember how embarrassed and "undeserving" you felt when elfed? Perhaps they felt the same way and felt embarrassed by your gift? Maybe they just didn't know what to say?

Not a great excuse, but plausible...

[NoraCH]

Expecting a simple, sincere "Thank you" for the situations you described is very reasonable. I have thanked people by post or PM on here for hosting swaps, sending me cards, etc. I would most certainly thank someone for a free stamp set by PM at the very least (although I think a card or a swap for something they have and aren't using would really be in order). We all have busy lives, but it only takes a minute and no $ to send a "Thank you" PM. That said, you are very generous and I hope that these experiences don't change your ways any.

[airbornewife]

Hi Pam... I know exactly how you feel and feel the same way sometimes. Many times I read that people are looking to buy Courage & Honor and Godspeed. I don't want to sell my sets, but offer to stamp images and mail them to them.. using Stampin' UP! cardstock and inks or stazon, mailing them to them and don't ever hear anything back saying "thank you!"
I recently was looking for a Pixel Chix for my daughter for her birthday, she wanted the Roomies one and they were sold out or cost way more than I wanted to pay. I googled it and found one on Craigslist in Austin, TX. The wonderful lady Robin, took paypal, charged me a very reasonable shippping for this large heavy toy ($6.50) and I got it in a few days.. my daughter was super happy with it, so I emailed Robin on my daughters birthday to tell her an extra thank you for making my daughter's day a bright one because she wanted that toy so bad.. she emailed me back that she was scared to open my email because she thought it was something bad like the toy didn't work, that she doesn't get emails thanking her.. I always say thank you and I think others should too... use your manner people! thank you is two little words that can make someone's day.

oh.. and God bless you for being such a wonderful sharing person, if I had been a recipient of one of your gifts, you would've heard from me right away thanking you for the gift.

Pam

[look-inkgood]

In spite of the lack of responses, please don't stop doing these random acts of kindness. I agree that they should at least send you a quick PM. We can always hope that maybe they are paying it forward, too.

I think the world needs more people like you! ! ! You are wonderfully kind and generous.

And remember, your real payoff doesn't come from others, but from your own personal satisfaction in doing a very sweet thing for someone else.

[stargirl]

I think you need a thank you card. I'm pretty sure I have one around here somewhere, please PM me your addy, and I'll send you one! I'm not kidding, it would make me feel better!

[Krullswife]

I also cannot fathen the idea of not sending a thank you. You gave them for free and paid for shipping!! I would be kissing your feet if you did that for me!

[stampinsweeney]

It all comes down to parents teaching their children good manners and gratitude. Good habits or bad ones for that matter follow you as you get older and mature into adult society. (Although, I think we live more and more in a society where people think they deserve and should be given things instead of earning them or being grateful for what is given to us out of the kindness of others.) I can get busy and overwhelmed like anyone else and forget to thank people within a week or so, but it stays in my mind until I do it.

You are a kind and generous soul. I love giving too. It feels wonderful and feels even more wonderful when you receive a simple thank you. Not required, but always nice and reaffirming.

[jukie]

Can I just give you a hug and say thank you for being such a generous person, I am sorry that you have been left disappointed without any acknowledgement of your acts of love to fellow crafters....your a very special person

[Cynamom]

You're right, it's not too much to ask for a simple thank you. It sure does go a long way, doesn't it?? You've been a real light here at SCS, and I know we all are glad that members like you are around. It's what makes this site so great. Keep doing what you're doing, because thank you or not, you surely had a positive impact on those people and maybe even some good came out of them to others. You never know, right?

[stigmom6]

I did not read every response so if someone else has already said this I appologize. I love, like you, doing things for folks just to do them, I do it for how I feel in return. What I have found is that ALOT of people have a sense of entitlement. I do not know where this comes from and can not comprehend it. I have been burned so so many times, even by family. What I try to remember and hope I am teaching my children is I do not do anything with the thought of what I will get in return, I do it because I feel it is the right thing to do at the time. Unfortunately so many people in my age group, 30 somethings, they have been raised to think they deserve things that they do not have to work or in this case even say thank you. It is sad because now their children are learning the same things. I will admit life gets very busy and I may not always write a thank you note(I do try though) but I always call or email a thank you. It is amazing what two little words can mean to a person whos hears them or not! Keep doing what makes you feel good, all things come back in some form and not always what you think it may be. Just one example...I make dinner every night for my wonderful Hubby and six kids and usually some extra kids just routine right...well not a meal goes by without one of my boys saying "thanks mom for making dinner" it gets better, then a chorus of thank you follows from everyone else(even the one gaging about the green beans)! This is what keeps me doing what I do. So with all that said you are NOT asking to much, but if you look at it like this maybe it will not bother you as much! I just want to say THANK YOU for being a loving person and example for those around you!!!

[Big Sky LadyBug]

I am sorry you had such a crummy experience with some.
I think there should be more people like you in the world.
Be that same you, and don't change your generous nature.

By the way, thank you, for reminding me that a simple gesture goes a long way!
~Marie

[RiverIsis]

I have had a second thought on this - and a negative one, unfortunately in this day of craiglist and e-bay I'm just wondering if these "non-thank you's" were scams to make a higher profit. It won't put me off giving to people but I have to say I do think twice about giving sometimes because you do hear of such scams.

[Rox71]

I send a thank you for even a card I've received and get it done within a week, that's also when I was sick last year.

I sadly couldn't remember who I'd sent a dress dollar stamp too and she traded it for some cards I could recycle to the soldiers or Keiki. She's the only one I couldn't say I got them and thanks a bunch because she didn't put her username on the package and I had cleaned out my messages.

Peggysue even got mentioned on the Keiki thank you list when she sent me cards. She's a sweetheart!

So no I don't think you're asking to much and it does only take a minute to pm a thank you note! ;)

Pam, you sound like one terrific person to me! :-D

[lwhelan]

I admit that I stopped reading all the responses but did anyone happen to mention that things can get caught up in Canada? I mean one can hope this is the reason, right? I was on a design team with a girl from Canada and some of us did a circle journal. I remember her saying what steps to take to make sure it didn't happen because things can sit there for months if you don't do it a certain way. I wasn't the one to forward it to her so I don't remember what you had to do. So maybe there's still hope on that one.