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This is a strange situation. My son's grandpa was killed in a card accident last week. (My Ex-Father in law?)....He was incredibly close to him. I have seen beautiful Sympathy cards for 'adults'....Which I happily cased and brought to the family. But I want to make a special one for my son, he is only 9 (today!)...its been rough...especially since his birhtday is ToDAY and the day of the FUNERAL....anyways...I would love some input!
How about a small journal with a picture of him and his grandpa on the cover...then inside he could write or draw pictures of some of the things he liked to do with his grandpa.
I really like stampcrazygirl's idea. On the inside front cover of the journal, could you write or stamp a special message from you to your son? Maybe include a good memory YOU have of the man? Or acknowledge how much he meant to your son?
You're an awesome mom for thinking of this. Poor boy -- he's in my thoughts today. How terrible this must be for him.
I think children deal with this type of loss differently than adults. I've never gone through anything like this myself or with my son, but I know that children express their feelings better by drawing or writing (depending on age and the child). I think it would help him work through his feelings and remember the fun times with his grandpa...without making it obvious to him that you are trying to help him (as I know being a mom of a 9 yr old boy, they don't want to admit that they are upset or need help!). Make him think it's more of a scrapbooking type thing to preserve his memories.
Then make him a nice cheery birthday card and focus on his birthday!
I would also like to chime in. Go to the library or local bookstore & get a book geared for children about death. They are usually in the children's section of the bookstores. The Fall of Freddy the Leaf, The Tenth Good Thing About Barney, Grandpa Loved, are ones that come to mind.
I'm so sorry for your son's loss. A death is difficult for adults to deal with & even more difficult for children. Keep us posted.
Suzanne
My 97 yr. old Grandma died in the winter and my uncle decided not to do anything until spring. Not even a service!
So I felt so lost and confused and didn't know what to do with my grief. I decided to take a berevement leave day off from work and I spent the day making scrapbook pages for my Grandma. I wrote her a poem and incorporated that into the scrapbook as well. It made me feel better and brought me such beautiful memories of my Grandma.
And the best part is, I really truly feel that Grandma was right there with me.
So sorry for your family's loss.
God bless,
NY Nan
My 14 yr old DS died this past March. Most of the cards we received were store-bought sympathy cards to the family. The ones that came specifically for my other DS (he's 8 yrs old) were mostly hand-drawn ones from his classmates. He mostly looked at the pictures the kids drew and not so much at what they wrote. What I found for myself was also reading the notes people wrote about their memories of my son were more comforting than the card poems which only made me more upset.
I have a book about age-appropriate things to say to children and one of the biggest no-nos that I remember is "God took him to be an angel" which is comforting for adults. But younger children don't want to be taken from their families and they might feel guilty about not wanting to be an angel. They may even start acting out so they're not a "good child" so God won't want them, which is sort of funny but understandable.
I do think the journal and photo ideas are great, to focus on the special times they had together. And if he wants to help you make scrapbook pages, that would be a great activity to spark some conversation about how he's feeling.
This is sort of rambling but I hope it helps a little. The best thing is to let your DS have a great birthday and not feel guilty for being happy when everyone else is feeling sad. It's ok to be selfish sometimes, esp. when you're only 9. I will keep your DS and the rest of the family in my thoughts.
I have to say this is what I needed!
It has been terribly hard for my DS and myself. Its an awkward situation for me to be in, but I have been very involved for my son's sake. Plus his Grandpa was an incredible man who totally worshipped Liam.
You all have brought tears to my eyes about this.
I am trying to plan his party now. We are going to Michigan this weekend for a send off for my little bro who joined the Army...(URGH) yet another worry! We thought about having a suprise party for Liam on Saturday night, my little bro's send off is on Sunday. I hate for him to think of his birhday as the day he shares w/his grandpas burial.
These have all been incredible ideas. We are going to work on the journal.
Liam loves to read so I am going to try to pick up the book suggestions too!
My DH has been very supportive thru out all this too...its a bit awkward for him too.
Okay I have babbled long enough.....off to work....
Jenn, when my brother died a few years ago he left 2 young teens behind. I made them each boxes that they could use to save mementos, pictures, stories, whatever, in. It's not so "in your face" as "in sympathy" which is good because kids are not like us, don't always like the direct approach. The boxes were things they could save for later, not stress over. They could make them their own tribute I guess is what I'm trying to say.
I am so sorry for your son's loss and yours...a few small suggestion for the awesome journal idea is :
laminate the picture for your son so it will always be fresh for him to look and touch...this way the coating on the picture won't rub off (My 15 yr old cat passed away a year ago and I noticed that on his phote spots are worn off because everyone still touches it once in awhile in remeberance)
and maybe you have some kind of old cards or notes that he wrote to your son that could also be laminated and put in...i know that I have a recipe from my step father's grandmother and she sent me a copy of the recipe as a child and it is very special to me to see that note on the back of the recipe everytime I use it...
I love the idea of you putting a personal note in there to your son from you about your favorite memories of them together...That is really a great idea!!!
I wish you the best of luck...I think that over time your son will really appreciate the journal that you made him for his memories of him and his grandpa...and treasure it when he is older!
We are raising our now 3 year old nephew as our son. He lost his family to a car accident last summer. He survived with a broken collar bone, hand and 47 stitches in his head. We figured due to his age the only memories he would have of his family was what he was told. I made a journal and took it to the funeral. I requested that as many could please write something that they would like to pass on in memory to little Seth. There was over 500 people at the funeral. People still call asking if they could write in it now since they just could not bring themselves to do so then. Every now and then I put in things about special dates I think he should know about them or just thoughts or memories.
Would his grandfather's family do a journal in memory of him for your son? It is a helpful healing tool even though sometimes it feels like it will never heal.
__________________ Debbi~SU Demo~SCS#6378 ~My Gallery~My SUO Blog~ Mother to 6 and Grandmother to Katie- 7/31/09 & Kyle-12/6/12
I love the idea about laminating the pictures. It makes a lot of sense to preserve the picture for him.
Liam's dad was over this evening to have a small cake with us. The two of them are still in shock and they show it. I mentioned to his had about special pictures and he was all for the journal/memory book. He is going to put some things together too. (We were married REALLY young and well....young punk rockers...the band thing...short story...but we are very good friends still, mainly in part because we have Liam)....We are going to work on it as much as we can together sharing bits and pieces. I know LIam will really hold it to his heart and I have ALL of you to thank for it! I really would of never thought of it!
I begin the journal for Liam...and thought of a cool idea....I am getting the FireFighter set. Since his Grandpa was a Battalian Chief in Chicago I tought I could incorporate it this way....
Now I just need some ideas on how to put it to work...
Sympathy Card for a Child?
