Breast Cancer Survivors Question

[squirrellyshirley]

My sister in law was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and will begin a 21 day radiation process (side affects are tired and sunburned).

QUESTION: I would like to send her cards through out those 21 days. But to those who have been through something like this: Is it too much of a daily reminder? Does it help to have happy mail to look forward to each day (or every other day)? Do I do them all in some sort of pink, pink ribbon? Is that too much pink? How about Just one or 2 cards, not everyday? Maybe everyday is too much.


Yay? or Nay?


Thanks


Shirley

[jukie]

Firstly I am sorry about your sisters diagnosis, and Secondly what a lovely sister you are!

I have not been in the exact position you are in but my Mam was diagnosed with cancer and sent her cards pretty much every week, nothing on them about cancer, just silly or pretty cards to raise a giggle or remind her that even in her darkest moments my love shone through for her always.


I would say, do what makes you feel comfortable, she will love them.

[BashfulStamper]

You are so sweet to do this!

While I've never been on the receiving end, I've been the one sending encouragement - I've been a Chemo Angel for about 10 years now. Based on their guidelines, comments from other Angels, and feedback I've personally received, I'd say that you probably can't send too much. But I would definitely keep it light and happy. I send happy thoughts and sunshine, cheery quotes, funny stories... just anything upbeat and positive.
I don't think I'd do everything in pink - unless pink happens to be her favorite color.

And just a thought... every day is a lot of work for YOU. Not that you're not up to it, but it would be better to start out once or twice a week, and increase the frequency, instead of sending something every day and burning out (or running out of ideas). She may come to rely on that little bit of cheer, so it would be disappointing if you slowed or stopped, you know?

But I know she'll appreciate anything at all that you do. Sending hugs for you and your sister.

(And one more thought... you might want to see if she'd like be set up with Chemo Angels - not instead of, but in addition to anything you do. http://chemoangels.wixsite.com/chemo-angels-1 )

[squirrellyshirley]

Thank you Kitty, for the helpful suggestions and feedback.

Shirley

[gregzgurl]

I haven't been on either end of this particular dilemma (thankfully), but my thought was to make encouraging/uplifting/funny/silly cards in any style or color that moved you, and send them at whatever frequency you ended up making them (even if it's irregular intervals). That way she doesn't "expect" something at any particular time, and you don't have the pressure of a deadline, but you get the joy of making/giving and she gets the joy of happy surprises! Win/win!

[wavejumper]

Just a thought: If you find yourself wanting to send more often....if you can make in advance and stay ahead of the curve you will stay relaxed through the process. You dont have to make 10 at a clip but 2-3 each time.

Another thought is to make thank you cards for her to fill out and send or give to the nurses helping her or whomever.

Hoping it turns out well for her.

[melanie737]

I am a survivor and I love pink- except when it involves breast cancer. Not sure why but it bothers me. I would suggest not every day and something inspiring or humorous.

[fifiwesfan]

Shirley,

I'm sending prayers and virtual hugs to your SIL. I think its wonderful that you want to support her in this terrible time of her life; a lot of people don't have that support and its heartbreaking.

I was a caregiver to my mother who had lung cancer and then became an ovarian cancer victim myself just 3 years after she passed. I was VERY BLESSED in that it was caught early and surgery and monitoring was all I had to endure, a sharp contrast to what my Mom went through. I officially made my 5-year survivor mark in June. Throughout my mother's battle and my skirmish, it has seemed like there are reminders everywhere all the time. Every TV/radio commercial and magazine was/is about cancer. To me, it continues to feel like people who are going through this are constantly reminded of it every where they turn and can't catch a break to escape it. I remember trying to watch TV with my Mom just to spend time with her, get both our minds off her illness and just 'be' but every other commercial would be for a hospital or drug. She never said anything to me about it bothering her but it bothered me and it wasn't even me going through it at that time.

Based on my experiences, my suggestion to you is yes, definitely send her cards, but do it randomly. Make them a surprise. She will get her spirit lifted and it will be more meaningful to her that you 'happened' to think of her. During my 7-week recovery I had someone who would call me like clockwork and we'd chat for 5 minutes. I also had someone send me flowers with no set schedule. I know they both had pure hearts full of love for me but I also know the person who would call me made sure they called no matter what was going on in their own lives and I believe it put stress on them; I think they were afraid if they missed a call it would seem like they didn't care. I enjoyed both the phone calls and the flowers but I felt guilty for making the caller feel pressured.

In regards to the color, I personally didn't want anything to do with purple because I didn't want to be reminded every time I saw purple what it stood for, even if I made it through and got to be a senior citizen. On the other hand, I had a friend who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer the same time as me, only she was at a much more advanced stage. She embraced the purple and wore it all the time like battle armor. At her funeral, everyone was asked to wear purple. I think she had a different view of the symbolism because her situation was more dire. I can only suggest you take a cue from your SIL and see how SHE reacts to the color. If she's into the symbolism then go for it, otherwise she could wind up like others who have said they never want to see (insert symbolic color here) again because of the reminders.

As to the type of cards, I think a mix of both amusing and loving would be lovely. Funny ones to make her laugh and cheer her up, loving to show her how much she means to you. For reference, amusing could be something with Art Impressions characters; loving could be some florals from Papertrey Ink. Others here have said not to mention cancer. For me, it wouldn't have bothered me to receive a card encouraging me to soldier on, so to speak. Unity Stamps has some that address cancer. I bought them and will send cards with those images/sentiments if I should ever need to (God forbid).

I didn't ignore the cancer or pretend it didn't exist. I saw how it consumed the lives of my Mom, my sister and me during her fight and I just wanted to live as normal a life as possible and not let the cancer define that life to include the colors I wore. My friend was the opposite. Neither of us was right or wrong, its what worked for each of us. Cancer is a funny thing; while the whole family is involved its still intensely personal.

Again, these are just my personal views on your specific questions and everyone is different. Perhaps you could let her set the tone by observing how she's handling the situation. I hope some of my ramblings made sense and you find my experiences helpful in some way.

fifi

[squirrellyshirley]

Great insight.

I will make her a few cards. I don't know about the color pink but I will probably make her at least one with the pink ribbon. I DO like the idea of making her some thank you notes to use!!


Carry on.


Shirley

[DianeinSparks]

I was diagnosed with breast cancer last Oct. and have had 4 surgeries since then. I didn't have radiation since I decided to have a mastectomy after 2 previous surgeries. Any cards I received - handmade, store bought, a note - all were so welcomed knowing people were thinking of me and wishing me well. I would say to send your sister cards whenever you can and funny cards can bring a smile. I don't think you need to make them pink unless that's her favorite color. Just sending cards helps - I still have all of mine and re-read them, thankful for the caring people who sent them. Diane

[uncbballfan]

I feel very blessed to tell you that I'm a 16-year survivor of breast cancer.

I would say to do what your heart tells you to do. Do you live close enough so that you could go with her for a treatment? My Mom and my 3 sisters lived almost three hours away from me, but each of them managed at different times to go with me. Even though they just sat in the waiting room, knowing someone was there helped me get through some rough days.


And if you do live close enough, take dinner one evening. If she wants to talk about it, be available for her.


Send balloons on her last day of treatment.


Any and all cards would have been greatly appreciated by me.


Everyone is different, so do what your heart tells you to do and you can't go wrong.

[Skippet]

When my sister-in-law was under going treatment the second time for breast cancer, I sent her a hand made card every Wednesday. I also made one for every holiday and used a "national "........" day site to come up with some other fun holidays to make cards for to be sure she got at least 2 cards per week. After she died, my brother commented how much they both looked forward to the cards.


Here is the "national day" site I used. It helped when I ran out of ideas of what topic or type of card to make and gave her an unexpected fun surprise:


https://www.daysoftheyear.com/

[mof118]

Speaking as a 22 year survivor I can tell you the cards will be a great lift for the one receiving them. It was just so nice to hear from people who cared about me- such a comfort when going through some bad days. I still have some of the cards I received! I'd say send them whenever works for you- she will love them.

[connie leone]

I'm with Mealnie on this one. I love pink too but when related to breast cancer it bothers me as well. Im a 2x breast cancer survivor and always seeing the pink ribbon would drive me crazy. I don't need any reminders that I have (had) this awful disease.I would definitely send her funny, thinking of you and those type of cards. Im sure it will brighten her day when she receives them.
I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers and what a great sister you are to do this.

[jeannemlehrman]

I am a breast cancer survivor, seven years now. I treasured all the cards and notes from friends, looking through them many times during my healing journey. Just do what your heart tells you...sometimes funny, sometimes serious, sometimes a handwritten note. What a difference those friends made with their words of friendship and healing wishes! Breast cancer changed my total outlook of life and was my blessing in disguise.

[cardmaker2]

What a great thread as a reminder to me that I have a coworker undergoing radiation right now and I haven't been in touch with her for awhile. Thank you all for the practical comments and obvious caring that you portray.

[shazsilverwolf]

Well, I'm just having my second dose of radiotherapy, not for breast cancer, mine is bowel. I would agree with others, keep the cards arriving randomly- she will never know when she is going to get one, so it will give her an extra lift.
The Thank you cards for the hospital staff is also a great idea, it is surprising how fast you become attached to these people who are treating you.
I'd also say make some lighthearted, some inspirational. Pink or not? Is she a 'pink' person? The association can be a bit overwhelming.
I'm in the camp of not being afraid to say Cancer. Is your SIL? Everyone is different, my take is that the more we talk about it, the more we drag the nasty word out of the dark,the more we make it something we can talk about. But not everyone feels comfortable talking about it, so follow her lead, I would say. Sending her love & hugs, and to you too. X

[stamphappy1650]

When a friend was going through chemo I sent her a chemo kit. I put the goodies in a decorative clear plastic paint can and then each week I would send her something to add to the can. She has a wicked sense of humor so I sent her funny cards as she was tired of "encouragement" cards. She loved it and said it really helped to keep her spirits up. I've listed some of the ideas for items for the kit. Also, I bought the things in advance and set up the packages so all I had to do each week was mail them.

antibacterial Big bottle of hand gel
Antibacterial wipes
Audio books
baby wash or baby shampoo for her tender scalp;
Calming herbal tea, instant hot chocolate, instant coffee, a mug for each parent
Mints, gum, hard candies
cap light cotton to sleep in;
craft supplies a new stamp, perhaps??
Deodorant
Digital thermometer
Food special bread, fruit, or healthy cookie to tempt her appetite; or even
Food Snacks like crackers; lightly salted nuts; breakfast bars; apple chips; dried fruit like cherries, blueberries, bananas, raisins, cranberries; cereal bars; homemade cookies; pretzels; 100% juice in boxes; single-serving cups of fruit, applesauce, pudding; Carnation� Instant Breakfast mixes. For more luxurious healthy treats, try on-line at or Yum Yum Snacks
fragrance free soap, shower gel, shampoo, washcloth Hypoallergenic,
Gift certificates for gas, grocery store, retail stores, on-line retailers, restaurants that deliver
journal Blank, ballpoint pens, blank note cards with pre-stamped envelopes
blanket Soft comfy for each parent
lip balm healing to counteract dry lips;
lotion hand Hypoallergenic fragrance-free hand cream
magazine to read during the interminable waits at the hospital (but please, no magazines with a focus on stylish hair or perfect abs!);
mints to take away the tastes and fight metallic mouth;
Roll of quarters (for vending machines)
soaps unscented or lightly scented since she’ll be very sensitive to smells;
socks Thick warm
tissues Box of
Toothpaste and toothbrushes, mouthwash, dental floss
toothpaste plain gentle floss, can’t use the minty, power-packed, whitening kind;
Tylenol Adult

[Paula in GA]

Bashful stamper - Thank you so much for info on this group. I just applied to be a Senior Angel, and look forward to hearing from them.

[Rebecca Ednie]

I don't have a lot of insight into this, fortunately!! If you can, maybe you have some in your stash, give her some Thank you cards for anyone who helps her out and especially for the medical professionals she deals with. My son was recently in the ICU in a children's hospital and I sent cards to almost all the nurses and RTs, all the ones that were nice to us. I sent them in one package to the hospital. The nurse supervisor for that unit sent me a Thank you email on behalf of the nurses. One in particular was new and unsure if she was giving as good of care as she had hoped to. This is an intensive care unit where little lives hang in the balance. She was thrilled to get my card. It really means a lot to them. I'm a nurse and I did get a couple of cards when I worked and it was amazing!

[Leeleeb]

I have a friend going through chemo now. I have sent a card pretty much every week. Not on the same day. Just "thinking of you", "you go girl", etc. She seems to like them.

[joniworx]

If you go to this page Catalog: Verses - Get Well - Verses Rubber Stamps


and scroll down, you'll find the stamp "What cancer cannot do" which is one I've used in my line of cards almost as long as I've had my business. It always sells well, and I've had both survivors and family members tell me it's one poem they really like.


Hope this helps...and prayers and blessings for your sister.

[merollin]

A dear friend was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. I sent her a card every 5-7 days. Topics were usually about friendship, encouragement, thinking of you, etc. Some were just funny! Every color combination seemed to work. We gathered at her house after her memorial...every one of my cards were displayed on shelves around the room. Her husband said that she looked forward to receiving mail just to see what I had come up with to make her smile. Taking the time to make the cards is worth every minute! I'm so happy to hear that you will be doing this for your sister!

[jeaniebean55]

What a great friend/SIL you are to even ask this question! On the cards with a lighthearted side, over on Pinterest, there are a number of Maxine and Auntie Acid quotes that might be something to tweak or play around with. I imagine it'll depend on her sense of humor, but it's a resource if she enjoys sassy. feisty ladies.

[shazsilverwolf]

I'd like to add that just the knowing you have people rooting for you, and taking time from their busy lives to do something- even sending an e-mail,or a text- to let you know they are thinking of you, is a great booster, and we all know how important a positive frame of mind is, in any trying situation. I've had so much support this way from friends I've made on here, and through blogging. I Had the last of my treatments yesterday, and so far am just feeling a little tired. I hope your friend is finding it not too hard- it affects everyone differently, and often at different times, so I'm sending her more hugs, and lots of good wishes. X

[stampin stacy]

I'll second that!

When my aunt was going thru treatments I made her a card using DP with bright happy yellow lemons all over it that said "when life gives you lemons make lemonade". She still has it displayed on a shelf several years later. It's not that I've never made her cards before but cards during that time are extra special to her.




btw the card I made was a trifold with several pockets so I could tuck tags with funny jokes or encouragement into the pockets.

[Kendel]

My daughter was very sick and in the hospital for a long time 5 years ago. I kept every card that was sent to the parents, and she has every card and note that were sent to her. Yes, send cards.Funny ones can be great, although I wasn't encouraged by ones that said things like "You've got this" or implied healing was coming. No one was certain of anything at that time, and the day to day work during her illness was greuling.


Depending on your sister's sense of humor I recommend anything that jabs fun at hospital life (gowns, HIPPA, doctors, etc.). I saw this knock-knock joke on a desk at my doctor's office and have made some very fun interactive cards with it, that anyone who has had to spend a lot of time dealing with medical treatment will probably get a kick out of: Knock knock. Who's there? HIPPA. HIPPA who? I can't tell you that.
Any knock knock joke would work well with a card that has folds and flaps and sliders for the next part of the joke.


Best wishes to your sister, and to you, one of her support people.

[joniworx]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kendel

My daughter was very sick and in the hospital for a long time 5 years ago. I kept every card that was sent to the parents, and she has every card and note that were sent to her. Yes, send cards.Funny ones can be great, although I wasn't encouraged by ones that said things like "You've got this" or implied healing was coming. No one was certain of anything at that time, and the day to day work during her illness was greuling.


Depending on your sister's sense of humor I recommend anything that jabs fun at hospital life (gowns, HIPPA, doctors, etc.). I saw this knock-knock joke on a desk at my doctor's office and have made some very fun interactive cards with it, that anyone who has had to spend a lot of time dealing with medical treatment will probably get a kick out of: Knock knock. Who's there? HIPPA. HIPPA who? I can't tell you that.
Any knock knock joke would work well with a card that has folds and flaps and sliders for the next part of the joke.


Best wishes to your sister, and to you, one of her support people.

I am SO stealing that HIPPA joke!!! I have a local company that makes stamps...you are right - it's perfect!


Thanks!

[susie718]

All of the suggestions will be so helpful to me for a time that I may ever be in your situation and want to comfort someone.Thanks, everyone, for the great ideas. Both when I had a parent die and when I had a recovery from a surgery during which I couldn't walk for ten weeks, the cards, calls, small gifts, visits, meals, etc. were all so helpful because they symbolizes that someone cared about me and what I was going through. It truly did help, and I have all of the notes and cards saved. I have three people in my life right now who are going through traumatic times. This discussion is inspiring me to be more organized and actively sending out cards to them. One thing that seems to help is remembering funny shared memories as well as telling them what they mean to you. This is how we can use our joyously addicting passions for cardmaking and funnel it to where it is truly needed. I've started making and sending Cards for a Cause through Splitcoast each month, and it has been a wonderful way to feel my soul.

[jdmommy]

Yes! Send cards. They made me happy when things were awful!!!

[annie*]

There are some really great ideas and suggestions here! I think you can't go wrong with sending cards as long as you keep everything in moderation. If the person has breast cancer, one card that is pink might be fine, but it can be a very negative reference to some people, so maybe one is enough. Also, I SO hated the cancer poem and it was literally everywhere when my mom was dealing with the disease. I wanted to rip it off the wall every time I walked by that poem. It is always difficult to know what might be uplifting to someone, but showing you care will always be welcome! Best wishes to your SIL and to anyone dealing with this disease.

[DesertStamper]

Cards are lovely, once a week is probably fine. Everyday would be too much (oh, another card). Meals and housecleaning are better. If you don't live close enough maybe a gift card to one of the healthier fast food places - Panera, Chick Fil-A, Noodles & Co. A nice aloe vera lotion, a soft cotton top with pleating or ruching, or flowers would also be a nice gifts.

Pink and pink ribbons are actually offensive to some of us survivors but not others. I wouldn't want to get into it here but you could google pinkwashing or pinktober if you are interested.

I just celebrated my 5 year anniversary from triple negative inflammatory breast cancer, very low survival rates. So there lots of hope, best wishes and prayers for your SIL's complete healing.