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Unread 12-04-2012, 02:24 PM   #29
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chicago suburbs
Posts: 7,638

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, it depends on the people and the situation. What I will say for sure is that don't tell some and not others. When my dad had prostate cancer a few years ago (he is fine now), my dad and stepmom told my half brother and two stepbrothers (who live in the same state as them), but they did not tell me. Guess how I found out, way after the fact? My dad and stepmom still exchange Christmas cards with my ex-inlaws (not sure why, they were never close). In their Christmas card to my ex inlaws they mentioned my dad getting through radiation for the prostate cancer. My ex inlaws mentioned it to my ex who mentioned it to one of our two kids. PROBLEM WAS... by the time the kids repeated that well-traveled message, it had turned into one of my nephews (high school age) had leukemia!!!! I was freaking out. I texted my stepmom and she told me that NO, it was my dad and the prostate cancer. I was LIVID that they would not mention it to me but drop any kind of hint to my EX inlaws! They didn't even have a good reason not to tell me, other than my stepmom said he didn't want to tell anyone but since my one brother lives with them, he would find out, and then he'd probably tell my two other brothers anyway. I said that if you are telling one, then deciding to tell the other two, why not tell me? You can't exclude one kid unless there is a very good reason. I can see reasons why you would not tell me, but NONE of those apply! It just made for a lot of hard feelings that still ahven't really gone away....
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