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Unread 09-30-2012, 12:55 PM   #8
muddy otter
Directionally Challenged Parrothead
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: back to bobbing along in my kayak
Posts: 33,110

I'd agree that when you feel right is probably the right time. I like the advice someone gave me of making no serious changes for a year. But I think it's a bit like advice on dating after someone passes away. I think if the relationship was distant and in terrible shape for a long time, you may have emotionally gone through a lot of the loss far longer before things were legally final.

My divorce was final this past month after a 17-month separation and I don't feel ready yet but I know that's me, and who know's what I'll feel in 6 months? It's been a roller coaster over the last 2 1/2 years.

The only guess I'd make is that you'd probably be in the strongest position to move forward once you've kind of sorted through your feelings about the end of the marriage--and gained some confidence about what you'd want to be differently next time. One thing I learned going through therapy for issues with my family is that it can be easy to get sucked into things that feel familiar emotionally. If you see a pattern there, or similarities between family issues and marriage issues, might be worth looking at those common factors a bit, and keep a healthy amount of self-awareness and skepticism moving forward. I know I'm still probably a little too keyed up on the skepticism end to relax just at the moment.

That being said, very warmest wishes for every happiness, whenever you're ready, and for confidence and joy in moving ahead!
God sent angels down to earth in the form of dogs with notes saying 'don't judge, just love.' They ate the notes but keep trying to deliver the message.
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