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Old 12-04-2011, 11:29 AM   #2611
Stazon Splitcoast
caterinafmig's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Reisterstown, Maryland
Posts: 28,297


Three pastors met and were talking over conditions at their churches. The
first pastor said, "You know, since summer started, I've been having
trouble with mice in my church. I've tried everything - noise, cats, spray
- nothing seems to scare them away."
The second pastor said, "Yeah, my church too. There are hundreds of them
living in the church basement. I've set traps and even called in an expert
exterminator. Nothing has worked so far."
The third pastor said, "I've had the same problem. So I baptized all mine
and made them members of the church. Haven't seen one of them since!


Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church's
morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several
residents were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to
maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused
George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck
parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She commented to
George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was
doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just
walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny, he said nothing. Later
that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house

. . . .and left it there all night


Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers,
a police officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph.

He says to himself: "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back...wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him "Officer, I don't understand, I was
doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that
driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...Twenty-two miles an hour!" ....the old woman says a bit proudly.

The police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 is the highway number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask...Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and they haven't made a peep this whole time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Highway 109."

Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
America will only be the land of the free so long as it is the home of the Brave
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