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First of all, my husband is like the best guy ever. He is so sweet and kind. A couple of months ago he asked me for a "list" of what I would like for Christmas. So I gave him one. The list included A Muse stamps (specific ones I wrote down), A Muse notecards, My Favorite Things - Who's That Girl Stamps, a new watch and a few other "scrapping" type things.
I rec'd not one item on my list that I asked for, except for my Gold Toe socks.
I rec'd a gift card for Hobby Lobby (which is cool), a pair of Tiffany earrings (which is also really cool) and some other things which were really nice.
Why ask for a list when you don't purchase anything on it? I would NEVER, NEVER, EVER let him know that I was disappointed. I scoured the Internet and everywhere to get the items he wanted on his list, which by the way, he rec'd everything on his list. And he didn't do the same for me, even though I gave him specific websites and items and lists.
Oh well, I could never tell him that I was disappointed. He does such sweet things for me all the time. It is kind of like when he decides he is going to cook me dinner and he makes Shake 'N Bake chicken (I HATE SHAKE 'N BAKE) and boxed Kraft macaroni (I HATE ANYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF A BOX). He is so sweet to do eat. As much as I dislike that, I eat every bite and tell him how much I appreciate it. I could never hurt his feelings.
Oh well, I can be thankful that I have a wonderful husband who loves me more than life itself.
Guess I'll get on A Muse website and MFT and order my fun things now!
Yes, order your goodies for yourself! Sometimes it is just easier that way. A lot of crafters don't have family that understand our hobby. Believe me, you aren't the only one.
It is sweet to not want to hurt your dh's feelings, but maybe you could someday (when he has NOT just made you a meal, pick an oddball time that has nothing to do with it) sit down and tell him "Hey, honey, I love it when you cook for me, but I don't happen to like Shake & Bake or Mac and Cheese". Otherwise you may end up eating those foods the rest of your life, lol. And if he ever does find out how much you hate them, he might wonder why you didn't just say so. It's okay to be honest, as long as it is in a loving way! And it will be better for your relationship in the long run.
I know exactly how you feel. DH has done that in the past a few times for my birthday or christmas. I felt the exact same way too! I would think why did you even ask for a list if you weren't going to get even ONE thing off of it. I am like you and search for almost everything on his list and put a lot of effort into getting what he wants. So it makes me feel like he didn't put as much effort as I did. But as all humans do sometimes we disappoint the other person. It is great though that you remind yourself at how sweet and wonderful he is!
I know you are disappointed - I have been married forever! and this is the first year my DH has gone and gotten me something craft related and that was a gift card and he did it all on his own.
There was a thread about men in Archivers the other day and how someone thought that was so nice. Can I just say that some guys will never get it and some guys will go into a place like that and get overwhelmed no matter how many instructions you give them- yeah you would think internet shopping would be a no brainer but I have to do that for my DH.
BTW maybe you can say you are on a diet and shake and bake and mac & cheese aren't on the list of things you can eat. IMexperience my DH only cooks when it is something he loves and I don't make it. So maybe it is comfort food for him? :lol:
I know the feeling, my husband always says I'm hard to buy for, well this year I gave him a wish list for himself and I filled mines out he never touched his and did not ask for mines, so Christmas he bought me some things, I only liked one the computer but it's not the one I would of bought which I was planning on buying after the holidays. So if you do not know why not use the list?????? never will understand men, lol.
Maybe your husband really felt like he was doing something good. He may have felt like reading things off your list was "cheating," and you would be even more happy if he came up with thoughtful things on his own. He may feel like picking things on his own that he knows you would like is proving how well he knows you.
Believe me that I understand. One year my husband was in Iraq and he sent me home a hookah from Iraq for my birthday. Ugh, neither of us smoke. It pretty much sits in my closet, but I smile every time I think about it because I know he REALLY was trying to do something sweet for me.
If you have the money, I would definitely go buy yourself the stamps you want and then think of it as if you got the things you were hoping for plus some amazing gifts from your husband (and they are pretty amazing!!).
Talk to him about the dinners though at a time when he hasn't just made you one like mentioned. When I met my husband, he told me he didn't like chocolate. I forgot and made him several batches of chocolate chip cookies and he ate them before I caught on. I wouldn't have been offended at all had he told me at an appropriate time when I hadn't just spent hours trying to do something nice for him. I was going through all the effort of baking those things because I really liked him and wanted him to know it. It is worse to find out later you spent so much time trying to make them feel loved and they were actually feeling tormented. That was not at all my intention.
Sounds like you got a lot of nice things! I think sometimes guys are intimidated by scrap stores or even online shops. No matter how much I talk about all my stuff, my hubby is still skeptical on details. Like he'll confuse the company names or if its stamping or scrapping.
Not really sure about the list thing though...usually if i ask for something specifically i will get it.
I asked for a bunch of prismacolor markers this year, i gave him the names of colors, names of stores to get them, even online coupon codes and I was surprised he got me a bunch of them! But had I not given specs and pointed him in the right direction, I'm not so sure.
Not sure how ur hubby is, but i know if I wasn't honest with mine about gifts or food, he would be more upset by that..he would rather I tell him if its not right or what I would prefer. I think its important to have the communication line completely open and clear in all aspects of marriage, def makes it easier and more happy for everyone!
My other suggestion is to find someone who gives you gifts that will get ur scrap/craft related items..maybe a mother, mother-in-law, sister, sis-in-law, a close aunt?? A lot of times if you find someone who will be willing to buy something like that, then every year they will remember and get u something related. works out nice.
With our family and part of our extended family we exchange Christmas lists every year and last year I got NOTHING on my list, (except what my fiance bought) because I put mostly craft stuff on it. They got me things I neither need or will ever use (a GPS, silicon bakeware, a cookie press??!?!, etc) and I was very disappointed. In your case at least you got some really nice things, but I would still say something.
After a month or so, when the season has passed, I would mention it to him. You can be nice about it. Say something like "I got some really nice things for Christmas but I really wanted the things on my list". ..etc.
About the food. . . how long have you been married?! I understand not wanting to hurt someones feelings, but you also have to be honest. You don't have to make it about him, you just simply don't like those foods. He might be a little hurt because you didn't just tell him in the beginning. My fiance and I aren't even married and he just tells me if he doesn't like something. He does so by eating part of it and then saying "this meal isn't really my favorite". I guess that is our code I know he isn't insulting me, he is just saying he doesn't care for that food.
I wish you good luck! I think rather than any of this causing a problem, it will bring you two closer together because he will get to understand your preferences a little better.
I was thinking that he may have also thought you could get some of the stamping things you asked for at Hobby Lobby. He may be thinking that just like you could get craftsman tools (lets just use that example) online, you can also go to the local hardware store to get them. It would make sense to think the best place to get your stamps at a physical store would be at a craft store like Hobby Lobby. He might not understand that it does not work that way with alot of stamp companies because many products do work that way.
Well, I knew going in that I probably wouldn't get any new toys. My family is convinced, (probably rightly so) that I have too many stampin' things. My parents even put a stipuation on my birthday money that it couldn't be spent on stamping stuff! My wonderful ds did come through, he got me a MS butterfly punch, such a sweetheart . I must say that the citrine ring that dh got was eyepopping!
I was also shocked that my hubby didnt get me something craft related as he knows how much I love my craft goodies...but I have to say...he got me a 1 hour hot stones massage every month for the next year...I am so excited about that...
Blessings.
Hi Tammy, I know how you feel as well. So many times I make a list with scrapbooking items or even g.c.'s and no one gets me anything like that. I got lucky this yr...after 3 yrs of not getting any scrapbooking related items, finally my mom got me a g.c. to my lss and my boyfriend (course he is new) got me some Marths Stewart 12x12 packs of paper..which I love! But, maybe it will just take some time as it did for my mom to get me the g.c.
About the meals he makes that you don't like. I know my bf would be upset with me if I wasn't honest with him on something like that. I bet your hubby would be happy to know what you actually do and don't like to eat. Because then he could make you something you really enjoy having. So, I think you should mention it to him at the right moment when he wont take it the wrong way you know.
Good luck!
and hope I helped ya in some way...one good thing...now you get to buy stuff you know you'll like with your g.c.
My husband and I don't do the OMIGOD HUGE Christmas gifts thing, it just adds so much more stress to the holiday. He knows I love papercrafting items, but I don't put those on "wish lists" for him because he doesn't use them himself, so he doesn't feel comfortable shopping for them. The poor guy practically breaks out in hives when he walks into a Michael's or JoAnn's or Hobby Lobby - after about 5 minutes he goes into sensory overload and waits in the car. He won't even set foot into the lss with me!
Once in a while, I'll get a gift card or a gift certificate from him; otherwise it's always something else that I like and will use. I just figure that he gets me those other things so that my "allowance" money can go to my crafting.
Your husband might very well have started looking for things on your list and been overwhelmed by the sheer volume of stuff out there - even if your list was very specific. Rather than get something from your list that wasn't quite the right item, he just decided to get you other things he thought you'd like.
OR, he might have thought "these are things she'll buy herself eventually anyway; I'll surprise her with something she NEVER would have gotten for herself!"
My bf knew that I liked paper, whenever we are together and we go into a Walmart, I head straight for the scrapbooking section and he follows me and even a few months ago he tried to buy me a paper trimmer, I have one, but wanted another one to keep at his place for when I am there and he really almost bought me one, but I didn't feel right about him doing that for me esp since he had just lost his job a month or so before then. But, it is nice to know that he pays attention to what I like, I know my brother and dad and even my mom maybe think I have "too much" scrapbooking supplies, but I don't feel that way. I love everything I have and always want more! I have cut back and don't buy as much as I would like, but I would be surprised for someone to tell me I couldn't spend my $$ on craft supplies. Craft supplies and clothes are the things I like most!
I just wanted to add in that by my bf going with me to WM and seeing what I like he figured out what to get me on his own...I didnt tell him what I wanted.
The list is a great idea...but...they are not about to go on line and shop Amuse or anywhere else for that matter....
I too make a list, but it goes like this....
SU stamps $50
LSS (give the name & address of the store) $100
JoAnn's (again give the address) $50
Michael's (address) $50
Nelson's Shoes $100
Sears $400
If he has this list, this way...I get what I ask for...he gets to pick which and how many...
__________________ Karen
...My life is like a stroll on the beach...As near to the edge as I can go...Thoreau...
The list is a great idea...but...they are not about to go on line and shop Amuse or anywhere else for that matter....
I too make a list, but it goes like this....
SU stamps $50
LSS (give the name & address of the store) $100
JoAnn's (again give the address) $50
Michael's (address) $50
Nelson's Shoes $100
Sears $400
If he has this list, this way...I get what I ask for...he gets to pick which and how many...
For years, when we would visit my In-laws, my father-in-law would make breakfast for us. One of his specialties was French toast with cinnamon. One morning we were all at the table talking and I asked if he would leave the cinnamon off mine since I don't really care for it. My Mother-in-Law pipes up and say she doesn't like cinnamon either! They'd been married over 40 years and she had NEVER told him. Needless to say he was not happy! He also quit putting cinnamon on French Toast! :-)
Denise
Last edited by ceramicat1; 12-26-2008 at 09:31 AM..
Reason: I can't type
Quite simply, they are not like us. We have similar needs and feelings and that's where the similarities end. If you really, really want something, go buy it, hand it to your man and have him wrap it. A list is not that same thing.
__________________ By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. Confucius
I think it's wonderful that you are still able to think of all the positives when feeling disappointed.
Even so, if it were me, I'd want him to know how I felt and sometime when things have settled down and time has passed, I might want to talk to him about the time spent making a list and how bad you felt when nothing was purchased from the list.
You guys are funny. Men are just strange creatures. I am really happy with my Tiffany earrings and of course my HL gift card.
But I am like, okay, I scoured the Internet for a Dick Butkus jersey (who apparently was a big player for Chicago at some point) that he has wanted forever. Actually, I e-mailed the Chicago Bears and told them how wonderful he was and how I would love to have an original for him (obviously this guy hasn't played in years) and I knew absolutely NOTHIHNG about the Chicago Bears except that I have seen the movie Brian's Song a million times since it came out in the 70s. I still haven't heard from them. I have no way of finding Dick Butkus himself or I'd e-mail him directly. But I found a jersey in Singapore so I bought that.
We have been married 5-1/2 years and he is just darling as can be but some things just irritate me. He never gets me a card, although I receive gifts, which are nice. But I always make him a card for every holiday.
Listen to me! I'm very lucky and I know good men are hard to come by. So I will just say I'm thankful that he is so good and loves me so much.
I still can't tell him I hate Shake 'N Bake and Kraft Mac & Cheese. He is so sweet to do it and it makes him proud. I'll just eat it and say "yummy!" I could never hurt his feelings that way.
Thanks for all your replies. It has been fun reading everyone's responses.
I hear you!! For the last few years I send my dh an email link to what I want and am very specific. One year I sent him a link for a BIA and didn't tell him I needed th owires, so he didn't know to get them, and this was before HL carried them so I had to wait for some to be shipped and I was stalking the mail every day LOL. This year I sent him a link to the scor-pal and said I don't need the cover but I really reallty want the glitter cloth and I MUST have the 12 inch mat. He ordered the whole package bundle.
I also bought myself 2 gifts for dds to give me - a teapot that steeps loose tea and a set of nesties (labels 1). They get frustrated that they can't "shop" for me but I told them this way I get what I want cuz they refuse to go near a sb store. so we all end up happy.
I too agree that you should tell dh about he shake n bake dinner etc. Maybe have a suggestion of an easy meal he could make instead. My dh used to make shake - n - bake when we were dating I think its an "easy to do" thing as opposed to reading a recipe.
Another thought...the book "The Five Love Languages" may prove to be invaluable to you...
It sounds as though you both express the way you love each other differently. Understanding these differences can be a huge lightbulb moment in relationships...
OK - you know you ARE lucky! which is good. I know this is the 1st time (we have been together for over 20 years) and repeat this is the first time my DH has given me something toward my crafting, so you have time yet ;)
On the food thing? HMMM I would suggest you have a "cook" together night. If not opt for a salad and have a large lunch on that day ;) and then package up the leftovers for his lunchbox the next day. That way you are both happy. ;)
You could try what I did one year. I found a sweater I loved so I bought it and wrapped it. On the tag I put "To Karen from Paul" When I opened it I told him how much I liked it. He had a confused look on his face and said " I don't remember getting that." I said " You didn't. But when I saw it I knew you would want me to have it!" It made him laugh.
I think you're wise not to tell him your disappointed. It sounds like he's a great husband. Lucky you and good for you for meeting your own scrapping needs! My husband did get me things off of my wish list and I think I better go and praise his efforts!
Next year, way before Christmas, ask for his credit card and order the craft supplies you want, but have them shipped to him and tell him it's up to him to wrap and hide everything until Christmas. That way he can see the types of things you ordered.
By the time Christmas rolls around you may have forgotten what all you ordered, so when you open them it will still be fun for you AND he will get to see how excited you are to have these gifts.
And then maybe next year he'll try harder. Men are like dogs: they are trainable. It just may take time, repetition, and a lot of positive reinforcement. :mrgreen:
__________________
Grand Goddess of GPS of America - BCBW Chapter
Last edited by missiowa81; 12-26-2008 at 08:38 PM..
I'm lucky if I ever get anything out of my husband. He absolutely hates any holiday. I can't blame him though - for a few years it seemed like a relative died on each holiday.. I told him all I wanted was a card from him, like on valentines or our anniversary... it's hard for some guys to hshop I guess.
This year though, although not what I wanted (I did tell him a few things).. he MADE me a leather iPhone holder - designed it himself and designed, cut and stamped 2 dragons twined together. The leather work isn't perfect (it was his first in years) but I don't think he realizes that this is probably the coolest and most awesome thing he's done for me. I just wish that I could really use it - sadly the clear screen keeps my buttons active so it keeps trying to dial people on the phone etc.. maybe I'll figure out how to fix that...
I just learned that I just have to buy things for myself ... which is fine with me..
I am totally the coolest wife/mother this year (thank goodness I only have to keep that up for one week!). Girls got everything they wanted and DD has the perfect gift for her teacher. Yeah!! Then on the 21st I was at Fry's (electronics store) with DH and realized for the first time that he had not asked for anything for himself in so long (all his bonuses have paid my tuition) and he was ogling a MAC...I came home and three clicks later bought him a completely tricked out 24" IMAC. I got pots/pans and a couple sweaters he took 40 min to buy. I am so totally not complaining, because of him I now have my degree and we have so much to be thankful for. I went shopping for myself today at Ikea and probably Mikes/HL tomorrow. I am one happy girl.
By the way to shake and bake girl....teach your man to order out at your favorite restaurant would be even better. I went to pastry school years ago and DH told me to stop making so much sweet stuff, I hardly bake anything anymore.
You have to admit though, it is sweet that he did so well without getting things on your list... I enjoyed the sticky note IOU I got in my stocking from my wonderful boy (I think he added it after he talked to my mother, who I believe told him that I started watching/scouring for sales on his list 4 months ago). I am a very lucky girl though because he will come out and walk around and help "pick" things he thinks I will like. He is actually getting pretty good at knowing what will match my style which is impressive, but then again I know his taste in electronics.
I have to share this story with you girls because its too funny. I bought one of the big bite cropodiles with my birthday money from my grandmother. I had it out of the box for about 12 seconds and put it down to get something and the bf had it scooped up, instructions read and was punching holes in cds and setting eyelets in them. He had them on his desk he was so proud. When it came time to put up our Christmas tree, he strung ribbon through these and then hung them!! He was so proud of himself... soI had to leave them and I guess they do reflect the light in a cool way
__________________ My Blog is a work in Progress!! NONE/120 for 2009 (I am failing on this challenge!! Too many other things to do) Scrap Pages I lost count/72 for 2009
My hubby was the total opposite! I gave him a list that included very few scrapping things. (I have a HUGE stash of paper and I'm REALLY trying to use it....before buying new.) What did he do??? GOT me even MORE paper!! Now I'm not complaining too loudly.....LOL....but I am finding it difficult to find space for it.
I still can't tell him I hate Shake 'N Bake and Kraft Mac & Cheese. He is so sweet to do it and it makes him proud. I'll just eat it and say "yummy!" I could never hurt his feelings that way.
It's your marriage, but by eating it and saying that you enjoy it to make him feel good you are lying to him. I agree with the other posters about telling him, or you'd better develop a taste for it because you will be eating it for the rest of your lives together. :eek:
Regarding the gifts, my dh and I don't even exchange gifts. It saves the heartbreak of getting something you don't want/need. With that said, my dh bought a not-so-sturdy storage cart for me before Christmas, which I accidentally found out about a couple of weeks early, and wasn't the least bit offended when I told him honestly I'd rather return it for something else. It's amazing how far honesty can go. Good luck!
Try not to over-analyze it. Seriously, men just don't do things like we do. For years dh would buy me what he thought I would like. Didn't follow my list, hints, nothing. Finally, a few years ago we started a new tradition. We pick a day between Thankgiving and Christmas and go shopping together all day. (This year it was Black Friday and we got some GREAT deals) and we pick out the gifts we want to give each other(in front of each other) and do lunch and just have a great time. We wrap it all and wait until Christmas day to open them but there's no disappointment and the things we buy for each other are usually luxury items and just total splurges that we wouldn't normally buy for ourselves.
It works for us. Yep, there's no surprises and some might say no romance to that, but there's fun and good feelings and love.
I just gotta brag on my guy for a second too. He must've been a chef in his previous life because the man can seriously cook and does so every night as his way to relax after work. Crazy, right? Who am I to deny him his relaxation.
I think, if you try to think like a guy (not easy because they are wired so differently than us), that the Hobby Lobby gift card was his way of covering all the stamp/scrap items that you wanted. I would just ask him to drive you to Hobby Lobby and then go out for coffee together! Sounds like you got some nice gifts!
I bought one of the big bite cropodiles with my birthday money from my grandmother. I had it out of the box for about 12 seconds and put it down to get something and the bf had it scooped up, instructions read and was punching holes in cds and setting eyelets in them. He had them on his desk he was so proud. When it came time to put up our Christmas tree, he strung ribbon through these and then hung them!! He was so proud of himself... soI had to leave them and I guess they do reflect the light in a cool way
This is hysterically funny! After reading this I made my dh promise to stay away from my craft supplies.
My DH is pretty great, but he prefers to surprise me on holidays/ birthdays. I usually make him a list so that when other people ask he can give them ideas, but he rarely gets anything off of it. I do always get a gift card from one of the craft stores though. He is fairly artistic so if he knows there is something specific I want, he can at least find it. But he really prefers to surprise me. And I am ok with that, he does pretty good. The funniest thing he does though is he eventually buys me a duplicate charger for every electronics device that I own. He didn't even realize until I mentioned it after I opened my second iPhone charger this year. I always forget my chargers when I go somewhere and now I have a set that stays in my bag.
As far as the food thing, I do the majority of the cooking but he does on occassion. We both like to experiment with new recipies and try our own thing so we always rate them as soon as we start eating. His go to meal is fetticine alfrado and I like that. Maybe you can suggest trying something new. Even if I liked the shake and bake and macaroni I wouldn't want it everytime he gave me the night off from cooking.
Oh yeah, this year my mom gave my DH a Hobby Lobby gift card, but not me!
I guess I'm on a different wave-length completely. I wouldn't hesitate to tell my guy if I don't like something. You have to understand men and communicate so clearly that it cannot be misinterpreted. They need direct information to understand, no subtleties. As far as gifts go, if he asks what I want I tell him, if not he goes on his own. For 15 years he has bought many nice surprises for me. When we first met, I told him that in my family it is important to acknowledge Christmas and birthdays with a nice gift. So far, he's never missed. He even went to great lengths to pick out a card for last year's birthday & now that I make cards he went to more effort to 'get a good one'. Ladies, if you don't speak up you take your chances. Just my humble opinion......
No Scrapping Gifts
