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Old 11-04-2006, 09:20 AM   #441
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GRR I wish there was an edit button. That post sure has alot of typos
Hi Mishy,
Hey, I'm going crazy just looking at my typo with flourescent - my first post and I have a typo!!!! E. was scared of the clippers so we purchased an inexpensive pair for at home and let him turn it on. Also the last hairdresser we got gave E. a book on his lap and that really helped him to keep his head down.
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Old 11-04-2006, 12:20 PM   #442
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how do you all get a break?? my son is driving me so so incredibly crazy. i don't even want to be near him. everything he does (or doesn't do) is a function of him wanting control over EVERYthing--me, school, teachers, peers, his body, etc. the only way we have any calm at home is if we give in to everything except those things that will hurt him, others, or my house. but this just can't go on! he is SO defiant and he's only 6!! we're trying different meds, we've worked with behavior therapists, and STILL we're fighting a daily uphill battle with him. he can just wear us out until we give in. i don't get much help from my husband because of his career choice. i'm feeling so defeated. when the weekends come, all i can feel is resentment that i will barely have 20 minutes of peace to myself--let alone any time to make a card. and then i can hardly bear the thought of 20 or so more years of this. how do you all get through each day?

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Old 11-04-2006, 07:47 PM   #443
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Default Aspie Moment for the Day. Funny!

Took my DS to a craft fair today to help out. He was pretty good for most of the day.... We found out that there was another woman promoting her SU! business there (who wasn't supposed to be since only one from each company was allowed.) I come to fine out later in the day that he was over at her booth telling people that her stuff was overpriced and she complained to the organizers. I didn't even bother to explain him. I actually chuckled. Of course, DS & I talked to him about doing things like this, but I hardly kept a straigh face. As the day went on he tried to make it up by asking everyone who went buy if they stamped and directed them to my stamped items and class sign up sheet. He's such a treasure! I love him to death. I've had a really bad week and he just made it all up today. He was even flirting with HS girls.
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Old 11-06-2006, 07:23 PM   #444
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awww what a great guy. That would of been soo cute to see.


Well my son got his hair cut today. Instead of saying its okay its okay over and over. Now its All Better All Better and he was bawling. I felt so bad. He moved so much that his bangs are soooo short. I guess they'll grow back but hes school pictures on wednesday are sure going to look silly lol.
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Old 11-07-2006, 06:16 AM   #445
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Originally Posted by katiestamper
Took my DS to a craft fair today to help out. He was pretty good for most of the day.... We found out that there was another woman promoting her SU! business there (who wasn't supposed to be since only one from each company was allowed.) I come to fine out later in the day that he was over at her booth telling people that her stuff was overpriced and she complained to the organizers. I didn't even bother to explain him. I actually chuckled. Of course, DS & I talked to him about doing things like this, but I hardly kept a straigh face. As the day went on he tried to make it up by asking everyone who went buy if they stamped and directed them to my stamped items and class sign up sheet. He's such a treasure! I love him to death. I've had a really bad week and he just made it all up today. He was even flirting with HS girls.

I love this story! What a cute guy!!
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Old 11-07-2006, 06:22 AM   #446
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Awww. he's a keeper what a sweetie!
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Old 11-08-2006, 03:17 AM   #447
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Hi All ~
I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Betsy. My nearly 2 year old son was just diagnosed with autism, and I must say, I'm freaking out a little bit. I know nothing about the disease, other than what I've seen on tv or in movies, and the little bit I've read on the internet in the past week or so. I have no idea what to expect, and I'm terrified! There are so many things going through my mind right now.....I was very happy to find this support group here.

Well, like I said, we have just begun the process. Nicky has been evaluated by the EIP team. We are awaiting the results and a meeting to determine what type of services he will be needing/receiving. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. We live in NJ. I don't know if any of you are familiar with the programs in this state.

I also have another son, Jake, who is 3 1/2 and seems to be doing just fine. I am recently separated from my husband, but this whole situation seems to be bringing us closer to a reconciliation.

Thanks in advance for all the advice and support I know you ladies will offer!!
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Old 11-08-2006, 05:14 AM   #448
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Betsy,
Just wanted to say welcome and I'm glad you found this thread. It is a great comfort and full of information. I've learned more by asking questions and reading here, than all the books and internet sites. It's great to hear from those going through it first hand.
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Old 11-08-2006, 05:32 AM   #449
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Welcome Betsy! We understand how confusing and scary diagnosis time can be!! Just know that you can come here and ask questions, vent or share in small or big milestones and others will understand. Take Care!

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Old 11-08-2006, 06:00 AM   #450
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hello everyone - i was looking over recent posts in this thread about getting haircut with an autistic child - my DS - Aspergers, ADHD, Anxiety Disorder -now 16- HATED to have his hair cut - and while this may seem a little nutso i'm sure most of you with autistic children will understand -- i use to cut DH's hair when he was asleep! -- really! sometimes it would take several nights - i'd do one side & then roll his head to the other side and my DH would lift DS head to get to the back - it was by no means a great haircut -but DS has very thick hair and we kept in on the long side -- we eventually graduated to haircuts at home when he was awake and then just in the last 2 years he has gotten a commercial haircut - even now i have to prep him beforehand - "don't complain. no one is purposely trying to hurt you. the more you cooperate the quicker it will go. be polite" etc. you get the picture -

he still keeps his hair on the long side and he gets a haircut about once every 5-6 weeks - and yes, this is still a bone of contention in our home since DH thinks that DS hair should only be about 1/2 long ( i think DH is a bit jealous, since he is balding and DS has enough hair to cover 3 heads - LOL!)

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Old 11-08-2006, 07:14 AM   #451
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Welcome Betsy! Glad you found us. These ladies are great.

Carol, I had considered cutting the kids hair in their sleep, but C is such a crummy sleeper. I got a chuckle out of that. SOunds like a great plan to me.
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Old 11-08-2006, 07:25 AM   #452
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Staci,
I'm sorry you have been having such a rough go of it lately. How do I make it through the day? Honestly, sometimes I don't know. I just do. I try to get just fifteen minutes or so to myself when the kids are at school or in therapy. We also have a respite worker who has experience with ASD kids (She was the teacher's aide in DS1's class last year). She comes once a week or so & we can get time away. It helps me rejuvenate.

I hope you have a better week. Take care.
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Old 11-08-2006, 07:36 AM   #453
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Hi Betsy welcome, glad you found us.
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Old 11-08-2006, 10:56 AM   #454
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Hello all. I have been skimming through some of these posts and found them very interesting. I have been having some trouble with my 8yr daughter (for about the last 8 years! lol!) and recently had someone suggest that she may be mildly autistic. Who better to ask about that than the parents of autistic kids? She is in 3rd grade. Socially does not fit will in her class at all. Has behavior issues. She does not transition well, once you get her doing something, she doesnt like to change. She likes to stay where she is, if at home, she does not want to go to school, store, etc. If at school, does not like to go home, etc. She has terrible temper tantrums that are actually getting WORSE as she get older. she lays on the floor and screams, kicks, etc. Discipline does not help. She did not talk until she was 3, however, when she did, she went straight to complete sentences and reads at a 5th grade level now. The school keeps reporting to me that she is distracting in class, wont sit still, etc. What do you all think? If I need to get her tested for something, who does that? School? Dr.? I dont know what to do with her. Thanks for your advice!
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Old 11-08-2006, 11:53 AM   #455
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Hi terdoan,

Not sure how it works down in the States but in Canada, my DS had to see a speech pathologist, a paediatrician and a child psychologist to get his diagnosis (2 out of the 3 have to agree on the diagnosis). Have a friend up here whose daughter was diagnosed with Aspberger's at 14! The biggest difference it made for her was that she now qualifies for support within the school and she has an IEP (individualized education plan) where she can take her exams in the library instead of the gym, homework has to be marked no matter how late... no longer is she a "discipline problem" (I really don't like that phrase!) When my son finally got his diagnosis (took 2 yrs for him to complete enough of the tests for the psycologist to base her decision on), it was great bc it got him support and me training on how he best learns (we use timers/count downs for transitions daily!). Glad you signed up!
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Old 11-08-2006, 12:36 PM   #456
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Hi tedoan, and Welcome I would start at the dr or ped's office ask the school to provide a letter and be available for a possible phone call from the dr. see where he would like to go from there, it can be a long journey for some and for others it is a short one. Good luck to you and keep us posted on your journey.

PS I have a 10yr. old daughter with autism and I wouldn't have it any other way she is so inspiring to me.
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Old 11-08-2006, 12:42 PM   #457
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Hi everyone, My daughter who is almost 27 years old was never formally diagnosed as autistic but had some of the symptoms has done well over the years. Back then they didn't diagnose unless it was very clear and severe and usually male. She never did well with things like season changes, very set in her routine. Haircuts were not good, food was and somewhat still is a big issue. I always worried about her especially since they didn't diagnose her. (I believe they would now) The specialist at the time told me that if she did not hug me he would have said that she was definately autistic.

But as time went on she has come into her own and is now quite independant. Lives on her own, works, has friends, a boyfriend. She has grown and developed so much and I am so happy for her. All of those years of struggle to get her help has paid off.
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Old 11-08-2006, 12:53 PM   #458
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Thanks for the encouraging story! Labels don't change our children - they just make getting help easier - and since all my 8 yr old DS talks about lately is what he and his wife are going to do with their children, it was great to hear from someone whose child is living on their own.
Question about cards - what is the one (or 2) SU products you wouldn't do without? Seeing way to many ideas, don't have many supplies...
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Old 11-08-2006, 01:13 PM   #459
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Thanks for the advice. I am supposed to meet with her teacher on Friday. I will ask about getting a letter from them. Sometimes it takes 2 or 3 weeks to get into the dr., so I should get on that! She hasnt been to the dr. in a couple of years, so it wouldnt hurt to have a check up too while she is there. Thanks again and I will keep you posted on what I learn, if anything! Thanks!
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Old 11-08-2006, 04:46 PM   #460
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Question about cards - what is the one (or 2) SU products you wouldn't do without? Seeing way to many ideas, don't have many supplies...
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Old 11-08-2006, 07:32 PM   #461
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Quote:
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Hi All ~
I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Betsy. My nearly 2 year old son was just diagnosed with autism, and I must say, I'm freaking out a little bit. I know nothing about the disease, other than what I've seen on tv or in movies, and the little bit I've read on the internet in the past week or so. I have no idea what to expect, and I'm terrified! There are so many things going through my mind right now.....I was very happy to find this support group here.

Well, like I said, we have just begun the process. Nicky has been evaluated by the EIP team. We are awaiting the results and a meeting to determine what type of services he will be needing/receiving. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. We live in NJ. I don't know if any of you are familiar with the programs in this state.

I also have another son, Jake, who is 3 1/2 and seems to be doing just fine. I am recently separated from my husband, but this whole situation seems to be bringing us closer to a reconciliation.

Thanks in advance for all the advice and support I know you ladies will offer!!
Welcome Betsy!

I just wanted to say that we lived in NJ for 7 years - my son was 3 when we first got there. We were stationed at McGuire AFB (not sure where you are), but I think NJ is a great place to be with an autistic child. Our area had a good early intervention program (I knew people in the program, but Taylor was school age when we got there) and then school begins at age 3. The puplic schools we used had good programs in place. There are also several private schools specifically for autistic children in southern NJ (that's the only part of NJ I'm familiar with). Our public school had a consultant from Douglas (a private school) that over saw our program. Also, in NJ there is a group - COSAC - here is a link http://www.njcosac.org/cosac2/Home%20Page. They are full of information on the Autism community in NJ. They hold a conference every year plus they hold seminars, etc. They are a great resource - use them.

Nothing comes easy, even when the services are available. We have to be our child's best advocate. So be strong and be informed and you know we are here if you have questions.

Hugs to you - be strong!! These kids are such a blessing and a joy!
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Old 11-09-2006, 05:24 AM   #462
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedHen55
But as time went on she has come into her own and is now quite independant. Lives on her own, works, has friends, a boyfriend. She has grown and developed so much and I am so happy for her. All of those years of struggle to get her help has paid off.
This is wonderful to hear. I think about this all the time as I watch my 5 yold autistic son play. He is very smart and is capable of doing what is asked. He just chooses not to sometimes. His speech has improved a lot over the past 2 years, so I have hope that he will be able to communicate adequately when he is older. Thank you redhen for sharing your experience.
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Old 11-09-2006, 05:58 AM   #463
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Redhen,
You brightened my day. Thanks. Glad to know your DD is doing so well.
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Old 11-09-2006, 06:52 AM   #464
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedHen55
Hi everyone, My daughter who is almost 27 years old was never formally diagnosed as autistic but had some of the symptoms has done well over the years. Back then they didn't diagnose unless it was very clear and severe and usually male. She never did well with things like season changes, very set in her routine. Haircuts were not good, food was and somewhat still is a big issue. I always worried about her especially since they didn't diagnose her. (I believe they would now) The specialist at the time told me that if she did not hug me he would have said that she was definately autistic.

But as time went on she has come into her own and is now quite independant. Lives on her own, works, has friends, a boyfriend. She has grown and developed so much and I am so happy for her. All of those years of struggle to get her help has paid off.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, I love happy endings, congrats to you and your daughter for all your accomplishments!!
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Old 11-15-2006, 05:23 PM   #465
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Hi everyone. Just wondering how many other people are struggling with getting your child to focus on tasks. David (6) has such a hard time focusing when it's something he's not into. He HATES to write so his teacher sends home writing homework to get more practice. He'll have to write a word like "red" 3 times. After each letter he gets disracted (sp?) and you have to remind him of what he is doing. There is other times when he just can't sit still and I think it's the same thing, can't keep on a task. Is anyone using medication for this issue? I don't even know if that is an option, but he is very bright and I feel his attention problem is distracting from his learning.
Any advise/experience would be great.
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Old 11-15-2006, 07:09 PM   #466
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazzeescrapper
Hi everyone. Just wondering how many other people are struggling with getting your child to focus on tasks. David (6) has such a hard time focusing when it's something he's not into. He HATES to write so his teacher sends home writing homework to get more practice. He'll have to write a word like "red" 3 times. After each letter he gets disracted (sp?) and you have to remind him of what he is doing. There is other times when he just can't sit still and I think it's the same thing, can't keep on a task. Is anyone using medication for this issue? I don't even know if that is an option, but he is very bright and I feel his attention problem is distracting from his learning.
Any advise/experience would be great.
Thanks,
Tracy
Tracy,

My son had the same problem at David's age. Extra writing is not really the answer. What a psychologist recommended for us was to break things up with small rewards between tasks. For example, when he gets home from school, he would get 20-30 minutes to do what he wanted. Then he would focus on a task for a certain time period, depending on his age. At 6, it probably isn't more than 10-15 minutes. After the task is complete, without whining or prompting, he would get another 10-15 minutes to do whatever he wanted. This would go on until the work was finished. It sounds like a lot of work for you, but believe me it's easier and less frustrating than struggling with them. We use a timer so we know when the time is up and there is no arguing. When Connot got older, we used $.25 for incentive. He got the quarter if he finished his work with no prompting, no whining and put it in his backpack. It worked and we still use a variation of this now and he is 13. Give it a try. We do use medication at school, but it is worn off by the time he got/gets home, so you still need a strategy.
Hope that helps.
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Old 11-16-2006, 08:59 AM   #467
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omg my husband and I were almost in tears last night. Jr was been singing a song for about an hour and he has never talked so much in sentences. He was singing red bird red bird what do you see? I see a yellow duck looking at me. Its wassooo cute . I just looked it up online to see where hes getting it from and its from a book called brown bear brown bear. I know what Im picking up at the store.
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Old 11-16-2006, 09:00 AM   #468
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oops where is an edit button when you need it LOL.

Hes learning so much at his preschool. I'm so glad he attends it.
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Old 11-16-2006, 09:06 AM   #469
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omg my husband and I were almost in tears last night. Jr was been singing a song for about an hour and he has never talked so much in sentences. He was singing red bird red bird what do you see? I see a yellow duck looking at me. Its wassooo cute . I just looked it up online to see where hes getting it from and its from a book called brown bear brown bear. I know what Im picking up at the store.
How exciting!!
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Old 11-16-2006, 09:32 AM   #470
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Yeah for Jr. Glad he's doing well. Isn't it great how we can really appreciate these little moments.
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Old 11-16-2006, 09:45 AM   #471
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Awesome, progress is wonderful(and I love that book!)

I was at the Dr. for one of my other sons yesterday (bone spurs) and I looked at the kids and Seth was just sitting, not perfect but quite. God reminded me of how is usually is at the doc. (horrible) He even picked a fight with my eye doctor last year telling him he did not know what he was doing ect...The last 3 appt we have been at he has been quite. I tend to dwell on all I usually have to correct him for and was glad of this, major, progress!
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Old 11-16-2006, 12:16 PM   #472
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Motherof6
Awesome, progress is wonderful(and I love that book!)

I was at the Dr. for one of my other sons yesterday (bone spurs) and I looked at the kids and Seth was just sitting, not perfect but quite. God reminded me of how is usually is at the doc. (horrible) He even picked a fight with my eye doctor last year telling him he did not know what he was doing ect...The last 3 appt we have been at he has been quite. I tend to dwell on all I usually have to correct him for and was glad of this, major, progress!
Happy to hear about your huge milestone!
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Old 11-16-2006, 12:28 PM   #473
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Debbi,
So happy for you. This is a big deal. Yeah Seth!
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Old 11-16-2006, 08:37 PM   #474
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Is lack of empathy/remorse a symptom? Or are we looking at something different with our 8yr old daughter? She has an appt. with a psychologist on the 30th. The school suggested someone. She is now having her fits at school too, and you should hear the things she was telling the school counseller. I dont know if it is good imagination or she's nuts. I just dont know what to think.
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Old 11-17-2006, 06:21 AM   #475
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Quote:
Originally Posted by terdoan
Is lack of empathy/remorse a symptom? Or are we looking at something different with our 8yr old daughter? She has an appt. with a psychologist on the 30th. The school suggested someone. She is now having her fits at school too, and you should hear the things she was telling the school counseller. I dont know if it is good imagination or she's nuts. I just dont know what to think.

Lack of empathy can be a symptom. ASD kids have a very different perspective sometimes. They just hear, see, and interpret things differently than us boring neurtypicals. It's not that they are without feeling. Sometimes they just don't know how to express their own or interpret other people's. The psychologist will probably have some good suggestions for you.
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Old 11-17-2006, 06:42 AM   #476
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Our DS is like that. He disconnects himself from anything he does that is wrong. Our Neurologist says he has remorse for geting caught but not for what he has done that is why he continues to do the same wrong things everyday.
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Old 11-19-2006, 05:52 AM   #477
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Are you dreading the holidays?

It seems my DS is the worst around family. He thinks he has no barriers and goes crazy. I love my family/DH's family and being with them but am dreading dealing with Seth the whole time (it is constant) When we were together for 4th of July he literly talked and ran for 12 hours straight. He did not even stop or sit to eat. Then it took the rest of the week to get him back in his groove. UGH!!

What is the stiuation your child acts out the most?
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Old 11-19-2006, 06:26 AM   #478
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yup I feel your pain *hugs*

This is actually what Im not waiting for with my Inlaw Christmas party. Jr seems to want to get into everything and dosnt want to just sit still. It seems to happen alot with places hes not used to.

When people talk to him he really dosnt pay attention and some people look at me like hes ignoring them. Its soo hard. Then it comes to food. Hes a very very picky eater. He really dosnt eat a full meal hes more a snack here and there kinda guy. Its soo hard to get people to understand he dosnt sit still at a table very long.
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Old 11-19-2006, 06:43 AM   #479
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The holidays are the one time...I know I'm awful...that I'm glad Dh is a Marine and we're not near family. We just do our family at our house usually. It's too much stress otherwise. Not to mention the fact that everyone fights over us.

When we go to a big gathering my boys are usually like human pinballs bouncing here and there and everywhere. Although Caleb has gotten much better.

One thing that has worked well for us is a visual schedule. Caleb doesn't need it most of the time because he follows/understands verbal directions well, but when things are very different it helps a lot. We refer to it. He knows he has to do what his schedule says. It helps in the crazy situations and it helps him get back in the groove at home. Anyway, might be something to look into.

Debbi, " when do my kids act up the most?" Usually when it's least convenient LOL. No anymore it's usually when they are expecting one thing and something else happens without warning.
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Old 11-19-2006, 07:34 AM   #480
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Holidays are a horrible time for our family. Matthew does not tolerate anyone coming to our home and he will push people right out the door as soon as they come here. Since he is an adult size (outweighs me by 100 pounds) and is very aggressive, we have gotten to the point where we just tell people not to bother.

This year for Thanksgiving, he was having a bad day, so we never got to have our Thanksgiving Dinner at my parents. My sister-in-law is fostering a one year old child, and Matthew attacks people so we chose just to stay away. Everyone understood because they know how he is. Just easier on everyone.

Halloween with kids coming to the door, we decided just to lock up the house, drive into the city and meet my husband for dinner in the city. We took our time, and of course Matthew hurries us through it, because he can not tolerate the noise in restaurants. Crowds are a bad thing for him.

Christmas Day is always a horrible time for us. I think that this year, I might just cook a small turkey and have Christmas Dinner here, just the three of us. Would make things alot easier for our family. We usually go to my parents but with my brother's family there, Matthew acts up even more and will attack them. He thinks he is playing with them, but because of his strength and size, he hurts people. We don't bother going to my inlaws either as they invite about 30 people there, and Matthew wouldn't be able to handle it.
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