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Old 10-23-2006, 08:51 AM   #401
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Christy, I know where you are coming from on this one. My son Andrew (5) is the same way. I rarely hear of a behavior problem at school, but when he's with me - a totally different type of behavior. It really is a challenge.

This may sound weird but I am so excited to hear other mom's say their children have no behavior problems at school. I have twin boys age 5 diagnosed with Aspergers. One little guy seems to have more presenting problems. At school, he is an angel, but by the time he gets home he is ready to fight. He hits, screams, and throws tantrums. No one believes some of our behavior problems. We have been at such a loss with him. He has been in OT, seen a psychologist, speech, and a special needs pre-k, but we still seem to have the same behavior issues. Does anyone work with a behavior therapist or ABA?
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Old 10-23-2006, 09:17 AM   #402
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I just wrote a long post and I accidently touched something on my keyboard and lost my whole post. Frustrating. Just wanting to introduce myself on this thread.

I am Mom to Matthew who is an autistic 13 year old boy. He is classified as severe, and is also non-verbal, quite aggressive, and has epilepsy. I became a stay-at-home mom. He is bigger than the average boy although I am only 5'2 and my husband is 5'11. The last time we took his measurements was in the springtime and he was 5'8 and 260 pounds. The medicine he is on causes weight gain and increased appetite, so when I pick him up from school at 2:30, I try my best to keep him active and moving until his dad gets home at 6:00 from work.

If any of you would like to see Matthew, I did up some scrapbook pages on the weekend. Click on my name and onto my gallery and check out my delightful boy. He has an awesome smile and he loves to tease and do goofy to make other people laugh. He has an infectious giggle too and can make people laugh from listening to him. He's such a loveable kid.
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Old 10-23-2006, 09:38 AM   #403
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Does anyone work with a behavior therapist or ABA?
We have just seen the behavior specialist from the school district and I've just started taking my son to a behavioral psychologist. His preschool teacher uses ABA but it's not quite so intense as some places because there are many about 8 kids and it's only 2 1/2 hours a day.

Just knowing that there are specialists willing to help me has made a difference. I don't feel so alone. Our psychologist is a little pricey (compared to the FREE services the school district provides) and I haven't personally felt that it's "worth" it, yet. I'm giving it more time, though.

I often feel like people don't believe me when I talk about how violent Caleb can be. He's such a sweet and charming kid in public. He is at home, too...but when he's bad---he's BAD. I was so "pleased" when the behavior specialist saw him hit my daughter. It wasn't as bad as he usually gets but at least she saw that he does it. Even when I ask friends to watch my kids at times they are surprised I need a break. My kids are usually very well behaved for others. They've got to be thinking that I don't know what I'm doing (although that's not entirely untrue) or that I just have a very low tolerance.

Good to know I'm not alone and there are people that actually understand where I'm coming from.
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Old 10-23-2006, 12:33 PM   #404
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We've had our son on a wait list for an residential medication assessment. These lists are so long but his psychologist recommended it. He could not believe how over-active he was during one of our visits. The psychologist said that Matthew was on enough medication to sedate four of us adults and it never had any effect on him. He could not believe it when I told him that yes, Matthew did have his medicine that morning and the behaviour he just witnessed (grabbing my hair and pulling me down) was nothing. Recommended him for the program right after seeing that. Now, we have to wait our turn. Sometimes it really does help for others to see how our children behave. I had started to not take Matthew out in public because he has been aggressive towards strangers too.

During the summer, I had him in a summer camp (daytime) for autistic children and there were several severely autistic kids (like my son) who were all aggressive towards each other and the workers. Funny thing is, they are all bigger than average boys all around the same age group. I thought that Matthew was big for his age but he was the same size as those other boys. At school, he towers over all the kids who are his age.
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Old 10-23-2006, 01:30 PM   #405
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Originally Posted by momoftwinbplus2g
This may sound weird but I am so excited to hear other mom's say their children have no behavior problems at school. I have twin boys age 5 diagnosed with Aspergers. One little guy seems to have more presenting problems. At school, he is an angel, but by the time he gets home he is ready to fight. He hits, screams, and throws tantrums. No one believes some of our behavior problems. We have been at such a loss with him. He has been in OT, seen a psychologist, speech, and a special needs pre-k, but we still seem to have the same behavior issues. Does anyone work with a behavior therapist or ABA?
I can certainly say been there, done that! I found that when my son gets home from school, if he immediately just goes and does something just for him - usually some kind of self-stim, it relaxes him and we don't see the behaviors after. I think he just needs to let loose when he gets home (being on awesome behavior all day can be exhausting, I guess), so we don't ask questions - we just let him do his thing for about 20 min. and then he's ready to be spoken to or interacted with. It works for us - I hope you can find something similar that can work for you!
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Old 10-23-2006, 03:12 PM   #406
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Sara (sp?),
I don't know where you live, but there are psychologists who specialize in Autism/Asperger's where I am. Thank God my insurance covers most of it. They are changing our health plan next year and we will just have to bite the bullet. However, my experience has been positive. He is able to get Connor to talk about things that make him mad and get him to suggest alternatives. My son is 13 also. He has always been somewhat of a problem at school because he is ADHD also. When he was little he thought nothing of hitting someone who bugged him. I do let him have 1/2 hour to do whatever he wants before starting homework. He picks TV, legos or computer (used to be Gameboy) and that seems to calm him down. Then we work on homework in baby steps. He works for a while, gets a 10 minute break (with a timer) and so on until he is finished. This is a trick the Psychologist taught us. I also find that 2 times around the block, walking or bike riding helps a bunch. (No stopping to play or get in trouble.) Hang in there and big hugs.
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Old 10-23-2006, 03:44 PM   #407
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Donna519
If any of you would like to see Matthew, I did up some scrapbook pages on the weekend. Click on my name and onto my gallery and check out my delightful boy. He has an awesome smile and he loves to tease and do goofy to make other people laugh. He has an infectious giggle too and can make people laugh from listening to him. He's such a loveable kid.
Donna,
Your son has a beautiful smile. Thanks for sharing your scrapbook pages with us, they are very nicely done.
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Old 10-24-2006, 05:03 PM   #408
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I was wondering if anyone else is having a problem with your child not wanting to help themselves? I can't figure out if he is just playing me or if he still really needs help. My son David is high functioning and 6 years old. However, he still wants us to help get him dressed everyday. I believe he's only done it a few times himself and he always needs help with shoes, even his velcro ones. I've gone as far as saying I'll take him to school in his PJ's and then he has a meltdown. He has such problems with the snaps/buttons and zippers on his pants he just pull them up and down without doing them.
He has few problems with any other normal tasks. Any thoughts?
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Old 10-24-2006, 07:17 PM   #409
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I was wondering if anyone else is having a problem with your child not wanting to help themselves? I can't figure out if he is just playing me or if he still really needs help. My son David is high functioning and 6 years old. However, he still wants us to help get him dressed everyday. I believe he's only done it a few times himself and he always needs help with shoes, even his velcro ones. I've gone as far as saying I'll take him to school in his PJ's and then he has a meltdown. He has such problems with the snaps/buttons and zippers on his pants he just pull them up and down without doing them.
He has few problems with any other normal tasks. Any thoughts?
Oh yes!! My son was very slow to do things for himself. He does dress himself now, but he still has a problem with buttons on pants (shirts he's OK, and snaps are OK) and he's 12! His pants go up and down without being undone all the time and he even popped all the buttons on a shirt once because he didn't want to unbutton it - just ripped it off! His teacher actually had a program set up for him at school to work on snaps and buttons. She even taught him to tie his shoes - it was a slow process, but with lots of patience from the adult, they will eventually get it. We still have trouble getting him to do simple things like cut up his own food, but he's soooo independent in other ways. It just seems like for my son, it's the small motor skills that are difficult for him and he has no patience when it's difficult for him. We keep on working with him - small baby steps.... thank goodness he has a good OT at school to help with this stuff!

Good luck with your son - he'll get it in time!
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Old 10-24-2006, 07:18 PM   #410
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my son, also 6 is exactly the same way. even after years of OT, he wants me to dress him, wash him, wipe him, etc.

it's frustrating. it says to me that he's not certain of his ability and rather than try himself, which takes effort and the ability to deal with the anxiety caused by uncertainty, he asks me to do it for him. sometimes he simply doesn't want to be bothered (getting dressed). sometimes he just wants to control me.

with shoes, i agree to do one shoe and sock while he does the other. sometimes i give him his clothes while he's watching t.v. and ask him to put them on there. i really think that he will do these things for himself one day, and if i push it now, it will become a control issue, and we have enough of those! sometimes i tease him and ask him if i'll have to wipe his heiny when he's in college! he always says "no."

i'm sorry i can't be of much help other than to let you know you're not alone.

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Old 10-25-2006, 07:05 AM   #411
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Thanks, I feel much better knowing it's just not him. He also needs help with cutting his food, wiping and washing. I also believe it's a patience thing. He gets frustrated easy.
Thanks for your feedback
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Old 10-29-2006, 02:09 PM   #412
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How do you deal with people who do not understand that you understand your child better than they do?

I am just so tired of people saying "Let me give you a break and let my daughter/wife etc. Watch your son. He can't be that hard to manage." Why do they feel they can take care of him when some day I do not know if I can? I never asked for a break! My DS is very destructive, even to himself and needs constant monitoring. If he is standing by me and I cannot see his other hand. I can guarantee he is peeling the skin off his fingers with his thumb nail or visa/versa or taking apart the pocket of his pants/shirt . If you do not know what to watch such as even the slightest motion in his mouth he is usually chewing on the inside of his mouth until it is raw and bleeding. I've tried to explain things to people and that he is not usually stopped for what he is doing but where it is headed. The only way I can see to show them is let them take him. But then it takes me weeks to get him under control and he then forever thinks he can pull things around that person. I did this with my niece who was always asking "Can't I just take him for a walk?" I let her. It lasted about 10 minutes and she apologized and has never asked again, but for the rest of the day he was an animal. Now (6 months later) DS always acts up when she is around and thinks he has more liberties in her presence. People think I should just let him run and be a monster...What do you do?

Thanks for listening, I've had a very hard week and needed to vent, big time!
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Old 10-31-2006, 08:05 AM   #413
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I'm sorry to hear it has been a rough week for you many (((HUGS))) going out to you. I do know what you mean and I love the button I found that says Compliments Welcome Parenting Advice is Not. We have found the same thing it is easier for us if we are the one watching our DD b/c of all the backlash we take from her a s a result of someone else watching her, as she gets older this is getting better for us, she is able to communicate so much more now then before. I have found that close family and friends that know our routine inside and out are now ok to watch her. I hope you are having a better week this week.
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Old 10-31-2006, 08:14 AM   #414
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Anyone else hate Halloween night? Matthew does not tolerate people coming to our house and everytime anyone leaves our house, he attacks us. My husband will not be home by the time trick-or-treaters start coming around, usually around 4, so this year, Matthew and I are headed into the city to meet his dad for supper at Swiss Chalet (Canadian chicken and rib restaurant) to get away from all of that. I can't watch Matthew and answer the door to trick-or-treaters by myself so that is what we're going to do. This restaurant is the only restaurant that he will tolerate a sit down meal with us in a restaurant, so he will be excited. His dad is headed there early to scout out a good quiet table for us.
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Old 11-01-2006, 06:18 AM   #415
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Halloween went off great here, Megan went from house to house like an old pro, she didn;'t wear her spiderman mask , understandably. Then we watched the fireworks, and off to bed. The school had a great day lined up for them as well so the day went really well too, she had adapted swimming, then a school dance where she boogied for all of 4 mins. then she hung out in the LRT room crafting and playing.

How was everyone elses Halloween?

Donna I hopoe your dinner went well, sorry to hear Halloween is difficult for you.
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Old 11-01-2006, 08:21 AM   #416
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Halloween was the high point of the last two weeks for us. Only one small meltdown while we were out. It was one time when the aspie traits were a plus. A man was dressed like a troll scaring kids. My DS looked at him very black and white and said" You are just a people in a costume." While my other kids were not willing to go get the candy. I am not sure that he really looked at the troll, but at least he was not scared. He became more agitated by the big kids and he did not like them coming to our house. The last two weeks have been long!! He really started to act out. We are seeing a new OT. she is working with modulation and regulating his body- hopefully that will help. Also, we are currently looking for a new behavior therapist or psychologist. Then, we have to decide whether to start his twin brother with the OT. I feel so guilty, but sometimes the therapists, doctors and appointments can be overwhelming. Does anyone else feel this way?
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Old 11-01-2006, 08:37 AM   #417
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. I feel so guilty, but sometimes the therapists, doctors and appointments can be overwhelming. Does anyone else feel this way?
Briget
I do! I had someone ask me what I am going to do once all of my kids are grown. I answered "Sit down and stay home." Of course DH wants to travel and I will will never want to leave again. It seems like we are constantly running. We had a fairly good dr. appt yesterday (2 hours). Doc is trying to find us a good dietician so we can try some new venues. She said we can try and do well or fail but at least we tried and learned!
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Old 11-01-2006, 10:13 AM   #418
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All the specialists and meetings and appointments can be totally overwhelming. I am so looking forward to DS2 turning 3 so he and DS1 can both be in the same program, and I won't have to do so much juggling.

Halloween was fun. Caleb made it to one house and had a melt down because he wanted to go in and play with the little guy who answered the door or at least check out his toys. We had discussed how we don't get to stay, but it just looked too fun I guess. So I took him home to hand out candy with Dad and watch videos. He did great last year. I don't know. He might be a little under the weather. He just laid on the couch all evening. Luke on the other hand was a champ. He made good eye contact, smiled, said "Tank too", and had a good time with our little friend Sophie. He was happy to share his candy with brother.
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Old 11-01-2006, 10:15 AM   #419
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Debbi,
Good luck with the dietician. It really does help a lot of kids. It didn't work for us, but I am still really glad we tried. One thing though, keep a log of what DS eats and his behaviors for at least 2 weeks before you introduce any changes. This can be your baseline. Then if you aren't sure how well it's working you can go back and see. "Okay he only has 2 tantrums a day, he was having a t least 6..."
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Old 11-01-2006, 01:28 PM   #420
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Debbi,
Good luck with the dietician. It really does help a lot of kids. It didn't work for us, but I am still really glad we tried. One thing though, keep a log of what DS eats and his behaviors for at least 2 weeks before you introduce any changes. This can be your baseline. Then if you aren't sure how well it's working you can go back and see. "Okay he only has 2 tantrums a day, he was having a t least 6..."
Thanks for the pointer! I will take anything I can get.
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Old 11-01-2006, 05:41 PM   #421
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Thanks for responding- I don't feel so alone. Good luck with the dietician.

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Old 11-02-2006, 12:10 PM   #422
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Just going to the store sometimes seems like a hassle. It sounds so bad but I cant even enjoy shopping because of my lil guys meltdowns at times
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Old 11-02-2006, 12:25 PM   #423
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Does anyone have issues with combing or getting their kids hair cut?

My kid will cry and say its okay its okay over and over again. He hates it
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Old 11-02-2006, 01:40 PM   #424
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Quote:
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Does anyone have issues with combing or getting their kids hair cut?

My kid will cry and say its okay its okay over and over again. He hates it
OMGosh!! This is my son - he has always hated haircuts! We took him to a barber once - big mistake - total meltdown. We have been cutting his hair ever since. We try to keep it short because he won't let us comb it either. And he sits there and says "it's OK" over and over too! I think it's interesting that your's says it's OK too!
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Old 11-02-2006, 01:42 PM   #425
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Ive been trying to cut his hair but um its not working LOL. Right now the back of his hair looks like he tried cutting himself. I guess its not that bad but we call it the layered look oops LOL.
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Old 11-02-2006, 01:43 PM   #426
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I mean cutting it himself. I wish this had an edit button lol.
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Old 11-02-2006, 02:57 PM   #427
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My DD hates getting her hair cut too, she is a bit better now but she has to be in the right mood to comply, her bangs are so long right now, waiting for the right mood can take weeks.
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Old 11-02-2006, 03:35 PM   #428
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we use to have a hard time at the hair cutter in that my son would cry the whole time. so we would have him sit on my lap, she would cover us both with an apron, and that helped a tiny bit. i also read my son a "social story" about getting your hair cut. he was enthralled by the story and it began to get easier. now he's a pro and sits by himself. he still doesn't love it, but our haircutter is FAST. he gets a reward after. the other thing is we cut it super short so we don't have to go but once in 3 months.

if you aren't familiar with social stories and how to use them see Carol Gray's website: http://www.thegraycenter.org/

we have found it helpful to use these when trying anything new. hope this helps!
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Old 11-02-2006, 04:22 PM   #429
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Originally Posted by mishy
Ive been trying to cut his hair but um its not working LOL. Right now the back of his hair looks like he tried cutting himself. I guess its not that bad but we call it the layered look oops LOL.
We bought a set of professional clippers (we found some really quiet ones as the sound of clippers can really bother him). My DH has gotten really good at using the different sized guards and I use scissors on the top of Taylor's head. It's a team effort and sometimes he needs a break in-between the sides and the top, but it gets done about once every 4 - 6 weeks. By the time the haircut is done, my poor son is covered in hair as he's so nervous and upset that he sweats up a storm. His reward when the haircut is over is a nice long shower and bath. He is a water boy and loves to be in the tub!!
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Old 11-02-2006, 04:29 PM   #430
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mishy
Ive been trying to cut his hair but um its not working LOL. Right now the back of his hair looks like he tried cutting himself. I guess its not that bad but we call it the layered look oops LOL.
We bought a set of professional clippers (we found some really quiet ones as the sound of clippers can really bother him). My DH has gotten really good at using the different sized guards and I use scissors on the top of Taylor's head. It's a team effort and sometimes he needs a break in-between the sides and the top, but it gets done about once every 4 - 6 weeks. By the time the haircut is done, my poor son is covered in hair as he's so nervous and upset that he sweats up a storm. His reward when the haircut is over is a nice long shower and bath. He is a water boy and loves to be in the tub!!
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Old 11-02-2006, 04:30 PM   #431
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Oops, sorry about the double post. I really didn't think it posted the first time as everything froze on me. Had to try it again - kind of wonky I guess.
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Old 11-03-2006, 06:04 AM   #432
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My kids don't like haircuts either. They do Ok. I bring a bunch of dumdum lollipops and hand Caleb one after another while he sits in the chair. It's one of the few times he gets suckers so he likes that about it. Now he expects it. We also found a really patient stylist. My kids would have hair down to their waists or be bald if I was the one cutting it. I don't have any talent in that area.
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Old 11-03-2006, 06:09 AM   #433
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Seth does not mind the cutting. I cut all their hair. He does throw fits about people outside of our house seeing him afterwards though. He hates change! I had to pull him out of the truck last time because he did not want his uncle to see his hair cut.
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Old 11-03-2006, 10:03 AM   #434
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Andrew's first experience at the barber was a total meltdown. As he receives more haircuts, he knows the drill but cries anyway. He'll sit in the chair but doesn't like the apron on. So an extra shirt is needed when we go. My DH took him this last time and he seemed to be a bit better than when I take him. (I was peeking around the window watching.) He does like that Dum-dum lollipop afterwards.
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Old 11-03-2006, 06:55 PM   #435
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Hi, signed up because I discovered this support group. Great to find stampers and mom's of ASD children! My ds is eight and here's what worked for his haircuts: Find a barber without flourecent lighting, let him get used to sound of clippers at home, bring a new shirt to change into (clippings drive him crazy!) Have had the best luck with hairdressers that work out of their homes - less distractions and less anxiety. Hope someone finds this useful.
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Old 11-04-2006, 08:05 AM   #436
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That's exactly what we do when he goes he gets a sucker. The barber is shocked though we do that since it gets hair on it *blush* hey whatever helps him calm down works for me.
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Old 11-04-2006, 08:06 AM   #437
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We got a small little barber so theres really not much distraction hes usually the only person in there other then the barber himself LOL. He terrified of the trimmer though
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Old 11-04-2006, 08:07 AM   #438
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GRR I wish there was an edit button. That post sure has alot of typos
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Old 11-04-2006, 08:12 AM   #439
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2kc
Hi, signed up because I discovered this support group. Great to find stampers and mom's of ASD children! My ds is eight and here's what worked for his haircuts: Find a barber without flourecent lighting, let him get used to sound of clippers at home, bring a new shirt to change into (clippings drive him crazy!) Have had the best luck with hairdressers that work out of their homes - less distractions and less anxiety. Hope someone finds this useful.
k
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Old 11-04-2006, 08:14 AM   #440
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2 more weeks til the big evaluation if my little guy is Autisic. Does anyone know what will happed during this? Its only 2 hours and its by the Wisconsin Autism Project if that helps.
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