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Old 02-25-2010, 09:10 PM   #521
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Default My prayers continue for strength and understanding!

My heart goes out to everyone that loves little Sicily...
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Old 02-26-2010, 05:46 AM   #522
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This is so sad, I can't help crying... even knowing how strong thier faith is and how much support they have, to know you are losing your child... it just hurts my heart really really bad. Do you think we could send cards??? and what kind??? or should we wait a while and send b-day cards?? I hate to even think about the possibility of her not being here for her 5th. Let us know what you think Caterina.
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Old 02-26-2010, 08:45 AM   #523
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shelsmom View Post
This is so sad, I can't help crying... even knowing how strong thier faith is and how much support they have, to know you are losing your child... it just hurts my heart really really bad. Do you think we could send cards??? and what kind??? or should we wait a while and send b-day cards?? I hate to even think about the possibility of her not being here for her 5th. Let us know what you think Caterina.
Hugs and Prayers


Betty, we should get together... have not been able to stop crying. Sicily was my last thought last night and was my first thought this morning. Am begging the Lord for His mercy, grace, love and peace to rule in all of this.

As for cards, I think it would be wonderful to flood the Zekas with happy mail. Sicily certainly would love it as well as her older siblings, Corinthian, Isabella and Elias - mommy and daddy would be blessed too. Btw, Sicily has a cat that she loves very much named Stowie - heck, address one to the cat, too. This family is extraordinary in so many ways and Reynold and I are so blessed to have visited them last summer.

For those wanted to send cards of encouragement, here is the address.

Sicily Zeka (Mom, Kerry, Dad, Patrick)
Brothers Corinthian & Elias, Sister Isabella
6800 South Sycamore Ave.
Broken Arrow, OK 74011-6060

Thanks sooooo much!!

Just realized that the address is 6800 not 6100 - sorry
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Old 02-26-2010, 09:15 AM   #524
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I will mail cards ASAP!! I knew you met them and knew it would be hitting you hard, and they are such a wonderful family, wish there was more I could do, but since there isn't, I will make and mail cards, I can and will gladly do that, and I hope lots of others will also. And I won't stop praying either, we can all do that as well.
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Old 02-26-2010, 10:02 AM   #525
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Betty, you are such a sweetheart and a real blessing! Thanks so much.
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Old 02-26-2010, 06:38 PM   #526
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A prayerful bump for sweet Sicily!
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Old 02-26-2010, 07:44 PM   #527
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Default I'll mail some cards, too!!!

I know that you must be having a hard time, because I'm also having a hard time, and I've never met them! You do get so emotionally involved though, by reading about this beautiful family's journey through this illness. I love Kerry's posts, she has such a beautiful way with words, and they are such a loving, caring family.

I also pray for God's healing touch on this sweet little girl, but fear it's not to be. I know that Sicily is quite a little fighter, and wonder what her decision is going to be about treatment, trials, and her illness.

God Bless this entire family, during this most difficult time.
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Old 02-26-2010, 09:06 PM   #528
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Friday, February 26, 2010 10:27 PM, CST

Hello all,

We are doing pretty well. Thursday night, actually early Friday morning, Sicily woke up and needed some pain medicine around 1:00 am. I tried to go back to sleep after that but the effort was futile so by 2:00 I went ahead and got up to spend a little time on the computer. I’ve already discovered that I am not a fan of what happens to me at night. It’s difficult. My mind goes all over the place and my emotions don’t behave themselves. I lay in bed and sobbed uncontrollably before I decided to console my soul by reading and re-reading all the beautiful and inspiring words that have been written to us. It always has such a healing affect on me. I read messages on CaringBridge and messages sent to my personal email account. One in particular caught my eye and I was moved to action by what was said. I will skip the details, but in addition to still weighing options medically, I am looking at other options that are natural and spiritually deeper. We are basically at the point of “what do we have to lose?”

I think one thing I’ve noticed about this experience so far is that I find myself fluctuating more than what I usually do when making decisions. I’ve always considered myself a pretty decisive person. My mom and sister’s can vouch for me that when shopping I make decisions quickly and confidently. I’ve apparently lost that skill at this moment. I’m waffling back and forth. One minute I feel ready to make a certain decision and the next I can’t bring myself even close to doing it. It’s a decision that can’t be changed. One we will have to live with for the rest of our lives. One we definitely don’t want to rush into. Last night I did two things that will provide me with peace, when the times comes, that I, we, did as much as we could. It felt good and I was able to return to bed and fall back to sleep around 3:00.

Today has been very nice. We’ve been surrounded by caring and generous people. We were given the opportunity to create some special memories. Speaking of opportunities, one of the blessings I can share that pediatric cancer sometimes allows a family is the ability to have a say and plan out their child’s possible last days. How beautiful a thing is that? Parents lose children every day due to so many other causes and reasons. Having the chance to potentially close this chapter of our lives the way I perceive we may be able to is nothing short of a gift to me!

I would like to state that we haven’t made any concrete decisions yet and haven’t given up. I don’t have enough information yet to feel that strongly that we can. I am personally praying still for the possibility of a miracle. I am looking at things that could comfortably prolong her life without causing her to suffer. I can’t bear the thought of her suffering!

This has been the most amazing journey for me. I’ve discovered how much I love life. I’ve discovered how much I love people. I’ve discovered how much I love all the people in my life.

I have a new favorite word. Well, a new favorite word to be added to my other favorite words (Grace still tops the list at numeral uno! When combined with God, it’s the most powerful thing). My precious friend, Kelli, came up with this new word and I think Webster’s dictionary would be interested in it. And if they are, Kelli deserves the royalties or finder’s fee. Are you ready? It’s called “Craughing.” It stands for crying and laughing together…our favorite hobby and something we’ve become quite good at. She said the two words couldn’t be in reverse order or it would be called, “Lying.” You could say that is how I am coping with this life situation. I love to “craugh!” You should all try it sometime. Maybe I just gave you the reason to try it! ; ) Be careful saying the word too fast or in public without being prepared to share an explanation. It could sound like another word that has a totally different meaning! This concept is beautiful, easy and so very healing.

We are going to experience pain; there is no doubt about it and no way to avoid it. Life if full of reasons to laugh, including at ourselves and at our own expense. Being able to avoid taking life so seriously all the time helps us balance the ability to ride the waves of change that we have no control over.

I have both feet physically on the ground right now, but my heart and soul are being carried through “the sand” by someone who has promised to carry me as long as I need Him to and won’t put me down until I’m ready. Honestly, I am so comfortable in His arms that I may never be ready to walk the beach alone. He has told me I never have to. The sand is not always smooth and even and when it looks too hard to walk on, He holds me closer and reassures me that He will not drop me or let me go, even though conditions are treacherous. Just being able to think about this scenario calms me and provides incredible peace. I’m going to need to refer to this visualization for a very long time. I’m so glad He gave it to me.

I will sign off of now. Love to each and every one of you! The support you provide is incredible. We will make it through this, as each one of you will, too. To know you are all in pain with us saddens me, but we will keep each other strong and be examples of what it means to “live in God’s love!”

Kerry
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Old 02-26-2010, 09:10 PM   #529
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Please feel free to visit sweet Sicily's site - you will be able to see her photos and leave her an encouraging message. Here is Sicily's caringbridge link -

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sicilyevelynzeka
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Old 02-27-2010, 06:28 AM   #530
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Thank you for sharing the link Caterina! God Bless!
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Old 02-28-2010, 11:12 AM   #531
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Sunday, February 28, 2010 10:16 AM, CST


Good Sunday morning,

I'm awake but very tired and worn down. I'm sipping coffee from my coffee cup that says “God could not be everywhere, therefore, he made Mothers.” It was a gift to me from a co-worker some fifteen years ago when I was pregnant with our first child, our son, Corinthian. It makes me smile and brings me comfort. Sweet how something so simple can do that!

Nights are already increasing in difficulty as far as Sicily's comfort level. She is just not herself right now and I'm already aching for her normal spunk that is missing. She slept for awhile in the living room beside her cousin, Jordan, who is here visiting, and her big sister, Isabella. Patrick and I would prefer she just sleep with us, but she doesn't want to right now so we are going with her desires. She did sleep on Patrick's chest as he sat in a chair in the living room for several hours in the night. She seems to be very comfortable there. She continues to be in daddy mode this morning. I woke to find her in our bed, but she was snuggled up to daddy as close as she could be...there heads were side by side and she had her arm wrapped around the back of his neck. A beautiful site to awake to.

She has complained this morning that her heart hurts. Mine does too, but not as physically as hers does. I'm just assuming it would have something to do with the tumors in her lungs.

I am going to go ahead and share a couple of the things we are going to try to do since advanced medicine may not be an option any more. I beg of you not to pass judgment on us as we are desperate and like I've stated before, we want to leave no stone unturned. It may prove to be futile, but maybe it will allow us to have peace when all is said and done.

First, we are of Catholic faith and this is a call out to all Catholics, non-Catholics, and anyone who just wants to be a part of something that could actually prove to be huge. If you are not comfortable reading about a faith based practice that you do not agree with, feel free to skip past this paragraph and onto the next one marked with astrics. Clear back in August of 2008, the day after the bomb of cancer fell on our lives, our priest, with whom we had not formally met in person as we were brand new to the community and church, came to our home to anoint Sicily and bless her.

Father Joe, who is now an intricate part of our lives, briefly shared with us the story of Father Stanley Rother, who the church is seeking the Canonization of. Father Rother was a priest from Okarche, Oklahoma who was called to mission in Santiago, Atitlan, Guatemala. He was deeply devoted to the people he was called to serve and help. He was shot to death on July 28, 1981 as a result of the political unrest that was sweeping the country. The Church is now praying to declare him a saint. To my understanding, as part of that process, a miracle needs to occur in his name.

I would like to share the prayer written on the back of the cards Father Joe provided me to help spread the word. I would like to stress that as Catholics, we don't “pray” to any other being than the one and only God that we share with all Christians of all religious backgrounds. We pray on behalf of Father Rother that he intercede on Sicily's behalf. As I see it, he is already in heaven with our Almighty so he might be able to garner a little more attention our way.

Heavenly Father,
source of all holiness,
in every generation You raise up
men and women heroic in love and service.

You have blessed Your Church
with the life of Stanley Rother,
priest, missionary, and martyr.
Through his prayer, his preaching,
his presence, and his pastoral love,
You revealed Your love and Your presence
with us as Shepherd.

If it be Your will,
may he be proclaimed
by the universal Church
as martyr and saint,
living now in Your presence
and interceding for us all
(especially Your precious child,
Sicily Evelyn Zeka,
who is in need of physical healing).

We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen

Thank you for indulging me in this request. Miracles happen every day. Little tiny unnoticed ones, and huge incredible unbelievable ones! I would also like to share that my beloved mother-in-law, Sicily's grandma Ethel Evelyn Zeka, for whom she was named after, told us that they attended church with Father Rother's cousin when they lived in Eagle City, OK way back when. They all farmed the Oklahoma soil together. Having that known family connection makes me want to beg for this prayer request even stronger. I invite you to read more about Father Rother and the example he set for the rest of us.

*** One of the other unconventional things we are wanting to try is to give Sicily a natural nutritional supplement. I won't pretend to understand all of this and a couple of weeks ago I would have politely turned down any information concerning it, but once again, we are just turning another stone. When I was awake in the wee hours of Friday morning and found myself inconsolable, I came to the computer. Honestly, I have to say I was “sent” to the computer. That is when I read a personal email from a total stranger that wanted to share with me information about this supplement. Again, I want to re-iterate that I normally follow the line labeled, “Skeptics,” but we are no longer in “normal” times. Desperate measures call for desperate actions.

My number one goal is to provide Sicily with comfort and do not want to do anything that could cause her any further harm! The supplement is called alka v6 and is offered from the Orizon Research Institute. Be my guest to research it more on our behalf or your own, www.orizonresearchinstitute.com. I am not doing this under the intention that it will cure Sicily. Remember, I am still operating under “Realistic Optimist!” I found myself clicking the “Buy Now” button for this product and requested two day delivery so it will hopefully be here by tomorrow. I have not informed our oncologist yet...I will, but I did talk to a representative for the company and do feel comfortable giving this a try. It consists of four ingredients: Silicon, sodium, oxygen, and hydrogen. For any of you with a vast understanding of chemistry, I was told that it contains 17% oxygen per one molecule (foreign language to me). It is non-costic and the cell efficacy is high. Basically, to my simplest understanding, it is a ph balancing agent for our naturally acidic bodies. Cancer cells thrive in an acidic environment. If we can alter that environment, maybe we take away the fuel the cancer needs to survive. In my book, it is worth a try.

I ask of you all one thing, PLEASE. ..if you do not agree with our “out of the box” ways of thinking right now, please do not pass judgment on us or verbalize any harsh comments in our direction. Passing judgment on another human being is one of the most common faults that fellow Christians are guilty of. I don't think Jesus or God would find it pleasing. So far, we have been surrounded by nothing short of beautiful, loving, caring people...those who know us well and those who only know us through these words that I am typing. This is how I can honestly say from my heart that I “LOVE PEOPLE,” because our life circumstance has only brought out the best in every one we have encountered. I think it is very pleasing to God that His children treat one another in such a way.

I will close for now. As most of you know that have been following Sicily's story for a long time, her mommy can get pretty long winded. It's a family trait for anyone who knows my dad! ; ) I proudly carry on what I've inherited!

Love to you all and have a very, very blessed Sunday. Just knowing that God is in me, with me, beside me and all around me makes me know that we will get through this one way or another. I can't say it enough...”I seriously love each and every one of you!”

Kerry

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Old 02-28-2010, 11:57 AM   #532
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Default Still praying!

Caterina,

I've started posting on Sicily's care page. Thank you for giving me the link. I will continue to pray. God Bless you for all you do for families like this one!

Jane
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Old 03-01-2010, 09:24 AM   #533
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Monday, March 1, 2010 10:16 AM, CST


Good morning all,


To say that I am doing well with our circumstances right now would be an understatement. The only way to explain my mental and emotional condition would be to say that it is the result, and only the result, of the miles of prayers that are being said on our behalf. My heart, though breaking and at the verge of crumbling, is wrapped in Glad Press 'N' Seal. Yep, you read that right. I love that stuff. I wonder if Glad knows how their product is used other than to help preserve food. Whenever Sicily needs to have her port accessed, we apply a numbing cream that just rests on top of her skin and has to do so for at least twenty minutes before poked with a needle. The area needs to be covered or otherwise we end up with a mess and the cream isn't given a chance to work its magic. We initially used large band-aides to cover her port, but those were just about as painful to remove as getting pricked, so one day Sicily's first oncology nurse recommended that we try using Glad Press 'N' Seal. It worked awesome and we use it loyally to this day. So, to explain that my heart is wrapped in plastic, Press “N” Seal, to be exact, is a testament to what all of your prayers are doing for me, personally! The other nice thing about Press “N” Seal is that it is so easy to remove. So when the day comes and my heart is no longer in need of twenty-four hour protection, I can easily pull the plastic off and pass it onto the next person in need of a “wrapped heart.” ; )

Our little girl is doing okay. Yesterday was difficult...sort of hard to explain. Sicily wanted to be held all day. Of course, Patrick and I were all over that considering this gal is usually so independent and active that we don't ever get the opportunity to cuddle with her much. For Sicily, her life and the lives of those surrounding her have pretty much always been on HER terms. Even when her days may be numbered she is still bound to make all the calls. I didn't feel as strong yesterday as I do today so it was still hard for me to see her looking and acting weak and frail. We are assuming a lot of her behavior is due to the pain medicine we are currently giving her. She makes it close to seven hours, usually, between doses that we are allowed to give every four. She is not in excruciating pain, which I fear will be the case somewhere down the road, but part of me wonders if some of her stomach pain isn't a result of hunger.

She won't eat right now. As a mother, it is my job to feed my child. When she won't eat, I struggle. How can I help save her life if she won't help as well? I want to cut sugar out of her diet but that is all she is drawn to these days. She and I were cut from the same cloth so when we have our minds set on something, we are determined. I'm needing advice on how to gently persuade her to try some things that would help and not harm her. In my mind right now, I see feeding her sugar like I'm helping the cancer grow. Again, I will not pretend to understand the intricate workings of the human body, but I want some kind of alternative to sugar that she will accept. Artificial sweeteners, like the kind we allow Isabella to consume due to her diabetes, will not an adequate trade. I know there is a vast amount of information out there but our clock is ticking and I don't have the time to research or experiment with it all. I want to get Sicily to eat so she can maintain a little energy, but I want her to eat wisely. I wish we could practice what we preach because Patrick and I both have enormous sweet tooths (or teeth, to be grammatically correct...I have a whole mouth full of them). I mean, we are talking about a woman who loves to bake and used to make cakes and cookies any chance she got. So, I will listen and consider suggestions on the sugar issue, if any of you have something to share. We are dealing with one of the toughest four and a half year old personalities out there, but I will do my best!

The other three kids are doing quite well right now, at least that is how it seems. The lines of communication are open and we are still trying to balance life as normally as possible. I am hoping to still sign Elias up for Soccer. I can't abandon him right now and still want to address the need for him to receive some positive attention. I will ask for help!

Our home has been filled with love and laughter, between the tears, since the news last week. We've had family coming to stay taking turns with us to offer support and comfort when needed (which is a lot!). Two of Patrick's sisters last week, one of my sisters over the weekend, and right now my parents are here. Everyone has had the opportunity to hold and snuggle with Sicily, which is priceless and healing for us all.

I am hoping that the supplement I ordered arrives today so I can talk to our doctor about it, but also so very anxious, and honestly petrified, to start her on it. We don't have anything to lose so I have to go forward with my desire to try something. I know there has to be hundreds, if not thousands, of natural nutritional supplements out there and the one reason I am trying this one was due to the circumstances for which I found it. I am just following a lead that I felt like I was brought to.

Before I sign off, I've wanted for a long time to explain that these words that I type are not “my” words. Please do not praise me for what I write. The author is upstairs...I am only a messenger that sits down to a key board that is plugged into a computer that has access to reach masses through a cord that is plugged into the wall behind my desk. Many times I sit down without even knowing what I may end up writing. The thoughts sometimes flow from a faucet that is turned on full blast. Other times, the thoughts barely trickle down in drops. No matter, I can't take the credit. I have prayed many times for God to use me in whatever way He sees fit. Be careful for what you ask for...I am proof that He listens and will take you up on your offer. I apparently became a part of His publication staff. I just wish I would have paid better attention to my grammar classes in school so that I could make fewer mistakes. But again, I'm realizing that God sees past my imperfections and just asks of me to do the best job that I am capable of doing. I know the rest of you see past my mistakes, as well. ; )

I will end, although I could keep going. I need to run to Wal-Mart while Sicily is snoozing on the couch cuddled up next to Grandpa Parker. I want to get her some blueberries and anything else I can “healthily” entice her to eat.

I love you all and I am still loving life. I am blessed beyond belief I can't even explain it all in words. I will most likely continue posting “windy” journal entries for awhile. My therapy. Beside, God apparently has me on assignment! ; )

Kerry

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Old 03-03-2010, 01:45 PM   #534
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Wednesday, March 3, 2010 3:16 PM, CST


Afternoon all,

I keep thinking I will get the chance to sit and journal for awhile but the opportunity just never presented itself. I finally have a small window to catch everybody up as Grandma Zeka and Aunt Teresa arrived not too long ago.

Monday we ended up having to make a trip to the clinic as Sicily started having a fever and her temp ran over 101. A fever usually means an automatic forty-eight hour hospital stay, but I tried to politely inform our sweet clinic nurse, Lara, that I was not packing a suitcase, if she got my drift. Daddy and Grandma Parker escorted us. We kept each other company for the three hours it took for Sicily to receive her IV antibiotic and a little hydration. Dr. Hum talked with us for quite awhile, as well. This is where you can see in her eyes the incredible difficulty of the task at hand. We assured her that we don't and never will ask her “why” about anything concerning the care she has provided for Sicily. Patrick and I were in agreement with the decisions that were made and feel blessed that we were given these past eighteen months with our precious daughter. I will never forget sitting in the waiting room of the clinic after hours that fateful Friday afternoon when Dr. Hum explained our daughter's cancer. I should have felt safe then as the walls of the clinic were decorated with butterflies, which have become the most amazing and symbolic creatures for me on this journey. I'll share more about my love of butterflies in another journaling. But to analyze this more deeply, we started mourning out little girl eighteen months ago. When you hear your child has cancer, it's hard not to mourn immediately. I guess that explains a lot of my strength, resolve and attitude in these final days...IF these are her final days! I am not in denial, but I won't let go of my hope until she takes her final breath of earthly air!

We left the clinic Monday afternoon with Dr. Hum still awaiting some calls back from St. Jude and Texas Children's. In her professional opinion, I thinks she sees it as a long shot to find someone or something that could change or alter the course or path that we are already traveling on. We left it to her to feel things out and if she came across something that she whole heartedly felt might give us a chance, then we would look into it. Otherwise, we will continue to ride the wave of prayer and a simple dietary change.

Sicily's fever has continued and the past two evenings it reached above 103. We are trying to keep her hydrated and comfortable as she continues to complain of stomach and shoulder pain. She still goes for seven to eight hours in between Tylenol 3 doses. I only give it to her when she wants it as it causes her to be very drowsy and a bit grumpy, even though that is just part of who she is anyway. Sicily has always been the strongest minded and willed child that I have ever been around. We love her for it even though we feel we've earned the right to role our eyes when that side of her personality appears. She's one tough cookie! She has earned the title of “Drill Sergeant” in our family. She'll probably have Jesus marching around when she gets to heaven. She'll either have him marching or running around in circles! I know he can't wait to see her! ; ) Heaven will earn some spunk when Miss Sicily arrives!

Now speaking of the future and of Sicily in the terms that I am, again, does not mean that I have given up. She will go to heaven one day...be it here in the near future or further down the road than we expected. I just find comfort in imagining her there and thinking about what excitement will surround her.

I have continued to have Sicily sleep with me in our bedroom while Patrick sleeps in hers. That way I can give her my full attention and Patrick can attempt to rest as to be able go to work until the time comes when he needs to be home. We continue to have family coming in at all times to be with us. The older three kids are loving it! If we can rid Sicily of her fever and she seems up for the trip, we are hoping to attempt to make a trip to Wellington this weekend. We have lived day to day for a long time, but never more than what we are right now. We'll make the decision sometime on Friday. I know a lot of you like to have specific things to pray for. I would love to request that we can make this trip. It would mean the world to us!

I have to cut this off right now even though I am not done writing. I have more to update and will try to jump back on here this evening. I have to run Corinthian to the orthodontist here in a few minutes. Sicily is sleeping comfortably on Grandma Zeka's lap as she sits on the couch. I already experienced a small miracle after lunch today with Sicily so I will share that later.

Again, thank you all for being there for us. We couldn't get through this with out you all by our sides!

Love,
Kerry
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Old 03-03-2010, 02:02 PM   #535
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Praying for a safe trip this weekend and reduction in poor little Sicily's pain.
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Old 03-03-2010, 10:29 PM   #536
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Wednesday, March 3, 2010 11:42 PM, CST

Hello again,

I will try to pick up where I left off from the earlier post, even though I’m not sure I remember where that was!

I was expecting to receive the nutritional supplement that I’ve wanted to give Sicily to be delivered on Monday and was disappointed when it wasn’t. It did arrive on Tuesday and I asked Dr. Hum to look over the website before I went forward with it. I did get her “okay” to give it to Sicily. I mixed the concentrated liquid in a gallon of drinking water and measured out the recommended two ounce dose and poured it down my own throat. I couldn’t give it to her without testing it on myself first. I was told it might have a “unique” taste to it. If you call “fish oil” unique, then yes, it is unique…but, the taste does not linger at all. I knew I would have to mix it with something and disguise it if I were to be successful in getting Sicily to even give it a second look. I put just a tiny bit of grape juice in a cup and she did drink it. She inquires about ever little thing I give her as she has to know what exactly it is.

I need to back up a little and explain that Sicily has just not been herself at all lately. With the fever and the occasional discomfort she has complained about, the Sicily that we all know and love just hasn’t been seen for several days. I’ve been praying that this is not how things will continue to be and that I could just have my spunky little pistol back, if even for a brief period. I gave her the supplement about noon, and by a little after one o’clock she was up and about, asking for some clean clothes to change out of her pajama’s and was smiling and teasing with me a bit. It could have been just coincidence or it could have been a combination of several things, but I experienced one of those wee little miracles in the fact that I was able to see that “Sicily” is still with us. It didn’t last very long, but it was enough to get me through for awhile longer. I REALLY needed to see her smile and laugh, and that she did!

I have to share something very awesome and special that happened yesterday. We received an incredible phone call. I have to set the background a little as to show how much this meant to us. The summer of 2008 was when we moved to Broken Arrow, OK from Wellington, KS. I remember watching the Today show one morning and seeing a beautiful singer by the name of Natasha Bedingfield sing a song that I had already become a big fan of. It was a catchy and uplifting song titled, “Pocketful of Sunshine.” Sicily just so happened to be watching the news with me that morning and she, too, was drawn to the happy song. I downloaded it onto my iTunes and burned it on a disc so she could listen to it whenever she wanted, which was often, and it gave her a reason to dance around…not like she needed one back then.

When Sicily was diagnosed shortly thereafter in August, that song took on a whole new meaning for all of us. The words just fit Sicily so well and the song symbolized the hope we all decided we wanted to cling to. We, as in numerous members of the family, thought about Sicily every time we heard it. It became our battle cry…our theme…the all around musical version of Sicily’s journey of cancer. A family member had a sign made out of lime green rub on vinyl letters to be put on the wall in Sicily’s room. It reads right above her headboard in a half circle, “I Am A Pocketful Of, “ and in the middle is a picture of a bright yellow happy little smiling sunshine face. You can walk through the door of her room and just seeing it makes you smile and feel warm inside.

The lyrics of the song are positive and upbeat and promise a hint of peace when they are listened to and applied to our life circumstance. It’s a bit haunting now but this song will forever bring me happiness when I hear it and think of Sicily, our own personal Pocketful of Sunshine! ”There’s a place that I go where nobody knows and the rivers flow, and I call it home. And there’s no more lies, in the darkness there’s light and nobody cries, there’s only butterflies!” It ends with, “The sun is on my side, it takes me for a ride, I look up to the sky, I know I’ll be alright!”

With that being said, yesterday at 1:00 pm LA time, 3:00 o’clock our time, our home phone rang and on the other end was the beautiful British accented voice of Natasha Bedingfield. Our dear friends in California made this very meaningful and unforgettable experience happen for Sicily and her parents. I apologized to Natasha that Sicily was not feeling well and most likely would not talk, but she listened to every word that was said…and sang. Sicily was serenaded by Natasha the very song that means so much to us all! She was so sweet and sincere. When she asked where we lived, knowing that she may not be completely familiar with the geography of the United States, I simply stated “Oklahoma.” She quickly remarked, “I know that song,” and began singing, “Oooooooklahoma...!” Very cute.

It turned out to be another experience that fuels the fire that keeps me going. I have to share that this phone call was the mission of my dear friend and we knew of the possibility that it could happen for some time. We recently watched Natasha sing on TV one evening and Sicily quietly sat on the couch and watched her intently. After the performance was over, I looked over at Sicily and said, “Wasn’t that beautiful?” Her simple and to the point response was, “She hasn’t called me yet!” True to form as only Sicily could be. So to say our day was made yesterday is an understatement! ; ) I did not share this for the bragging rights. I am just full of gratitude and can't express it any other way than to write about it!

In an attempt to take care of myself, I’ve been trying to behave and go to bed at a decent time the past several nights. Tonight I just needed to journal. I explained to my sister that when I’m not able to get on this site and unload some of the stress and baggage that I so quickly acquire throughout my day, I feel like I’ve skipped an appointment with a therapist! I need to do this as much as it seems you all out there need me to. This has been a beautiful journey! One I did not expect to be on…one I did not expect to turn in the direction that it is going… but also, one that I am in complete awe over what I have gained and learned and grown from! I am a better person for it.

I must’ve been a tough cookie to reach, but God did finally reach me. I’ve always claimed to be a Christian. I thought I deserved the title without really having done anything to earn it. I walked the walk and talked the talk but did not truly realize God’s pure love until this experience. Being able to think this way and honestly feel this way deep in the depths of my heart and soul gives my daughter’s life such meaning. And her death will not be in vain. I believe bad things happen to good people as a way for God to reach His children…especially those He feels have gone astray. I was not astray, but I didn’t let Him completely have my life.

I’ve been witness to how our life circumstances has changed others. That gives Sicily’s life validity! I will live out my days, however long they may be, knowing that her short little life had a purpose and just knowing that will provide me with eternal peace. Thank you each and every one of you who have shared this experience with us and let yourselves learn from it. That was God’s intention all along. This has been His will from the beginning of Sicily’s life. Having you share with me is what has provided me with the coping skills to get through this! What comes around, goes around!

I’m going to sign off and snuggle next to my little person. Love to you all!

Kerry
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Old 03-05-2010, 07:19 AM   #537
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Thursday, March 4, 2010 11:15 PM, CST

Hello all,

We’ve had a good day despite the fact that Sicily is still not truly herself and we are dealing with that. She continues with a low grade fever off and on but I have not given her any Tylenol 3 since 4:00 this morning. I still have to wonder if her recent stomach pain has been partially due to hunger and at the same time could still be cancer growth related. She did let me feed her a little organic baby food bananas and part of a drinkable yogurt around lunchtime, but that has pretty much been it. I

hate the thought of her hurting one bit, but have left it up to her to let me know if or when she wants any pain medicine. The Tylenol 3 makes her so sleepy and out of it that it has to be interfering with her appetite, so I’m hoping that if she is truly not in need of it right now, things might turn for the better soon. It is obvious she does not feel good. Whether this is a temporary situation or not, only time will tell.

I continue to be a witness to the incredible works that are being done around us and offered to us. Having conversations with those who are near and dear to me keeps my resolve at a level that allows me to see clearly what lies before us and helps me continue to find a meaning in it. I am steeped in reality but not hopelessly blinded by it. We are so fortunate and blessed that our reality is being surrounded by love and compassion and empathy. How can we not sustain?

I’ve let go of letting myself mourn my little girl who is still here. It doesn’t make since to cry when she is still beside me. I’ve mourned off and on these past eighteen months when those thoughts that I so desperately tried to block out would find a way to creep in. I guess they needed to be allowed in so I would be more prepared to handle what is actually happening now. There truly is a reason as to why things happen and thoughts are had. I remember Patrick and I struggling with our emotions at the very beginning and finally our brother-in-law, John, helped us snap out of it when he said, “Guys, she’s still here!”

It’s hard not to mourn the little things. The first time I looked out into our backyard after we came home from the hospital last week, I was completely overcome with the sight of the playground equipment Sicily received as her “Make-A-Wish.” I stood in her bedroom and cried wondering how would I ever be able to enter her sweet little bedroom once she’s gone. These thoughts are enough to crumble even the strongest and most determined minds. I have to change the way I will look and see these things. Instead of sinking in my sadness, I will try to focus on all the joy that was had. It will be hard and I don’t let myself plan out how I might actually deal with it because I truly don’t know. Will the strength I am finding on a daily basis last and be there when all the company has dwindled down and I am faced with a somewhat “normal” life again? It will be strange not to be making constant trips to the clinic or hospital. It will feel weird the first time I can flip the calendar and actually mark something down in permanent pen and not an erasable pencil. These are the thoughts that swim through my head, mainly at night and mostly when I am all alone. More ways I guess my mind it trying to cope with and prepare my emotions for what the future holds.

When we came to grips with Sicily’s cancer being terminal, one of the first questions that popped into my head and that I craved to have answered was, “If we chose to do nothing, how much time does Sicily have left?” It is almost an automatic human need to know or ask such a question. I thought I would need to know. But the more Patrick and talked about it, we completely agreed that we did not need or even want to know. We realized that it doesn’t matter. We will be the first to admit that we do not do well with “expectations.” If we were told she might have a month and then passed in a week, we would struggle. If we were told she might have a week and then continued on for a month, again, we think we might not handle it well. It all goes to what our minds “expect” might happen. Only God knows when it’s her time, and I am comfortable with that.

I’ve come to the conclusion that we can all be considered “terminal!” We are all destined to die someday…we were all born to be “terminal”…just some will go earlier than others. If you can let yourself think in those terms, I think it helps to lessen the overwhelming pain of losing a child whose life was just beginning. But this life, this precious little life of Sicily Evelyn Zeka…it has accomplished more than many adult lives combined. I can’t say it enough…the stories that have been shared with me are what are and will give me the strength to let her go when the time comes.

I think, or from what I have witnessed from other parents who have lost their child before us, one thing that frightens them is the thought of their precious little person being forgotten by others. It is obvious that family members and close personal friends will carry them in their hearts forever, but did that little life manage to cement itself in someone’s heart who’d never met them…who never witnessed their smile or heard their laughter. This is one worry that doesn’t even stand a chance in my psyche. I know what Sicily has done and I know she has a legacy that will most likely go on longer than I hope to imagine. That is where my peace sprouts from, and every day it grows like a sunflower stretching towards the sky when it feels the warmth of the sun’s rays. Each and every one of you can claim to be one of those rays that strengthens me every day! Can I feel anymore blessed?

I love thinking about how God chose me to be this little Pocketful of Sunshine’s mommy. My life won’t be the same without her, but I can’t imagine what it would have been like if I never got to have her these almost five years. “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all!” I’ve never felt those words more deeply than what I do right now.

Before I sign off, I have to share some exciting news about Corinthian. I received a phone call from the middle school today and on the other end was the voice of the school’s vice principle. I think as to not freak me out and have me think something was wrong, he immediately said those exact words, “I have some exciting news about Corinthian.” He went on to explain that Corinthian had been nominated and voted on by all the teachers of his school to receive the Masonic Student of Today award, which is a yearly award given to one male and one female student in eighth grade. We will get to attend an awards banquet later in April which will honor him and the recipients from the four other Broken Arrow Middle Schools. To say we are proud of him, well, we can’t be more! He was the new kid in town just last year and he quickly found his own niche and happiness. He loves school and has an amazing future in front of him already! I was able to shed more tears of joy today and it felt really good.

I will close for tonight. Little princess is sound asleep in bed and seems to be resting comfortably. I pray she can stay this way for hours to come.

Love to you all!

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Old 03-05-2010, 07:42 AM   #538
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I dont' think Kerry needs to worry about Sicily being forgotten or not having touched lives, she probably has no idea how many she has affected, I know for me, I will never forget her or their family, thier faith in God and strength the have shown will live in my heart forever.
Hugs and prayers still being sent!!!
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Old 03-05-2010, 07:54 AM   #539
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I dont' think Kerry needs to worry about Sicily being forgotten or not having touched lives, she probably has no idea how many she has affected, I know for me, I will never forget her or their family, thier faith in God and strength the have shown will live in my heart forever.
Hugs and prayers still being sent!!!
Well said, Betty!!!! My thoughts exactly!
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Old 03-06-2010, 06:49 PM   #540
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A prayerful bump for sweet Sicily
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Old 03-08-2010, 08:11 AM   #541
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Well I didn't get my cards out as quickly as I wanted, but they went in today's mail, I sent one to all of the kids and one to Kerry and Patrick. It is so hard to put into words what I wanted to say, but I hope they will know they are in my thoughts and prayers everyday.
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Old 03-08-2010, 08:21 AM   #542
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Well I didn't get my cards out as quickly as I wanted, but they went in today's mail, I sent one to all of the kids and one to Kerry and Patrick. It is so hard to put into words what I wanted to say, but I hope they will know they are in my thoughts and prayers everyday.


Thanks so much! The family will appreciate it.You are a blessing.
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Old 03-08-2010, 12:08 PM   #543
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Monday, March 8, 2010 12:37 PM, CST
Hello all,

Just wanted to jump on here very quickly to report that we are all doing really good. We were able to make our trip to Kansas and soaked up the love from many family members and friends.

Sicily is no longer a couch potato and has been doing better...the fever is gone and she is awake more now than asleep, as she was last week. She still complains of pain in her abdomen and shoulder but it seems to only appear during the night. Her lack of eating is still a huge concern and a dilemma we have yet to resolve. It's so hard to envision her battling if she is too weak to pick up a sword!

We have an appointment this afternoon at 1:30 to talk to Dr. Hum and discuss things, whatever that may be. Patrick and I have not talked lately in detail about what we want or what needs to be done. We've just been literally living one day at a time. There is less stress and emotion when we are able to do that.

I will try to jump back on here later this evening for a better update. I am still full of peace and acceptance. With that, too, I am still holding onto glimmers of hope that I refuse to let go of until I witness her breath her last breath. Patrick and I continue to be humbled by what is happening all around us and will never be able to repay all of you who have been there for us in so many ways! We vow to "pay it forward" the rest of our lives in hopes of helping someone else get through a struggle in life in hopes they will come through shining like a beam from God's sun!

Love to you all!

Kerry
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Old 03-08-2010, 03:53 PM   #544
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that Sicily is feeling better.

That sweet little princess and her family is in my almost constant thoughts and prayers.
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Old 03-10-2010, 06:06 AM   #545
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Wednesday, March 10, 2010 12:02 AM, CST

Hello all,

I know I need not apologize for not hopping on her last night, but I always feel better when I do. I had a crimp in my neck and took Tylenol PM to aid in my relief and next thing I knew I could not keep my eyes open.

Today has also been quite busy and the computer never seemed to be in arms reach. I will back up to yesterday and our appointment at the pediatric oncology clinic. We did not get to talk to Dr. Hum, but instead another one of the doctors in the clinic met with us. He did not share with us any news we were not already prepared to hear…there is nothing left that can medically save Sicily’s life. Patrick and I have been trying to comprehend that thought for the past week and a half. My mind has agreed to accept it, but my heart still aches beyond belief. I still marvel in the beauty of what is before us. I still feel blessed that we get to kiss her and tell her over and over again how much we love her…to the point she is tired of our affection. We still see “Sicily” appear amidst the discomfort and pain she is starting to endure. The appearances of our happy-go-lucky little girl don’t happen as often as we’d like or last as long, either, but we celebrate that she is still “there” somewhere in that little body that is starting to fail her. I always knew God had a special plan for this little gal, but never in my wildest dreams did I think this would be it.

I recently received an email from one of our family members…a niece who is actually assisting another family dealing with the loss of their child. She sent me a sweet story she saw on their son’s website written by the one and only Erma Bombeck and these words went straight to my heart. What really amazed me was the timing of this email. It was sent on Wednesday, March 24th…the day before we found out Sicily’s cancer was terminal. Timing…God is really good at it! This little story made me feel so very special and helped me understand “why”…even though that is a question I have chosen not to ask!

The Chosen Mothers

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit.

Did you ever wonder how mothers of children with life threatening illnesses are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

“Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint Cecilia. Rutledge, Carrie, twins, patron saint Gerard.”

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and says, “Give her a child with cancer.” The angel is curious. “Why this one, God? She’s so happy.”

“Exactly” smiles God, “Could I give a child with cancer a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel.” "But, does she have patience?” asks the angel.

“I don’t want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she will handle it.”

“I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I’m going to give her has its own world. She has to make it live in her world and that’s not going to be easy.”

“But, Lord, I don’t think she believes in you.” "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.” The angel gasps – “Selfishness? Is that a virtue?”

God nods. “If she can’t separate herself from the child occasionally, she’ll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn’t realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take anything her child does for granted. She will never consider a single step ordinary. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see…ignorance, cruelty, prejudice…and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side.”

“And what about her patron Saint?” asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air. God smiles, “A mirror will suffice.”

(Thanks, Stephanie!) ; )


I cried the first time my eyes read these words and my heart related to it like no other explanation that had been given to me before. This little story went hand in hand with the epiphany I truly experienced halfway through Sicily’s first treatment. I finally understood my place in this world…I understood why God sent me down some paths and not down others. I have struggledpractically my whole life with my self worth. I’m the baby of four and the only one of my siblings who did not earn a college degree. My oldest two siblings both hold masters in their perspective fields. I can honestly say I have a college education, but no piece of paper stating that I completed a degree. No pictures of a smiling gown and cap clad girl with her arms wrapped around the necks of her friends oozing excitement for what the future holds. I’ve attended four different schools in search of finding “who” I was or “what” I wanted to be when I grew up. It never came to me. I privately punished myself for the longest time for not working hard enough to figure out or find my purpose in life. I struggled to narrow down that “thing” I could focus on or study as I liked so many different things…I have always been a “Jack of all trades, master of none!” I fell head over heels in love and and continue to fall every day for a man that loves me for “me!” We’ve been blessed with four beautiful children and many, many other fulfilling life treasures. Then it hit me one day, almost literally, what God had planned for me all along. It all started to make sense…every little detail of my life and why things happened to me and what it all meant. I understood why certain people were put in my path. I understood why I (He) made certain decisions and the effects of each of those decisions in His grand scheme of things. God did not lead me down the path of a career for He knew I would be needed in a larger capacity some day. I would need to be free of any big commitments or obligations. If I had a job I loved and our family depended on it financially, we could have been devastated even more so when the world of pediatric cancer invaded our lives. He equipped me with the skills He knew I would need to manage and survive the life He had planned for us. I finally understood. I truly got it and totally get it to this day. I am where I am supposed to be and doing what I am supposed to be doing. I’ve learned firsthand that life is not fair, but when did God ever say it would be? “Fairness” is a word mankind created but God doesn’t believe in or practice. The sooner that is accepted, the better off we all would be. I don’t want to waste precious time focusing on what’s fair and what’s not. I still think we’ve tipped the scale in the category of blessings. I will continue to live this life looking for the good that surrounds us and thanking God for His constant companionship.

I’ve rambled long enough and my eye lids are getting heavy. I will sign off for now. We are meeting with Hospice tomorrow afternoon to accept any assistance they may offer.

Our love to you all!

Kerry

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Old 03-10-2010, 06:22 AM   #546
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They are in my prayers everyday.
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Old 03-10-2010, 11:56 AM   #547
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I don't know if you are familiar with the group Selah.
One of the singers, Todd and his wife were pregnant with their 4 child, whom they lost hours after birth. I know that Kerry has had Sicily longer, but the words of this song were so moving.
Her blog is here if you want to read the story behind this song. Just make sure you have a tissue box.http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

Here are the lyrics to Audrey's song.

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

[Chorus]
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says ...

I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?



And for all the little ones that God calls home, he is carrying them and their families too.

Continuing to pray for Sicily and her family.
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Old 03-10-2010, 12:26 PM   #548
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Thanks so much for your prayers - it is appreciated more than ever.
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Old 03-10-2010, 01:01 PM   #549
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Caterina, I have a friend who calls me about every day and always has some major drama going on in her life, (according to her) hehe, its usually something as simple as her husband not taking the trash out, but she turns it into the worst thing that has every happened to her. I love this friend, I really do, but after listening patiently to her for 20 minutes going on and on about her trash still setting in the floor, I calmly say "Sherri get over it, its just a bag of trash, you could have a 4 year old dying from cancer." Knowing Sicily has put things into perspective, I wish everyone I know could read Kerry's journal and know thier story. I'm sorry for rambling, just had to vent a minute.
Hugs and prayers still being sent!!
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Old 03-10-2010, 01:42 PM   #550
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I have 3 teenagers and a pre teen. Sometimes they drive me crazy. I agree with Betty that having read Kerry and Sicily's story, it definitely puts things into perspective.
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Old 03-10-2010, 02:06 PM   #551
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Being involved with Sicily and her family, could not agree with you more - it does put everything in perspective and makes you more grateful.
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Old 03-11-2010, 09:24 AM   #552
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A prayerful bump for sweet Sicily and family.
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Old 03-12-2010, 04:53 AM   #553
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Thursday, March 11, 2010 11:13 PM, CST

Evening,

We’ve enjoyed a nice couple of days. Sicily, our fun and full of personality “Sicily,” has made some appearances between the Sicily that is being taken over by cancer. To explain how incredible it feels to see “her” from time to time just makes us so full of comfort and gives us more reasons to keep on smiling.

Sometimes I feel like I am an observer outside of my own life. What I mean by that is I am shocked myself about how I, more like “we,” Patrick and I both, are able to handle our day to day lives right now. Sitting down with a nurse from Hospice to discuss our daughter’s palliative care yesterday was somewhat surreal. It was not how I perceived I would feel. What should have felt so final and so depressing of a matter to discuss, wasn’t. I didn’t feel overtaken with grief like I thought I would. I guess I finally got past the perceptions I had of what Hospice was or meant. It all started on Monday after our visit to the pediatric oncology clinic when I took two prescriptions to our local pharmacy. One was for morphine that the doctors wanted us to have on hand just in case the Tylenol 3 didn’t control Sicily’s pain anymore, and the other was for an appetite stimulant. Neither medication was available from this pharmacy. It really hit me and I had a very hard time holding it together long enough to grab the few groceries I also needed while in the store. It was then I ran into the mother from preschool who has supported us on this journey and who knows firsthand what we are dealing with as her mother is in the care of Hospice. After hugging me as the tears rolled down my cheeks, she apologized for making the suggestion, but asked if we had considered contacting Hospice. My sister and brother-in-law started the ball rolling for us and helped dissolve the stigma I had attached to Hospice in my own mind. I just didn’t want anyone to think we had given up or did not hold onto the hope anymore, but I quickly realized that accepting help from Hospice was just that…HELP! Tomorrow we will have our first nurse come to our house to check on Sicily and bring us the medications I was not able to find. Peace of mind will be restored and we will continue to enjoy our time with Sicily and share her with family and friends!

Wednesday evening the weather was that of early spring in the Midwest with wind, clouds and sporadic rain showers. Sicily wanted to ride along with me to run pick up dinner for the family. The skies were still colored with several different shades of blue and rain drops hit the windshield every so often, but then out of the west came bright rays of evening sun shine. I looked out my driver’s side window to the east and saw a beautiful rainbow stretching across the Oklahoma sky. I quickly directed Sicily’s attention to the colorful display and she was in awe. She responded with, “I love rainbows!” Me, too, precious…me, too! I continued to feel washed in calmness and peace and thanked God for the visual signs of His existence! I love it!

I’ve needed and wanted for a long time to express and share one of the main reasons I have remained so strong, positive and hopeful. I would not be who I am today without the unconditional love, support, empathy and companionship from the man I married over fifteen years ago. He is the silent partner in all my journal entries. My husband is beside me and with me at all times in my heart and in my soul! He has always been my biggest investor and believer. There is nobody else in this world I could go through this ordeal with other than him. What we have been through together the past year and a half has brought us even closer than what we were before. He is the best husband and father and I thank God for him every day! Just to explain how special he is, when we were dating or possibly newly married, I remember him answering the door on several occasions to find kids selling one thing or another and he would never turn a child down. Many times I had a clouded enough mind to be selfish and think, “We don’t need anything right now or we need to watch our pennies,” but Patrick changed my thought process when he would say, “Someday, that may be our kids.” And it has been. I know this whole battle for Sicily’s life has affected him and torn him down to the core. He is daddy. He wants to protect his children. He has and still does, but cancer isn’t afraid of Sicily’s daddy, unfortunately. I hurt so much just knowing how he feels deep down inside, but I also have peace just knowing that he, too, will get through this. God will make sure of it!

Last but not least, this morning Sicily was able to cross off her list another “things I want to do!” Arrangements were made for her to ride the bus to school with brother Elias. She has always talked excitedly about getting to ride the school bus next year with Elias. It really bothered my mom that Sicily may never get to do that, so we asked if this could be possible and it became a reality. She loved it. She did say that she had a headache after the ride because, “Everyone was so loud!” But that didn’t stop her from wanting to do it again! ; )

Sicily and I also enjoyed a visit from some dear old friends today. It was good to smile, laugh and giggle again with some gals that have always provided me with plenty of reasons to do so! After they left, Sicily said, “I liked it when those ladies came to visit today!” Yep, those ladies are pretty special!

We have a great full weekend planned with family so I will try to update when time allows! We feel each and every one of the prayers being said for us. Saying thank you will never do justice!

Love to you all!

Kerry

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Old 03-13-2010, 05:34 PM   #554
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Many Hugs being sent and prayers that they can enjoy the real "Sicily" as much as possible, and that they all feel Gods' love and all the love and support being sent thier way!
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Old 03-15-2010, 05:42 AM   #555
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Monday morning bump for Sicily.
Hugs and Prayers!!
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Old 03-16-2010, 06:07 AM   #556
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Evening,
I just want to jump on here for a quick update. Sicily just hasn't been doing very well. Her abdomen is distended and hard. Her bowels are making sounds, according to the Hospice nurse, but Sicily has not been able to “use” the bathroom in that capacity since Saturday. We went ahead and gave her some morphine last night and early this morning to help her with the pain, but we fear that may be part of the blame for her bloated condition. Morphine has the side affect of slowing down the bowels. There is a strong chance, too, that the tumors on her bowels are causing a blockage. It is very hard to see her like this right now. I fear we are on the downhill slide and it's just going to be worse from here on out. I'm not feeling very strong right now...mentally, emotionally or physically, but I will still get through this. I still have a hard time believing at times that this is really happening! Sicily has an appointment in the morning and I'll try to update more then.



Love to you all!

Kerry
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Old 03-16-2010, 06:09 AM   #557
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Hi all, I didn't know how to make this pink like Caterina does, but this is Kerry's lastest post. It doesn't sound like Sicily is doing very good.
Hugs and Prayers
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Old 03-16-2010, 07:50 AM   #558
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Hi Betty!

Just wondering what is going on with Caterina??? I hope everything is OK! Do I need to add her to my prayer list?

I'm praying that Sicily is just constipated from the pain meds, and that some prunes or blueberries will do the trick!

If you don't have enhanced text chosen in your profile, you need to change that. Then you will have a toolbar above the text block where you post your reply. You will be able to do all kinds of things like bold, italics, underline, justifications, text color, text size and more.

You can make the change in the profile section. Just click on your name by your inbox notification, and then choose edit options. In the 5th box down, choose enhanced interface. Then you can do all sorts of things! PM me if you need help!

Jane
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Old 03-16-2010, 08:01 AM   #559
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Thanks for the info Jane. Caterina is out of town for a few days and doen'st have internet service, she asked me to keep this bumped up. So I am trying. I havne't met this little girl, but I love her any way and this is breaking my heart and I am sure thousands of others, I just keep praying for a miracle. Cancer is a horrbile, horrible thing and even more so with children. They can't inderstand why this is happening to them, and I don't know how the parents deal with all they have to, but for the Grace of God.
All we can do is keep praying.
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Old 03-16-2010, 10:15 AM   #560
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Default Glad to hear about Caterina!

I haven't met her either, but you get to feel like you know them when you have been praying for them for so long!

It is very heartbreaking. My cousin's only son passed away from a brain tumor at age 8. It was inoperable and did not respond to radiation. In 1986, they did not do chemo on brain cancer, because they didn't know how to break through the blood-brain barrier. Now, that isn't a problem. It is just that there are soooo many different types of cancer, current chemo doesn't affect them all.

I HATE cancer. It is an evil beast. I know we are not supposed to hate, but I can't help my self. It has taken the lives of many of my family, including my mother(gall bladder cancer) and my aunt(breast). I have also lost a girlfriend from college to breast cancer and have 2 friends currently in remission from breast cancer. My other girlfriend just had one kidney removed and a total hysterectomy because of kidney and endometrial cancer. I also have 2 friends that are currently battling brain cancer. One is currently ahead in the fight and one is losing the battle. How can you not hate a beast that attacks so many beautiful people???
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