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This is one of those days. I am not a complainer...but I just feel like I need a place to vent. I have to really discipline myself to not wallow in self pity. about 5 years ago I was injured at work. Filled out the proper paperwork but not properly. lost my workers comp case and lost my job (had a lawyer). didn't qualify for unemployment and didn't qualify for disability. Out of a job and out of money I started selling my cards at a local farmers market...and on Etsy. Husband and I fought so much that we decided on a divorce. Divorce was final in March. Tried to move out of the house...but couldn't pay rent elsewhere. Moved back in with my ex-husband...yea me. we've become friends again...but still have many issues to work out. Meanwhile...I've run out of cash...and nobody is buying cards right now. I'm not sure where to go or what to do. I've lost everything. Or at least I feel like I've lost everything. I don't have family to rely on. All I have is me. I didn't get a good start in life with my family. I spend a lot of time being a doormat. I will always be a work in progress. I feel tired all the time and am wallowing unrealistically. I just don't know what else to do. I've applied for every job I can think of...everything from hotels to casinos and everything in between. I don't have a lot of education in my background. Was a single mom of two boys at an early age. Eldest son has bipolar disorder and was rapid cycling most of his childhood. He was kicked out of school by 10am most mornings. They would chase him up a tree and then complain that he was up the tree. I just told them if you would stop chasing him...he would stop running. I didn't work...I didn't finish school. When he was 18 I sent him to live in an independent living home. That was a mess...but I didn't have to take care of him. I then worked for the same school district that sent him home every day. I went from school district to school district...working as an aide for special education. I felt inadequate. A student pulled me down and I tore my rotator cuff. With an injured arm and back...I was in too much pain to work. I had to take multiple days off and finally...was let go. The district had me on a 39 month rehire list...which left me with no job...but the possibility of a job...so no unemployment. If I had known what I know now...I would not have signed away my rights to unemployment. I marred...in 2004...a man that was good to me but wasn't very nice to me...now we're divorced. I feel like I'm in a huge mess. The good news...I have my dog...son has a girlfriend he can live with...I have a roof over my head (even if it is with my ex husband). I know this all sounds so bad. It feels bad. I still feel inadequate. If I can just get through another couple of months...I know I can keep going. I'm just getting a little sick of mac n cheese and potatoes. The first thing I'm going to buy when I get back on my feet is jumbo shrimp and a cheese cake. I'll let you know how good it tastes when I get there.
Lisa, my heart goes out to you for all that has happened and what you continue to go through. Life can truly be more than difficult at times. Sending much love, hugs and prayers asking God to surround you with His love, grace, encouragement, strength, calming peace and much better days ahead.
I thought I hit rock bottom this year but it's nothing compared to what you've been through.
I do hope you'll find something soon. Feel kinda helpless because I don't know how I can help your situation but will definitely offer you my good thoughts and prayers.
Just wanted to give you a big {virtual} hug. My mom is in a similar situation and thankfully we have been able to support her for the past year. She doesn't feel like she can get a leg-up no matter what, but I am hoping that taking some of her stress off will let her relax a bit.
I know it's difficult, but please try to focus on something positive each day. Even if it's silly things like being glad the hot water worked this morning. Even the thought of being happy over simple things can make you smile.
I know that you have your pride, but this is what welfare and food stamps are for....it's not a hand-out, but a hand-up. Please go apply. I am sure you will qualify and one of the great things about those programs is if you are serious about finding work (and it sure sounds like you are) there are programs they have to help educate you and help you find a job.
Best of luck!
__________________ Jen
It's too bad that all the people who are smart enough to run the country are busy teaching school.
THe comment about food stamps is correct. I know that finding a job is tough right now.....perhaps if you volunteered some where ( hospital ) Social Services offices etc. Often volunteering leads into a job.
Taking any job ( I heard this on Dr. Phil ) will help you obtain other joibs....meaning that you are employable......maybe not what you want to do, but sooner or later someone will hire you for another postion, better job, better pay.
One thing I learned while attending college from an instructor years ago. When applying for a job, contact the employer ( or re-submit ) your application a couple of times. THEN send the place that you appiled at a THANK YOU note ( for taking the time to talk to you, or even look over your resume' or application.)
Often that simple thank you note,will get your foot in the door.
Check out the hospital cafeterias......a lot of people don't think of this, and the pay isn't too bad at some of the hospitals...it is worth a try .
Also check the local food-banks.....In our town there are 3-4 food banks, they give you food no questions asked ( although they might ask for proof of income...so call ahead to see what's required )
My sister suffered a brain anuerysum in 2005, and had never collected welfare or foodstamps in her life, and it was hard for her to do...it really was, but once she realized that it isn't a HAND OUT...( you after all pay taxes and deserve help like anyone else ) she did better with this.....She is now on Disability and doing better ( well somewhat better )
A lot of cities offer you a plot of dirt to grow your own veggies, or give you seeds / plants to grow your own food.
IF you are on medications for any illness, Get online for PATIENT ASSISTANCE programs for whatever medication you are taking. ALL the pharmicutical laboratories offer a PATIENT ASSISTANCE PROGRAM where you pay a very small amount for your meds...and sometimes depending on your income the meds are free.
IF you do need medications, check to see if there's a free clinic in your area...most of these clinics will provide meds for you as well...and will help you obtain meds thru the patient ASSISTANCE programs I just mentioned.
Many years ago, my DH was diagnosed with an uncontrolled seizure disorder ( shortly after graduating college ) HE couldn't work, and I had trouble working because his seizures were so voilent that no one wouldl care for him, even if I paid them ( we went thru a lot of RN's ! ) My DH died in 2002, due to an ER Dr's NEGLECT........after a severe seizure. Seems the Dr. didn't want to believe me....how sad that was !
So, I know how it is to have to ask for help....I am (and was ) a very independent person, that didn't want to ask for help,but sometimes you just have to !
I have a list of things that will help most people, and the things I just listed here are just a few ideas for you.....!
Some days I just feel done
I'll let you know how good it tastes when I get there.
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