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Old 08-05-2005, 09:27 PM   #1
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Default My dad died today (Friday)

Two weeks ago my Dad went into the hospital. A week ago he was released under hospice care to my brother's home. I've spent the last two weeks taking care of him. He had terminal cancer. They gave him 1-2 months to live and instead he lived a week from the time they said that. I'm glad I was able to be with him while he was still coherent...he became incoherent towards the end. But it was a hard thing to watch and experience. He begged me to help him die. It was horrible. So I'm thankful he's gone. But sad too.

Just needed to share somewhere.

Jane
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Old 08-05-2005, 09:40 PM   #2
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My heartfelt sympathies are with you at this difficult time. I watched my MIL die of pancreatic cancer more than 3 years ago, and I know the pain you feel watching someone you love suffer.

May fond memories of your dad ease your pain. God bless.
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Old 08-05-2005, 09:44 PM   #3
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I'm so very sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself in these coming days.
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Old 08-05-2005, 09:46 PM   #4
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So sorry for your loss. Remember to take care of yourself during this time of grief and stress.
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Old 08-05-2005, 09:49 PM   #5
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Jane,
My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad to cancer too, so I can relate. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
God be with you and your family
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Old 08-05-2005, 09:55 PM   #6
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I'm so sorry to hear about your father. My DH's uncle is dying right now and has been trying to overdose himself to "get it over with." I understand, a bit, what you're going through. Hang in there...
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Old 08-05-2005, 10:07 PM   #7
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I am so, so sorry! I went through the same thing in Feb. and my heart really breaks for you. I know there is nothing that I can say that will take away your pain.
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Old 08-05-2005, 10:40 PM   #8
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So so sorry for your loss. Death is so very difficult and almost unbearable when it happens to people we love. I know you are relieved he isn't suffering anymore and you will always have your wonderful memories of him. Take care.
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Old 08-05-2005, 10:41 PM   #9
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I have had several close relatives pass away from cancer - I do have some idea what you're going through. Allow yourself to get lost in the gallery here when you feel you need to "get away". And know that there are lots of people here to "talk to" whenever you need us.
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Old 08-06-2005, 06:42 AM   #10
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My prayers that God will be with you and lift you up during this difficult time..Grieving is so hard...remembering is so helpful...Sending hugs and strength and peace...
I am A "daddys' girl"..my dad is 83...I am so lucky...but he is in Florida and I am in the midwest, but my dear husband makes sure I get to see him at least once a year if not twice..those days are so full of love and contentment..I treasure them so...God be with you
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Old 08-06-2005, 06:47 AM   #11
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Jane---sorry for your loss...we are all sending you big hugs...keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.

Diana
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Old 08-06-2005, 07:05 AM   #12
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I am so sorry for your loss. I went through the same thing in February. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 08-06-2005, 07:08 AM   #13
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Jane, I'm so sorry. My mom did the same towards the end and it really hurts to see/hear it. (((((((hugs)))))))) to you.

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Old 08-06-2005, 08:00 AM   #14
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Jane, I am so sorry. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 08-06-2005, 08:12 AM   #15
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Good Morning, I am sorry to hear about your Dad. I lost my Dad 1 1/2 years ago and I miss him to this day. I was a "Daddy's Girl". I know that God will see you thru all the pain and tears as he has for me in the past 1 1/2 years. It does hurt to see such a strong person go before your eyes. You are in our prayers...
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Old 08-06-2005, 08:17 AM   #16
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Jane
So sorry to hear about your dad. No matter what age you are or he is, it's incredibly tough. I can empathize with how you're feeling now.

I lost my dad Sept. 12, 2003 to terminal brain cancer. He was told 6 months, but died in three. I, too, watched him deteriorate and held his hand as he died.

I know it's been said, but time does help. Hang in there; you're in my prayers.

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Old 08-06-2005, 08:28 AM   #17
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{{{{HUGS}}}}

Jane, I have walked in the very same shoes. They are so heavy but do become lighter. I lost my Father in March From Colon Cancer. I too watched him die. Its was horriable and I never expected it to be what it was. ( I also am a only child and went through this alone) But I believe that as an Adult Child it was a journey I was required to take in this life. The images of your Father Dying will not go away they will be with you forever. I was lucky enough that I had a nurse who uurged me to go in and see him befor they took him to the Mourge.I t took away ALOT of me seeing him die, how he was resting peacfully. It is up to you to force those memories aside and replace them with the good , loving memories that you have created through out your lives. I believe there is a higher power, and that this "shell" (body) is only a home to our spirit, His spirit is free from pain, suffering, agoney of watching his family go through this. Your Father asked you to help him because he loved you so much that he didnt want you to have to go through this. It was very similar with my Father although very different in its own ways.

Know that your Father will never leave you again, know that something will strike you, it may be a smell, it maybe a person who looks like your Father, it may be the way someone laughs. Trust me it is your Father sending his love down to you to embrace you and have you remember those loving memories and the time you had together.

August 9th would have been my Fathers 72 Birthday. I have set that say aside to go to the Saun Juans Islands to spread his ashes. Its going to be hard, but I know who will be with my on that journey, it may be my Father who wisper will be in the wind.

Jane, Keep your chin up, smile as you tell you Fathers story. Know that he was a legacy. Know that you were loved.

{{{HUGS}}}
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Old 08-06-2005, 09:34 AM   #18
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Jane, You are in my thoughts and prayers.

We just went through this six weeks ago with my dad. He barely made it to hospice, dying two hours after he arrived. I take comfort in that he didn't want to die in the hospital and he was really able to go on his own terms. Also, he knew that we would take care of my mom after he was gone.

It is very hard but in some ways it is easier than I thought it would be. It was so hard to watch him suffer that it is a tremendous relief that he is not suffering anymore. I miss him terribly and have the most difficult time when I am driving, in the shower or listening to music.

Take care of yourself. There are some great books on grieving. One is "On Grieving the Death of a Father" and another is "I Wasn't Ready to Say Good-bye"

If you need a shoulder, just PM or email.

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Old 08-06-2005, 09:35 AM   #19
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I am sooo sorry for your lost but I am happy that your are happy that he isn't suffering anymore! He is in a better place.
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Old 08-06-2005, 09:45 AM   #20
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Jane,

I am so sorry for what you are going thru. I went thru something similar with my Dad. He was in the hospital with lung cancer. They had told us three to six months, but he passed two days later because of complications of an infection that set in by the bad lung. He was so peaceful though, and it helped also that our Pastor was there with us. I miss Dad so much, and I think of him every day. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.
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Old 08-06-2005, 11:39 AM   #21
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hugs to you! i'm glad you have us to share with....keeping you and your family in our prayers.
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Old 08-06-2005, 12:21 PM   #22
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So sorry to hear about your dad. I know what it is to watch comeone die with cancer. My father-in law passed away several years ago with cancer. It is really hard to see them suffer. His suffering is over and yours will too become less as time goes on. They are never out of our hearts but with the Lord's help we make it through these times. I pray that you know the Lord as your savoir and also you dad did so that someday in eternety you will meet again. May the Lord give you peace and comfort as only He can at this time.
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Old 08-06-2005, 12:22 PM   #23
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I am so very sorry for your loss.

Prayers and hugs,
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Old 08-06-2005, 06:35 PM   #24
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Sincerest condolences to you and your family.
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Old 08-06-2005, 07:04 PM   #25
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I'm sorry you've lost your dad! I'll be thinking about you. Think of the happy times you had with your dad though, I'm sure you've got a million memories.
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Old 08-06-2005, 07:07 PM   #26
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So, sorry for your loss!
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Old 08-06-2005, 07:10 PM   #27
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We are ALL here for you if you need ANYTHING!
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Old 08-06-2005, 07:40 PM   #28
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Thanks for all your support. Today I actually feel sadder. Reality is setting in that he's gone gone. I lost my mom 8 years ago and lost two babies six months before my mom. So loss isn't new to me. But it still hurts. I've been working on my Dad's birthday album. We've had a birthday party for him every year for the past several years and my "gift" to him was I'd update his scrapbook with the pictures from that year. Well, it was in January and I still hadn't gotten around to updating his album. So I've been working on that.

Jane
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Old 08-06-2005, 07:44 PM   #29
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Jane,I'm so sorry for you-my Dad died earlier in the week of lung cancer. He had chemo treatments Mon,Tues and Wed and died in his bed sometime between Tues night at 10:00 and Wed morning at 7:00. He lives alone which is tormenting me because I don't know if it was peaceful or if he was struggling with no one there to help him.
It is so sad and I am not the one to be giving advice-I'm a mess. I also posted in this forum and I have read that thread about 8 times a day because it is so comforting to know that people are thinking of you.

Take care of yourself and a big hug for you--

Kirsten
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Old 08-06-2005, 09:10 PM   #30
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Jane, You are in my thoughts and prayers. How sad it is to hear that this horrible disease has robbed us of another of our loved ones.
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Old 08-06-2005, 09:18 PM   #31
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Jane,

I'm feeling so bad for you. Sending hugs and prayers your way.
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Old 08-07-2005, 05:52 PM   #32
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You are in my thoughts and prayers to be able to get through this time with the memories of your Dad to help you along the way--hugs
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Old 08-07-2005, 06:18 PM   #33
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Sending you lots of hugs and strength as you face what comes ahead. I think it is wonderful that you are doing an album now.

I lost my father many years ago and although it still hurts it does get better.
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
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Old 08-07-2005, 06:53 PM   #34
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My thoughts are with you.....
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Old 08-07-2005, 07:10 PM   #35
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my condolinces go out to you and your family. I can say I know where your coming from, (My father past away from a brain tumor 9 years ago in September) It takes alot of strength to know he is in a better place where he is in no pain or suffering anymore and you can always look back on the memories because he is always smiling down at you
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Old 08-07-2005, 07:20 PM   #36
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So sorry for your loss! Glad you got to spend the last couple weeks with him.
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Old 08-07-2005, 07:25 PM   #37
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Jane, I am thinking of you and praying for you. There seem to be a lot of us who have recently lost our Dads. I lost mine in June. It is hard. As someone else said, I think of him all the time--oftentimes with tears and sometimes just sweet thoughts. We can know that they are better off, but that doesn't make it easier for those of us left. Take care. We are here for each other.
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Old 08-07-2005, 07:41 PM   #38
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I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you Jane and hope you find comfort in God's strength.

Love,
Anissa
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Old 08-08-2005, 06:14 PM   #39
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Quote:
Originally Posted by troopersma
Two weeks ago my Dad went into the hospital. A week ago he was released under hospice care to my brother's home. I've spent the last two weeks taking care of him. He had terminal cancer. They gave him 1-2 months to live and instead he lived a week from the time they said that. I'm glad I was able to be with him while he was still coherent...he became incoherent towards the end. But it was a hard thing to watch and experience. He begged me to help him die. It was horrible. So I'm thankful he's gone. But sad too.

Just needed to share somewhere.

Jane
This brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer in 1994 and my dad to a heart attack in 1996. They were both young, my mom 50 and my dad 54, when they passed. Your in my thoughts.
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Old 08-08-2005, 06:41 PM   #40
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Jane, I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers and hugs.
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