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Old 09-08-2014, 08:36 AM   #1
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Default Marriage trouble

hey, scs friends. it seems like some time ago someone started a thread for divorce support thread. can't find it. anyway, i'm once again contemplating how i can stay in my marriage. i've been unhappy for much of our marriage. been to counseling- together as well as alone- but he doesn't see a problem. so he doesn't see anything to change. i guess i'm just venting. we technically get along but there is no communication at all and we're basically roommates. i've stayed because of our 3 children and our financial situation, but it's really only a matter of time before i end it. he's a good guy and a great dad, and i sure have tried to make it work, but it's never going to get better. guess i could use some prayers/support today!
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Old 09-08-2014, 09:31 AM   #2
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Sending prayers. Getting a divorce is never easy. I got one 37 years ago, when my daughter was only 3. I also buried two sons during this time, and it was an awlful time in my life.

But I now realize that getting a divorce was the best thing for all parties concerned. I remarried 15 years ago, after being divorce 22 years, at the age of 42. Of course my ex is on wife #11!!!LOL (I believe, since I have lost count!!!)

If you need anyone to vent too, I am a very good listener.
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Old 09-08-2014, 10:13 AM   #3
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thank you for your kind words. i am so very sorry for your loss. what a horrible thing to have to go through. and 11?! why would anyone want to be someone's 11th wife?

i feel so guilty. my son is a senior in high school. i don't want his last year (and older daughter's next to last year) marred by a divorce. there's never a good time, though, is there? i am sooooo tired of being married to someone i can't communicate with!
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Old 09-08-2014, 11:34 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by duranfan View Post
thank you for your kind words. i am so very sorry for your loss. what a horrible thing to have to go through. and 11?! why would anyone want to be someone's 11th wife?

i feel so guilty. my son is a senior in high school. i don't want his last year (and older daughter's next to last year) marred by a divorce. there's never a good time, though, is there? i am sooooo tired of being married to someone i can't communicate with!
I am sure that your kids understand more than you think they do. Kids are very smart and normally pick up on things faster than us adults do. If you decide to get a divorce, you and your husband need to sit down with the kids and just explain that is the best thing for all concern. And that this is in no way the kids fault at all.

My daughter when she got in first grade and realized that her dad didn't live with her like the other kids father, she thought it was something that she had done.

My ex has a big problem where women are concern. I had a couple of his ex's tell me that they thought they could fix him!!!LOL

He actually was a good father, but a horrible husband as his track record shows.
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Old 09-08-2014, 11:05 PM   #5
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I know that staying in a difficult relationship is very hard on each of your. I am keeping you in my prayers so you make the decision that is right for you.

I got divorced when my children for 6 and 8. It was a difficult divorce and my ex remarried and has a couple more children. It was good for him and although I never remarried, I never regretted my choice to get the divorce.

I like my ex much better as an ex than I ever did as my husband.

You will be in my thoughts... same thing as mentioned ..... if you ever need to chat, or email... I'm available too.

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Old 11-21-2014, 07:47 AM   #6
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Divorce is never easy for everyone involved. My son was 24 & married when I divorced his father.
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Old 12-22-2014, 07:57 AM   #7
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Sometimes venting is good for the soul. Your situation reminds me of my mother. My father was quite content just being roommates, but it made my mother very unhappy. I stood by her through thick and thin, as she found a place of her own and moved out. My parents remained on friendly terms, and more than once my mother considered moving back in with him. I think the straw that broke the camel's back was when my father told her that he didn't and had never loved her.

Just over two years ago, my mom got together with a man whose family we knew when I was a teenager. Wanna hear the crazy part? As a teenager, I remember thinking that I wished my mom was with a nice man like him, because I knew that her and my father were never suited to each other, and only married because I was born out of wedlock (I'm 42 now, to give you a timeframe).

Earlier this year, both my mom's divorce and her new partner's divorce were finally finalized, and they married each other two months ago. Did I ever think as a teenager, or even as a grown adult that things would end up this way? Never. In fact, in my younger years I thought my parents would be the last people on earth to divorce but all through my 20s and 30s I wished for it, and as you can see, even as a young teenager (around 14 or so) I knew my parents weren't right for each other even though they seemed happy enough at the time. Next week, on New Years eve it would have been my parents 40th wedding anniversary. I'm so glad they didn't make it that far. I don't see my mom's divorce as failure, I see it as success in recognizing that life had better things in store, and for having the courage to step out of her comfort zone and do something to make her life better.

I'm not saying this will happen to you, but I guess I'm just trying to say that life has a funny way of dealing with itself. Always be open to the possibilities, and I hope that when you are financially able, you will allow yourself to move forward with *your* life. Best wishes, be strong and know that we are here to lend support even just through reading when you feel the need to vent. <3
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Old 12-22-2014, 02:46 PM   #8
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It's hard to stay married to a "roommate" but you need to do some evaluating. Just consider your own feelings for a moment.

Would you be financially better off, or worse (in my case I was actually better off financially after the divorce b/c I no longer had to be the breadwinner)? Would you mind being alone? Are you independent enough to figure out how to maintain a house (if you're in a house)? Do you feel like you need to have a man to be complete? Would your husband make the divorce difficult over division of property? Would you have to move? Would you have to give up part of your pension or 401(k)? How is your health? Would you need to have a partner who could take care of you if you became ill? What about the other way around? Lots of things to consider.

Once the balance tips to your doing whatever it takes to get out of the marriage, you will know that it's time. In the meantime, you are not in an abusive situation or hateful relationship. Hope this helps.

Vent away. It's good for the soul.
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Last edited by Buried Treasures; 12-22-2014 at 02:53 PM..
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