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Unread 05-18-2017, 12:36 PM   #121
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I agree. It is unacceptable that you can't call 911.
What would happen if you called? Would they hang up on you? It seems to me they would be opening themselves up to a lawsuit.
I think that you need to find someone to talk to about that (especially in light of your medical problems). You need to be able to call 911!
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Unread 05-18-2017, 01:36 PM   #122
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Beth, is there no one you can take the issue of not being able to call 911 in your area too? It seems to me that it's an unacceptable situation, especially given your medical issues, that you would be unable to summon emergency help, mainly because of one persons behaviour.
One point with the emails, although you can block her, can you also make sure you save the emails she sent? Just for future insurance, if you get problems, they would definitely help you in showing what you are being subjected to.
It is good your organisation is so supportive, could they maybe step in on the 911 problem?
Sending you virtual hugs. Xx
I actually work for an organization that is 250 miles away. We are a local O&O radio station owned by a university in the Twin Cities. I was up a LONG time last night looking for a temporary housing solution. I'm literally less than a mile from the ND state line so if I can get over there, I can always call. I applied at an emergency women's shelter and also looked for short term (month to month) leased efficiency apts but to find one that fits those criteria and is also dog friendly is impossible. FORTUNATELY, it is now Spring, I am a well seasoned camper (50 years +) and there is a municipal campground 25 miles away that is only $10/night for the no-electric hookup sites. So I have reserved a spot there for the next three weeks and will move out there tonight, put the tent up and begin going out there in the evening ... sleep .... get up early in the morning, back to town in time to take a shower, get ready for work and leave the dogs at the house for the day. It's not ideal but it is at least a temporary solution. Right now I need sleep more than anything and I just cannot sleep when I don't feel safe and I don't feel safe when the local PD has been fed so much crap. It's a little chilly tonight (40's) so we may end up in the car - but whatever the case - I know it will be better than the two hours of sleep I am getting at home.
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Unread 05-18-2017, 01:40 PM   #123
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I agree. It is unacceptable that you can't call 911.
What would happen if you called? Would they hang up on you? It seems to me they would be opening themselves up to a lawsuit.
I think that you need to find someone to talk to about that (especially in light of your medical problems). You need to be able to call 911!
No - they would come, I think. The problem is more with me (anxiety because they've been fed so many lies about who I am and the fear that they will think I'm faking symptoms etc. .... this may or may not be a REAL concern, but regardless, it IS what is making me scared and keeping me from sleeping.) But I am sorry if I have given the impression that THEY have banned me from calling 911. Of course they can't do that. Whether they would come in a timely manner - I have no idea. It would depend on who's working, who the police supervisor is etc. I just know that I am almost delirious from lack of sleep and I have always slept well in my tent. So I hope this will work -at least in the short term. I also have a problem with sleep deprivation clouding my thinking, my ability to reason well and then I'm SOOO tired that I'm anxious and so sleep even less. I am on a pretty heavy duty dose of sleeping meds, but what happened on the medical side to exacerbate this problem is that my doctor took me off the medication I'd been on for THIRTY years! Uffdah! (That's Minnesota talk, folks.) I was on 100 mg of Amitryptline for 30 years and that is a whopper of a dose. When my present doctor found that out he kind of freaked because Amitryptline is linked to early onset dementia in older patients and I am 61. I did google it and it is well documented. So I totally agreed with him in theory - that I needed to get off and we've worked at it for a whole year now. I went from 100 mg to 50 mg without a hitch so that was encouraging. But when he cut me from 50 to 25, I hit a wall and have not really slept well since. He has incrementally increased ANOTHER medication, thinking it would balance out but it just hasn't worked for me. It's a benzo - and they work for most people but have never worked for me. I'm really on too high a dose of that now (it's over the recommended limit) and still not really working. The newer drugs like Ambion and Lunesta are horribly expensive and have some pretty scary side effects - especially for someone who lives alone and ESPECIALLY with someone who tends to be dissociative anyway as those are the kinds of bad reactions people have to them. So I'm not sure what the solution is. A massage every night would probably work (ha) but is a little out of my price range too! It's frustrating because I slept like a baby in the hospital and also in the hotel this week so that tells me it's a psychological issue more than a physical one. I guess I already knew that.
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Unread 05-18-2017, 02:23 PM   #124
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Wow. I just don't know what to say.
I think I just misinterpreted when you said you can't call 911. I get it now.
Wishing you a good night's sleep.
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Unread 05-18-2017, 04:22 PM   #125
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Wow. I just don't know what to say.
I think I just misinterpreted when you said you can't call 911. I get it now.
Wishing you a good night's sleep.
I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that I had been so misleading until I went back to the first thread about my medical emergency last week. I was so out of it for a couple days and shouldn't have been posting here or anywhere. I certainly did not intend to give the wrong impression. The truth is - I'm not really sure what would happen, but we have a fractured relationship due to things they've been told and so when I tried to get clarification on whether 911 or any other emergency services were available to me here, I didn't get a straight answer. I do know that I can drive over to Fargo and I could PROBABLY call the county (sheriff's department), but just getting out of town feels the safest to me right now.
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Unread 05-18-2017, 06:28 PM   #126
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Hi Beth, I've been following your thread since the beginning.... and my heart goes out to you. As someone who has a serious chronic illness (for 30 years), I can relate to how some treat you, abandon you, etc. One expression used is we are "lazy and/or crazy". Among fellow sufferers, we joke about that, but almost all of us have experienced being told that... to our face or behind our back. Nice people have asked how I can cope with it all and my reply is: "Each morning I wake up and have two choices.. I can be happy or grumpy, and if I choose grumpy, I have to live with grumpy all day, so I choose happy". (I'm also single). That doesn't mean there aren't challenges, there are many, and I am often very overwhelmed. Recently I discovered a long time friend had betrayed me to the point I had to stop being friends with her for my own peace of mind. I don't want or need that negativity in my life. I shared that to let you know, you are not alone. I wish there was more compassion in the world... like you have. The world needs more people like you! And the wonderful people here at SCS.

But the main reason I am responding, in my effort to heal, I discovered BodyTalk as a healthcare modality. I've even taken the classes the practitioners take to speed up the healing process. One of the simple techniques is called "Cortices". It's non-invasive, and can't hurt anyone, but can help balance the brain. Takes about 1-2 minutes to do. Dr. Veltheim has a video (free) explaining it and showing how to do it. I had severe sleeping issues and was on Klonopin and Ambien for several years. Since starting BodyTalk, and it didn't happen overnight- I was in bad shape, I have been off both meds for several years now. In a Tai Chi class, I showed fellow students how to do cortices and one lady rushed up to me the next week and said for the first time in years she was able to fall asleep and stay asleep. I offer this as a suggestion for you to try. I was going to send you a PM about this, but since others have posted they too have had health issues, it's for anyone who would like to try it. FYI, it can be done with animals too. They respond quicker than people. And I get lots of dogie kisses. Please read the two "Coma" stories under the video, as believe it might give you some hope. Keeping you in my prayers. ~Mary
https://www.bodytalksystem.com/learn...s/cortices.cfm
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Unread 05-18-2017, 09:39 PM   #127
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Beth,

I am so sorry to hear that you've been treated so badly. It's hard enough to grieve lost friendships, but it sounds like you are being actively scapegoated and abused by your entire community. They can't just leave you alone. Instead they send hostility your way.

I agree that you need a change of scenery. It may be time to make a permanent move -- assuming that's financially possible. Maybe you could work at a different office within your current company?

I just don't see how you can recover while being under constant attack. The stress you're experiencing must be tremendous and can't be good for your fragile health.


Your fears are completely understandable. Whether 911 would help you or not, you have been made to feel completely unsupported and unsafe.


Sending you lots of white light and hugs. I really hope the camping out will help you sleep better. And maybe the cortices will help.

Acupuncture and Reiki are pretty popular in my neck of the woods (which has no woods, lol).
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Unread 05-18-2017, 09:45 PM   #128
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Just adding this picture of Donut mooning everyone. Hopefully it brings you a smile or a chuckle. Greedy little fella thinks he can find something yummy at the bottom of that glass.
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Unread 05-19-2017, 04:13 AM   #129
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Mary

Thanks for all this good information. I will have to read up on it. I am also looking at EMDR - (Eye movement therapy). I know several good therapists who are trained in it. Disclaimer: I don't recommend anyone else doing this on your own because it is MEANT to be done with a guide or trained counselor, but one time years ago, when I was traumatized over a specific experience of seeing someone being abused, I actually did this on my own in my bedroom - moving my eyes rapidly from one corner of the room to the other - as I "relived" that experience and I was amazed at how much even that little bit helped.
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Unread 05-19-2017, 04:17 AM   #130
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Beth,

I am so sorry to hear that you've been treated so badly. It's hard enough to grieve lost friendships, but it sounds like you are being actively scapegoated and abused by your entire community. They can't just leave you alone. Instead they send hostility your way.

I agree that you need a change of scenery. It may be time to make a permanent move -- assuming that's financially possible. Maybe you could work at a different office within your current company?

I just don't see how you can recover while being under constant attack. The stress you're experiencing must be tremendous and can't be good for your fragile health.

Your fears are completely understandable. Whether 911 would help you or not, you have been made to feel completely unsupported and unsafe.


Sending you lots of white light and hugs. I really hope the camping out will help you sleep better. And maybe the cortices will help.

Acupuncture and Reiki are pretty popular in my neck of the woods (which has no woods, lol).



Unfortunately, moving isn't really an option since I'm just a few years away from retirement. I have applied for four positions in different cities and the rejection notices come back as 'overqualified' or 'we cannot afford you'. The cost of moving is a problem too and I wouldn't want to leave my therapist - who is outstanding. But I AM counting the weeks to retirement and am pretty sure I'll make a move at that time.
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Unread 05-19-2017, 05:25 AM   #131
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Mary

Thanks for all this good information. I will have to read up on it. I am also looking at EMDR - (Eye movement therapy). I know several good therapists who are trained in it. Disclaimer: I don't recommend anyone else doing this on your own because it is MEANT to be done with a guide or trained counselor, but one time years ago, when I was traumatized over a specific experience of seeing someone being abused, I actually did this on my own in my bedroom - moving my eyes rapidly from one corner of the room to the other - as I "relived" that experience and I was amazed at how much even that little bit helped.
EMDR is a fantastic modality! I trained in it a couple of decades ago and had to do sessions to do my own clearing, and I was amazed at how truly helpful it is! Anyone who does this needs to know, going in, that you continue to process between sessions and things may appear worse for a quick minute before they get better. It depends on the severity of the trauma you're clearing. Amazing results for anyone who stays with it, though (and it's FAST)! You're right in guiding folks to a facilitator rather than trying it on their own - they know how to get you over the "hump" if you run into one...

Another suggestion on the sleep thing - my daughter swears by baths with Dr. Teal's epsom salts. She likes the eucalyptus and spearmint one, but there's also a lavender version. They are both readily available at Walgreen's, Target, Walmart and the like.
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Unread 05-20-2017, 08:33 AM   #132
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EMDR is a fantastic modality! I trained in it a couple of decades ago and had to do sessions to do my own clearing, and I was amazed at how truly helpful it is! Anyone who does this needs to know, going in, that you continue to process between sessions and things may appear worse for a quick minute before they get better. It depends on the severity of the trauma you're clearing. Amazing results for anyone who stays with it, though (and it's FAST)! You're right in guiding folks to a facilitator rather than trying it on their own - they know how to get you over the "hump" if you run into one...

Another suggestion on the sleep thing - my daughter swears by baths with Dr. Teal's epsom salts. She likes the eucalyptus and spearmint one, but there's also a lavender version. They are both readily available at Walgreen's, Target, Walmart and the like.
I'd love to meet you. We agree on so much. When I was training as a social worker, EMDR wasn't even around yet, but I know several people who do it and others who have been helped by it. I do think it can be especially beneficial for those who have experienced trauma, or otherwise are 'stuck' because of some specific experience that brings unrelenting pain. I do plan to ask Lori about this the next time I see her.

I laughed at all the bath additives you mentioned because - would you believe it?!? - I have them ALL. Every single one of them and then some! When I got out of stamping, I decided to use some of that money (it was a ridiculous amount) to get a massage once a month and I have the best massage therapist IN THE WORLD! I'm convinced of it. She does a lot of reflexology and I'm sold on that, but she does the whole body as well. I adore her. My #1 favorite bath additive (no longer available - aacckkk) was Warm Milk & Honey by Bath and Body Works but I like all of their aromatherapy products. I also use a lot of essential oils. If you saw my supply, you'd think I was a distributor. Lavender & Peppermint (combined) is my favorite for the diffuser but I use a lot of different combinations in carrier oils for various ailments. I actually discovered these (or started using them) when one of my dogs was dealing with car anxiety. I would rub a little lavender in coconut oil into the pads of his feet at night or before a trip and it really seemed to help. Now all three of us (me and both corgis) get a little rubdown every night before bed!
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Unread 05-22-2017, 12:58 PM   #133
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I certainly never intended for this thread to become a support group, but since it kind of has, I will let you know that I am having an intake evaluation next week with A Place of Hope out in the Seattle area. It has become increasingly clear to me that I need some intensive inpatient treatment - as much as I HATE that. This past weekend was just horrible and I'm fighting like crazy just to hold on. I'm now caught in the middle of a wildfire that has jumped a ridge and have two major (related but not the same) crises brewing. I cannot handle that. Essentially it boils down to this. I cannot live in a world where people won't talk to - or even acknowledge - me. It's killing me. It almost DID kill me yesterday and I'm still struggling today. (Doesn't help that my therapist is on vacation.) The sleeping in a nearby town went well for four nights and then last night my back hurt and Zakki was cold. (Scarlett sleeps in my sleeping bag with me but Zak really likes his bed on the floor, but when I heard him whimpering and shivering early this morning, I felt really bad. So I have a new contingency plan. ) But anyway - I do know that I am NOT safe in Moorhead right now - and I don't want to put that on anyone but me. I am not safe from myself. I absolutely cannot go on. Local mental health units are absolutely worthless to me. I want a place to go IF it comes to the point where inpatient is my only option. So I plan to talk to these people next Monday and be evaluated. Need to find out about things like insurance (it looks pretty cushy, so I don't know if BC/BS covers all of that), how long it would be and whether it would be a good fit for me. So many of these specialized residential treatment centers focus on either substance abuse (eg. Hazledon) or eating disorders (there are MANY of them) and as a 61 yr old female who has neither one (at all), I want to know that it would be a good place. Their website lists trauma recovery as one of their specialties but when I dig in further, almost every testimonial and everything I see relates to eating disorders. Anyway - it gives me something to hang on right now. My hope is all but gone and if I don't find something to grab on to, I'm going to die.


https://www.aplaceofhope.com/
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Unread 05-22-2017, 01:17 PM   #134
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This looks like an excellent facility. You have made a brave decision to do this. I absolutely wish you the best.
It sounds like you had a personal crisis this weekend. With your therapist away and your evaluation a week away, I would like to suggest that you either stay with a friend, or have a friend come stay with you for the next week. It sounds like you need physical and emotional support. You never know when you need it, so having someone with you seems to be the way to go.
It would be great if you would check in here every day to let us know how you are doing. We worry about you.
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Unread 05-22-2017, 02:48 PM   #135
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Your bravery and courage continue to amaze me. I know this has been incredibly difficult for you. But I'm awed by the strength you have shared with us. Your recognition that you need some additional help and your determination to get the tools you need to be healthy is something to applaud.

I wish you nothing but the best on your journey and thank you again for sharing your story. I have no doubt that you are helping someone somewhere by sharing your struggles and victories.
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Unread 05-22-2017, 05:21 PM   #136
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Your bravery and courage continue to amaze me. I know this has been incredibly difficult for you. But I'm awed by the strength you have shared with us. Your recognition that you need some additional help and your determination to get the tools you need to be healthy is something to applaud.

I wish you nothing but the best on your journey and thank you again for sharing your story. I have no doubt that you are helping someone somewhere by sharing your struggles and victories.
Responding to both of you .... I wouldn't call myself brave at all, but I certainly would call myself desperate. I KNOW that I am going to die if I don't get some help and it either has to be WITH the group of ladies who have hurt me here (which I truly believe, with all my heart, could be sorted out in a couple hours ) .... OR (since they have totally dug in their heels and are shunning me in every way) it has to happen far away from here. I cannot get well HERE if they are not going to be active participants. The difference is that getting well HERE would be reclaiming my old life (which was really very good) while doing an inpatient program far away from here would be learning how to make a new life that is TOTALLY different from what I had. I'd like my old life back but I cannot make them care, and at best - it would never be what it was because (as a few people have pointed out) it would be very difficult for me to trust them again. But I am a HUGE believer in GRACE, FORGIVENESS and SECOND CHANCES. I only wish they could have extended some of that to me. It is baffling, to say the least.

I have also - since my earlier post - scheduled an intake eval at another program in New York state that looks like it might even be closer to what I'm really looking for. It also doesn't look so luxurious. I know that places like Hazeldon and some of these gorgeous equine therapy settings in the mountains are appealing and would be wonderful - but how many people, realistically, can afford them? I'm pretty sure I can't. They tell you they will work out payment plans with you etc. but at age 61, I have no debt and I really don't want to incur any now. Anyway - thanks for your encouragement. We'll see what happens.

As for a crisis this weekend? No - not really. Not at all in fact. I've been this close to the edge on and off for a year. I just don't admit it very often. There IS a very good crisis line here (different than a suicide hotline) that is affiliated with a community mental health center and I do use them. I just don't want to use them TOO much. They've been nothing but nice, but I need that relationship to stay healthy and I don't want to abuse it.

If anything pushed me into a little more desperate situation this weekend it was that I found out about one more friend who is pulling away from me .... not affiliated with either of the stamp groups .... just has heard too much gossip. If I (or God or ANYONE) could have sealed the lips of these women, I would have been a long way further towards recovery by now. There is one person in particular who has done massive damage to my other friendships. I keep finding out about more - and more - and more. It hurts SOOO much.

I don't want you to worry about me - I really don't. I'm uncomfortable being the focus here anyway. So I would like to make a safety contract here as I have done with others in the past. I honestly cannot go beyond 24 hours, but I will promise to stay safe for 24 hours and then will do the same again for the next few days or for however this incredibly intense pain lasts. I have found a little secluded spot to park my car over my lunch hour - a place no one will notice me - and that is where I go to cry when I can't even make it through a workday. Not all days are like that, but today was. By 10:30 I was already fighting to hold back tears and I had an hour and a half to go. When I finally got in my car at noon, the dam burst (as I knew it would) and I just laid down on my back seat and buried my head in a pillow. The afternoon went a little better.

The grey, gloomy weather isn't helping either. Wednesday!!! We're supposed to finally see the sun again. We've had a week of rainy weather. By Wednesday my lawn will be so long, I'll need a hay baler - and I have to do my neighbors' too (they're on vacation). That will actually be good - give me something constructive to do. Tonight I'm playing with the dogs and updating my iPod.

Thank you so much ..... all of you who are supporting me. I fight the thought of 'well it's easy for them to support me .... they don't really KNOW me and if they did, they'd reject me too.' I think that's always a pitfall when you're in severe depression - and I have two (and possibly three) symptoms of BPD too which doesn't help. I asked my therapist about that one day. She said, "You're a borderline borderline". I'm not impulsive, reckless or have a pattern unstable relationships or outbursts of rage. And you don't develop BPD at the age of 60 anyway. I DO have an extreme fear of rejection, suicidal ideation and some dissociation when I'm really in a bad place. But the 'pattern of unstable relationships' symptom is one that my therapist said, "absolutely not". And she is right, I think. I have a whole group of ladies who got into a mob mentality and betrayed me - but that's not a pattern of unstable relationships. It wasn't a pattern. It came out of the blue when I had a couple of small strokes.
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Unread 05-23-2017, 07:40 AM   #137
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One more intake eval scheduled - Timberline Knolls, in the Chicago area. Looks great but again, it's primary focus is eating disorders even though they have trauma listed as one of the conditions they treat.
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Unread 05-23-2017, 12:29 PM   #138
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I have been pre-approved by BC/BS MN for admission. That was quick. Would be 100% coverage. The next step will be talking to our HR department and my boss.
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Unread 05-23-2017, 01:26 PM   #139
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Beth,

Do you have short term or long term disability through your workplace? You may be eligible for this.


Also, this is probably covered by FMLA.


Do you have someone to take care of your dogs or can you bring them with you?

I am so happy for you that you've been pre-approved for admission! What a relief!

It will be so good for you to get away from a completely toxic environment.

Glad that we're able to be here for you to help you get through this. We've all been through down times in our lives. Different down times, but still down times.


On another note, I am so happy that I don't need to mow any lawns. I live in an apartment in an urban area. Not a whole lot of grass around, and it's not my responsibility : ) Now if only the dishes would wash themselves and the laundry too : )





Hang in there baby!
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Unread 05-23-2017, 04:02 PM   #140
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Beth,

Do you have short term or long term disability through your workplace? You may be eligible for this.


Also, this is probably covered by FMLA.


Do you have someone to take care of your dogs or can you bring them with you?

I am so happy for you that you've been pre-approved for admission! What a relief!

It will be so good for you to get away from a completely toxic environment.

Glad that we're able to be here for you to help you get through this. We've all been through down times in our lives. Different down times, but still down times.


On another note, I am so happy that I don't need to mow any lawns. I live in an apartment in an urban area. Not a whole lot of grass around, and it's not my responsibility : ) Now if only the dishes would wash themselves and the laundry too : )





Hang in there baby!
Yes, we have all of those benefits and I have been on partial shortterm disability since July 1 of last year. All of those benefits are available. The PROBLEM is figuring out how to make it work. We are a small staff - just six - running a radio station. We have a lot of trouble in the summer months anyway, getting everyone's vacation in because we really can't have more than one person gone (at most two) at the same time. So if I leave for a month or more it pretty much eliminates vacations for those who were planning to be gone during that time. I DON'T want to do that.

In 2011 both of my parents died in the summer - just six weeks apart. I made 7 trips to Michigan that year and the last trip (when Mom died and we had to figure out what we were going to do with their condo) I was gone three weeks. My co-workers were very gracious but I know a couple people didn't get any vacation in that summer. I just hate to do it again. Just the 6 or so hours I'm gone a week right now is a problem - especially since it's been almost a year. I work like a trojan when I'm there but I am WAY behind on some important projects. This summer was going to be a full court press to catch up.

All of that said - and I don't want to sound like a drama queen - but I am going to die if I don't get some intensive help AWAY from here - and sooner rather than later. My therapist is so awesome and the ONLY reason I need an inpatient program is because I cannot heal HERE. It's too fresh, it's too raw, I see these women all the time (more than half of them live within a mile of me and one is actually my next door neighbor ..... hasn't said a word to me since last July, although her grandson comes over to play with the dogs a lot. I've got a dual crisis going right now because of some things that have happened with the local police department. THEY are terribly understaffed and they are frustrated when they get calls (from the Lakeland Crisis Line) asking them to check on me. They come, I KNOW the local mental health unit is of NO value to me and actually makes me worse, so I know how to answer their questions so that they can't slap a 72 hour hold on me. Unless you have an imminent plan and the means to carry it out, their hands are tied. So they are frustrated with me - and with the situation - and the asst chief threw me over a cliff a couple weeks ago when he told me that I was the biggest problem they were dealing with right now. Frankly, THAT email from him is what is making me SO acutely suicidal right now. I have begged to talk to them - to clear the air - to do whatever I can to NOT be a problem (that's why I'm going 20 miles away to sleep) but I absolutely cannot absorb the pain of knowing that I'm their biggest problem. I just can't. It's killing me - and WILL kill me unless they will talk to me or I get out of here.

As for dog care - no, that will be a problem. I asked this afternoon if there were good kennels nearby (there are) but once you are admitted, you can't leave until discharge. I'm supposed to go through this intake eval in about 30 minutes and one of the things I need to find out is how rigid they are. If they are a program that treats MOSTLY adolescent girls and young women with eating disorders, they MAY need to bend some rules to accommodate a 61 year old woman who has a home that needs to be taken care of, dogs, bills to pay, decisions to make - not to mention keeping at least SOMEWHAT in touch with my employer. It sounds like you are VERY restricted re: phone and internet use, and I understand why that is - but they might have to bend a little for me. Whether they'll do that, I don't know.
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Unread 05-23-2017, 05:58 PM   #141
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Beth,

You are perfectly right to feel anxious and upset over the behavior of your neighbors and police force. The email from the police chief sounds a lot like intimidation to me. It seems like he just doesn't want to be bothered, so he's pressuring you to stop seeking help. Don't listen!!!!! (And by that I mean that you shouldn't feel guilty or bad about needing help, not that you have to call upon the police in your town.) This is his job whether he likes it or not!!! It's not your job to worry about what he finds inconvenient. It's your job to live!

Also, if you are his biggest problem than his job is EASY!!!! There has already been a MURDER in my town this year! MURDER!!!! A high-school student was shot in his apartment.


In 2014, a couple from my town was shopping in a very upscale neighborhood about 40 minutes away. They were held up at gun point while their Range Rover was car jacked, and the husband was SHOT and KILLED!!!!


I live within a mile or two of New York city, and I constantly hear about serial rapists, murders, robberies.


I am NOT crying for your police chief who has to send someone on a short drive to check on a docile, 61-year old stroke victim. They should be patrolling different neighborhoods anyway.


No matter what he says, you are NOT his biggest problem.


A lot of people just don't understand mental illness. They don't "get it." They have no compassion. They don't understand that the feelings are involuntary. That there are physiological and chemical changes in the body. That one can't just "buck up."


You are in a very raw place and very vulnerable to the judgments of your neighbors right now. It sucks.


As for work, I know that you feel bad about leaving them in the lurch, but maybe they can hire someone part time while you're gone. Or if they're concerned about staffing, maybe they could take on an unpaid or minimally paid intern for the summer. Even if it does mean that no one can go on vacation for the summer, you still need to take care of yourself. Think of it this way -- it's a choice between you dying and them going without a vacation for 8 to 12 weeks.


It's not your job to worry about the police or work. They're adults and they can take care of themselves.


I think your biggest concern is going to be finding someone you trust to help you with the house, the dogs and the bills while you're gone. You need to be in contact with whoever is helping you. Is there a college nearby? Any chance you could let someone stay in your house rent free in exchange for looking after the dogs?


Would your brother in Michigan be willing to take the dogs while you're away? And handle the bills? I know that you've had some problems, but what you would be asking for is pretty cut and dry.


Or maybe you still have a close friend nearby who can help you out?


Like you were saying earlier. Just take it one step at a time. Don't be afraid to ask the facilities the questions that you need answered. You'll get there.


Not sure if you've heard of NAMI. They're a national organization, and they have a national support line. Here are some links:


National site with support line number:
https://www.nami.org/

Minnesota locations:
https://www.nami.org/Local-NAMI?state=MN


There's a Fargo/North Dakota chapter listed on their ND page:
https://www.nami.org/Local-NAMI?state=ND


It may be that someone at NAMI can give you some practical advice about taking care of your home and dogs while in a program. Or maybe they can suggest a program that allows for these considerations.
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Unread 05-23-2017, 07:26 PM   #142
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Beth,

You are perfectly right to feel anxious and upset over the behavior of your neighbors and police force. The email from the police chief sounds a lot like intimidation to me. It seems like he just doesn't want to be bothered, so he's pressuring you to stop seeking help. Don't listen!!!!! (And by that I mean that you shouldn't feel guilty or bad about needing help, not that you have to call upon the police in your town.) This is his job whether he likes it or not!!! It's not your job to worry about what he finds inconvenient. It's your job to live!

Also, if you are his biggest problem than his job is EASY!!!! There has already been a MURDER in my town this year! MURDER!!!! A high-school student was shot in his apartment.


In 2014, a couple from my town was shopping in a very upscale neighborhood about 40 minutes away. They were held up at gun point while their Range Rover was car jacked, and the husband was SHOT and KILLED!!!!


I live within a mile or two of New York city, and I constantly hear about serial rapists, murders, robberies.


I am NOT crying for your police chief who has to send someone on a short drive to check on a docile, 61-year old stroke victim. They should be patrolling different neighborhoods anyway.


No matter what he says, you are NOT his biggest problem.


A lot of people just don't understand mental illness. They don't "get it." They have no compassion. They don't understand that the feelings are involuntary. That there are physiological and chemical changes in the body. That one can't just "buck up."


You are in a very raw place and very vulnerable to the judgments of your neighbors right now. It sucks.


As for work, I know that you feel bad about leaving them in the lurch, but maybe they can hire someone part time while you're gone. Or if they're concerned about staffing, maybe they could take on an unpaid or minimally paid intern for the summer. Even if it does mean that no one can go on vacation for the summer, you still need to take care of yourself. Think of it this way -- it's a choice between you dying and them going without a vacation for 8 to 12 weeks.


It's not your job to worry about the police or work. They're adults and they can take care of themselves.


I think your biggest concern is going to be finding someone you trust to help you with the house, the dogs and the bills while you're gone. You need to be in contact with whoever is helping you. Is there a college nearby? Any chance you could let someone stay in your house rent free in exchange for looking after the dogs?


Would your brother in Michigan be willing to take the dogs while you're away? And handle the bills? I know that you've had some problems, but what you would be asking for is pretty cut and dry.


Or maybe you still have a close friend nearby who can help you out?


Like you were saying earlier. Just take it one step at a time. Don't be afraid to ask the facilities the questions that you need answered. You'll get there.


Not sure if you've heard of NAMI. They're a national organization, and they have a national support line. Here are some links:


National site with support line number:
https://www.nami.org/

Minnesota locations:
https://www.nami.org/Local-NAMI?state=MN


There's a Fargo/North Dakota chapter listed on their ND page:
https://www.nami.org/Local-NAMI?state=ND


It may be that someone at NAMI can give you some practical advice about taking care of your home and dogs while in a program. Or maybe they can suggest a program that allows for these considerations.


No, I haven't heard of NAMI. I will check them out. I did go through the intake and it sounds like their partial hospitalization program would be a better fit for me. I would have more freedom to use my phone, computer etc. And possibly my car too. I will have to leave the dogs in a kennel here and we DO have a good one that we use .... it's just that 30 days will add up to quite a bill. But it's a good place and I would feel better leaving them there than with my neighbors (other side from the one I mentioned earlier). I leave the dogs with them for short stints - like when I had my TIA a couple weeks ago - but they are in their 70's, overweight an I KNOW my dogs don't get good exercise. Plus they put a male wrap (diaper) on Zak all the time because they don't want to risk any accidents. I only put one on him when I'm going to be gone more than 10-12 hours. Even a normal work day - he's fine. So I just wouldn't want them there for 30 days. There are other issues too. I have a few friends who LIKE dogs but all of the ones I can think of off the bat would not let the dogs in the house. I'm off Facebook now so can't really reach out there either. If my insurance pays 100%, I can bite the bullet and pay for the kennel. My brother HAD a corgi (if you want a kick, google 'corgi' 'elvis' 'calculus' and you'll get over 100 articles about him. He was world famous and when he died his obituary was in USA today!) Anyway - Tim will be in the boundary waters a good chunk of time this summer and then at his cabin in the UP. He doesn't like to be inconvenienced. When my parents were dying, he helped with some things but anything medical (even something like turning Mom at the end) was more than he could handle. He's brilliant and personable, but extremely self-centered when it comes to his time. (Money wise - he's extremely generous. He is probably Michigan Public Radio's biggest supporter.)

Work is a much bigger problem. My job is not one that a college intern or part time person who hasn't been trained can do. There's a lot to it. My boss told me during my last evaluation that when I retire, I need to give them enough lead time so that my replacement can work alongside me for six weeks. I went to Kansas City to train a new admin in there and will likely be doing the same with a new station we purchased in Bismarck.


But one thing at a time. I want to find out more about the partial program. If that seems like it could be a good fit, I'll then talk to HR. Timberline Knolls isn't exclusively eating disorders but it's definitely their primary focus. Bathrooms are locked etc. I would be the oldest patient and I just don't know. I keep trying to think of other options. Moving away may end up being the best one in the long run. It just overwhelms me to think about it. I put the car in the garage tonight and looked around. Lawnmower, Snowblower, Garage sale tables, Camping equipment, bags of fertilizer, grill, and on and on and on. And that's just the GARAGE!!!! Then there would be my stamp room to liquidate. It just seems like too much.


As far as the asst chief of police .... he's a good man, really - but they're overworked and it does seem that they've decided to ignore me. And that truly frightens me. Frankly, I need them. There are some officers who are VERY good with mental health issues - and I happened to get a couple of those early on, but the majority just put you in an ambulance and send you to the ER to be evaluated. In my case, they keep me 5-10 minutes, call me a taxi and send me home. Seriously, that has happened about 5 or 6 times. I know they're concerned about me but feel like they've done all they can. All I want, at this point, is a chance to be heard, to clear the air and get a fresh start. But they're not particularly good at listening.
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Unread 05-23-2017, 09:15 PM   #143
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I need to go to sleep, but it seems like you're doing a great job tracking down your options.

Also, regarding pet sitting, no one will watch Donut. It's even been a challenge to find a paid pet sitter. Not many people have experience with birds, especially a spoiled, pampered and willful one. And did I mention that he flies?

Be well!
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Unread 05-24-2017, 08:13 PM   #144
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Today's events - looked seriously at Timberline Knoll's partial hospitalization program but a friend of mine who is a therapist in Iowa has referred people there and she says it is very focused on eating disorders and most women are between 15-35. So I'm leaning away from that.

I am eager to pursue EMDR. It is really meant for people in my situation - specific traumatic memories. The incident I had in church three weeks ago when one of my former friends gave me a look of raw hatred ... the memories of a couple of empty promises made and mostly the question of how 4 women could go from being my closest friends to my worst enemies almost turning on a dime .... these are things I have to learn to LIVE with. The pain will never completely go away but EMDR might be a really good tool for managing it.

Had a crisis team here again tonight. My goodness .... this program is amazing. I don't know if other communities have these mobile crisis teams with a ten day stabilization followup program but they have filled a HUGE gap for me and kept me out of the hospital. They are so positive and affirming. I'm going to meet with a followup care coordinator tomorrow and we will come up with a plan for moving forward. Tonight's goal is to stay home and sleep in my own bed. It's been two weeks since I've done that and I'm nervous. I'm glad I called them today. Usually I can make it through a work day but about 3:00 this afternoon I was hit with a HUGE wave of horrendous pain and I literally ran out the door to my car and called the crisis number. The woman I talked to said I sounded as desperate as anyone she's ever talked to - didn't even want me to drive home, but I did. I would have been up on an overpass tonight if she hadn't sent this team out to give me some hope. I'm counting the hours now until I see my therapist (Lori) on Tuesday. It's been four weeks due to her vacation and my TIA. I normally see her weekly so it's been a long stretch.
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Unread 05-26-2017, 04:12 PM   #145
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Hey there,

Just checking in to make sure you're okay. Sounds like you're making good progress with the research.
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Unread 05-26-2017, 09:11 PM   #146
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Hey there,

Just checking in to make sure you're okay. Sounds like you're making good progress with the research.
I am actively seeking an EMDR therapist and a DBT group. I am especially eager to get going with EMDR as I had a horrible experience tonight.

We have a new Listener Engagement Director at our radio station who used to work for a company called StampnStorage .... they make all kinds of custom designed products for stampers. Carly said he might be interested in some of my stuff to use at trade shows etc so I emailed him, and to make a long story short, he is coming up here with a trailor on Thursday! I have no idea how much he'll want but I'm looking for any ways at all to reduce my inventory so this is a gift! My ex-friend who has been in founders circle and lives 6 blocks from me, has blocked my Email and would never pick up a phone call with my caller ID, but she LOVES Stampin Storage and already has a lot of it. When Brett mentioned that he'd be happy to trade stamps for some of his product, I thought of her right away. Decided to take the high road and wrote her a note (snail mail .... couldn't put my return address or even my handwriting on the envelope or she'd never open it) and told her about this opportunity, gave her his Email address so that she doesn't have to go through me.

So anyway - tonight I was going through my stuff, taking some pictures for Brett (at his request) and it was just HORRIBLY hard to be in that room. I came upstairs for a drink and had what I can only describe as a horrendous flashback to an incident from a month or so ago at church where one of these ladiies literally SPUN around and walked the other way when she saw me. I have never seen a look of such hatred in my entire life. I've had a hard time processing that incident (and it will probably be the first one I try to tackle with EMDR) but the flashback tonight sent me into a level of pain I have NEVER experienced before. I was jumping up and down, trying to shake the memory out of my head, screaming in pain and screaming at my dogs - finally went outside so they didn't have to be scared but I just could not get out of it .... was biting my hand, banging my head on the car .. it was absolutely horrible. After what seemed like an eternity, I fell to the pavement and crawled back up into the house. If anyone saw me (or heard me) they would have thought I was drunk, on drugs or demon possessed. I've had some of these before but NOTHING like this one. I'm glad the crisis intervention lady is coming tomorrow morning. I feel badly for Scarlett and Zak as they were (I'm sure) confused and frightened. I'm more calm now, have given them some love and apologies and will take them for a short walk before going to bed.
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Unread 05-27-2017, 06:17 PM   #147
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Beth,

I really hope the EMDR therapy works out for you.

And if you find a program that can work for you, I hope they will give you a full neurological work up. With all the strokes you've suffered, there may be organic, physiological changes that are affecting you beyond the traumatic events you've experienced. In combination they are surely overwhelming.

Maybe you can have a friend help you take pictures/dismantle the room.

If it causes you this much trauma, it doesn't seem safe or healthy for you to interact with it. Perhaps an e-bay auction house would be willing to come in and catalog and sell everything for you and you wouldn't have to touch or look at it.

And that money could help you get the help you need.
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Unread 05-27-2017, 06:41 PM   #148
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Hoping that the crisis intervention lady was able to help you. Can't imagine what you are going through.
Hope things go well with Brett, and that he appropriately reimburses you for what he wants.
Hope that one of the avenues you are exploring are a good fit for you so that you can get the help you need.
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Unread 05-27-2017, 06:59 PM   #149
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Beth,

I really hope the EMDR therapy works out for you.

And if you find a program that can work for you, I hope they will give you a full neurological work up. With all the strokes you've suffered, there may be organic, physiological changes that are affecting you beyond the traumatic events you've experienced. In combination they are surely overwhelming.

Maybe you can have a friend help you take pictures/dismantle the room.

If it causes you this much trauma, it doesn't seem safe or healthy for you to interact with it. Perhaps an e-bay auction house would be willing to come in and catalog and sell everything for you and you wouldn't have to touch or look at it.

And that money could help you get the help you need.


I won't be getting a lot of money for that stuff but every little bit helps. It sounds like there is just one EMDR therapist in Fargo and so I may end up going to the Twin Cities which would be fine. My friend Esther, who practices it in Iowa, says there are some excellent therapists in the Cities. So I'm actively looking.


Today has been a much better day. I worked in the stamp room a lot and it's hard to be in there BUT I am getting a lot of it moved out to the garage. Whatever Brett doesn't take will become my garage sale and whatever isn't sold there will be donated. It is NOT coming back into my house. I'm getting rid of storage bins, 12X12 racks, all kinds of stuff. It will be nice to have more room in my basement but right now it is a mess. I worked like a trojan today and got a lot done.

Sandy, the lady with the trauma stabilization program was here for three hours. I needed about 1/2 hour of that. But we ended up chatting like friends on my back deck while I brushed my dogs and did a bit of yard work. Her husband, sons and grandsons were having a water balloon fight at her house when she left and she really didn't want to go home! She has taken a liking to me, thinks I'm fun to visit with, loves my house, loves my dogs, loves looking at my pictures ..... it's all kind of funny to me. But she may become a new friend out of this. It's kind of a loosely run program so I don't think there would be a lot of boundary issues as long as we were both OK with it. I have more education than she does so was telling her about EMDR and DBT. She is a nice lady though and has a lot of good common sense - which, frankly, is worth a whole lot more than the degrees behind your name.


I'm hot and sweaty after a hard day of work so will soak in a mineral bath and try to sleep in my own bed tonight. It's storming out - so this would be a good night to make the transition back inside.


Thanks to all who continue to follow, support me and leave comments. Even if you're don't comment, I've gotten enough PMs that I know I have some true friends here and I am so grateful.
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Unread 05-27-2017, 07:04 PM   #150
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Hoping that the crisis intervention lady was able to help you. Can't imagine what you are going through.
Hope things go well with Brett, and that he appropriately reimburses you for what he wants.
Hope that one of the avenues you are exploring are a good fit for you so that you can get the help you need.
Thanks. I have good days and bad days. This was a pretty good one. The hard part of it all is that it has been a full year of this now. I am REALLY ready to try a new therapy, to stop trying to push the pain away but to embrace it in a healthy way - which means accepting that it is always going to be there (I am an ENTIRELY different person than I was 13 months ago) and learning to manage it. I think that is a good thing for me to focus on now and even if I don't find a trauma therapist right away, I do have several excellent books that I am reading. Thanks for caring and for staying in touch.
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Unread 05-28-2017, 06:02 PM   #151
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It was so great to hear that you had a good day and that you were able to face tackling the craft area. And how nice to meet a wonderful, compassionate, potential new friend!
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Unread 05-28-2017, 07:14 PM   #152
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Originally Posted by Hoboken Paper View Post
It was so great to hear that you had a good day and that you were able to face tackling the craft area. And how nice to meet a wonderful, compassionate, potential new friend!
This was a good day too. A good day is no major meltdowns where I have to pull off the road! There was a blurb in our church bulletin about still needing volunteers for VBS. We have two campuses and the west campus has evening VBS. When I went to the table to register, the women behind the table were enthusiastically thanking me for signing up. The I noticed one of them glanced down, saw my name - and all of a sudden she said, "Actually I think West if full up and don't need any more people." If they don't want me, tell me - but don't make some lame excuse. That is pure deceit and it really irritated me.

But otherwise, it's been a quiet day. Got my car all cleaned up after the ten nights of camping in it. Now that it's clean, I'm much more motivated to sleep in the house!!
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Unread 05-29-2017, 05:10 PM   #153
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So glad the past couple of days have been good ones! Is there a chance you could volunteer at another church's VBS?
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Unread 05-29-2017, 09:18 PM   #154
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Originally Posted by Kathi127 View Post
So glad the past couple of days have been good ones! Is there a chance you could volunteer at another church's VBS?
Oh, there are plenty of opportunities. My church just happens to have a big one - over 500 kids. It's their biggest outreach of the year, and the west campus (where the ladies who rejected me DON'T go) is less than a mile from where I work. Plus. I know they need people. It just ticks me off that they would be happy to have me until they saw my name. More rejection. I just don't get it. Yesterday's sermon was about letting go of fear and resentment and that is what CONSUMES these ladies - fear of what they think I MIGHT do and resentment for expecting any tiny bit of support a year ago when I was dealing with SO MUCH, all at once and all alone. I kept asking them to try to put themselves in my place, but they couldn't (or wouldn't) do it. So I'm just tired of letting my life be controlled by THEIR fears so I do plan to go, armed with a letter than my crisis counselor from the Mobile stabilization Unit is writing, saying that volunteering five nights for two hours with kids would be a perfect opportunity for me to ease back into that. She was here again today and we just chatted like two old friends. She's been great and I had another good day. Got the stamp room all set up for Brett to go through so that was a relief. I didn't get my whole 'to do' list done but made a healthy dent in it. If only I could sleep - in my house. I'm out on the back deck night with a comforter over me and am freezing.
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Unread 05-30-2017, 12:23 PM   #155
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Could you move closer to your work? Or move to the other side of your work, putting more distance between you and this town? A moving company would eliminate a lot of work. If you found a house of similar size, you wouldn't need to downsize, just make a lateral move.

Then you could be free from those awful women, free from those churches, free from that police department, and hopefully you could sleep well, call emergency services anytime need them, be able to work at your job, and join a church.

I'll be praying for peace and healing for you.
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Unread 05-30-2017, 03:31 PM   #156
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Could you move closer to your work? Or move to the other side of your work, putting more distance between you and this town? A moving company would eliminate a lot of work. If you found a house of similar size, you wouldn't need to downsize, just make a lateral move.

Then you could be free from those awful women, free from those churches, free from that police department, and hopefully you could sleep well, call emergency services anytime need them, be able to work at your job, and join a church.

I'll be praying for peace and healing for you.
,

If I was to move out of this house, I'd move closer to my family in Michigan. The #1 thing keeping me here is my house. Hard to explain, but I've spent 23 years updating, remodeling, redecorating my house and when Sandy, from the crisis stabilization team was in here last week, she walked around and said, "HOW could you POSSIBLY leave this house?" It's not a luxury home; it's just a very simple home that I've worked hard on and EVERYBODY tells me how warm and inviting it is. That is just my style. My #2 reason for staying here is my job and #3 my friends (I have all but one of my non-stamping friends still solidly behind me.) I volunteered to help with VBS next week because they still needed people, but I was turned down because of the fears of these women. (They actually attend a different campus than the one I'd be working at!) So I don't know what will happen there, but the pastor is going to meet with my therapist and me next week. Then on June 27 I have my first appointment with the EMDR therapist. I am REALLY hopeful that will get me unstuck and moving forward again.
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Unread 05-30-2017, 06:10 PM   #157
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I'll be very interested to hear how your EMDR session goes. It's been about 20 years since I practiced at all, but I loved it and learned it because I was pretty sure it would help my children (two of them have had severe trauma and resulting addiction/alcoholism issues). They weren't interested at all back then (moms don't have any credibility, don't you know), although they probably would be now. We moved across the country shortly after I finished my training and I just never followed through with establishing a practice. I'm glad that you found a therapist to work with!

I'm amazed and pleased that you were able to tackle "the room" and make some serious headway (it sounds like).

The whole hypocritical nature of the "Christian" women's behavior is an extreme example of some of the behaviors that made me comfortable with disavowing any/all organized religion - too many "religious" people don't walk the talk (although I know some who DEFINITELY do), and I just get more uplift from other people and places and conversations and such. God is everywhere, so I don't care which building I do or don't walk into, ya know? I hope that you find some resolution to that issue, as well. I know that when the rug got pulled out from under me during my divorce (not as extreme as your case, but traumatic, nonetheless), it took awhile to find my footing and faith again...

All of which is to say - good for you on the progress you've made/are making, and love and light to you as you continue your journey!
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Unread 05-30-2017, 08:55 PM   #158
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I'll be very interested to hear how your EMDR session goes. It's been about 20 years since I practiced at all, but I loved it and learned it because I was pretty sure it would help my children (two of them have had severe trauma and resulting addiction/alcoholism issues). They weren't interested at all back then (moms don't have any credibility, don't you know), although they probably would be now. We moved across the country shortly after I finished my training and I just never followed through with establishing a practice. I'm glad that you found a therapist to work with!

I'm amazed and pleased that you were able to tackle "the room" and make some serious headway (it sounds like).

The whole hypocritical nature of the "Christian" women's behavior is an extreme example of some of the behaviors that made me comfortable with disavowing any/all organized religion - too many "religious" people don't walk the talk (although I know some who DEFINITELY do), and I just get more uplift from other people and places and conversations and such. God is everywhere, so I don't care which building I do or don't walk into, ya know? I hope that you find some resolution to that issue, as well. I know that when the rug got pulled out from under me during my divorce (not as extreme as your case, but traumatic, nonetheless), it took awhile to find my footing and faith again...

All of which is to say - good for you on the progress you've made/are making, and love and light to you as you continue your journey!


I totally get where you're coming from and don't minimize what you've been through at all. Divorce is something I can't relate to (never married) but I've seen friends go through it, and it's horrible. Especially when there's betrayal and it's unexpectedly announced. (Shudder.)

I didn't realize you'd been trained in EMDR. So has my friend in Iowa. I am very eager to give this a try as, the way I understand it, the more specific the memory is is, the more effective EMDR is. I have a number of very specific memories that I would love to have moved to a different storage compartment of the brain so it isn't so powerful (which is basically what EMDR does, I think). Two of those are phone messages from last May from my two closest friends int this church. One of them told me how concerned she was for me (this was when I was in the fugue state) and to please reach out to someone and get help. To 'hear' that tape replay over and over in my mind and then read her message from October that she no longer wanted anything to do with me can send me right to the interstate overpass. I NEED to process that memory. It's killing me. This was also the same friend that told me there was absolutely nothing wrong in our friendship - that she was just busy getting her Dad settled after her Mom died. Made perfect sense to me. So a few days later when I saw she'd unfriended me on FB, I passed out (in a motel room), came to and was sweating, throwing up and totally alone. The other horrible memory is of my other really close friend who was SO supportive in those early weeks and then dumped me when she found out that I'd had a past that wasn't squeaky clean. When I asked her why she had turned against me, she said that the "Beth" she had reached out to and cared about in May was someone who she knew from church, from mutual friendships, who'd helped at her daughter's wedding etc but that once she found out that there was 'more to' this Beth than she knew, she decided she no longer valued the friendship. That one just about kills me too. I had a very tense conversation with the pastor today and he was very harsh and I was just sobbing and said, "Why couldn't you give me the same message in just a little softer tone, with a little more understanding of what I've been through?" He realized that the harsh tone was not helping AT ALL and backed down - not in message but in his delivery of it. I do not respond well to harshness. I grew up with that. I ran away from home the first time at age 11 and many times after that because my Dad thought that being harsh was being a good parent. Maybe some kids need that or respond to it - I don't know. But I do know that parents need to really know their children and what makes them tick. I am totally different than my brothers. Sounds like you really know your adult kids and have left no stone unturned to help them. You are to be commended for that.
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Unread 05-31-2017, 07:08 AM   #159
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What EMDR actually does is break the synapse connection so you can release the emotion attached to whatever-it-is. You remember the actual event in most cases, but don't have emotion attached to it, so it doesn't have power over you any more. It's more like, "huh, so that happened..." but from an objective, non-triggering point of view. What I liked about it is that you are processing EMOTION, not memory. Even if you can't summon up the specific event, you can still process - and clear - the emotion attached to it. VERY freeing! It sounds like you are a perfect candidate for this therapy, and I hope that you find it helpful. One bit of information you may need, though, is this: sometimes (especially in severe or long-standing cases) there can be physical reactions (like vomiting) during or after a session. You continue to process for a week or two, and you may have increased discomfort until you have a few sessions to get over the worst of it. Short-term pain for long-term gain, if you will. I'm sure that the therapist will go over all of that with you, but that's what we learned in the training, and my trainer/therapist had seen it firsthand, so...

As far as commending my parenting - it's more complicated than I care to get into here, but thanks, as far as I am able to receive that particular compliment. I have six kids and figured out early on that they all come into the world their own selves, regardless of family dynamic or anything else. My oldest daughter was fiercely independent from 6 months old onward, and there was not a method of discipline known to man that would deter her from repeating past crimes. I could have beat the child bloody (which, of course, I never did) and she would still do it again - with attitude. My youngest was completely opposite - look at her wrong and the lip would quiver and the tear would come and she'd NEVER do it again! The others are somewhere on the spectrum between. One of the things my ex and I disagreed on was discipline - he was about "fairness", as defined by the same meting out of punishment regardless of personality or level of seriousness of transgression ("it's the principle of the thing" is my LEAST favorite phrase), and I was more about teaching that the crime is not the person and acknowledging that there are differences (in motive, in seriousness, in personality) and addressing the issue accordingly. I have MY parents to thank for that!
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Unread 06-01-2017, 03:28 AM   #160
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Originally Posted by gregzgurl View Post
What EMDR actually does is break the synapse connection so you can release the emotion attached to whatever-it-is. You remember the actual event in most cases, but don't have emotion attached to it, so it doesn't have power over you any more. It's more like, "huh, so that happened..." but from an objective, non-triggering point of view. What I liked about it is that you are processing EMOTION, not memory. Even if you can't summon up the specific event, you can still process - and clear - the emotion attached to it. VERY freeing! It sounds like you are a perfect candidate for this therapy, and I hope that you find it helpful. One bit of information you may need, though, is this: sometimes (especially in severe or long-standing cases) there can be physical reactions (like vomiting) during or after a session. You continue to process for a week or two, and you may have increased discomfort until you have a few sessions to get over the worst of it. Short-term pain for long-term gain, if you will. I'm sure that the therapist will go over all of that with you, but that's what we learned in the training, and my trainer/therapist had seen it firsthand, so...

As far as commending my parenting - it's more complicated than I care to get into here, but thanks, as far as I am able to receive that particular compliment. I have six kids and figured out early on that they all come into the world their own selves, regardless of family dynamic or anything else. My oldest daughter was fiercely independent from 6 months old onward, and there was not a method of discipline known to man that would deter her from repeating past crimes. I could have beat the child bloody (which, of course, I never did) and she would still do it again - with attitude. My youngest was completely opposite - look at her wrong and the lip would quiver and the tear would come and she'd NEVER do it again! The others are somewhere on the spectrum between. One of the things my ex and I disagreed on was discipline - he was about "fairness", as defined by the same meting out of punishment regardless of personality or level of seriousness of transgression ("it's the principle of the thing" is my LEAST favorite phrase), and I was more about teaching that the crime is not the person and acknowledging that there are differences (in motive, in seriousness, in personality) and addressing the issue accordingly. I have MY parents to thank for that!
Having never been a parent (except to corgis - and THEY all have their own unique personality and response to discipline too) I can only say that tailoring to each child makes total sense to me. I wish my parents had understood that, although, to this day, I don't know what would have been the right balance for me. I was a challenge because I was extremely sensitive so my spirit was easily broken, BUT I was also extremely strong willed and VERY verbal. I wasn't the kind of kid who needed a curfew or a lesson in the dangers of doing drugs or alcohol - but I was convinced I was unloved (there are reasons for that) and so I was played the martyr role to the hilt. I wasn't easy! My brothers were nothing like that and rarely got in trouble for anything - which only further convinced me that I was being unjustly picked on!

Thanks for the heads up on possible side effects of EMDR. I have the original book on it, but it's been years since I read it. I have heard the scientific explanation of breaking the emotional attachment to that memory and find it interesting. I do hope that I just 'go with it' and don't try to fight it as I tend to do if I'm not in 100% control. Do you tackle one memory at a time or can you process several during a session? From what you've described, I think I will respond well to it but also could be one of those who has some physical symptoms from it (eg. I hyperventilate and pass out rather easily.)

This is the day that I say good bye to part of my stamp room. I don't know how much he'll take but I have it all organized for him, have removed what I want to keep so I hope he takes a lot of what I have out. What he doesn't take, goes to the garage for a sale.
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