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Unread 03-19-2016, 03:39 PM   #1
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Default How does one tell an 8yr old...

Their mother is never coming back...how does one tell her that her mother was murdered...when do you tell her...how are we to do that.

Maybe this is not the place to talk about it...

If this post is too harsh of a topic to post plz let me know.
I don't know where else to go for advice or some sort of... I don't even know. I found out yesterday. She went missing...and well...she was found...

Maybe this isn't the place. If this needs to be removed I understand..
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Unread 03-19-2016, 04:25 PM   #2
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You tell her honestly.

There is no need at her present age for her to know the details, just that her mom is dead. I say, "at her present age" because if the murderer is arrested and charged, it could be several years before they come to trial and the little girl will then be old enough to understand the circumstances surrounding her mother's death.

If you're religious and so was the mom, tell the child her mom has gone to be with her heavenly father.

She's going to ask questions, lots of them and you will also have to answer those as honestly as you can but keep the answers at an elementary level.

I'm so sorry for the loss of this young woman and for her family and friends. Her little girl is going to need lots of love and support from her inner circle. From your post, it is clear you are a caring person and will be there for this child. I hope someone is there for you, too.

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Unread 03-19-2016, 08:47 PM   #3
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She's my niece...her mom went missing a missing persons report was filed.

Her mothers remains were found on Wednesday in a wooded area near a recreational park. The police called to confirm it was her last night.... The case is now a homicide case.

The mothers name is Jamie...they live in a small town where everyone knows everyone...Jada is the oldest of three children. The young ones are too small to really comprehend anything so we aren't too concerned about the effects on them at the moment...

Jada is a splitting image of her mother...I am terrified for this little girl who loves everyone, even people just meets...

I've been too focused on them too really grieve myself yet especially after finding out just 24 hours ago.

Thanks for responding. I just can't verbally talk about it with anyone. Typing seemed easier..



QUOTE=Rainsong;21200352]You tell her honestly.

There is no need at her present age for her to know the details, just that her mom is dead. I say, "at her present age" because if the murderer is arrested and charged, it could be several years before they come to trial and the little girl will then be old enough to understand the circumstances surrounding her mother's death.

If you're religious and so was the mom, tell the child her mom has gone to be with her heavenly father.

She's going to ask questions, lots of them and you will also have to answer those as honestly as you can but keep the answers at an elementary level.

I'm so sorry for the loss of this young woman and for her family and friends. Her little girl is going to need lots of love and support from her inner circle. From your post, it is clear you are a caring person and will be there for this child. I hope someone is there for you, too.

Rainsong[/QUOTE]
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Unread 03-20-2016, 12:38 PM   #4
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So incredibly sorry for your sudden loss and for the grief your niece must be feeling. Your little niece and her little siblings will count on you to help them through life and help them remember what their mother was like. And, in helping them, they will help you as well. Praying for your family....
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Unread 03-21-2016, 08:35 AM   #5
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Thank you very much...



Quote:
Originally Posted by jeannemlehrman View Post
So incredibly sorry for your sudden loss and for the grief your niece must be feeling. Your little niece and her little siblings will count on you to help them through life and help them remember what their mother was like. And, in helping them, they will help you as well. Praying for your family....
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Unread 03-22-2016, 09:47 PM   #6
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each day gets better...even though sometimes it doesn't seem so...

my heart breaks for you and your nieces/nephews...

when someone passes away naturally...or not naturally...people say "time will heal"...when you are going through it you think to yourself when they say that "yeah right what the heck do they know"...and I thought the same when I was in it when my father, then my grandma, then grandpa, then uncle all within a year...I said "what the heck do any of these people know" but it's true...time sometimes is the ONLY thing that can heal it...

as for telling your niece...I do believe honesty is the best policy...

maybe "I am so sorry Jada, but your mom has been taken from us early to go to heaven. " and then if she asks how maybe say a lost soul...but I wouldn't say the word murderer or horrible person or stranger...because she will be afraid of her shadow for the rest of her life...(even though we want to call the lost souls out there the worst of the worst names possible and scream and yell) if it was a stranger etc...say someone whom didn't know what a wonderful mom she was...try to put it in the most loving way towards your sister and your niece will always keep love in her heart and not hate...(even though I can imagine how much anger there will be in the future) but to keep the child a child and have childs thoughts is so important for her future.
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Unread 03-24-2016, 05:12 PM   #7
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I am so very sorry for your loss and I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers.
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Unread 03-24-2016, 06:55 PM   #8
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I am so sorry for you loss and for those poor little ones. I will be praying for all. My cousin's husband just lost his 45 year old son to murder. Just so painful no matter how you look at it.
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Unread 03-26-2016, 09:36 AM   #9
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My deepest sympathy to you and your entire family! I cannot even imagine this kind of loss. My birth-mother died when I was 1 1/2...also a tragic story but not murder! I'm so grateful my dad kept her memory alive for me, and as I got older and older, I was told the whole story. He kept many items that were hers and they have become precious memorabilia to me (her wedding dress; a chrocheted bedspread; jewelry and a wonderful large perfume bottle. Lots of pictures!) There is a wonderful book I bought some years ago called Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman. A fantastic book for your niece as she gets older. Again, so sad for you all. May God keep his arms of love around you all.
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Unread 06-11-2016, 07:53 PM   #10
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Oh no...this is tragic and heartbreaking. So this was your sister or SIL? What a horrible shock and loss. (((((((hugs))))))))))))

I would call her school-they either have counselors or know of them for children who can help you with this. (and perhaps for you) Even if school is out-there should still be core front office staff there.

Or else contact victim services-they also will be a source of info for you and may actually be free.

Dont feel you have to have all the answers. I think it is ok to say to kids you dont know why something happened.
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Unread 09-13-2016, 04:10 AM   #11
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I know this was originally posted in March - but I want you to know you and that little one have not been forgotten. Praying that God has gotten your through this and that things are getting better. Update us if you get the chance.
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