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I have been a little freaked out for the past 24 hours about my craft room - AKA the crap room.
In it is a HUGE wardrobe thingy that is actually an "office" with doors that close to hide the contents. It belongs to my teenage daughter but doesn't fit in her room. So it lives in the crap room and I filled it to overflowing with sewing supplies, beading stuff, and what's left of my crosstich and embroidery stuff. It also holds 3 sewing machines and a serger - it's HUGE.
Last night, my daughter reclaimed it so she can have a study space (as if her bedroom isn't good enough anymore). Then she emptied it, dumping the contents all over the floor and filled it with her school supplies and a laptop. All the drawers and shelves in it are now bare.
But the floor of the crap room is now knee deep in my "stuff". And if that wasn't bad enough, she wants to hang out in my room. My haven. My creative space. My solace from my crazy family.
Crap.
I know I have more "stuff" than I NEED. I have a stash for embroidery, sewing, scrapbooking, card making, AND that room has my treadmill, weights, balance balls, and a cedar-lined closet for our SCA costumes. I am overwhelmed with too much stuff. It feels like that room should be an episode from the show Hoaders.
I think the thing that is MOST upsetting right now is the idea that I have to share that space with someone else now. I wonder what it will take to gross her out and have her leave on her own...hehehe
Yeah, it's cold in the winter and too hot in the summer (no air conditioning) so maybe that will scare her away. I could play lawrence welk music really loud too - that might help.
Tape a line down the middle of the floor, keep your side clean (might mean getting some new storage!) do nothing on her side (this may backfire, some teens seem to thrive in mess)
Discuss the possiblity of selling her huge bed because she needs to have some space in her room for important things...like HER cupboard!
Actually, I'm bordering on outrage on your behalf - not because she reclaimed her wardrobe thingy, but because she did so by DUMPING YOUR STUFF ON THE FLOOR.
Totally not cool. Just because she doesn't see the value in your stash, or thinks that you have too much, or it's not organized enough, does not give her the right to be so disrespectful. This is coming from someone whose husband actually gets kind of twitchy and borders on a panic attack when he gets near my room, because he's the kind of person who, when he gets a new shirt, goes to his closet and picks out which old shirt he is now getting rid of. And he will do what he can to get me to straighten, organize and purge, but he would NEVER toss things on the floor.
So now you have the perfect excuse to make her life in your room as uncomfortable as possible. You need to clean up the mess she made, and it's going to take you a long time, and you are going to play the Lawrence Welk music the entire time. With extra Joann Castle (My grandmother was a huge Lawrence Welk fan. It used to drive us nuts that we had to watch it when visiting her. Now that she's gone, I find myself watching the old stuff when PBS has it on, just because it makes me think of her.)
This would upset me! I think I would downsize her bed so the wardrobe could fit in her room. You are entitled to your craft room no matter what condition it's in, and you're entitled to your "aloneness". Another option is to sell the large wardrobe and get one that fits your daughter's room. Then she can study in peace and quiet.
Okay I am on the other side. For years I used our formal living room as my crafting area and it usually spilled into the kitchen and onto the table where family members had to be careful when eating and not spill on my crap. This January my son finally moved out and I took over his room for my stuff. After so many years of spilling into my families space they were placing bets on how long I would be back out into the rest of the house. Well that did not happen but I spend a lot of time in my room by myself and I think I would love for my hubby to move his desk in there and work while I am working. I kind of feel disjointed from the others. They move out and then you will miss them. I would enjoy the two years together. And I would do a good purge of your stuff. You said it yourself, you probably need a hoarder episode to clean up....
Just this weekend my two daughters (ages 5 and 10) moved into my room. I purged two big contractor's bags full of stuff and started on a third. We each have our own desk and I gave them old ink pads, stamps, other odds and ends that they are allowed to use. There are certain things they are not allowed to use. We shall see how this goes, but I think it will actually help me spend more time in there.
Could you put your workout equipment elsewhere and then switch rooms with her? If her stuff will all fit in your current space and you had to downsize to have a place to yourself, it might be worth it to you. Just an idea.
On the other hand, as has already been suggested, it's very possible that she won't like working in there with you any more than you like having to work in there with her. Maybe you need to give her time to see that for herself. Maybe wait her out for a week or so - without altering your own work habits in any way.
__________________ I have come to the conclusion that buying craft supplies and actually using them are two separate hobbies. RachelRose Designs by Robin... GALLERY
Last edited by Rachelrose; 07-25-2012 at 10:31 AM..
Oh Mindy, my heart goes out to you! First, I don't want to have to find new or different places to put my stash!!! Second to share "my space". When our son moved back after college I lost my "craft room". Now I have a corner of the family room.
Enjoy the time with your daughter, have her help you sort through your craft items since she dumped it on the floor. That should help keep her out of the room, cleaning does that to me.
Wait a second ... who owns the home and pays the bills? I suspect it isn't your teenage daughter LOL! You should be calling the shots, making the rules, and dictating who sleeps where and uses the spaces in your home ... not her. I would be most upset if my daughter dumped my stuff out on the floor. To me, that seems very disrespectful. If this wouldn't have happened, I would have agreed with the other poster about switching rooms with her and/or downsizing that queen size bed so her unit can fit in her own room.
__________________ Leslie Harnish
Sambro, Nova Scotia
Canada
I definitely would ask her to help you organize what came out of the "office" in your space. Then TBH I would share the space. Our teens are only with us for so long before they go. My eldest will be at university in a month and I'm glad that we gave up our room so he and his brother could have separate rooms for the last couple of years. It has been interesting living open loft style, however it was never going to be permanent. Who knows, you might just like sharing space.
I wouldn't begrudge sharing the space with someone who needed it to study. BUT, I would be absolutely livid with someone dumping my stuff on the floor. I guess I don't have the patience you lovely ladies do since I don't have (or won't be having) any children to build that virtue. I'm not good at letting people touch my things... family or not.
Listen to your Lawrence Welk music with earphones and an iPod while she's in the room with you and sing or hum along (loudly).
Seriously - like others have said, I would be angry she had no respect for my stuff, talk to her about it and have her help you decide what would be a good solution to this problem you're both having. (I know ideal world - but one can hope!) Who knows, maybe she can come up with a respectful solution.
I wouldn't begrudge sharing the space with someone who needed it to study. BUT, I would be absolutely livid with someone dumping my stuff on the floor. I guess I don't have the patience you lovely ladies do since I don't have (or won't be having) any children to build that virtue. I'm not good at letting people touch my things... family or not.
I sort of agree with you. The thing I don't get though ... I'm wondering what's wrong with her studying in her own bedroom? Why does she need her sleeping quarters separate from her studying area?
__________________ Leslie Harnish
Sambro, Nova Scotia
Canada
Maybe she actually wants to be around you. Even putting your stuff on the floor - certainly a way to get your attention.
What have you decided to do? I'm curious?
__________________ I have come to the conclusion that buying craft supplies and actually using them are two separate hobbies. RachelRose Designs by Robin... GALLERY
Now that I have calmed down from "the attack", I am resolved to clear out as many supplies as it takes to fit what I have left into a closet (mostly). When we lived in a large house, the crap room was massive and included a walk in closet for additional storage. I teased that I had more supplies than the local scrapbook store. I cut the quantity in half before we moved. Then in half again when we moved into this current, small house (just under 1000 sq feet). While I continued to thin out the supplies, this incident is a catalyst for cutting it in half again to fit into a double wide closet with the doors closed.
This house has a kitchen with only 2 walls and is open to the living area which doubles as a dining space and a livingroom space. Off this one room are two 10'x10' bedrooms and a bathroom, two 10'x15' bedrooms, one of which has a bathroom, and a 6'x8' office (for the husband). So there is no other space in this house to put supplies - which is probably a good thing. Like water, my supplies tend to fill up the space they are in.
We don't have an attic so the only other storage space is under the house in a small crawl space, but it holds the snow blower in the summer and patio furniture in the winter. The garage is off limits since it's barely wide enough to hold 2 cars and a refrigerator and it literally freezes in the winter. I also considered storage at my best friend's house since she is a crafter, but she moved to Ohio and the commute from AZ would be inconvenient!
I worked on clearing out the supplies Mon, Tue, and Wed nights after work. I found some carpet on the floor last night so I think I am making progress! eBay is loaded up with a ton of my stuff again and some of it is already sold and shipping out this week.
The closet in the crap room is divided in half with built in shelves - so one side will be scrapbooking stuff and the other will be sewing stuff, including the 3 machines and serger. 2 of the machines are my daughters and she won't part with them since they were gifts from my mother in law. And, she does use one of them pretty regularly.
The daughter's school supplies, an old computer, and her laptop now reside in the piece of office furniture in which my sewing stash used to live. She hasn't been back in the room since last weekend, but that's likely because you could barely get into the room for the mess on the floor.
School starts in 2 weeks so I bet I won't see her in there much until then. I totally expect that she will study in there for a week, maybe two, then abandon her plan for the privacy of her own bedroom. Upon being strongly questioned, it's highly doubtful she is in the crap room just for attention or for more time with me. She said she was tired of her nightstand holding all her school supplies and wanted to put them into her office furniture and was mad that she couldn't because it was full of my stuff. She isn't quite to the realization that dumping my stuff wasn't the best solution to her dilema and that her actions without discussion has caused some angst.
Ahhh teenagers!
Anyway, I am determined to have everything in place and the room clean by Sunday night. What doesn't fit, has to go. If I want more, I have to have a space for it before it comes home.
I'll add some photos on my blog so you can follow my progress.
Update:
She isn't quite to the realization that dumping my stuff wasn't the best solution to her dilema and that her actions without discussion has caused some angst.
It sounds like you've got two problems:
1. Your daughter's actions aside, you've got too much stuff, and have realized that, and are dealing with it by doing some purging. That's not a bad thing but it doesn't justify what your daughter did. Now, if she had been asking you for weeks to empty her unit so she could use it, and you didn't, well, maybe that would be a different story.
2. Assuming you didn't do what I mentioned above, you are letting your teenage daughter rule the roost by allowing her to do as she pleases despite how it affects you and without regard to how her actions affect others. Your comments above make it seem that you have not specifically discussed with her that it was wrong to treat your property like that. You said "she has not come to the realization ....". You need to get into parenting mode and address that issue directly so she'll be more than aware. Otherwise, it gives her the signal that it was okay to do that and she'll continue to walk over you and disrespect you in other ways if you allow it to continue.
Maybe I'm missing something here. I've never been a hard***** when disciplining my kids and they made it to adulthood (19 and 22) as productive human beings complete with respect for others and others things. They're not perfect and did stuff as teens that made me want to pull my hair out. All parents of teens go through this. However, when issues such as this selfish act occurred during the wonderful teenage years when they can't help but go through selfish phases, they were called to task on it right away and were always told to put themselves in others shoes to see how their actions appear. Everything was discussed when they did something inappropriate. Your daughter needs your firm hand to guide her as to what is an appropriate behavior and what is not.
I hope I'm not sounding too harsh.
__________________ Leslie Harnish
Sambro, Nova Scotia
Canada
Last edited by lharnish; 07-26-2012 at 08:36 AM..
Reason: typos/clarification.
1. Your daughter's actions aside, you've got too much stuff, and have realized that, and are dealing with it by doing some purging. That's not a bad thing but it doesn't justify what your daughter did. Now, if she had been asking you for weeks to empty her unit so she could use it, and you didn't, well, maybe that would be a different story.
2. Assuming you didn't do what I mentioned above, you are letting your teenage daughter rule the roost by allowing her to do as she pleases despite how it affects you and without regard to how her actions affect others. Your comments above make it seem that you have not specifically discussed with her that it was wrong to treat your property like that. You said "she has not come to the realization ....". You need to get into parenting mode and address that issue directly so she'll be more than aware. Otherwise, it gives her the signal that it was okay to do that and she'll continue to walk over you and disrespect you in other ways if you allow it to continue.
Maybe I'm missing something here. I've never been a hard***** when disciplining my kids and they made it to adulthood (19 and 22) as productive human beings complete with respect for others and others things. They're not perfect and did stuff as teens that made me want to pull my hair out. All parents of teens go through this. However, when issues such as this selfish act occurred during the wonderful teenage years when they can't help but go through selfish phases, they were called to task on it right away and were always told to put themselves in others shoes to see how their actions appear. Everything was discussed when they did something inappropriate. Your daughter needs your firm hand to guide her as to what is an appropriate behavior and what is not.
I hope I'm not sounding too harsh.
Sorry Mindy but I totally agree with Leslie here. I'm afraid that as much as I love our children they would never have got away with doing this! Downsize her bed and let her have the wardrobe or something smaller but similar in her own room.
Our children weren't even allowed to go in my handbag (purse) without my permission and they were taught to respect other people's belongings as well as thier own - now I hear them saying the same things to their own children
After all the posts with sympathy, advice etc I only have one new thing to say. I do think she needs more directness with how you felt about her railroading your things.
I wonder if she would 'get it' on a personal level if you simply emptied her closet or whatever and plunked it on the floor and left it for her to find. Upon her likely to be aroused sense of indignation and 'how could you', you could inform her that that is just what she did to you and it isn't very respectful, is it?
With my 2 teenage daughters I have found that turning the situation to speak to them personally has been an effective way to deal with issues. Unless they can feel it themselves, they are a selfish breed for awhile.
After all the posts with sympathy, advice etc I only have one new thing to say. I do think she needs more directness with how you felt about her railroading your things.
I wonder if she would 'get it' on a personal level if you simply emptied her closet or whatever and plunked it on the floor and left it for her to find. Upon her likely to be aroused sense of indignation and 'how could you', you could inform her that that is just what she did to you and it isn't very respectful, is it?
With my 2 teenage daughters I have found that turning the situation to speak to them personally has been an effective way to deal with issues. Unless they can feel it themselves, they are a selfish breed for awhile.
This is exactly the point I was trying to get at and you said it much better :-)
__________________ Leslie Harnish
Sambro, Nova Scotia
Canada
I don't have teenagers; and I only have one son no daughters. Besides you being overwhelmed with too much stuff; I am also wanting to encourage you to deal with your daughter more directly and remind her, as another poster said, "who pays the bills".
None of us like to be told how to raise our kids, but from one Mom to another when your kids thoughtless actions are causing you some angst, its time to exert some authority as a " THE PARENT" .
Sounds like you are making progress and have at least come to terms with her sharing your space. I would have most definitely made her help you clean up all the stuff she dumped on the floor. Whether that is "her" wardrobe or not I suspect she did not purchase it and bring it home all with her own money and in her own car etc...What she did was rude and there is no excuse for that. She should have talked to you first about it, and you two could have worked out a plan to sort, donate, discard the overflow of stuff to give her the space in the wardrobe.
If you are involved in SCA then the sewing things are a MUST KEEP ( I have a friend who does that as well ). Perhaps the sewing machine your daughter wants to keep but doesn't use often could fit under her bed?
Good luck. Just know that you are not alone! Your fellow crafters have sympathy for you having been forced to share your space, and all of us who are parents share in the frustrations that can arise when dealing with our growing kids. Good Luck!
Yes, I also thought she should have helped you clean up the mess she made. I meant to say that too. I work in a school and we are seeing a generation of kids whose parents are struggling to parent. It shows up clearly in how respectful they are to adults, their own belongings and really, every part of life. There is a lack of accountability and I fear for our world when these pampered kids/teens are the adults trying to hold things together.
Best wishes to you as you carry on! None of us mean to discourage you... rather to encourage you and I hope that comes through
Yes, I also thought she should have helped you clean up the mess she made. I meant to say that too. I work in a school and we are seeing a generation of kids whose parents are struggling to parent. It shows up clearly in how respectful they are to adults, their own belongings and really, every part of life. There is a lack of accountability and I fear for our world when these pampered kids/teens are the adults trying to hold things together.
Best wishes to you as you carry on! None of us mean to discourage you... rather to encourage you and I hope that comes through
Cobby, you said some of my thoughts perfectly yet again :-) I work in a university and I too see the results of this generation of parents who are pampering their children and aren't disciplining their kids or holding them accountable. It is very unfortunate.
Cobby, in reading all these posts, yours and others comments and intent came through loud and clear as encouragement and advice.
Mindykid, I hope you come to this realization as you try to parent this teenager. None of us parents are perfect, nor are our kids. As they say ... "it takes a village" and it is nice to consult the village for advice ... even if it isn't what you want to hear. Best of luck as you sort through this all :-)
__________________ Leslie Harnish
Sambro, Nova Scotia
Canada
ROFLOL!!! Go in your stamping room, aka the Crap Room, in your UNDERWEAR, playing your mom music LOUD, and SING to your hearts content. I'm sure all of that will change her mind quickly.
If that doesn't do it, it's time for HER to reconfigure HER room to accomodate HER stuff. Moms need mom time and mom space.
Sharing the Craft Room
Oh My
