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I'm not sure I'm posting this in the correct forum but here's what I've been thinking...
I LOVE making cards and have seen some especially beautiful work, but do somewhat miss the quirky sayings that are printed on store cards. I was thinking we could start a list of great card sayings we've seen or thought of. Example,
Having a birthday? Inside: Me too! It's just on a different day.
You've got the quality I most like in a friend Inside: You like me!
Just a thought. I have more but I'll wait to see if there is any interest. Thanks!
Ok, so here are the ones that my husband suggested (they're not original, and I don't know the source):
>THINGS THAT H*LLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY
>My tire was thumping.
>I thought it was flat
>When I looked at the tire...
>I noticed your cat.
>Heard your wife left you,
>How upset you must be.
>But don't fret about it...
>She moved in with me.
>Looking back over the years
>that we've been together,
>I can't help but wonder...
>"What the hell was I thinking?"
>Congratulations on your wedding day!
>Too bad no one likes your husband.
>How could two people as beautiful as you
>Have such an ugly baby?
>I've always wanted to have
>someone to hold,
>someone to love.
>After having met you,
>I've changed my mind.
>I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
>I never believed in Hell until I met you.
>As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
>That you're not here to ruin it for me.
>Congratulations on your promotion.
>Before you go...
>Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
>You'll probably need it again.
>Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
>(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky,
>North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia
>& West Virginia)
>Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
>When we were together,
>you always said you'd die for me.
>Now that we've broken up,
>I think it's time you kept your promise.
>We have been friends for a very long
>let's say we stop?
>I'm so miserable without you
>it's almost like you're here.
>Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
>Did you ever find out who the father was?
>Your friends and I wanted to do
>something special for your birthday.
>So we're having you put to sleep.
>So your daughter's a hooker,
>and it spoiled your day.
>Look at the bright side,
>it's really good pay.
Judi (mom of Jackson-14 and Hunter-11) Mom's busy stampin'.......go ask Dad.
I have no idea where I got these but here they are. Maybe you'll want to cut and past to your word program because this could take a while.
Have you ever stopped to think Öand then forgotten to start again?
The older I get the better I was.
Wherever you go, there you are.
It's been fun and it's been real, but it hasn't been real fun
Sometimes I sits and thinks and sometimes I just sit.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Hereís to my friends and the strength to put up with you.
I fear there is no PMS and this is just my personality
Thank goodness wrinkles donít hurt
God grant me the serenity to forget the people I never liked anyway the good fortune to run into the ones I do and the eyesight to tell the difference
Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair it gives you something to do but doesnít get you anywhere
Dear God please put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
My husband needs glasses; he still doesnít see things my way
Womanís fault are many, men have only two, everything they say and everything they do.
Donít hate us because weíre fun.
A woman that strives to be like a man lakes ambition.
I donít do ironing, dishes, laundry, windows, houseworkÖ I do lunch!
If we canít laugh at ourselves, letís go make fun of someone else.
Age is a matter of mindÖ If you donít mind, it doesnít matter.
When you get to the end of your ropeÖtie a knot, hang on and swing!
Friends are like fine chocolatesÖitís whatís inside that makes them special!
If you have nothing good to say about anyone, come sit by me.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
If you canít be a good example, be a dire warning.
I sleep naked and it ainít a pretty picture.
Pretending to be a normal person day after day is exhausting.
If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
Life is too short to skip dessert.
Friends are the stars that twinkle in our hearts.
I ainít smart, but I are Fun!
Creative clutter is better than idle neatness.
Iím so far behind I think Iím first!
Be reasonableÖ do it my way!
There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness"
If ignorance is bliss - why aren't more people happy?
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries!
I can only please one person per day. Today is not YOUR day! (Tomorrow doesnít look good either.)
Warm cookies always make me feel better!
Iíll riseÖ but I refuse to shine!
I donít have time to be this busy.
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg, even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.
We have a strange and wonderful relationship. Youíre strange, and Iím wonderful.
If you are grouchy, mean, or just plain irritable, there will be a $10 charge for putting up with you.
If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport.
Just when you think youíve finally hit bottom, someone tosses you a shovel.
Iím not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
Have you ever let your mind wander, only to realize it was too little to be left alone?
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
You donít have to drive me crazy ÖIím close enough to walk.
I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.
I took an IQ test, and the results were negative.
Does the noise in my head bother you?
Forget loveÖ Iíd rather fall in chocolate!
Call meÖand weíll do chocolate!
Getting old is not for sissies!
All imperfections are a result of the creative process.
HOT FLASHES . . . a woman's personal summer
Stressed spelled backwards is Desserts!!ÖCoincidence?
Iím a country music song waiting to happen.
If you donít like my driving, get off the sidewalk.
Iím actually quite pleasant until Iím awake.
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Organized people are just too lazy to hunt for things.
Youíre never too old to do goofy things.
Everything I say can be entirely backed by my own opinion.
I child-proofed my house, but they still got in.
Women do come with instructionsÖ just ask them.
Yes, it is always about me.
Iím not bossy; I just know what you should be doing.
Donít tell me what kind of day to have!
"This card was made by hand. If you throw it away, those same hands will make a doll in your image and stick pins in its butt."
It's the little moments that make life BIG
Savor the moments that are warm and special and giggly.
You're only young once, but you can always be immature.
Creative clutter is better than idle neatness.
Why try to be someone you're not? Life is hard enough without adding impersonation to the skills required. ~ Robert Brault
My dh had Blue Comedy Tour on last night and Ron White had a good one that I thought would make a fun party invitation:
"If life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life handed them vodka and have a party!"
Ok, I'll play. I'm not the originator of ANY of these... I copy stuff down and keep quotes and things in a file I use when my mind can't come up with anything else I also have some quotes for stamp-specific images (like Shoes, Martini glasses, etc.). Should I post 'em too?
Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.
Live well; Love much; Laugh often.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened
Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff
Save the Earth – it’s the only planet with Chocolate!
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
MONEY talks. CHOCOLATE sings.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
Want to make God laugh? Tell Him what you're doing tomorrow
It takes a mighty fine husband to be better than none
Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering "what the hell happened?".
my PunchPal Too | my SU! Inventory File | my Tickets Too: shown on my website
my free downloadable calendar templateshere
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.
The most important thing she'd learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.
birthday (burth'da'), n: 1. a day on which the friends and relatives of a given individual express their affection for that person by remembering the day and the month of his or her birth and forgetting the year.
We thought your birthday was a great excuse to party...of course, we think anything is a great excuse to party...a parking space close to the door. New potato chip flavor in the vending machine. Toilet paper in all the bathroom stalls. Someone else had to refill the copier paper...
Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
Friendship improves happiness and abates misery by doubling our joy and dividing our grief.
There are only two kinds of people in the world. The Irish, and those who wish they were.
If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand.
How does the person that drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings????
These are right up my alley!!! Here are a few more (none original)
I often visit the state of confusion and I know my way around pretty well.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
If money can't buy happiness..then you don't know where to shop.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again neither does milk!
We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?
If the police arrest a mime do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
Everyone's life has a purpose. Yours was to serve as a bad example.
It's not my fault I never learned to accept responsibility.
Did you ever notice the Roman numerals for 40 are XL?
Of course it is in the last place you looked!
My doctor told me jogging would add years to my life. I only jogged once and I feel 10 years older already.
Don't let your mind wander. It's too little to be left alone.
I'm not here to encourage you. I am here to offer unsolicited advice and criticism.
(Fish stamp) Not tonight dear, I have a haddock.
I'm a light eater. When it gets light, I start eating.
Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side? He's all right now.
Guilt. The gift that keeps on giving.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Do old men wear boxers or briefs???? Depends.
Just when you think you've seen it all...you try on your bathing suit.
I may be lost, but I'm making good time.
The secret to success is sincerity. If you can fake that you've got it made! (Jean Giraudoux)
To exercize is human, not to is divine. (Robert Orben)
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Be yourself is about the worst advice you can give some people.
If the shoe fits buy the matching purse.
Before you cricitize someone walk a mile in their shoes. Then if it makes them mad you are a mile away and you have the shoes.
My reality check bounced.
If at first you don't succeed skydiving is not for you!
We all have faults. Mine is being wicked.
It ain't the jeans that make your but* look fat.
Follow your dreams unless it is the one where you are naked at work during a firedrill.
I used to go skinny dipping. Now I chunky dunk.
It might look like I'm doing nothing...but at the cellular level I am really quite busy.
You can't have everything in life. Where would you put it?
Now that food has replaced my se* life even I can't get in my pants.
The doctor told me to lower my cholesteral so no more high heels.
How do I get everything I want? Slow but constant whining.
Be a well-rounded person. Eat more chocolate
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Your HMO refuses to pay for an enema. I'm gonna have to slap the sh** out of you!
And on a nicer note:
The best portion of a good man's (replace with woman's) life, his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness. William Wordsworth
Ring the bell that still can ring, forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets through. Leonard Cohen
It's so funny that I found this thread (glad I went to page 2)
My aunt had breast reduction surgery today. No card in Hallmark for that occasion. So I went to the stamp store to browse, hoping something clever would come to me. Nothing did. I was thinking, too, that I can't make her anything sweet or cute. We've always sent over-the-top funny or even nasty cards to each other. Can't find stamps like that anywhere!
Thanks so much for sharing all of these. I just found this and have been sitting here LOL. I have just one that is hanging on my wall here: There's no sense in being pessimistic...it wouldn't work anyway!
So very blessed and so very thankful.
God is good.
hi these are great!!! did you come up with something to go with the ladies in the car stamp i would ove to know what you thought up..i love the poodle in the backseat i would come up with the dog... but i cant not enough creativeness--
"The funder! The funder! "- my friends 3 year old about the thunder out side
hi these are great!!! did you come up with something to go with the ladies in the car stamp i would love to know what you thought up..i love the poodle in the backseat i would come up with the dog... but i cant not enough creativeness--
"The funder! The funder! "- my friends 3 year old about the thunder out side