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Old 06-10-2007, 03:44 AM   #161
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Subscribing..so funny.
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Old 06-11-2007, 03:37 PM   #162
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Got this one on my email today...

mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old that you have to pay someone to look at you naked
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Old 06-11-2007, 03:40 PM   #163
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Default colonoscopies..... who knew they were funny?

TOO FUNNY - THE LAST ONE IS THE BEST
> Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite
> humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
>
> 1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
>
> 2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
>
> 3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
> 4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
>
> 5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
>
> 6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
>
> 7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
>
> 8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
>
> 9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
>
> 10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
>
> 11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
>
> 12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."
>
> And the best one of all..
>
> 13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
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Old 06-12-2007, 11:12 AM   #164
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here's another one from today's email....

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
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Old 06-12-2007, 12:17 PM   #165
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subscribing
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Old 06-12-2007, 04:31 PM   #166
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Default PMS

I'm gonna fill this whole page by myself I'm working on my quirky card swap and I seem to be finding all sorts of sayings

Check out the first post on this thread for funny PMS quotes!

A guide to keeping men safe during pms
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Old 06-13-2007, 09:44 AM   #167
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Got anything good for a "combined" 100th birthday party? My cousin is turning 40 and her husband is turning 60 within a week of each other so they are having a 100th birthday party.

Thanks!
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Old 06-16-2007, 09:12 AM   #168
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These quotes were absolutely fabulous when I read them to myself and laugh out loud hilarious when I read them out loud to my daughters!! Thank you so much for sharing!
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Old 06-16-2007, 12:01 PM   #169
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SkisInOkinawa View Post
OMG! I've been ROFLMAO! Too funny! Keep 'em coming!

What about something for this stamp?? I haven't used it yet because I didn't know what to do with it.


how about "one for the road might not have been such a good idea.'

or I like ROAD TRIP!
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Old 06-19-2007, 10:24 AM   #170
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If you ever read the book sisterhood of the traveling pants these are quite familiar-

Not all who wonder are lost -j.r.r. tolkien

Luck never gives: it only lends. -Ancient chinese proverb

Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday. -Anonymous

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. -Jerry Seinfeld

Love is like war: easy to begin. hard to end. -Proverb

Rule #1: the customer is always right.
Rule #2: if the customer is wrong, please refer to rule #1. -Duncan Howe

When live hands you a lemon, say, "oh yeah, I like lemons. What else ya got?"- Henry Rollins

Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug.- Mark Knopfler

If you feel like you're under control, you're just not going fast enough.-Mario Andretti

The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitued about the problem. Got that? -Coach Brevin

If you don't find it in the index, look very carefully throughout the entire catalog. -Sears Roebuck catalog

Of the thirty-six ways of avoiding disaster, running away is best. -Anonymous

Life is so . . . whatever. -Kelly Marquette

You will make all kinds of mistakes; but as long as you are generous and true and also fierce you cannot hurt the world or even seiously distress her. - Winston Churchill

My karma ran over my dogma. -Bumper Sticker

You can take a road that gets you to the stars, I can take a road that will see me through. -Nick Drake

What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say. -Ralph Emerson

All Moanday, Tearday, Wailsday, Thumpsday, Frightday, Shatterday.-James Joyce

Enjoy
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Old 06-19-2007, 12:29 PM   #171
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Here's some more:

Dear I.R.S. - I'd like to cancel my subscription... please remove my name from your mailing list.

I've entered the snapdragon phase of my life... part of me has snapped and the rest of me is draggin'

I'm not 40 something... I'm $39.95 plus shipping and handling

I do not have hot flashes... I have short, private vacations in the tropics!

I only have a kitchen because it came with the house
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Old 06-20-2007, 08:08 AM   #172
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SkisInOkinawa View Post
OMG! I've been ROFLMAO! Too funny! Keep 'em coming!

What about something for this stamp?? I haven't used it yet because I didn't know what to do with it.



I just found these two on this great site!!

--I may be lost, but I'm making good time
--I drive way to fast to worry about my cholesterol

Check more out here: http://www.rivercityrubberworks.com/...ategory_id=105
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Old 06-20-2007, 12:11 PM   #173
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I found some fun word stamps at Hambostamps.com. I used one recently on a Bday card for a friend. "Birthdays are like wedgies ... they keep creeping up on you." Check them out under Humor and Limericks.
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Old 06-20-2007, 12:13 PM   #174
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who makes this stamp? Luv it! I am always looking for fun ones like that.
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Old 06-20-2007, 01:58 PM   #175
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Oh no!!! Not the end! What am I going to do for the next hour! Thanks for a great laugh and loads of ideas.
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Old 06-20-2007, 02:07 PM   #176
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Default birthday quips

Here is one to send to an person older than yourself:
Outside says: Happy Birthday--You're 40
Inside says: And I'm not!!

I sent one like this to my sister about 25 years ago. You could insert the correct year of course.
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Old 06-20-2007, 02:18 PM   #177
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This is one my friend told me~

All men are idiots and I married their King!
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Old 06-20-2007, 02:18 PM   #178
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These are hysterical!!! I need to go use some....

Donna
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Old 06-20-2007, 03:52 PM   #179
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These are all too funny!
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Old 06-20-2007, 03:57 PM   #180
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I think that we all should thank Ladydoc for starting this thread waaay back in January of 2006! It has been going for 1 1/2 years and is still waaay too funny. May this be the most long-lived thread on SCS EVER!
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Old 06-20-2007, 04:17 PM   #181
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Thank you very much. I have some of those printed and they hang on my little cubby wall at work. These are great and I'm gonna use 'em!!!
Thanx again
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Old 06-20-2007, 04:17 PM   #182
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Thank you very much. I have some of those printed and they hang on my little cubby wall at work. These are great and I'm gonna use 'em!!!
Thanx again
Pam
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Old 06-20-2007, 04:30 PM   #183
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Just subscribing so I can find this again
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Old 06-20-2007, 04:37 PM   #184
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Default my fav Fractured Funny from Hambo is

Quote:
Originally Posted by TxStampinCat View Post
I found some fun word stamps at Hambostamps.com. I used one recently on a Bday card for a friend. "Birthdays are like wedgies ... they keep creeping up on you." Check them out under Humor and Limericks.
Here's hoping you'll spend your special day surrounded by friends and family!
(and it's not an intervention)
here's a link
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Old 06-20-2007, 04:57 PM   #185
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JulieHRR View Post
This link, courtesy of JanTink, may offer some ideas:

Things you won't find on a Hallmark card . . .

I can't get the link to work!!
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Old 06-20-2007, 05:29 PM   #186
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great thread

if i think of anything that hasn't already been said i'll add to it later
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Old 06-20-2007, 06:39 PM   #187
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That is probably a pretty old link.....months and months, I think. Mine doesn't work anymore and I had it bookmarked. Sorry.
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Old 06-20-2007, 06:56 PM   #188
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This is a great thread. The funniest card I have seen said "Sister, I hope to see you pretty soon" on the front, and on the inside it said "you've been ugly for so long".
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Old 06-20-2007, 07:05 PM   #189
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One of my favorite sayings to put with the wanda sets is:

It may be that your whole purpose in life
is to serve as a warning to others!

One saying stamp my stampin buddy has reads:

We've been through alot together but most of was your fault.
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Old 06-20-2007, 07:12 PM   #190
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Ooh! Those were gooood! TFS!
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Old 06-20-2007, 08:48 PM   #191
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Steve Martin said this recently on one of the late night shows.

You're at the age now where your long-term goals need to become your short-term goals.
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Old 06-20-2007, 09:09 PM   #192
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The funniest B-day card I ever saw was a drawing-style picture on the front with a one-liner inside.

On the front was an average family of four in the foreground, standing in front of their house, and next to their mailbox. The house is on fire, the family is on fire (but otherwise looking cheerful enough), and the name "Crandall" is on the mailbox.

On the inside it said,
Make a wish and blow out the Crandalls

It still makes me giggle.
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Old 06-20-2007, 10:19 PM   #193
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bump
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Old 06-20-2007, 10:57 PM   #194
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My fave bumper sticker from YEARS ago...
"Eat pecans...many satisfied squirrels do!"

OMG...and the post about colonoscopies almost killed me!
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Old 06-20-2007, 10:57 PM   #195
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Got one for the ladies in the car:

Having a wonderful time!
Glad you're not here!
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Baby Fiona! You are sooooo sweet!
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Old 06-20-2007, 11:02 PM   #196
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Have this on a stamp somewhere:

Occasionally, her afternoon tea ran right into cocktail hour and there was just nothing she could do about it.

More: (Art Impressions)
Don't change a thing about you...let me do it.
My back goes out more than I do.
Organized people are just too lazy to hunt for things. (my personal motto!)
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Old 06-21-2007, 05:13 AM   #197
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My sister-in-law sent me a card several years ago that had a picture of an old wrinkled dog on the front and it said "In dog-years, you'd be...

On the inside..."dead".
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Old 06-21-2007, 05:19 AM   #198
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ROFLMAO!!!! These are all just too funny! I've got to print these out so I can use them. There's no way I'll remember them.
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Old 06-21-2007, 06:40 AM   #199
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Here's an image from the

http://www.hambostamps.com/fracturedfunnies.htm

site linked to above... I had to post it here too... hope it views properly! Gotta be one of my new favorites!

stressedout.jpg
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Old 06-21-2007, 06:54 AM   #200
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I have one that has some old ladies on the front:

on the front:
I gave up running.
inside:
My legs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

some more:

because I'm the mom, that's why.

decaf is for sissies
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