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Old 06-14-2011, 08:03 PM   #401
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Oh goodness!!! This thread is just way too funny. I'll look through some of my files and see what I can add to this thread. Thanks ladies, this has just made my day.
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Old 06-27-2011, 10:33 PM   #402
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subbing some of these are just way to funny!!
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Old 06-28-2011, 07:56 AM   #403
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subbing too ----

hehehehe -- you guys crack me up! just what i needed today!
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Old 06-28-2011, 01:57 PM   #404
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Old 08-14-2011, 11:03 PM   #405
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Old 08-15-2011, 10:32 PM   #406
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subbing....would comment but can't quit laughing!
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Old 08-29-2011, 08:51 AM   #407
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It was so fun to read all of these again! I posted these over on Swap-bot but thought I would share them here:

I used to think that you were a pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

Don’t get lost in thought; you’d be in unfamiliar territory.

Calling you stupid would be an insult to all the stupid people.

The more I think about you, the less I think of you.

I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can’t count that high.

I’d ask you your bra size, but you’d have to realize that the ABCs keeps going after “C”.

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d had enough oxygen at birth?

You should learn from your parents’ mistakes; use birth control.

Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?

I’ve noticed that you never let a thought interrupt the flow of your conversation.

No, I don’t mind that you’re talking so much — as long as you don’t mind that I’m not listening.

I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.

Oh my God, look at you! Was anyone else hurt in the accident?

Good night! I’ll see you in my dreams — if I eat too much.

When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?

No, I don’t think you’re stupid. But then, what’s my own opinion against thousands of others?

I love what you’ve done with your hair! How did you get it to come out of one nostril like that?

Save your breath. You’ll need it to blow up your date.

Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.

You’re a person of rare intelligence; it’s rare when you show any.

I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself.

Sure, I may be fat, but you’re an idiot — and I can lose weight.

I’m sorry to hear about your illness. I hope it’s nothing trivial.

When you were born, something terrible happened — you lived.

I’ve come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are. Now I know why some mammals eat their children.

Don’t you ever get tired of having you around?

I don’t know what makes you tick, but I hope it’s a bomb.

Are you a moron, or are you possessed by a retarded ghost?

You are a beautiful person on the inside. Too bad we have to look at the outside.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

Someday you’ll find yourself, and you will be just as disappointed as the rest of us.

Out of curiosity, were your parents siblings?

If you said what you thought, you’d be speechless.

I wish I had a lower IQ so that I could enjoy your company.

No, no, keep talking! I always yawn when I’m interested.

Is your family happy, or do you go home at night?

I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.

They say opposites attract. I hope you meet somebody who is attractive, intelligent, and cultured.

A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.

May I have the pleasure of your absence?

You say you’re a wit? Well, you’re half right.

Sure, I’d love to help you out. Do you remember which way you came in?

I’d like to say I’m glad you’re here. I’d like to say it; I just can’t.

If there’s ever a price on your head, take it.

I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.

Your teeth are brighter than you are.

You were born at home, but when your mother saw you she went to the hospital.

You’ll go far someday. I hope you stay there.

If you stop telling lies about me, I’ll stop telling the truth about you.

Some people bring happiness wherever they go; you bring happiness whenever you go.

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Are you always this stupid, or are you just making a special effort today?

Me? Getting smart with you? How would you know?

I’ll never forget the first time we met — although, I’ll keep trying.

Don’t waste your money with a mind reader. Go see a palm reader instead — you’ve got a palm.

Moonlight becomes you — total darkness, even more.

I’d like to leave you with a parting thought, but I’m not sure you have anywhere to put it.

I know you are nobody’s fool, but there’s still hope that someone will adopt you.

Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever.

Your entire purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Was that your conclusion, or simply the point in the conversation where you got tired of thinking?

Must you leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.
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Old 09-08-2011, 09:31 AM   #408
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So glad I found this thread....long may it continue.
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Old 09-14-2011, 07:57 PM   #409
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love this thread.... time to order some personalized stamps now. TFS all the great ideas everyone.
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Old 09-19-2011, 04:05 AM   #410
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Old 09-22-2011, 05:15 PM   #411
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This is on a tee shirt I saw in a catalog-
"Some times I laugh so hard
the tears run down my leg"
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Old 09-29-2011, 05:01 PM   #412
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Old 09-30-2011, 02:12 AM   #413
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jailbirdstamper View Post
It was so fun to read all of these again! I posted these over on Swap-bot but thought I would share them here:

I used to think that you were a pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

Don’t get lost in thought; you’d be in unfamiliar territory.

Calling you stupid would be an insult to all the stupid people.

The more I think about you, the less I think of you.

I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can’t count that high.

I’d ask you your bra size, but you’d have to realize that the ABCs keeps going after “C”.

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d had enough oxygen at birth?

You should learn from your parents’ mistakes; use birth control.

Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?

I’ve noticed that you never let a thought interrupt the flow of your conversation.

No, I don’t mind that you’re talking so much — as long as you don’t mind that I’m not listening.

I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.

Oh my God, look at you! Was anyone else hurt in the accident?

Good night! I’ll see you in my dreams — if I eat too much.

When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?

No, I don’t think you’re stupid. But then, what’s my own opinion against thousands of others?

I love what you’ve done with your hair! How did you get it to come out of one nostril like that?

Save your breath. You’ll need it to blow up your date.

Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.

You’re a person of rare intelligence; it’s rare when you show any.

I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself.

Sure, I may be fat, but you’re an idiot — and I can lose weight.

I’m sorry to hear about your illness. I hope it’s nothing trivial.

When you were born, something terrible happened — you lived.

I’ve come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are. Now I know why some mammals eat their children.

Don’t you ever get tired of having you around?

I don’t know what makes you tick, but I hope it’s a bomb.

Are you a moron, or are you possessed by a retarded ghost?

You are a beautiful person on the inside. Too bad we have to look at the outside.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

Someday you’ll find yourself, and you will be just as disappointed as the rest of us.

Out of curiosity, were your parents siblings?

If you said what you thought, you’d be speechless.

I wish I had a lower IQ so that I could enjoy your company.

No, no, keep talking! I always yawn when I’m interested.

Is your family happy, or do you go home at night?

I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.

They say opposites attract. I hope you meet somebody who is attractive, intelligent, and cultured.

A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.

May I have the pleasure of your absence?

You say you’re a wit? Well, you’re half right.

Sure, I’d love to help you out. Do you remember which way you came in?

I’d like to say I’m glad you’re here. I’d like to say it; I just can’t.

If there’s ever a price on your head, take it.

I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.

Your teeth are brighter than you are.

You were born at home, but when your mother saw you she went to the hospital.

You’ll go far someday. I hope you stay there.

If you stop telling lies about me, I’ll stop telling the truth about you.

Some people bring happiness wherever they go; you bring happiness whenever you go.

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Are you always this stupid, or are you just making a special effort today?

Me? Getting smart with you? How would you know?

I’ll never forget the first time we met — although, I’ll keep trying.

Don’t waste your money with a mind reader. Go see a palm reader instead — you’ve got a palm.

Moonlight becomes you — total darkness, even more.

I’d like to leave you with a parting thought, but I’m not sure you have anywhere to put it.

I know you are nobody’s fool, but there’s still hope that someone will adopt you.

Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever.

Your entire purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Was that your conclusion, or simply the point in the conversation where you got tired of thinking?

Must you leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.

I read the last one first, and cracked up!!! These are tooo funny!!!
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Old 05-16-2012, 12:31 AM   #414
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Old 05-19-2012, 07:03 PM   #415
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How about some clever get well sentiments?

They say laughter
is the best medicine...
...so go out in the hallway
and walk behind other people
in hospital gowns!
I know. I know.
You want to go home.
You want to sleep
in your very own room.
How can they expect
a person to sleep in a place...
...with no dust bunnies
under the bed!

Sure, being in
the hospital is a downer,
but look on the bright side...
...at least they serve you
breakfast in bed!

I've got a prescription
to make you feel better..
...and chocolate is available
over-the-counter.
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Old 06-20-2012, 11:11 PM   #416
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MOTORMOUTH View Post
Just have to subscribe to this.....you never know when you need a real good line......and then can't find them...LOL

This is sooo funny! spent the last 90 minutes laughing so hard I cried! OMG!
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Old 01-08-2013, 09:16 AM   #417
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What a great thread. Thanks to all who have taken the time to contribute~~this will come in handy one day.
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Old 01-08-2013, 03:50 PM   #418
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Oh my goodness! LOL
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Old 06-08-2013, 11:27 AM   #419
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