In the Forums

Register

Today's Posts

Search


Get the Weekly
Inkling
newsletter





Previous Issues

Get Social

Splitcoaststampers on InstagramLike Splitcoaststampers on FacebookFollow Splitcoaststampers on TwitterPit Splitcoaststampers on Pinterest

Sponsored Ads


 
Splitcoaststampers.com - the world's #1 papercrafting community
You're currently viewing Splitcoaststampers as a GUEST. We pride ourselves on being great hosts, but guests have limited access to some of our incredible artwork, our lively forums and other super cool features of the site! You can join our incredible papercrafting community at NO COST. So what are you waiting for?

Join the party at Splitcoaststampers today!

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old Yesterday, 09:08 AM   #1
Hardware Hotshot
 
jukie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Brampton, Ontario
Posts: 4,010
Default Address Etiquette

How do you address a married couple on an envelope? How about a married woman on an envelope? a cohabiting couple or a same sex or...

I stopped myself in my tracks yesterday when I was mailing a card to my SIL... as I thought 'ah &^* I have put the wrong name on the card' as I was also mailing a card to my MIL.


I would never want to offend anyone, so I want to make sure I get it right!


And the more I thought about it, the more questions I had lol!


I am old school so let me explain how I was taught


Married Couples


Mr & Mrs (Husbands Initial) Surname
Mr X & Mr X Surname
Mrs X & Mrs X Surname



if the card is for a married woman (not a widow)


Mrs (Husbands Initial) Surname


Widow or separated


Mrs (Her initial) Surname


Female not married


If the card is for a female not married over 18 it is Ms. if the female is under 18 it is Miss.


Male not married

if the card is for a male over 18 it is Mr. if the male is under 18 it is Master (but I normally only do this for fun!)


Cohabiting


Mr X Surname & Mr X Surname


Ms X Surname & Ms X Surname


Mr X Surname $ Ms X Surname




Did I miss any? is the list above how you do it, or do you do something else? I realize I am old school!


I could resolve it all I guess by not using initials and use their names lol!
__________________
Encourage, Empower and Embrace
jukie is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
dillyb5, harvestmoon and melissa59 like this post.
Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 09:18 AM   #2
Matboard Maniac
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 238
Default

If you go by age, I guess I am considered of the old school but I have always been one who dislikes labels so I never use Mr., Mrs., or Ms. I use their names and always have. Just my mindset but I guess it can make it easier all around..........D
rockybeta is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
jukie and DianeinSparks like this post.
Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 10:02 AM   #3
Gallery Gazer
 
arlenevita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: CNY but I'd rather be in Bonaire snorkeling!
Posts: 6,948
Default

Just checked Emily Post and boys are Master until age 7. Then no title is used until they reach 18 and then it's Mr. Who knew??? Looks like all the others are proper etiquette.

Personally, I'm a rebel who 29 years ago kept my maiden name when I got married....much to hubby's dismay. I prefer people put both our full names on the envelope. I like to acknowledge the woman so I write Jane & John Doe if the wife has changed her last name when they married. My mother said, "Ladies before gentlemen."
__________________
Arlene, The Snorkeler
Stamp with us: Poughkeepsie March 12, 2016, Buffalo March 19, 2016, Binghamton April 2, 2016, Ilion April 23, 2016!!!
arlenevita is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
jukie likes this post.
Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 10:08 AM   #4
Splitcoast Dirty Dozen
 
punch-crazy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Calgary, AB, Canada
Posts: 517
Default

I'm like rockybeta, I use their name(s)
Ie I sent a baby gift to my nephew and his wife I address it (not their real name):
Thomas & Jessica Smith

These days many women do not take their husbands last name, or hyphenate. I have even come across a couple where the husband took his wife's last name. So I'm inclined to not address anything as Mr. & Mrs. John Smith.
__________________
Alex in Calgary
http://www.alexscreativecorner.blogspot.com
punch-crazy is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
jukie likes this post.
Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 10:35 AM   #5
Pearl-ExPert
 
melissa59's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Where the trees sway gently and birds sing softly in Sunny SoCal.
Posts: 2,745
Default

If I were formally addressing envelopes, I'd do them exactly as you have done. It should not offend anyone except maybe a hard-core feminist.

Personally, if I was sending a card to a militant married feminist (and I have one among my circle of friends) and she was upset that I referred to her as Mrs. instead of Ms., she would not get a second card.

In days of old, Miss was the proper term for any unmarried female, regardless of age. And Ms. originated as a designation for any adult woman, regardless of marital status. It was meant to be ambiguous about the woman's attachment to a man, or lack of one. It's a term that became popular during the 1960's women's liberation movement and quickly caught for business use as people did not have to know if a woman was married or detached to properly address a business letter.

Curious, about the origins of Ms, I looked it up on the Internet (which we all know is an infallible source of information ) and learned that it actually began in the 17th Century, hundreds of years before the Suffragette movement at the turn of the 20th century. According to the article, the term fell out of use but was picked up again during the 1960s.

And yes, I'm a bit of a research nerd.
__________________
Melissa59
All Occasion
Mix-Ability Challenge
Christmas Cards Challenge 4/44
Stamp2Spend-$28.78(02/03/16)
melissa59 is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
dillyb5, uncbballfan, jukie and 1 others like this post.
Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 10:44 AM   #6
Hardware Hotshot
 
jukie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Brampton, Ontario
Posts: 4,010
Default

Thank you! I remember filling out some forms back in the 80's I guess and I had to designate my self as a Spinster as I was unmarried, I was horrified! My mother just laughed...I keep telling myself I am only 43 why do I feel ancient lol!
__________________
Encourage, Empower and Embrace
jukie is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
uncbballfan, StamperDea and melissa59 like this post.
Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 10:57 AM   #7
Stazon Splitcoast
 
jkstampin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Kent, WA
Posts: 20,777
Default

If I am sending something "formal" to a couple I do what you listed (Mr. & Mrs. John Doe.) Less formal, I will use their actual names. I have one sister in law is always a tough one for me because she uses her married last name as her middle name, and kept her last name from her first marriage. I can never remember to get that right!

Funny story along these lines... one of my brothers sent me a gift basket for Christmas and addressed it to my husband's first name and my maiden last name. We got a good laugh out of that one!

Personally, I never get offended by however someone addresses an envelope/package. I am just happy they sent it
__________________
Joan

My blog: Tails in the stamp room
FSJ coach #813478
jkstampin is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
StamperDea likes this post.
Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 12:00 PM   #8
Insane Embellisher
 
susanvm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 839
Default

When I send mail, I usually do an informal name (Jane and John Doe); the exception is when something is formal (e.g. wedding invitation, birth announcements, graduation). Receiving mail is always a delight. I'm married, but for professional reasons kept my family name (in a publish or perish world, hyphens don't work). My family name has 2 capital letters but is all one word (Ellis Island). Some people know me by my family name, some know me just through my husband, and some don't know me, so I get:

Susan Smith (Smith & Jones are pseudonyms!)
Susan Jones
Susan Smithjones
Susan SmithJones (correct)
Susan Carpenter

And then there are all of the variations involving the title (Dr, Ms, Mrs, Miss).

So, everyday is an adventure mail-wise.
__________________
Stampaholic
susanvm is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
arlenevita and StamperDea like this post.
Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 12:10 PM   #9
Proud Fan Club Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 5,169
Default

Ah..the lost art of letter writing (and therefore addressing) ....

For formal events/invitations, like a wedding I would do as you have it-formally.

For every day, holidays, etc. ...

Single
Just the name, no title-James Bond

A couple
The Xs. -The Bonds

If they have kids,
The X family- The Bond Family

For two last names (gay or she kept hers, etc)
I write the names with no title, ladies first. Gays, the person I am connected to more goes first with the exception of holidays.

Ie: I have gay cousins. My cousin is Jewish, his husband is Irish Christian. They get all kinds of cards therefore.

The Jewish holidays my cousin's name goes first on the envelope and card. The Christian, his husband's name goes first. St Pats-the husband's name goes first. It's basically whose it for most. Both equally, my cousin will go first as the stronger tie to me.

The other exception would be for people I dont know well/work associates-if they are single, I will use Mr or Ms. Otherwise it's what I said above.

It might avoid pain for recently divorced/widowed...although the last name could still sting, or even the taken back maiden could. It's a touchy thing and you can only do the best you can.

Here's the thing of it imho. If you only address to one person in a house, in theory no one else should be opening it. So if it is meant for everyone, then I have to do it in an inclusive manner.

The only time I might do that is for someone who has a long term other who is not living there. aka I know the other for years, but he/she isnt a resident in the house. So I wont put the name on the envelope but will on the card.

My Q is for work stuff:
If you send a card to a boss....and you know the spouses name but have never met them....for the INSIDE of the card...

Do you write to Mary and Bob or to Mary and family or what? You want to be inclusive but not overly familiar.

Oy. No wonder I gave up titles. It's still complicated! LOL
wavejumper is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
poppydarling likes this post.
Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 01:49 PM   #10
Forum Fanatic
 
buggainok's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
Posts: 9,777
Default

I am personally opposed to titles myself, and will explain why below. I use first and last names for everyone, and if it's a couple and I know the other one, I use their first name, too.

For holiday cards like Christmas, Halloween, etc. for a family, I sometimes use the last name in plural, i.e. The Smiths, or sometimes The Smith Family.

Years ago I had to deal with a lot of doctors when my mother was ill with cancer. I really got tired of some of them having such a condescending attitude when I talked to them. Some felt very free to use my first name, and my sick mother's first name, but we were somehow supposed to call them "Doctor So and So.

I decided on a radical approach - I started speaking to doctors by using their first name. I got some pretty strange looks, but I felt very empowered and not like the little sheep some doctors like you to be.

I have kept it up since then. I am respectful, kind and considerate, but I don't use titles.
__________________
Bugga in OK

"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." Dalai Lama
buggainok is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Cook22 and poppydarling like this post.
Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 02:02 PM   #11
Pearl-ExPert
 
melissa59's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Where the trees sway gently and birds sing softly in Sunny SoCal.
Posts: 2,745
Default

These days a lot of people keep their maiden names, especially if they are in a career where they are publicly known by that name. Many of my journalism friends kept their maiden names.

I'm probably an odd ball in that, after 13 years with my husband, we divorced and I kept my married name. Now, 17 years post-divorce and I still very much identify with the name, which I've had longer than my maiden name. If someone were to call out my maiden name I might think they were talking to someone else!

Edited to add that I think I broke the record for using the word "name" the most times in such few sentences. My former editors would be terribly disappointed! LOL
__________________
Melissa59
All Occasion
Mix-Ability Challenge
Christmas Cards Challenge 4/44
Stamp2Spend-$28.78(02/03/16)
melissa59 is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
StamperDea and wavejumper like this post.
Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 04:18 PM   #12
Hardware Hotshot
 
Rachelrose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southern Florida
Posts: 4,044
Default

Doesn't anyone think that calling someone Mrs. John Smith in this day and age is anachronistic?

I was married, though no longer. I got married in 1975 and, even back then, woe betide anyone who addressed me as if I were an appendage of my husband. !
__________________
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands but in seeing with new eyes...

RachelRose Designs by Robin... GALLERY

Last edited by Rachelrose; Yesterday at 04:26 PM..
Rachelrose is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
buggainok, StamperDea and poppydarling like this post.
Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 04:48 PM   #13
Rubber Obsessor
 
loyce's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 179
Default

Address me by my name, please. I am a fourth generation suffragette. We have the photo of GGM wearing her sash and holding her protest sign to prove it!
__________________
LOYCE IN GEORGIA
loyce is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
buggainok, StamperDea and poppydarling like this post.
Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 05:54 PM   #14
Proud Fan Club Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 5,169
Default

Well I would prefer to be Mrs my first name and married name. That's true. Not Mrs His Name.
wavejumper is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
cardmaker2 likes this post.
Reply With Quote
Old Today, 05:47 AM   #15
Matboard Maniac
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 252
Default

Mrs. His Name is not my name. If you want to address something to me I would hope you would use my name.
khogan is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Reply





Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off