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Old 01-31-2006, 06:43 PM   #1
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Default Play groups...what's wrong with me? - Sorry kinda long

Okay so...I'm beginning to think I'm the only one who has an aversion to playgroups. I just don't like them. From what I've experienced, it's a bunch of women getting together to compare themselves to one another and talk about how much they spent on such and such and "my child is doing such and such" and on and on.

First off, I'm really bad at small talk. I just can't do it. And I don't talk about how much I spent on my kids clothes or Christmas or his birthday or whatever. And I don't care how much they spent on their kids' carp.

It also seems like the kids don't play together. At this age (DS is 3) they seem to play parallel to one another so I guess I don't see the point. My son goes to church on Sunday and Wednesday...he goes to Mother's Day Out on Tuesday and Thursday. He gets a lot of socialization. I don't think he needs to be doing something every day. I have a friend who is in 2 playgroups and on the days that she's not at playgroup she'll meet one or more of the mothers at McDonald's for the kids to play.

So anyway...I've been invited to what seems like a playgroup for the last two Wednesdays and I'm going to go tomorrow but I just am not up for a weekly commitment.

If you have kids, are you in a playgroup? Am I just a weirdo who needs to get out of my box and socialize?
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Old 01-31-2006, 06:47 PM   #2
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We're playgroup dropouts!!! I liked the one with ladies at church cause we just talked and they're totally not competitive, but the time of day didn't work for us...

The other ones we were in were all "natural" moms who all competed over who had the most holistic birth (not I!! c/s and all) and who cloth diapered the most organically (I quit cloth diapering after 2 years so I am an outcast!) and who parented the most gently and waldorfed their child the most and unschooled the most and blahbittyblah!!!

It drove me nuts!!! I hate small talk too!! It makes me break out in nervous laughter (like that dinner at Olive Garden!! I was so stupid sounding... nervous laughter the whole time!!). It's just painful!!

Anyway, no you are NOT alone!!!
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Old 01-31-2006, 06:48 PM   #3
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I used to go to playgroups when I lived in a very small town that had no other options outside of individual playdates.

I never thought of it the way you've said it, but I would agree with you from my experience.

Once I moved to a city (kids were 2 1/2 and 4) I stopped going and instead started doing more things with the kids with friends. I found the dynamics of my friends changed because we didn't stand around comparing ourselves and trying to prove we were better at being a `mom' than the other moms.

Women have to start supporting eachother instead of ripping eachother down. There's a lot of ripping down in the playgroups I've gone to (myself included - you kinda get sucked into that behaviour)
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Old 01-31-2006, 06:52 PM   #4
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Ok so my kids are older, can i still put in my 2 cents worth? if not read no further...



I hated, detested, dispised play groups to at that age, and for all the reasons you stated. It was a total waste of time and i learned from my first son i was not going to go thru that again...

Plus i looked at it this way, he wasn't really engaged in play kwim. But if i played with him he was engaged..so let's weigh the two...hmm didn't take me longto figure out that he was getting more socialization with me than with a bunch of 3 y.o. and chatty kathy's. So we nixed the play dates.
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Old 01-31-2006, 06:53 PM   #5
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sorry double post.
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Old 01-31-2006, 07:04 PM   #6
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Thanks ladies. If I'm crazy, at least there are three others just like me

You are so right with the comparing stuff...how long they breastfed, they were in labor for 875 hours and had no drugs, doesn't my daughter have the prettiest hair?

Ugh! I am totally cool with a one-on-one play time. My son has had friends over one at a time before and that works really well. He's been to friends' houses one at a time and he seems to like that.

Playgroups around here are almost expected so it's nice to hear some support from my sistas. I guess I was also concerned that I'm not good at group situations but I didn't want to limit my son kwim? Anyway...I'm rambling...I do that past 9:30.

And Kimberly, I didn't notice any nervous laughter. You were totally cool at Olive Garden!!
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Old 01-31-2006, 07:30 PM   #7
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holy cow, 875 hours of labor??? that's a looooong time!
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Old 01-31-2006, 07:41 PM   #8
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Glad to realize I am not the only one who felt this way- we only attended for a while- and I dreaded it!! All the reasons you mentioned above- the competition- the little "groupies' - I thought the groups were suppose to be geared to support new moms- and I looked forward to that- I didn't need to know about their labours,the cost of what- or the town gossip either.
The other thing that bothered me- was that none of the toys seem to get washed- yikes!!!!! And people would come even if their kids seemed ill- scary!! We were definitely out of there!
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Old 01-31-2006, 08:21 PM   #9
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I don't do play groups either and never have really been invited,but maybe people know it's just not me. My girlfriends and I get together and stamp and stuff and our kids play or we might go to the mall for a bit but that's about it. Maybe you just need to stick with what you guys like,it sounds like your little one has lots to do. DONNA
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Old 01-31-2006, 09:32 PM   #10
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We lived in Japan and Guam when our daughters were small and we didn't do playgroups either. I took my oldest with me to the Japanese/American ladies meetings once and week and she played with the Japanese children and the children of other Americans stationed in the area and had fun. In Guam we just had neighbors who had kids and we kind of just helped watch each others and socialized as needed.
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