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Old 06-25-2012, 04:41 PM   #1
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Default My kids ignore each other

This is hard to explain on a message board, but I'll try. For over a year now, my oldest 2 kids have completely ignored each other. DS will be 16 in Sept, DD will be 14 in Sept (they are only 1year apart in school). At some point DS got annoyed with something ( she rolled her eyes at him or something) and decided to totally shut her out. DD has been at times has been in tears because he completely ignores her. I dragged her to talk with our pastor, hoping we could figure something out, but that didn't help. DH and I have both tried talking to them, to no avail. DD keeps things very closed up. She is so funny and talkative when he isn't around. Once when I talked to him, he said it wasn't like Voldermort- " he who must not be named". But just yesterday he asked if "someone" could pass the ketchup. I won't let that happen again. My sister (3 years older) and I fought a lot, but we would at least ask "how are you feeling" after being sick, or " how was the trip". DD just won "Student of the Year" for 8 th grade- her trophy must be 3 feet tall. She also won the Spanish award. He didn't even say a word. I know there's nothing I can do, but it just breaks my heart. Thanks for listening.
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Old 06-26-2012, 05:21 AM   #2
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Don't feel as if you can't do anything. If I was in your situation I would ground the kid to his room (without electronics) until he started acting civil towards her. Once he is forced to, it will come easier. I believe if you let his behavior continue that it will just perpetuate it longer.
Good luck with your issue. Being a parent sure is hard at times.

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Old 06-26-2012, 12:29 PM   #3
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You may have to wait until he passes through adolescence. In the meantime, start taking away privileges until he changes his attitude.
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Old 06-26-2012, 03:53 PM   #4
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My two kids did and still do the same thing occasionally. My son is 17, my daughter is going to be 15 next month. My son was always mature for his age, and my daughter was not. She irritated my son to no end, so he ignored her for a long, long time. I would not allow rudeness or cruelty, but I didn't make a big deal of it if they did not get along.

Over the past year I started noticing that if they were alone together, with no one around watching them, they actually got along and spent time together. I realized at that point that it was a temporary thing and they would be fine. They just both needed to mature.

Now they don't really spend time together because they have their own friends, my son has a girlfriend, but when they have to be together, they get along really well. That's what counts.

I think it will pass, and your son will mature and realize his sister is not as bad as he thinks she is.

Good luck!
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Old 06-27-2012, 07:29 AM   #5
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although those 2 examples are examples of some hostility, they usually just don't speak to each other. DD spends much time in her room- probably to avoid being around him. and while there can be consequences for being just plain rude, i can't really make them speak to each other if they don't want to. even though several weeks have passed, i think i am going to tell him how disappointed i am that he couldn't even congratulate his sister on such a remarkable achievement.
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Old 08-27-2012, 10:55 AM   #6
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Update? This story breaks my heart. I think every parents has to pick their battles since they know their kids better than anyone. I have a son and daughter both teens that never got along until they were teens. Silent treatment was not an issue. I talk to my kids a lot about how a family is a mini society where it is safe to learn about relationships. Whatever they learn in the little family they will bring to society and their own family. I can't control how they treat each other but there are consequences. Just wondering how this turned out...if waiting it out worked...
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Old 08-27-2012, 12:45 PM   #7
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You said you took her the pastor.... maybe it's him you should take for some counseling. It sounds like he needs to learn how to be nice to others... starting with his family.
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