I'm the bad guy again :-(

**JILL** · 12-27-2012, 01:41 PM

OK - I've got a knot in my gut and I am feeling like the bad guy once again. My step son is staying with us a few days. He is 17. He wanted to take his friend (a 16 year old girl) to the movies today and I said that I would take them. However, I wanted to talk to her parents to make sure that they are OK with it. She has not been able to get a hold of her mother. They gave me her cell number and I called but got voice mail, left a message asking her to give me a call. I've not heard from her mother so I would not take them and now the kids are mad. Step son keeps saying that I don't trust them and that she had permission to "hang out" with him today. To me that doesn't mean it's OK to be dropped off at the movies for a 3 hour movie with no cell reception. He says that "hanging out in this day and age means going somewhere" - his words. Am I old fashioned, being ridiculous? Do people not care where their kids are these days? I feel really bad but would not want to drop someone else kid at the movie theater without knowing her parents are OK with it. Did I do the right thing?

calgramma · 12-27-2012, 02:20 PM

Sometimes being a good parent means being the 'bad guy'. I would have done the same thing!

**JILL** · 12-27-2012, 03:33 PM

Now he says that he will just have his mother pick them up later and take them out. It really stinks when you have to compete with the more easy going parent.

jeannemlehrman · 12-27-2012, 04:33 PM

Dear "Bad Guy" Jill, Thank you for being a parent I would let my kids hang out with. Someday, your step son will appreciate you so very much -- but probably not today. Hang in there and always follow your intuition. I had three unappreciative teenagers and now I have three appreciative adults. And I know I can count on my adult children to give my grandchildren the same boundaries they did not care for when the time is right. Best stepparent blessings to you.....Jeanne

**JILL** · 12-27-2012, 04:42 PM

Thanks for the words of encouragement. My step son just informed my husband and I that his mother will be leaving work tomorrow to pick them up, drop them at the movies, then she will leave work again to pick them up at the movies and bring them home. This I'm sure is to make me feel small. Instead of just getting his girlfriend on the phone and having me talk to her parents he'd rather inconvenience his mother - and of course she will do it no questions asked. Why do I have to make myself sick about it though? I have been upset all afternoon. Sorry to go on and on - I'm just venting now.
I can't wait until Christmas break is over. lol

eulamarcia · 12-28-2012, 09:29 AM

I can think of worse things to happen to a teenager. The way you can tell you're being a good parent is the fact that he asked you at all, rather than sneaking off on his own. He could have asked another teenager who already has their license. Oh boy - I can only imagine what shenanagens that would inspire!

Hang in there, just remember a teenager's job is to be petulant and annoy their parents. They have too many hormones raging not to!

NancyJ · 12-29-2012, 07:51 AM

As a step-parent, I have to ask why this was put onto your shoulders. The father should have made the decision, even if you ended up doing the driving. I found the easiest thing to do as a step parent was to defer to the parent.

clairehobby · 01-09-2013, 10:32 PM

i think you are very responsible , but ,humm , we young people don't like this , because it seems that we are not been trusted. And we also have freedom to do what we want .

EthansMom · 01-10-2013, 01:09 AM

Big hugs, Jill. I kinda wonder why her mom was 'unavailable'. I've never been in your position, but think you did the right thing...step parent, biological parent, guardian...you're the responsible adult.

cerridwen3301 · 01-10-2013, 03:51 AM

i guess i am going to be the odd one out here but i am thinking at that age they should be allowed to work it out themselves with their parents. and don't get me wrong i was a strict one too. there were a lot of things i didn't let them do and i was often the ONLY parent calling and checking up on things when they went to someone else's house or parties and stuff - even chaperoning with other parents. but by 16 & 17 - it is on them. both are old enough to take the responsibility on themselves. AND finally i agree that as the step parent you should have stayed out of it and had your husband or the boys mother decide - their kid their rules. that's how it worked in our house too - hubby was the step parent and he deferred to me.

bmbutler · 01-10-2013, 10:39 AM

Good job!

MinnieMe · 03-07-2013, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cerridwen3301

i guess i am going to be the odd one out here but i am thinking at that age they should be allowed to work it out themselves with their parents. and don't get me wrong i was a strict one too. there were a lot of things i didn't let them do and i was often the ONLY parent calling and checking up on things when they went to someone else's house or parties and stuff - even chaperoning with other parents. but by 16 & 17 - it is on them. both are old enough to take the responsibility on themselves. AND finally i agree that as the step parent you should have stayed out of it and had your husband or the boys mother decide - their kid their rules. that's how it worked in our house too - hubby was the step parent and he deferred to me.

I agree. At those ages, they are old enough to work it out for themselves.