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Old 03-24-2012, 09:25 PM   #961
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Renee, glad you survived but sorry for the battle scars! Like everyone else, big cyber hugs to you and kudos for handling it so well!
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Old 03-24-2012, 09:33 PM   #962
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Why do the STUPIDEST issues have to come up when you're divorcing?
This made me laugh since I've been dealing with lots of it lately too. I have 4 kids, 14B, almost 12B, 9G, 6G. I just shake my head.

Ds2 has been behind in school so stbx would "help" by taking him to the quiet apartment and help him out. One night I had running to do with ds1 so he was going to take the girls too, but dd1 didn't want to go, so dd2 couldn't go because there'd be no one to play with while he did work he brought home or helped ds2. So dd2 was crying and stomping and she "NEVER gets to see dad," Hello, you go there every weekend but in her eyes I was being so mean and not letting her go. Her dad is the one that said she can't go if her sister wasn't going. *sigh* But an hour later, she was back to playing and the tantrum was soon forgotten.

Hang tough!!! Vent here cuz we all know all about it.
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Old 03-25-2012, 11:20 AM   #963
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It makes me sick that these men use the kids so ...my two boys were played real good before their father took them to live with him , i was subjected to torrents of abuse from my two eleven year olds because of the lies that their father and his girlfriend told them , i had tried to keep them out of it so had not been slinging the mud i could have !! It has taken them living "the dream" with the father and that woman for them to realise the truth and who actually loves them ! .I know i will still have teenage rebellion etc but they are both so happy to be home ...I believe the truth will always out it may not be as quick as we want but one of my lovely friends was praying that "His light shall light up the darkness so that evil will not hide " The light did shine , kinda brighter than i was expecting ( police investigation etc etc ) but heck it did shine !!!!!
Hang in there xx
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Old 03-25-2012, 11:31 AM   #964
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I believe the truth will always out it may not be as quick as we want but one of my lovely friends was praying that "His light shall light up the darkness so that evil will not hide " The light did shine , kinda brighter than i was expecting ( police investigation etc etc ) but heck it did shine !!!!!
Hang in there xx
He gets all he deserves, and by not mud slinging, you know in your heart you tried, we all did, and yet the men take and take.
Sometimes, karma gets there and bites, hard.
Your kids are now old enough to read the newspapers what ever you say to them it will be in print and not a word from your lips, so they have to believe what their dad has done. Hopefully they will settle down and trust that mum is there loves them and always will.
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Old 03-25-2012, 08:13 PM   #965
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Couldn't say any of it better...

Take care all!
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Old 03-26-2012, 04:00 PM   #966
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Well... today was a good day and a bad day.

Actually, it started last night, when my husband told me I could have Aiden Monday night if I wanted, because he knew that he blew my plans with him on Saturday. I told him I planned on picked him up a little after noon on Tuesday, so yes I was sure, he could keep him.

Then today, I wake up and take a shower and when I get out Aiden is up (before the sun is) sitting up in bed, and being a little whiney. He was coughing and stuffed up and felt a little warm but I thought, meh, he's always coughing, it's probably just allergies. An hour later when he's still whining I decide maybe I should check his temp. It was 102.1. Whoops. So I call John and ask him to come over and get Aiden because I had to get the house ready for a showing on my way out the door to school. He picked up children's tylenol on the way, and was there in half an hour. He asked for his doctor's name, I wrote down a list of questions and he was going to call for an appointment today. Fast forward an hour, I have the house looking great and head to my car to go to school.... aaaannnnddd it's dead. Call him back, "Hey... ugh.... what are you doing right now?...... my car won't start......" He came right over and jumped my car so I could head to school then took the kid to the doctor. If more days of our marriage were like today, I wouldn't be getting a divorce....

Makes you sad.

Not to mention, his brother's wife is now expecting their first child a year after they were married in this BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS PERFECT service. They seem to have it all together. *sigh* I've spent the last two days mourning the marriage that realistically, I never really had.

On to the bad news... He took my son to the doctor this morning. My son tested positive for BOTH flu and strep. Nice. The doctor thinks he recently had strep. (I think so too, because his best friend had it at his birthday party and is still on antibiotics.) So essentially he's over that, but he's now got the flu. I also asked the doctor about his coughing. I have asthma (bad asthma) and the doctor said early on that Aiden would have it, but that we wouldn't diagnose unless it got bad. Well... today it was very clear to him that Aiden had asthma and needed an inhaler. This breaks my heart because I don't want him to go through this crap his whole life like I have. Also, he's got seasonal allergies, like me, which is making it all the worse right now. So he gets zyrtec and singulair too.

I'm so bummed that he's sick and needs all these meds, which are now going to be a regular part of his life. He'll need an inhaler before gym and running around. When I was 16 I went into respiratory failure in the middle of the nurse's office and woke up in intensive care. I am so freaked out that someday this could happen to him.

Sorry for the down-trodden post. I'm so bummed today. I wish I could be more cheerful for you guys. Hope you all are having a better day!
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Old 03-26-2012, 11:21 PM   #967
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Big hugs Rachel ....i hate it when the babies are ill ...i would rather be ill myself !!
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Old 03-27-2012, 12:15 AM   #968
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Hugs Rachel! Yep, breaks my heart too to see a sick kid. I am sitting on the couch typing this at 3am while ds2 (11yo) is laying on the couch. He's been sleeping all evening since supper and woke up with a 103.6F fever. Tylenol taken, temp down, but now he's wide awake. I already had a doc appt for 9am tomorrow since he's been saying his throat hurt for a couple days now...strep going around at school. Now I'm afraid I'll oversleep if I go to bed...so I'll sleep/lay on the love seat with cell phone alarm set. Then I can keep an eye on him too.

My youngest is being watched for asthma. She has a nebulizer and hoping she'll outgrow it all, but we'll see. Like you said, hard to think about the inhaler and all the stuff that goes with it. None of us have asthma so I don't know about it first hand.

More hugs to you Rachel. I have days of the mourning and what could have been/what should be. Doesn't seem to get easier, but I'm still in the early stages too.
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Old 03-28-2012, 07:54 PM   #969
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Laurie, hope your little guy is feeling better! Mine is still coughing and sniffling but he'll survive.

Today was a pretty good day! Other than being so tired that I slept through most of my microbiology lecture. I called John today and told him he needs to get me taken off the lease tomorrow, he said he would, and asked me what I was going to do anyways. (As in, where will I live when this house sells.) My standard inner thought is, "Anywhere that you aren't!" I think he keeps asking me because he knows he'll have to move in with his dad and I think he's secretly hoping I'll come back to help with his bills.

Anyways, he was rather demanding about it today, wanting me to get some firm details. I told him, "I don't know, we'll see." I got off the phone and immediately my best friend (who is dating my brother) calls. She says, are you going to need a place to live? I said, "well... yes, I'm not sure what I'm going to do if this house sells." She tells me, my brother is worried about me and he doesn't want to go to indy. He wants to get an apt this summer that is closer to my work, and his and have me move in. I thought that was so sweet. My bff told me, "Call him back and tell him it's figured out!" Yay for having family and friends who are there for you. <3
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Old 03-28-2012, 09:24 PM   #970
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Ds2 update...he has strep. Went to the doc yesterday and quick test was negative, and they did a blood test for mono, which thankfully was negative. His fever spiked to 104.5F last night and I paniced and called him to come over. I couldn't stop crying...hate to see kids so sick and out of it. Anyway, we got the fever down and got ds comfy before he finally left. Really all he did was lecture him about getting something to eat. I don't think ds even heard it because he was still groggy from sleeping. Doc office called today to confirm the strep so I got the meds, two doses down now so hopefully he'll be back to eating tomorrow. I'd like to at least do one fun thing this week before spring break is over.

Hoping I don't end up sick because my throat is scratchy tonight now.
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Old 03-29-2012, 06:41 PM   #971
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Aw, I think I made stbx mad/uncomfortable this evening. He called that he doesn't know what to do, not sure if his sister will be home in time or maybe I could keep them tomorrow night. He just read about a memorial service tomorrow night for someone he knows. It's a mechanic or something for a racing friend of his. Anyway, I said "oh, you can go to this funeral but you couldn't come to my Grandma's a few weeks ago who you've known much longer I'm sure, and to which is also a blood relative to your children?!" Of course he starts in that he didn't think I would want him at my Grandma's. I said it didn't matter if I wanted him there or not, he should have been there for the kids, especially the young ones that don't really understand death yet. I never told him not to go or that I didn't want him there, I said you're gonna do what you wanna do, but the kids would probably appreciate him there. Then he says, anyway, he's not really into funerals (like any of us are ). And of course he didn't show up.

So now he said never mind, I won't need to keep the kids, he'll be here to pick them up. Think he feels a little guilty?! Probably not from "what" I said but more upset that he won't get to see his buddys.
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Old 03-31-2012, 05:33 AM   #972
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Aw, I think I made stbx mad/uncomfortable this evening. He called that he doesn't know what to do, not sure if his sister will be home in time or maybe I could keep them tomorrow night. He just read about a memorial service tomorrow night for someone he knows. It's a mechanic or something for a racing friend of his. Anyway, I said "oh, you can go to this funeral but you couldn't come to my Grandma's a few weeks ago who you've known much longer I'm sure, and to which is also a blood relative to your children?!" Of course he starts in that he didn't think I would want him at my Grandma's. I said it didn't matter if I wanted him there or not, he should have been there for the kids, especially the young ones that don't really understand death yet. I never told him not to go or that I didn't want him there, I said you're gonna do what you wanna do, but the kids would probably appreciate him there. Then he says, anyway, he's not really into funerals (like any of us are ). And of course he didn't show up.

So now he said never mind, I won't need to keep the kids, he'll be here to pick them up. Think he feels a little guilty?! Probably not from "what" I said but more upset that he won't get to see his buddys.
Good for you for pointing out his inconsistancy. Why do they think we don't have a life? That we don't plan things for when the kids are with them, my ex wanted me to be flexable about visitation, but not when it came to me needing him to be flexable.... so inconsistant.
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Old 03-31-2012, 07:53 AM   #973
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Turns out he went anyway. We were at the Mall of America and he called that he was having his sister pick up the kids. So when I told the kids, one says, "I thought he didn't like funerals because he didn't go to Great Grandma's funeral." Smart kids I have here...
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Old 03-31-2012, 08:24 AM   #974
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Turns out he went anyway. We were at the Mall of America and he called that he was having his sister pick up the kids. So when I told the kids, one says, "I thought he didn't like funerals because he didn't go to Great Grandma's funeral." Smart kids I have here...

What he doesn't realize it that his kids are storing that information for another time.... it will all add up for them later, and he will have to pay the price. Kids don't forget.
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Old 03-31-2012, 08:47 AM   #975
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I was telling my mom about this earlier today and then I had to laugh. It really shouldn't have surprised me what he did because it probably would have been the same situation even if he was still here. You're right, the kids are storing it up and some day they may or may not confront him on everything but they'll know and they'll remember...
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Old 04-01-2012, 04:48 AM   #976
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I was telling my mom about this earlier today and then I had to laugh. It really shouldn't have surprised me what he did because it probably would have been the same situation even if he was still here. You're right, the kids are storing it up and some day they may or may not confront him on everything but they'll know and they'll remember...
I'm always reminding myself of this. It's like, since we've split, there's now some basic level of human courtesy and it's confusing as hell. To be honest with you, I much prefer his "jackass" moments, because they keep on reminding me of why I gave up on a ten year relationship with my son's father. There's so much guilt carried when you walk away, but the jerkish behavior does make you feel a little less mean and ogre-ish.
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Old 04-05-2012, 04:37 PM   #977
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I am so glad and happy to see so many conversations going on. I have not been on much....you all are so articulate and so supportive of each other. It really is beautiful.

It may seem civil at any given moment....but do you really want to go back there? Remember what it was like. When you feel that way realize you are looking thru a dirty window. It is not clear at the moment. Don't let feelings get confused with what is right for you, what you need, what you have been through.

It is Easter Weekend! What is everyone doing? I will be alone, my DD's are out of town. All of us only have Sat and Sun, so no sense spending lots of money on travel.

I am going to select fabric for a beginning quilt class I am taking late April and May. A good friend who unfortunately has just been diagnosed with cancer is a quilter. She is going to be my assistant-- as I have no idea how to make that kind of selection!

And, will be doing just my regular weekend stuff.

I am going to try a new church. It is large....not sure if it will be a good fit. But I figure, it can't hurt to go, see what is offered, etc...

I will be around and checking in. If anyone has a big issue, gets sad, etc...please post or pm me!!
Hugs!
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Old 04-06-2012, 12:03 PM   #978
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Hi Guys , just checking in ...i have been so busy this week , i have a job YAY ...i was layed off after Christmas so things have been rather tight , i was at the "job centre" and saw that a store "Hobbycraft" were coming to my home town so i applied and got the job (think JoAnns or Michaels only smaller ) anyway i have done 2 days induction at a hotel this week and have to travel to the next city for the next couple of weeks to train in that store . The brand new store here will open 3 May ....so relieved and my kiddos have been so good as its school holidays here at the moment .... No news on the ex well very soon to be ex ...my lawyers have applied for the final paperwork what we over here call the decree absolute , it should come any time , i may be divorced before he is a convicted fellon !! Anyway i will update you all soon ...Have a peaceful and happy Easter , Hugs to you all xx
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Old 04-08-2012, 06:24 AM   #979
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Just wanted to wish everyone a warm and joyful Easter.

May all the promises of love and renewal bloom for you all in the days ahead, and may that love and hope especially be there for all of your children.

I'm thinking of you all.
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Old 04-08-2012, 07:41 AM   #980
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Happy Easter! A new season, a new beginning....
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Old 04-08-2012, 08:07 AM   #981
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Happy Easter !!!! Thinking of all of you. Hugs
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Old 04-08-2012, 07:15 PM   #982
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Happy Easter!
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Old 04-09-2012, 07:22 PM   #983
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Want to hear the uncomfortable, "funny" from yesterday...

Today is my youngest bro's 30th bday so Mom had a cake for him at Easter. He gets ready to blow out the candles and his wife jokingly says, "let's see how many girlfriends you have?" to which a 9yo nephew replies, "you can't have any girlfriends because you're married and you'd be cheating!" Then while everyone is laughing at the cute kid, they all non-chalantly and uncomfortably look my way... at least I could laugh WITH them and not cry about it. I've come a lonnnngggg way baby!!!!
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Old 04-14-2012, 05:49 AM   #984
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Want to hear the uncomfortable, "funny" from yesterday...

Today is my youngest bro's 30th bday so Mom had a cake for him at Easter. He gets ready to blow out the candles and his wife jokingly says, "let's see how many girlfriends you have?" to which a 9yo nephew replies, "you can't have any girlfriends because you're married and you'd be cheating!" Then while everyone is laughing at the cute kid, they all non-chalantly and uncomfortably look my way... at least I could laugh WITH them and not cry about it. I've come a lonnnngggg way baby!!!!
I am glad you chuckled! And happy that you set a great example for your family!!
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Old 04-16-2012, 01:01 AM   #985
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Can't sleep...so much for the great example, well the family won't know it but I had words with him earlier this evening (and unfortunately sent a text I wish I didn't send...it's all true stuff he did, just wish I didn't let him know that I know about it). Oh well, tomorrow's another day to start myself with a clean slate; I was doing so good, just lots of stuff happened this weekend that brought up old memories. He can't see the kids because he's too sick on Fri, and had to work Saturday so picks them up at 6pm, then brings the kids home early today because he wants to go home and rest, to find out he's with that piece of trash even when he's sick! I hope she gets it too. Then he doesn't have time or money lately to get this divorce over with but still can squeeze in time for her, really?! Guess I won't be canceling my therapy appt this week.

Sorry to always be the downer on this thread. *sigh*
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Old 04-16-2012, 03:52 AM   #986
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Can't sleep...so much for the great example, well the family won't know it but I had words with him earlier this evening (and unfortunately sent a text I wish I didn't send...it's all true stuff he did, just wish I didn't let him know that I know about it). Oh well, tomorrow's another day to start myself with a clean slate; I was doing so good, just lots of stuff happened this weekend that brought up old memories. He can't see the kids because he's too sick on Fri, and had to work Saturday so picks them up at 6pm, then brings the kids home early today because he wants to go home and rest, to find out he's with that piece of trash even when he's sick! I hope she gets it too. Then he doesn't have time or money lately to get this divorce over with but still can squeeze in time for her, really?! Guess I won't be canceling my therapy appt this week.

Sorry to always be the downer on this thread. *sigh*
This thread is here for you to vent, no need to say your sorry. We have all been there... lost our temper, said things we wish we had held in.
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Old 04-16-2012, 11:31 AM   #987
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After a conversation with him this morning and lots of thinking today (again, I know I've said it before), a true calm came over me after all the tears. He's not the man I married and I'm done with his games. He's changed, especially since the hospital stay 2 yrs ago. The man I loved wouldn't be making the choices/decisions he's making. At about the same time he dissed my cousin for something she'd done, well what he's doing is far worse and yet he justifies it. He wouldn't have been tempted by this harlet that's been chasing him for months, much less planning a future with her.

I have my brothers coming this weekend to get the last few pieces of his crappy furniture into the garage with his brother's precious tv. I want all tools and stuff out of the garage by end of the month, otherwise, he can deal with my lawyer, which he is also paying for. I want no more reminders of him around me, except of course the kids...unfortunately they do look a little bit like him. He stops at the front steps, not allowed into the house. I'm on my way, finally, it's only uphill from here, right? (I hope, although I'm sure there will be many bumps along the way).

I might even plan a trip to AZ with my Mom to visit my great aunt. She's aging fast and I haven't had a vacation in 15 years. Then he can work around the kids schedules, getting them to school, activities, etc for a whole week. And of course out of his apt, because that's his new home.
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Old 04-17-2012, 04:39 AM   #988
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I will be the "Debbie Downer" today....I have not felt just "right" all morning...then it dawned on me that today 19 years ago I married the x...and of course we have been divorce for 6 years and I am happily married now for about 2.5 years...why is the anniversary getting to me....and to boot....my lovely DD is really being disrespectful and so distant with our family..I just do not feel good today....feel like a good cry coming on....oh well such is life....Taishea
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Old 04-17-2012, 08:11 AM   #989
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((Taishea)) My kids have been like caged lions lately too so I know that doesn't help with the mood at all. Hopefully the sun is shining or will shine soon. I know that helps me lots today to have the sun bright and beautiful, kind of like a hug from above.
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Old 04-17-2012, 10:09 AM   #990
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Laurie, thank you so much! the sun is shining and I went for a drive....thanks again!
Taishea!
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Old 04-20-2012, 06:38 AM   #991
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Wel we have had another early summer here in UK, now the say we are heading for Snow.

I know men get us down but mine is broke, cross and boring, just thanking the fact I don't have to deal with it all as he is 125 miles away.

We were going to go and visit as there was a festival on, only to be told he is not a baby sitter and nor is DD at 15. Somehow the fact I have forgotten to tell him we won't be going has slipped my mind. He only saw them for 3 hours this year, and he calls himself a dad.
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Old 04-20-2012, 08:56 AM   #992
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cletracloversgirl View Post
I will be the "Debbie Downer" today....I have not felt just "right" all morning...then it dawned on me that today 19 years ago I married the x...and of course we have been divorce for 6 years and I am happily married now for about 2.5 years...why is the anniversary getting to me....and to boot....my lovely DD is really being disrespectful and so distant with our family..I just do not feel good today....feel like a good cry coming on....oh well such is life....Taishea
Taishea,

I know exactly how you feel. April 5th would have been 36 years for me. I have to say this year I actually felt like celebrating that I wasn't with him. (Of course seeing him at my DD wedding helped remind me what I don't miss) I guess the name change helped in my mental health as well. There have been years that I wasn't sure why I was feeling so down and then realize what day it was. I think it is an opportunity to be thankful for what we have and what we have learned about ourselves. For me, I am stronger than I could ever imagine and have accomplished alot on my own that I know I would not have if I was still with him.
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Old 04-20-2012, 09:29 AM   #993
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Glad to see how strong and positive you ladies are coming out of this. I know there are ups and downs (believe me, I know, since I'm coming off another down) but glad to see that things can be okay.

I just need to keep reminding myself that I'm MUCH better off without him. Although this is true, I feel bad that my kids have to have him for a father. He thinks he's a good dad. Look at what he's doing... lying to the kids, cheating on his wife and family, lying to his employer/fellow employees, are these good morals and ethics to be exposing the kids to? He seems to think it's all in the time he spends with them. Like you ladies keep saying, karma will show what it thinks of this someday.
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:42 AM   #994
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Slowly some close friends and relatives will mention to me how they had perceived things re: my ex. Many saw it coming before I did. They say they could only see it because they were outside, looking in.

It makes me feel like I should have left years earlier. Well, I do know I should have.
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Old 04-21-2012, 07:31 AM   #995
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Almost eveyone we knew as a couple told me that they tolerated him because they liked me so much. I thought they tolerated me because they liked him. That is how low my self-esteme was. He had hit on my girlfriends, the wives of our friends... he just has no boundries and thinks every woman wants him (must be fun living in his fantasy world). One friend even said she couldn't figure out why someone (me) with their "poop in a row" was with someone like him. I finally got the chance to confront him... he didn't try to make excuses (for once). The look on his face was comical when I told him that none of them wanted him, in fact he made them feel creepy. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa… Karma is a wonderful thing.

We truely can't see the forest for the trees. Don't blame yourself for falling for the lies and games when you were with them, we all marry at our level of self-esteem.
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Old 04-21-2012, 03:17 PM   #996
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Almost eveyone we knew as a couple told me that they tolerated him because they liked me so much. I thought they tolerated me because they liked him. That is how low my self-esteme was. He had hit on my girlfriends, the wives of our friends... he just has no boundries and thinks every woman wants him (must be fun living in his fantasy world). One friend even said she couldn't figure out why someone (me) with their "poop in a row" was with someone like him. I finally got the chance to confront him... he didn't try to make excuses (for once). The look on his face was comical when I told him that none of them wanted him, in fact he made them feel creepy. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa… Karma is a wonderful thing.

We truely can't see the forest for the trees. Don't blame yourself for falling for the lies and games when you were with them, we all marry at our level of self-esteem.
My friends never liked him. Ppl often asked why I was with him.
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:40 PM   #997
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My friends never liked him. Ppl often asked why I was with him.
Exactly what I've been hearing lately, especially from all three of my brothers!
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Old 04-26-2012, 03:01 PM   #998
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Nearly the end of a long week for me! Yee-Haa! Can't wait to snooze on Sat Morning.
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Old 04-27-2012, 06:27 AM   #999
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Wondering why I was especially tearful this week. Besides the pms stuff, I saw the calendar and realized it was a year since he "moved" to the basement.
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Old 04-27-2012, 04:34 PM   #1000
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Sorry Laurie. Some of those dates affect you at first....it will all start to blur which really helps. Think about how far you have come!

Look to the future, do not look back....take care of you and your future...
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