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Old 03-01-2012, 02:29 AM   #921
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Laurie, it is ok not to tell everyone right away....I am sorry about how hard the process is...hang in there girl! Taishea
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Old 03-01-2012, 01:22 PM   #922
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Laurie, your amazing and strong. I think lots of people must realise, they just don't say as people don't know what to say.


Strange as it seems most peoples automatic thought is if your still there with the kids that he must have , cheated or done something for you to get rid of him. I tend to find once you tell them it is not spoken of again.
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Old 03-01-2012, 06:53 PM   #923
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Thanks, everyone. Yes, the ones that do know, their jaw hits the floor...I follow it with that's how I felt. Then sometimes someone will comment on my weight loss, which I comment on the "divorce diet" that I don't wish on anyone, although it seems to work without much effort.
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Old 03-02-2012, 07:11 AM   #924
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Would nt we make loads of money if we could bottle the "divorce diet" or tho the effect for me has worn off ....

Anyhow ladies update ...he was charged with theft of his moms money yesterday nearly 200 000 , yep a whole lot of money ...not sure how the charges were read , but next step is Magastrates Court then to the Crown Court as its such a lot of money ....i am guessing that there were lots of sample charges and also fraud ...i will know in time ...he has flushed his life down the pan !!
I am sad for what he used to be and for the kids ...
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Old 03-02-2012, 09:14 AM   #925
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Wow, that's over $264,000 in USD! That's a lot to take from his aging mother, and what does he have to show for it? Time in jail...

At least you're done with him. Hope the kids take it in stride, they will be much better off with you. Hugs to all of you...
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Old 03-02-2012, 03:54 PM   #926
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OH my...



Well it has been about 6 years since my divorce was final...many of the issues are just gone...and the kids family still like me...I went to a SIL house (ex's sister) tonight...there have been new babies born and I was introduced and Great Aunt Taishea..made me tear up and feel good inside...and everyone gave me a hug...moment like that I miss the huge family functions and the many many hugs and smiles! Well I am off here just wanted to share that I still have good moments with family!


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Old 03-02-2012, 04:13 PM   #927
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As always, we will have mixture of feelings...
Wow, that is a huge charge for HIM. Good luck to him in court!
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Old 03-02-2012, 04:21 PM   #928
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Would nt we make loads of money if we could bottle the "divorce diet" or tho the effect for me has worn off ....

Anyhow ladies update ...he was charged with theft of his moms money yesterday nearly 200 000 , yep a whole lot of money ...not sure how the charges were read , but next step is Magastrates Court then to the Crown Court as its such a lot of money ....i am guessing that there were lots of sample charges and also fraud ...i will know in time ...he has flushed his life down the pan !!
I am sad for what he used to be and for the kids ...
Some men make very bad choices and you can not be sad. You did all you could do.
I also, look back to what HE used to be! My very best friend. Now, he is such an enemy - not even close to even having a discussion. He prefers himself and his needs-- to me and our children....how does one flip like that? I will never in my lifetime understand. It has to be mental illness or a personality disorder they kept under cover until middle age?

Once in a while I ache for them, as they are too stupid and arrogant to get help. If only they knew how obvious it all is!
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Old 03-03-2012, 12:54 AM   #929
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Some men make very bad choices and you can not be sad. You did all you could do.
I also, look back to what HE used to be! My very best friend. Now, he is such an enemy - not even close to even having a discussion. He prefers himself and his needs-- to me and our children....how does one flip like that? I will never in my lifetime understand. It has to be mental illness or a personality disorder they kept under cover until middle age?

Once in a while I ache for them, as they are too stupid and arrogant to get help. If only they knew how obvious it all is!
So true ...you know i say its like the film "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" its like the man i married has been replaced by thing grown in a pod ....I am so grateful that my heart is not broken over him ...that sounds harsh but i cannot lie ..i loved him but in the end i was not "in love" ....i am sad for that person that was him tho ...and my priority now is the kids ...
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Old 03-03-2012, 06:07 AM   #930
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I can understand the pod bit Ally, I always feel like the skin of the nice guy mine once was has been discarded and this nasty little mean man stepped out.

Some men grow up and become great dads, some regress into jealous little children.
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Old 03-03-2012, 06:18 AM   #931
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I seem to have radar for arrogance, we have a new guy at work and he is arrogant, pompus and just a plain ole jerk. I told my husband, (he is also my boss), that I just don't like this guy. I told him that because I was married to an arrogant jack***** for 18 years, I can spot them quickly... lol BTW, I'm not the only one at work who thinks this, one of the other fellas said something to me.

I have realized that my ex was always that way, I just choose to ignore it. It's his character, and you just can't change character. He also lies, cheats, and steals, he just hasn't gotten caught yet... and he runs a car repair shop, that my son works at... I truely wish my son would wake up and see his father for what he is.
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Old 03-03-2012, 04:14 PM   #932
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I seem to have radar for arrogance, we have a new guy at work and he is arrogant, pompus and just a plain ole jerk. I told my husband, (he is also my boss), that I just don't like this guy. I told him that because I was married to an arrogant jack***** for 18 years, I can spot them quickly... lol BTW, I'm not the only one at work who thinks this, one of the other fellas said something to me.

I have realized that my ex was always that way, I just choose to ignore it. It's his character, and you just can't change character. He also lies, cheats, and steals, he just hasn't gotten caught yet... and he runs a car repair shop, that my son works at... I truely wish my son would wake up and see his father for what he is.
Same here Mary...I chose to ignore it and any comments made to me about it. Now the minute my radar senses...I know. Will never do that again...
Hope your son does not take on those traits towards women...and the world.
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Old 03-07-2012, 01:00 PM   #933
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Hi Ladies ..what a week ..i have had the worlds worst cold and the ex came late on Sunday evening and dropped off the boys belongings , well some of them , i say dropped off it was more kinda threw them in the front yard but hey whatever ....all the kids stayed indoors and out of the way , in fact we had all gone to bed early as i have had this awful cold , so darn it i was in my dressing gown moving trash bags and a few plastic boxes , dont anyone think he was being generous as there were no clothes ( only some boxer shorts that i had sent with the boys 18 months ago when they went to him !! ) lots of trash and as some stuff had been in sheds mouse droppings and chewed stuff ! Still the one treasure my youngest son wanted was a toy dog he had from when he was much younger and an i pod dock ..no i pods but we didnt expect to get them back ...and today it seems that the divorce settlement is made , i have to settle for less than i wanted but i so want rid of that man , i wanted a couple more thousand for the kids but twas not to be and you know i am just grateful to be rid ....all in all good !! Hope you have all had good weeks too xxx
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Old 03-07-2012, 03:52 PM   #934
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Hi Ladies ..what a week ..i have had the worlds worst cold and the ex came late on Sunday evening and dropped off the boys belongings , well some of them , i say dropped off it was more kinda threw them in the front yard but hey whatever ....all the kids stayed indoors and out of the way , in fact we had all gone to bed early as i have had this awful cold , so darn it i was in my dressing gown moving trash bags and a few plastic boxes , dont anyone think he was being generous as there were no clothes ( only some boxer shorts that i had sent with the boys 18 months ago when they went to him !! ) lots of trash and as some stuff had been in sheds mouse droppings and chewed stuff ! Still the one treasure my youngest son wanted was a toy dog he had from when he was much younger and an i pod dock ..no i pods but we didnt expect to get them back ...and today it seems that the divorce settlement is made , i have to settle for less than i wanted but i so want rid of that man , i wanted a couple more thousand for the kids but twas not to be and you know i am just grateful to be rid ....all in all good !! Hope you have all had good weeks too xxx
Ally you did your best. You certainly do not want any more things with mouse droppings in them...better to do without or gradually purchase at discount. You are free! Enjoy the moment and do not dwell on the details....take a hot bubbly bath and say,,,, I am free!
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Old 03-07-2012, 06:35 PM   #935
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Ally, congrats! Like Karen says, you wouldn't want stuff from him anyway, make it a fresh start all around as you can afford. The boys wouldn't want to be reminded of that time anyway. And the cold to boot, you can only go up!!!
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:29 PM   #936
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so true ladies ....today is my boys birthday wow they are 13 ...they were on my bed this morning opening cards and stuff ..twas sooo good and the sun is out ..........Hey i can soon change my car , my van is so expensive to run yippee xx
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Old 03-08-2012, 12:03 AM   #937
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Well my daughter's wedding is one week from today. I can't believe it is here already. I had to talk to her Dad yesterday and it was very awkward. I am surprising my daughter that her cousin is flying in for the wedding from Okinawa and needed to add her to the count for the caterer and to add her to the count for the rehearsal luncheon too. Since he made all the arrangements, he was the one I needed to talk to about it. It was so uncomfortable, such a shame after being married to someone for 14 years and divorced over 20 years, that it has come to this. I did get a laugh though. My daughter came up with the idea to have the guests provide a wedding picture of themselves with their spouses to be displayed ( I am the only single person attending). I encouraged my daughter to be sure that she told him that there would be our wedding picture there so that he would not be surprised and could prepare himself for it. When she spoke to him and his wife, they were concerned about how I would feel about seeing a wedding picture of them. After almost 23 years, I think I got the picture, no surprise here. I guess since I never remarried,he thinks that I am still pineing for him. NOT! I would have to be desperate and I am so not. It gave me a good chuckle.
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Old 03-08-2012, 11:30 AM   #938
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23 years and they're stilled concerned...that is a good laugh! How exciting to surprise her with a guest. Hope it's a beautiful day for them, weather wise and all!
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Old 03-10-2012, 07:42 PM   #939
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Hi Ladies! I've been reading through the thread and there's some old names as well as some new ones. If you went way back to 2008 or 2009 in the divorce thread you would find my story and how I was thinking about divorce as my husband was having an emotional affair with an ex. I decided to stick it out... mostly because I was a stay at home mom and terrified of having to pay my own bills. Now here we are 3-4 years later and I can't really look back on any particular time I could call "happy"....

Fast forward to today... My husband is an Iraq war veteran and making a pathetic attempt at therapy for PTSD. The past few years have been a rollercoaster ride full of layoffs, moving, a broken lease, and more and more mental illness. (his mental illness.) I have been emtotionally detached for sometime. Within the past six months things have gotten worse. John sleeps when he's supposed to be taking care of Aiden. (I'm working) And he's often "high" on prescribed drugs for anxiety, nerve pain, nightmares, sleep issues, depression. I can't trust him to take care of our son. It was this past winter that my husband said the wrong thing to me. "HA! Move out Rachel! Where you gonna go? YOU don't have anywhere to go!" So I took it upon myself to pack my bags and stay with my brother. (The 5 year old came with me.)

After 2 weeks of carting Aiden back and forth he told me we couldn't work on anything unless I came back, and that he was trying. That he had stopped taking the ativan that was causing him to sleep all day instead of taking care of Aiden. (I now work and go to school full time, my husband is a disabled stay at home dad who sucks at keeping the house clean)

I moved back and nothing really changed. The same arguments, every. single. day. I withdrew and spent my time off taking care of my sick grandmother instead of coming home. Grandma got sicker and passed away. I threw myself into planning her funeral. (It was a beautiful tribute) Then it was back to reality and my husband who loves to pick fights and call names, even a couple physical confrontations... I'm done. He's done so much to destroy our marriage and now he's at home crying. He tells me he hates me. That I'm a waste of his life and he could've had the other woman. He wants to fight me tooth and nail for custody of our child, and I'm completely freaked out. I'm getting a lawyer, but I'm going through legal aid and it's not the fastest process.

So here I am, back at the beginning of the end again. The only difference is I have a lot more confidence in myself now, and that I'm more "done" than I've ever been. I just hope that's enough to pull me through this. I'm going to war with a weasel. I feel very lost and out of my element. I'm staying in my deceased grandmother's house and I don't know when it will sell and I'll have to move agian... I have dreams that I'm renting part of the walmart cart corral to sleep in.
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Old 03-10-2012, 07:48 PM   #940
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AllyB View Post
So true ...you know i say its like the film "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" its like the man i married has been replaced by thing grown in a pod ....I am so grateful that my heart is not broken over him ...that sounds harsh but i cannot lie ..i loved him but in the end i was not "in love" ....i am sad for that person that was him tho ...and my priority now is the kids ...
I'm with you... myhusband has been replaced by the pod alien. I blame Iraq, I'm sure there are many reasons.
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Old 03-10-2012, 07:54 PM   #941
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Hi Rachel, I'm fairly new to this thread, somewhere in the process of divorce, SAHM of four. All I can say is good for you! At least you know for sure this time and I hear confidence and it will get you far! Good luck!
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Old 03-11-2012, 10:21 AM   #942
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From Rachel's post:
So here I am, back at the beginning of the end again. The only difference is I have a lot more confidence in myself now, and that I'm more "done" than I've ever been.

Rachel, I remember your inital post a few years ago. I am sorry things did not improve, but so pleased to hear that you are in a good place regarding your confidence and strength. You sound very ready....to move on and have a new life! And a wonderful one it will be!! Stay positive and know, we are here!
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Old 03-12-2012, 02:15 AM   #943
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RAchel, I remember your post as well....I am sorry that things have not gotten any better. And too, like Karen, glad you have grown in your confidence in your self...remember to document document..and document even more...that is what is gonna help you with the custody situation....I have thought about you especially the last few months, thanks for posting glad you are alright...hugs! Taishea
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Old 03-12-2012, 05:29 AM   #944
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StampinHappyRenee View Post
Well my daughter's wedding is one week from today. I can't believe it is here already. I had to talk to her Dad yesterday and it was very awkward. I am surprising my daughter that her cousin is flying in for the wedding from Okinawa and needed to add her to the count for the caterer and to add her to the count for the rehearsal luncheon too. Since he made all the arrangements, he was the one I needed to talk to about it. It was so uncomfortable, such a shame after being married to someone for 14 years and divorced over 20 years, that it has come to this. I did get a laugh though. My daughter came up with the idea to have the guests provide a wedding picture of themselves with their spouses to be displayed ( I am the only single person attending). I encouraged my daughter to be sure that she told him that there would be our wedding picture there so that he would not be surprised and could prepare himself for it. When she spoke to him and his wife, they were concerned about how I would feel about seeing a wedding picture of them. After almost 23 years, I think I got the picture, no surprise here. I guess since I never remarried,he thinks that I am still pineing for him. NOT! I would have to be desperate and I am so not. It gave me a good chuckle.
Ha! Yeah, that's pretty funny. On the other hand, I'm a bit impressed that they showed some concern over your feelings, misguided as it was. A lot of the time, people bulldoze through without any concern about anyone else.
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Old 03-12-2012, 05:32 AM   #945
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So here I am, back at the beginning of the end again. The only difference is I have a lot more confidence in myself now, and that I'm more "done" than I've ever been. I just hope that's enough to pull me through this. I'm going to war with a weasel. I feel very lost and out of my element. I'm staying in my deceased grandmother's house and I don't know when it will sell and I'll have to move agian... I have dreams that I'm renting part of the walmart cart corral to sleep in.
In the sense that it means that you've been through so much and are going to have to deal with all the trials and tribulations of the divorce process, I'm sorry that you found yourself back in this thread. In the sense that you are at a place in your life where you are ready to fight for your own happiness, have confidence in yourself, and are getting your child out of a dangerous environment, I'm very glad that you're back in this thread. Good luck!
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Old 03-12-2012, 06:05 AM   #946
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A few days ago, I found that I had a savings bond of my ex's in my safe deposit box. I brought it home and emailed him to see if he wanted it mailed to him or left with some of his friends. He responded and I sent it off. I was a little bummed that I needed to contact him; it isn't that I hate him, but he's a part of my past and I thought we had everything divided finally (after going back to the lawyer to "encourage" him to finish complying with the terms of our settlement last year). I was chatting with a couple of friends about it and one of them said, "Oh. I doubt he remembered that it existed. You should have shredded it!" and another said, "Oh. You should have told him that you had it and then "lost" it and spent the next six months saying that it must be packed away and you would send it when you found it [he had pulled that with me about something after the divorce]." I smiled at their comments. He felt like I was being unfair during the divorce (I requested and received half of our cash and half of the equity in the house). I don't think he realized that I didn't ask for anything from his 401K, temporary spousal support while I finish off school, or that I left him 65-75% of our joint possessions. He didn't get a lawyer for the divorce and so he doesn't realize what I was legally entitled to; he just knows that he didn't feel that the settlement was fair. It amuses me that people I talk to about the situation all encourage(d) me to either go after more in the divorce or treat him worse after it. Yet, he still feels victimized by me. lol Oh well! I didn't go after everything I could have, but I didn't act like a doormat either, which is the only way he would have felt things were fair.

As far as my life, I've been seeing a man for awhile now. It's going great. He's not someone I would have chosen 12 years ago, but I think I concentrated on the wrong things back then. We complement each other; we have different skills and strengths and are able to use them to make everything better. I'm good with money and budgets and so I helped him with his finances. He's good with planning trips (I get overwhelmed), so he takes care of that. He's a great listener and when he screws up, he takes responsibility for it. We both make mistakes, but I love that when we do, we own them, apologize, and take steps to ensure that they don't happen again. I no longer take those characteristics for granted; some people don't have them, which is fine...I just don't want to be involved with them!

I'm hoping/planning to finish up school in August. I've started applying for real jobs (I have a job through my university, but if you saw my paycheck, you would understand the "real jobs" comment ). I have a phone interview this week. I have a back-up plan if nothing materializes, but I'm applying for positions that seem like a good fit and so am hopeful that something will pan out. Please keep your fingers crossed for me!
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Old 03-12-2012, 02:32 PM   #947
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Christine, fingers crossed for you. I've been looking at jobs for a while now, keeping an eye out at what they are looking for. Good for you for going to school. I'll be in that position soon, either school or work; youngest will be in school all day next year. Being out of the working field for almost 7 years, I think I'll have a hard time of it.
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Old 03-12-2012, 06:16 PM   #948
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Ha! Yeah, that's pretty funny. On the other hand, I'm a bit impressed that they showed some concern over your feelings, misguided as it was. A lot of the time, people bulldoze through without any concern about anyone else.
He has been pretty good through the process of planning our daughter's wedding. I have actually been impressed by how he has stepped up, but I know it is for my daughter's sake which I am very happy about. We basically split the cost in half between us by just the things that we paid for. I have to give alot of credit to my daughter for who she is and how she has handled things. We have had a few bumps along the way and the real test will be on Wed. at the rehearsal and Thursday at the wedding when we have to be together. There are other family issues that have me concerned but with my niece being here as a surprise I hope will defuse any tension.
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Old 03-12-2012, 07:30 PM   #949
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Hi Ladies! I've been reading through the thread and there's some old names as well as some new ones. If you went way back to 2008 or 2009 in the divorce thread you would find my story and how I was thinking about divorce as my husband was having an emotional affair with an ex. I decided to stick it out... mostly because I was a stay at home mom and terrified of having to pay my own bills. Now here we are 3-4 years later and I can't really look back on any particular time I could call "happy"....

Fast forward to today... My husband is an Iraq war veteran and making a pathetic attempt at therapy for PTSD. The past few years have been a rollercoaster ride full of layoffs, moving, a broken lease, and more and more mental illness. (his mental illness.) I have been emtotionally detached for sometime. Within the past six months things have gotten worse. John sleeps when he's supposed to be taking care of Aiden. (I'm working) And he's often "high" on prescribed drugs for anxiety, nerve pain, nightmares, sleep issues, depression. I can't trust him to take care of our son. It was this past winter that my husband said the wrong thing to me. "HA! Move out Rachel! Where you gonna go? YOU don't have anywhere to go!" So I took it upon myself to pack my bags and stay with my brother. (The 5 year old came with me.)

After 2 weeks of carting Aiden back and forth he told me we couldn't work on anything unless I came back, and that he was trying. That he had stopped taking the ativan that was causing him to sleep all day instead of taking care of Aiden. (I now work and go to school full time, my husband is a disabled stay at home dad who sucks at keeping the house clean)

I moved back and nothing really changed. The same arguments, every. single. day. I withdrew and spent my time off taking care of my sick grandmother instead of coming home. Grandma got sicker and passed away. I threw myself into planning her funeral. (It was a beautiful tribute) Then it was back to reality and my husband who loves to pick fights and call names, even a couple physical confrontations... I'm done. He's done so much to destroy our marriage and now he's at home crying. He tells me he hates me. That I'm a waste of his life and he could've had the other woman. He wants to fight me tooth and nail for custody of our child, and I'm completely freaked out. I'm getting a lawyer, but I'm going through legal aid and it's not the fastest process.

So here I am, back at the beginning of the end again. The only difference is I have a lot more confidence in myself now, and that I'm more "done" than I've ever been. I just hope that's enough to pull me through this. I'm going to war with a weasel. I feel very lost and out of my element. I'm staying in my deceased grandmother's house and I don't know when it will sell and I'll have to move agian... I have dreams that I'm renting part of the walmart cart corral to sleep in.
Rachel,

I know it is difficult to deal with all that you have on your plate but now is the time to remind yourself that you deserve better than what you have received. He has some issues that are not healthy for you or your son and keep that in mind when it gets tough. I know you will find the strength that you need in those times and you will find happiness if you remain true to yourself. Listen to your gut when you find yourself in a difficult place, it usually won't lead you astray.
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Old 03-13-2012, 12:51 AM   #950
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Rachel ...my ex was in Iraq too altho i dont think he has "issues" from that as he was AF not actually out in the field , but he went off the rails when he left the military , it as if he could not cope without those rules boundarys and limitations that they live with in the military ....heck i found it strange with out the military ...when you live on base there is a whole stucture that is so different from civvy life .
I was also a stay at home wife , he used to boast how we could cope so well with me at home etc etc and he delt with all the money , i had no idea what money we had or where it went so when my marriage fell apart i was so scared 3 kids and the prospect of no home , no job , so the last couple of years have been sometimes a struggle but do you know i may not have much money now but i feel like a millionare ...what money i earn i decide where it goes , the bills are paid and i know what i have left !!The house is mine ...(ok rented but ya know what i mean) I have the furniture as i please , meals when i please ....
And i have even had a boy friend (that sounds silly for a 50 year old ) but its so nice to be treated as a lady and your needs and desires thought about ....
So all in all its pretty scary but so so worth it ....my alien ex is about to hit the buffers ..he is in court this week as he has stolen his moms (she has dementia) money and he has ruined his life ..but the kids and i have survived and are forging ahead ....next instalment on the Ex and court later this week xx Hugs xx
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Old 03-17-2012, 08:16 PM   #951
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Sorry for the long break in between posts. I'm sure you all know how hectic life can be with kids, school, work, and divorcing a whiney husband. Thank you for your kind words and support. Those of you that remember, thanks, made me smile to think that someone is actually listening to me.

-AllyB- your "going off the rails, not being able to cope without military structure comment"- struck a cord with me. At one point my husband started calling me sergeant, because after his return he went to sleeping in ridiculously late, not doing chores, and playing video games all day. I thought bossing him around is what he needed. After all, he was up early everyday and getting things accomplished with the military... It didn't work, which just lead to more frustration.

After his initial shock that I was leaving, it seemed that things had cooled down for a couple of days last week. He was only talking to me concerning Aiden and I liked it that way. Then he found out that I had our joint tax return deposited into my separate bank account. (Yes, I know that's not legal) Now he's been all over me to give him half of the money. I've been telling him I'd be glad to, just as soon as I have it in writing that he's going to take care of the apartment financially until the lease is up. (He told me if I left he wouldn't pay a single bill and we would both have an eviction on our records.) apparently he wants to go down in flames taking me out. he's not agreeing to sign anything. I found out today that he can have me taken off the lease, and I'm going to ask for him to do that.

Aiden had been doing well. I had the day off so we went to chuck e. cheese. We got a pizza and play some games and he ran around like a monkey. It was great. Ii absolutely LOVE when I get to have special days just me and my son. Strangely my husband seems to ruin just about every outing we take as a family. Usually by complaining, sometimes by being late, sometimes by acting like a predjudice bastard who cannot control himself. Looks like I'll have a lot more of these one on one outings coming.
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Old 03-18-2012, 03:19 AM   #952
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Hey Rachel, my ex has tried to break me financially and emocially and is highly pi@@ed of that i have not let him ..ok well financially im not great but i know the bills are paid and actually i feel like a millionaire .....
He blames all his woes on me ..not quite sure how he has worked that one out but there ya go ...
On the court front he pled guilty and next month is in the Crown Court (high court ) for sentencing , he could be looking at jail time probably 2 years i am guessing he will use depression as a defence but as the theft started in 2009 and finished in Nov 2011 i would think that would be hard for the judge to swallow
Its Mothers Day in the UK today and for the 1st time since 2009 i have my kids at home , the ex had them writing mothers day cards to his girlfriend who insisted they call her "mummy lynn" ...she as you lovely Americans would say is a "piece of work"
Hang in there Rachel xxx
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Old 03-18-2012, 06:02 AM   #953
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Hey Rachel, my ex has tried to break me financially and emocially and is highly pi@@ed of that i have not let him ..ok well financially im not great but i know the bills are paid and actually i feel like a millionaire .....
He blames all his woes on me ..not quite sure how he has worked that one out but there ya go ...
On the court front he pled guilty and next month is in the Crown Court (high court ) for sentencing , he could be looking at jail time probably 2 years i am guessing he will use depression as a defence but as the theft started in 2009 and finished in Nov 2011 i would think that would be hard for the judge to swallow
Its Mothers Day in the UK today and for the 1st time since 2009 i have my kids at home , the ex had them writing mothers day cards to his girlfriend who insisted they call her "mummy lynn" ...she as you lovely Americans would say is a "piece of work"
Hang in there Rachel xxx
Wow... first off, I don't know how he ever thought he was going to get away with stealing such a large amount of money, or why he thought he needed it. I don't think you can used depression as a defense in the US, I think the mental illness has to be greater than that, will be interesting to see how this all finishes out!

Happy Mother's day, enjoy you're babies! I would flip if anyone else asked my child to call them mom. I don't know what you do to keep yourself from going off on them all the time. On bright note you've caused me to realize... I no longer have to see/deal with my crazy, jealous, and vindictive sister in law. YAY! no more attending 3 birthday parties a year for her spoiled brats. YAY!

I love your positive attitude, and admire you so much for being to handle all of this on your own. If I can get to the point where I can work and pay for my own place, I'll feel like a millionaire too! Right now I'll keep plugging away and school and work. There's a possibility of moving to Indy a couple hours away from here in a few months. My brother is applying for jobs down there, and his girlfriend is my best friend of ten years. They've always said I can stay with them, and I think they've been talking to me about it to sort of make me aware incase I need to apply to schools down there to finish my degree. I'm sure the ex would not have good things to say about this, but I think I could use the fresh start.
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Old 03-18-2012, 12:45 PM   #954
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Mother's Day wishes to all you in the USA from us in the UK.

AllyB so sorry for him being a useless piece of manhood, you deserve better and I am sure you will get it one day, and will be able to look back on this all and realise that you are great person and the better for the fact you have compassion in your soul.

I sit and smile at my ex as he has a pattern and once more he is run away mode from the person he ran too, we can't change them, but thankfully now we are out of it and looking from a distance we can laugh, it's like watching a Rerun of a bad soap.

I may have got rid of my ex but I kept the kids and all his great family so feel blessed to have recieved more than I lost. x x x
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Old 03-22-2012, 04:14 PM   #955
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I see same patterns also....but now looking from a distance.
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Old 03-24-2012, 01:47 AM   #956
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Hey Guys the sun is out here ...its warm and the clocks go the summer time this weekend yeh lighter evenings
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Old 03-24-2012, 10:52 AM   #957
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Well I survived my daughter's wedding but not without some battle scars. It just amazes me how dysfunctional my own family is and the deception they are capable of. A little history first, my ex moved out when my kids were 12 & 8. My son found letters up in the attic from my ex's 1st cousin that he had received in a secret p o box. They only met each other when his Dad had a stroke and died while visiting his family in Maine and he flew up there since he was his only child. Then she and her husband came to visit several months later and he treated me like crap in front of her. The day after she left is when he told me he wanted a divorce and then several months later my son finds the letters that expose that there is something going on between them. She then comes back by herself at Christmas and by then he has moved out and she stays with him. I of course confronted them both but they tried to make me out as crazy. He is very passive aggressive and always twists things around to avoid taking responsibility. There were several women after and he was married two months after our divorce was final and he had our son stand up for him as his best man. Fast forward five years when my son is 17 and physically threatening me so I send him to stay with his Dad for a cooling off few days. When he comes to pick my daughter up for his Wed visit I asked him when he was sending my son home and he tells me he isn't. I said to him that he had him illegally so on my birthday, Dec. 1 1992 he has me served papers for custody of my son at work with my son's signature on the paperwork. My son is 9 months from being 18 when he did this and I had to pay him child support to the point that there was a time that I did not have money for even milk and bread for my daughter and I. He also did the same thing with my daughter when she was 17 and going through major rebellion, skipping school, becoming sexually active but he blamed me. My son's and my relationship has never fully healed from this and several years ago he called to tell me that he did not want me in his life anymore. He is on his second marriage already and they have been going through IVF. I only knew this because my daughter told me. They lost twins last year but tried again in October and were successful, she is 5 1/2 months pregnant now. The kicker is that my daughter decided to not tell me anything more about what was going on with him. She and I went through a really rough time in November last year because I had planned to go see my son and deal with all this crap. I found out from my Pastor that my daughter's concern was if something happened and that they lost the baby they would blame me. That is how I found out that I was going to be a Grandmother for the first time. Then the morning of the wedding I find out that they had emailed my family in December about the upcoming birth. When I told my daughter that morning that I knew the truth she told me it wasn't by email but by posting on facebook. A few weeks ago I had asked my daughter directly if I was going to be a grandmother to have confirmation of what I had to figure out on my own and she told me they were keeping it quiet (a lie). The post on facebook turned out to be the fetal picture. I am not connected to any of my family on facebook because of previous betrayals by them and I am sure they thought I did not know about the baby. Their guilt was obvious to me when I saw them but I did nothing but take them out for dinner and surprise them all with my niece flying in from Okinawa for the wedding. Then I find out that my Mother thanked my ex for taking care of my daughter and that he was a great father. Needless to say I feel betrayed by the whole lot of them. I think they think I deserve all this. It is only by the grace of God that I got through it. They did not witness my meltdowns and I showed them nothing but grace. They are all so lost and full of deception. The one that hurts the most is my daughter. I feel so used by her. She got a beautiful wedding out of me but her actions have robbed me of any joy I might have felt. When I confronted her she just stood there stone cold as I broke down trembling. This is the love my family gives to me. Great huh. Oh and I also found out that I have another great nephew born in December to my niece that I was not invited to her wedding the year before. She was actually due on my birthday which I think would have been sweet revenge to my sister.
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Old 03-24-2012, 07:42 PM   #958
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Renee, I am so sorry for all that you have been through..I feel horrible that you have been treated this way.I sure do not have any advise, just hugs and hope that you can heal..how sad...hugs..Taishea
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Old 03-24-2012, 08:26 PM   #959
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Taishea, I appreciate the cyber hugs. I just think I am still in shock that people that say they love me can treat me this way. It has been this way with them all since I went through my divorce. I think I might have been switched at birth because I am nothing like any of them. I don't know if they are just jealous that I have made it on my own without anyones help, I just know I am stronger because of what they have put me through. I am proud that I did not give them anything to throw in my face on this trip. It truly was answered prayer that carried me through it all. At least my secrets are blessings and I am not ashamed of anything I did.
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Old 03-24-2012, 08:53 PM   #960
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Renee, so sorry that a happy time ended up being such an emotional drain. My husband's family pulls similar crap on a regular basis, and I'm sooo happy to be getting away from that now!

I'm still waiting to hear back about legal aid. Talked to someone on Tuesday, they said they should have an answer about whether or not they can represent me on Monday. I hope the answer is yes, because I would really like to talk to someone and make sure that the things I'm doing now won't get me into any hot water.

I did give my husband half of the tax return, a day after it was deposited. I'm hoping that he will see that I had good intentions and take me off of his lease. He did say that he would, but it hasn't happened yet.

Today proved to be drama-producing. He asked me yesterday if he could take aiden to see his aunt and uncle that were in town, along with the rest of that family. I said saturday was my day off and that sunday I was back to work. He got all upset about it so I told him fine, come and take Aiden for a few hours and then bring him back, he was ungrateful but told me he'd be there sometime in the afternoon, by 4 to pick him up.

If I had known that he wasn't coming I would've taken Aiden out to do something. He called at 6:30 pm to say that he had just woken up and wondered if he could come and get Aiden to take him. I said fine, but he needs to be home by 9. HE'S FIVE! My husband did not like this, and threw an appropriate fit. Told my son that "Mom said there wasn't enough time for him to go" Son was crying and blaming me. I did not play my husband's game. I hung up the phone, and explained to my son that he could've gone provided he was home by bedtime, but that his father had slept all day like he does frequently.

Aiden was feeling better and we sat and watched a show together. 15 minutes later the phone rings and it's John, "get him ready, I'll be there in 20 minutes to get him." I asked if he would be home at 9, he said, he might be a little late but not much. I got Aiden ready and we sat out in the living room for half an hour with Aiden watching out the window for him to pull up. He kept asking "What's taking so long?"

Then the phone rings.... It's John again.... who announces that he won't be coming because he accidentally left his ignition on after working on his car yesterday, and it was dead. More crying from Aiden, who then decided that I should drive him. I said, no I can't do that, sorry honey. He of course doesn't understand the family dynamics that come along with a divorce and again blamed me for making him miss out.

He got over it after a while, now he's sleeping peacefully. Why do the STUPIDEST issues have to come up when you're divorcing?
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