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Old 02-01-2012, 01:46 AM   #841
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Tell him the places are booked, the kids are fine, but you really do appreciate him offering, that your glad he is thinking of the kids... ha ha

Evil plan forming, but he can have them another night if he want. Then you can find a craft class or go to the cinema with a friend.
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Old 02-01-2012, 04:10 AM   #842
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Laurie, the simple truth is you just can't rely on him. Tell him the truth, and don't accept his "woe is me". How he reacts is his problem. You are right, you made a decision and now you need to continue with that decision. I know it's hard, because he knows what buttons to push with you. The further down the road you get, the easier it will be. Also, keep a record of the times he is scheduled to see the kids and backs out, (don't tell him, or the kids you're doing this). Also keep a journal of things that are happening or not happening where he is concerned. This will help if he starts to cause trouble.

Keeping you in my prayers.
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Old 02-03-2012, 05:34 PM   #843
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Old 02-05-2012, 09:01 AM   #844
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Half the fun of checking in here every day is to see if Karen has edited her post!

Just kidding, Karen.
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Old 02-05-2012, 11:30 AM   #845
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Half the fun of checking in here every day is to see if Karen has edited her post!

Just kidding, Karen.
I know! I always fear I am saying too much!
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Old 02-05-2012, 02:43 PM   #846
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Half the fun of checking in here every day is to see if Karen has edited her post!

Just kidding, Karen.
Sorry....
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Old 02-05-2012, 07:25 PM   #847
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Sorry....
No need to be sorry! I hope I didn't offend you! I'm just saying I've done it plenty of times too, sometimes three times before it even registers as an actual update. I get a chuckle out of it and you feel better changing it so every one is a winner!
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Old 02-06-2012, 11:32 AM   #848
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No need to be sorry! I hope I didn't offend you! I'm just saying I've done it plenty of times too, sometimes three times before it even registers as an actual update. I get a chuckle out of it and you feel better changing it so every one is a winner!
You didn't offend me at all!
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Old 02-06-2012, 06:55 PM   #849
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You didn't offend me at all!
Future ex-sil just "unfriended" me because I asked her to edit something about the kids she posted to a friend of hers on Facebook. She was offended and then told her brother, my STBX, "fine, she'll have nothing to do with the kids from now on!" I could only be so lucky... In fact, she not only unfriended me, but she deleted (instead of edit) the post as well as delete any and all pics she had of the kids. I was tempted to unfriend her from ds's FB page, but I'll leave it so I can keep an eye on her. (Although she's not totally private so I can still see lots of it, which is why I wanted to her to edit the thing about the kids...)
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Old 02-10-2012, 06:04 PM   #850
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Facebook can be a tricky place. I think you had every right to ask her to not post things regarding your children. I have noticed more and more ppl post a quote, a funny photo/cartoon instead of day to day commentary, you are never sure who can see what is posted.

I also read in an article that the more ppl focus on Facebook, like her, posting what she did, then unfriending certain ppl, etc....the more insecure and depressed they tend to be. I have thought more than once about deleting my account.

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Old 02-10-2012, 06:18 PM   #851
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Future ex-sil just "unfriended" me because I asked her to edit something about the kids she posted to a friend of hers on Facebook. She was offended and then told her brother, my STBX, "fine, she'll have nothing to do with the kids from now on!" I could only be so lucky... In fact, she not only unfriended me, but she deleted (instead of edit) the post as well as delete any and all pics she had of the kids. I was tempted to unfriend her from ds's FB page, but I'll leave it so I can keep an eye on her. (Although she's not totally private so I can still see lots of it, which is why I wanted to her to edit the thing about the kids...)
Second best part of divorcing the kids Dad, was I didn't have to be around his bi%^&y sister anymore. I adore his brother and his wife and family, but that sister of his is not a nice person.
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Old 02-10-2012, 06:29 PM   #852
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Second best part of divorcing the kids Dad, was I didn't have to be around his bi%^&y sister anymore. I adore his brother and and his wife and family, but that sister of his is not a nice person.
I have similar things to share. I worry about being too whiney
I am glad we have this place to open up. I miss some of the relatives, but there are a few it has been a relief not to have to deal with.
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Old 02-10-2012, 06:45 PM   #853
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I have similar things to share. I worry about being too whiney
AT my yearly today they asked a new question. Do you have implants? Times sure have changed!
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Old 02-12-2012, 08:57 AM   #854
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How is everyone doing with Valentine's Day coming up....?
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Old 02-12-2012, 11:01 AM   #855
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I'm handling it better than I thought I would, but the week's not over yet. The 16th is the anniversary of our first date, so a double whammy!

Tuesday I'll be taking the kids to an Encouraging Single Mom's group. They feed the group, then the kids are taken to the gym for fun and activities while the Moms meet and talk about a topic for the day. The kids seem to enjoy it. The 14yo won't admit it but he seemed to also. This week the card said fun and bingo so not sure if that means everyone together or what but it beats sitting at home.
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Old 02-13-2012, 04:37 AM   #856
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AT my yearly today they asked a new question. Do you have implants? Times sure have changed!
HaHA Karen! I would have taken it as a compliment...seeing as how "Flopsy and Mopsy" have been favoring a southward trip lately........

for once I am glad you edited your post..just part of the exam now...lol..still gave me a chuckle and a reminder for me to take care of me! Thanks for both! Taishea
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Old 02-13-2012, 04:41 AM   #857
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Laurie, how wonderful for there to be a group setting for you and your children...14 is a hard ago to go through a divorce...it seems like 14 was the hardest year formy kids...well the oldest 2 anyhow..Morgan just turned 14 yesterday...this year has to be better than 13...Valentines Day.....never was a great Holiday for the x and I...he just did not care...hubby is great about remembering...he cares and sets time aside for us...sometimes I get candy or a stuffed bear..but, usually just more love! I hope you all embrace the day as a day to set new traditions...maybe give your kids a special valentine..I started doing that for my kids..they enjoy that little card...Have a great day everyone! Taishea
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Old 02-14-2012, 03:51 AM   #858
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HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!


T- I think they ask everyone that question, it had nothing to do with how I look which is floppy!
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Old 02-14-2012, 04:15 AM   #859
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HAPPY VALENTINES DAY !!!


Karen- I've never been asked that question. Of course in my case, they would be bigger if I had implants... lol

T- love the flopsey/mopsey. giggle
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Old 02-14-2012, 04:21 PM   #860
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Happy Valentines Day ladies!

Maybe we should all get implants! But you know what? Some ppl find them heavy...and I do not want to haul around any more weight than I have to!!

So I proudly said no, I do not have implants or any intention of getting implants. I am small, they droop, so be it.

I really would prefer to have all of my age spots lazered off....
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Old 02-14-2012, 04:27 PM   #861
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I haven't been on this thread in forever, but Hedgie's post came through and I had to see what it's going on!!!

I don't need more. I need them back where they belong. So, I'd like a lift and can I get some butt and thigh and tummy liposuction too? Please and thank you.
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Old 02-14-2012, 04:33 PM   #862
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I would like some abdominal fat sucked out of me! How much does that cost?
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Old 02-14-2012, 06:45 PM   #863
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Hi Jen, how are you ? So good to hear from you.
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Old 02-14-2012, 07:52 PM   #864
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I would like some abdominal fat sucked out of me! How much does that cost?
Same here. Those commercials make it seem so easy, just do a 15 minutes of sit ups a day and in no time, you'll have this great mid-section. But that would be too much work, so I'll just dream about it. *as I sit and eat the rest of my huge piece of chocolate cake from the Single Mom's group tonight*

...it was so big, I had to bring half of it home, they didn't want any left overs.
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Old 02-15-2012, 06:42 PM   #865
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*sigh* Tough week here, kids are driving me crazy. You know it's bad when one of them gives me his school handout about "Thing to do when you feel angry." Everything I've told them to do I am guilty about not following, so it's time for me to do the same... For starters, stop thinking about maybe it should have been me to leave and leave him with the kids. They are great kids in public, saving the not great stuff for me, so I feel terrible for thinking it but some days, the not listening and attitudes just really gets to me. Then comes the weekend and it's off to have fun at Dad's.
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Old 02-16-2012, 03:00 AM   #866
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Thank you ladies Every prayer is appreciated. We have people all over the world praying for her.


Sharon, what a cool idea. Now you can make things to make you smile, great way to turn a negitave into a positive!
I'm saying a prayer for your niece too--just catching up.

I hope she's doing ok.
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Old 02-16-2012, 03:06 AM   #867
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i just spotted this thread having returned to SCS after a long break ...i was i suspect being "cyber stalked" ..anyways after 19 years of marriage and 3 kids he left the military and thats when things hit the wall ....i had 5 years of him not happy in several jobs ...bored in one so i encouraged him to do extra activities ( he did 4 out of 5 weekday evenings) then he got a fabulous very well paid job ...i will never know where all the money went ...but when he finally left he had raided the morgage and left the joint account overdrawn by 5000 ....ah well i am a realist and honestly my heart was not broken altho i loved him i supose that means i was not in love ..anyway he moved in with his girlfriend and her boyfriend ..yep you read that right .Straight away the abuse started and he (ok she) involved the kids ....my 14 year old girl was shocked when on a weekend visit all 3 adults shared the bedroom so when she said she didnt want to go again and explained to him why he stopped speaking to her (its over 2 years now ) Then he took my twin sons with promises of lots of pocket money and late nights (they had been spoilt and treated when ever they visited so why would they want to stay with boring old mom ) Anyway i had no contact with the boys for over 6 months ...until March 2010 when he decided that he needed a break so it was ok for the boys to contact me ...i had them on visits every other weekend which went so well . The boys were getting fed up with the girlfriend and in Sept they wanted to come for an extra weekend ...only one ended up coming as they were told if they came he would no longer take them to big soccer matches (the sporty one stayed ) when i took the other son back at the end of the weekend by the time i had driven home (45 mins) he had thrown my son out and i had to collect him ....fast forward to now ...my son and daughter are now both ignored by him ..the other son is out of contact with us and the husband (still no divorce as he is ignoring attorneys ) is on police bail as he has stolen all his moms money and left her vastly in debt (she is in a home with Alzheimers ) and it looks like he will be charged with theft/fraud very soon and i am sorting out mum in laws bank accounts with the police there is not even enough money left to bury her ....he seems to have got thu hundreds of thousands of pounds and have nothing to show for it so i am guessing gambling ....all a bit of a mess really !!!!! Excuse spelling and typos
Oh Ally.

So very VERY sorry to hear he's put not only you but three children through all of this. I will never understand that level of utter cruelty let alone the theft involved.

Please know that you're not alone here.
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Old 02-16-2012, 03:19 AM   #868
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Thanks Karen , well i just keep swimming as Dorey say in Finding Nemo ......the thing that i still have trouble with tho is how can someone you thought you knew do such hideous things , not to me (i am fair game as the ex wife), i get that , but to his own mom and his kids ??
That must be so hard. You marry someone with so much hope and love, not to mention have children with them.

I think when someone has the love and generosity in their heart to put the kids first, it must be inconceivable not only to see someone do that, but to feel that wonder over how you could have misjudged them.

I remember ages ago in school having a conversation over whether people could change, how they change, what makes it happen and all those philosophical sorts of things. One of my friends cracked us all up by saying 'some people change, others mutate.' For all that I laughed 30 years ago as time's gone by I think that's one of the smartest things I've ever heard anyone say.

One of the things that helped me the most over the past year has been not just talking to friends who also went through divorce, but friends who've stayed together and celebrated 38 and 52 year anniversaries. It's really helped me to see that for a marriage to last that long, BOTH people have to want it--and be willing to take care of it--the whole time. And in a way there's no other way to see which sort of person you've wound up with other than that time passing. Some of the people you'd think wouldn't make it really do mature and change in the most positive ways together. Some of the people you think have the most exemplary marriages in the world wind up with someone blowing up the marriage so destructively--and it's not always the man who does it.

I think one of the hardest things for me the past year has been all the questioning of my own judgment, although in some ways at least my ex has turned out to be very decent about the separation agreement and dividing the property, and almost a year down the road things are amicable so at least in that sense it's been reassuring to see that decency. I can't imaging how I'd have handled it if he'd gone that far off the rails.

You sound like you have so much patience, strength and that slightly morbid sense of humor. I know that must be a huge help all around in keeping your perspective. I hope you have people who will be there with love and empathy for you as you've been there for your kids. (((HUGS))), Ally.
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Old 02-16-2012, 03:23 AM   #869
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Glad to hear the news Mary...continued prayer and hugs!

Ok, no more lurking...

Well, this whole process of divorce and custody battle is finally settling down for me. It started about 2 years ago after almost 20 years. After an ugly divorce, having to move to a domestic violence shelter with not one but two teenagers, and finally getting custody of our teen daughter (son turned 1, moving across country, finding a job and place to live for dd and I...I'm finally on the upswing! OMG it's been banana's!! I've been here for 5mos, although my mom and married sister are here I am lonely without friends...this is my new struggle. Anyways...

Those of you currently going through divorce/major breakup...hang in there!!! It does get better!! I'll take lonely with peace of mind over what I went through any day of the week!

Prayers and Hugs

Michelle
(((HUGS))) to you too, Michelle. The strength of so many people here just amazes me.

All the best to you in your new start. It must be lonely to have left so much of the familiar behind, but give yourself time. I imagine you must need some quiet time to heal, but I can see how walking companions on that path forward would mean a lot as well.
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Old 02-16-2012, 03:24 AM   #870
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Afternoon! Trying to get the ambition to take down the Christmas Tree! In my defense, we went to do it last weekend, but it was supposed to snow, so I decided to keep it up to see what it looks like with snow outside. Well it didn't snow much, and now I need to retape/duct tape the tree box, which I'm not in the mood to do. But maybe I'll feel more like getting it over with once the decorations are all off the tree.

Yep, I'm telling myself the 14th is just another day. We have plans to attend an Encouraging Single Mother's group meeting that night. It's at a church nearby and they feed the family too. Then the kids go to the gym for activities while the mother's talk. So it should end up okay.
I celebrated Valentine's day by wearing black to work.

Also the collie ate my glasses.
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Old 02-16-2012, 03:26 AM   #871
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I'm bracing for more "woe is me" talk tomorrow night. He wants to know if he should watch the girls tomorrow night...ds1 has Confirmation class and ds2 has First Communion class with a parent. So while I'm in class, the girls go to a fun class, then the last hour they go to the supervised homework room, where they can do homework, read, color, whatever until I'm done (choir parents and other class parents send kids here). Last week we did this, the girls had fun, so it's set for 4 wks. Now he comes in and wants to "save the day", well they're fine, no need to change our plans/routine for the next 4 wks. He will play the "how can I keep him from his kids" card...I can just tell. We've been down this road before when I've made a decision and then he steps in to change the plans. Then next week he'll be too busy at "work" or whatever comes up. *sigh*

Knock on wood that there won't be a blow out...I'll let you know.
Keep notes and communicate as much as you can by e-mail so you have documentation.
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Old 02-16-2012, 03:30 AM   #872
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Whew caught up!

(((HUGS))) to everyone. Sometimes I wish we could just start a thread called 'whatevs, you ginormous rectum hat, thanks for trying to push my buttons and heaven knows you know me well enough to know exactly what to do, but I'm going to do my best to keep my sanity and maturity no matter what you do, so THERE, phhhhtttthhhppptttt.'
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Old 02-16-2012, 08:05 AM   #873
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Whew caught up!

(((HUGS))) to everyone. Sometimes I wish we could just start a thread called 'whatevs, you ginormous rectum hat, thanks for trying to push my buttons and heaven knows you know me well enough to know exactly what to do, but I'm going to do my best to keep my sanity and maturity no matter what you do, so THERE, phhhhtttthhhppptttt.'
Glad to hear from you again...
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Old 02-16-2012, 03:26 PM   #874
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Whew caught up!

(((HUGS))) to everyone. Sometimes I wish we could just start a thread called 'whatevs, you ginormous rectum hat, thanks for trying to push my buttons and heaven knows you know me well enough to know exactly what to do, but I'm going to do my best to keep my sanity and maturity no matter what you do, so THERE, phhhhtttthhhppptttt.'
Thanks for catching up and giving such well written responses. Always a pleasure to read your thoughts!
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Old 02-17-2012, 03:04 AM   #875
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Glad to hear from you again...
January was pretty crazy with work--though always a good thing these days as if you're that busy it's likely you won't be laid off... this week at least, LOL.
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Old 02-17-2012, 04:51 PM   #876
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January was pretty crazy with work--though always a good thing these days as if you're that busy it's likely you won't be laid off... this week at least, LOL.
I hear you on that. We were super busy in Jan and early Feb....
but you do wonder...after that...what will happen???

Love your posts and the way you spend time expressing yourself. You have a gift.
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Old 02-17-2012, 06:13 PM   #877
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I know some have left and I am concerned. If you feel you should not post, or if you feel the thread in general-- is hurting your situation...pls let me know.

I honestly do not care about anything but everyones well being.....We can close this chat at anytime....
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Old 02-18-2012, 12:51 PM   #878
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Oh! Please don't close the thread. I imagine it's something where people will come and go over time--a bit like a thread dealing with illness, or any other profound challenge and loss.

I think in a way it's sometimes a positive thing when people do move on--I have to admit I always hope it's because things are getting better to the point where someone's gotten to a point where they aren't needing to drop in to get that support. Maybe it's a bit like a familiar coffee shop--we stop by when we're in the neighborhood, but when we're off doing other things we may not always make it on the same schedule.
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Old 02-18-2012, 02:07 PM   #879
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I agree, don't close it. You've heard lately of a few lurkers that have finally chimed in. I'm sure that's the case with many...it was with me as well.

Jane, you Abe Lincoln quote makes me laugh every time I read it. I even read it to my 9yo and the look on her face was priceless as she thought about it.
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Old 02-18-2012, 02:27 PM   #880
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I agree, please do not close the thread..I enjoy reading..no I do not post very often, but still enjoy reading and catching up with ppls....my situation was not so different as many here...although I have gotten remarried and am very happy too...so there is hope if anyone is thinking about remarriage..and I have 4 kids....if a man is a man that loves you, he loves your kids too....I think many find support here following the progress of the ladies in the group...love and hugs to all of you!

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