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Old 01-06-2012, 03:51 AM   #801
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Mary, excited for you---new house!

I have been super busy at work, will check in more over the weekend.
Hope everyone is having a good week and survived the holidays?
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Old 01-07-2012, 03:03 PM   #802
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Happy New Year Ladies! I finished off 2011 by changing my name back to my maiden name and paying off my mortgage. I am 100% debt free. I also bought my dress for my daughter's wedding and I am going to be hot, hot, hot especially since I have lost 40 pounds this year. I am thinking 2012 is going to be a very good year.
GO Renee!

I hope it's a better year for all of us!
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Old 01-07-2012, 04:09 PM   #803
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I have you ladies to thank for the idea to change my name back to my maiden name. I hadn't thought about doing it until I came across this thread. I didn't change it at the time of my divorce because I wanted to keep things simple with the kids. But with everything else going on in my life, I felt that it was the right time. I lost my Dad about 2 years ago and I would rather honor his name than my ex's. It feels very freeing, especially combined with becoming debt free. I am proud to be able to say that I bought my house on my own and paid it off in 18 years instead of 30. It is sweet revenge to be able to say I did it on my own.
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Old 01-07-2012, 05:22 PM   #804
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Happy New Year Ladies!!!

Things have been crazy here, both of us have been sick with colds. We are buying a house, so you have all the crazy stuff that goes with that, and my MIL has decided that she doesn't want to pay for assisted living anymore and is moving to Georgia to live with her Granddaughter. She is leaving this weekend, so we are sorting and packing her things up. This is very emotional for my DH and I, we are very close to her, but are also realistic that we just can't take care of all of her physical needs. My BIL lives up in GA near the granddaughter, so he can keep an eye on things.

Then a few weeks after she leaves, we will be busy with the closing and getting the new house painted and ready to move in.
It must be so hard to see someone you feel so close to moving away. But ALL the best with the house, and warmest wishes for happiness in the New Year. May your home be blessed with warmth and contentment.
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Old 01-07-2012, 05:29 PM   #805
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I didn't change my name because of my girls. But now in honor of my elderly Dad, I would like to. He would be so pleased. I have no siblings and the name will end with him, if I don't take it back!
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Old 01-07-2012, 09:54 PM   #806
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I won't change my name yet either, since my youngest just turned 6. I'd really like to though. Of course I guess I need to be officially divorced before I consider it. It's going on 4 mos since he was served, 3 since he filed the extension to "make things go faster"...right, nothing has changed except I finally got him to move out.
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Old 01-07-2012, 10:00 PM   #807
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Had our final holiday gathering this evening, with my Dad's side...he's one of 8 kids, then their kids and grandkids. Even my Grandma made it out for the evening. (She's not been doing well lately.) Anyway, we were having a good time, dd1 (9yo) even sang a song that she wrote for the holidays. Then I found out the STBX had been texting ds1 during the evening, to find out if/when they'd be video-chatting. Really?! He can't let it go for one night? It's not like he hasn't seen them...they stayed with him last night and then he didn't bring them home until 3pm. This really ticked me off because ds1 was having an okay time (no one really his age and we forgot to bring the cribbage board), then he used the video chat as an excuse to hurry up and leave. But I held my own and said we'd leave when it's time, not because HE said he's ready to video chat whenever. *sigh*
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Old 01-10-2012, 04:27 AM   #808
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Had our final holiday gathering this evening, with my Dad's side...he's one of 8 kids, then their kids and grandkids. Even my Grandma made it out for the evening. (She's not been doing well lately.) Anyway, we were having a good time, dd1 (9yo) even sang a song that she wrote for the holidays. Then I found out the STBX had been texting ds1 during the evening, to find out if/when they'd be video-chatting. Really?! He can't let it go for one night? It's not like he hasn't seen them...they stayed with him last night and then he didn't bring them home until 3pm. This really ticked me off because ds1 was having an okay time (no one really his age and we forgot to bring the cribbage board), then he used the video chat as an excuse to hurry up and leave. But I held my own and said we'd leave when it's time, not because HE said he's ready to video chat whenever. *sigh*
My ex would do the same thing when the kids were with me. You did the right thing by sticking to your schedule.
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Old 01-10-2012, 04:31 AM   #809
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Hi Ladies,

I'm asking for prayer for my neice, she is 38 and was diagnosed with breast cancer last week. It's the size of a baseball and it has also gone to her lymph nodes. She had scans yesterday and will be going to the U of M cancer center to get the results on Monday, and to also see if it has spread to the rest of her body.
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Old 01-10-2012, 07:15 PM   #810
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Hi Ladies,

I'm asking for prayer for my neice, she is 38 and was diagnosed with breast cancer last week. It's the size of a baseball and it has also gone to her lymph nodes. She had scans yesterday and will be going to the U of M cancer center to get the results on Monday, and to also see if it has spread to the rest of her body.
Praying for her! Ds2's friend's mom went through this a year ago...they are so good now at getting everyone once detected. I hope it holds true for your niece. (hugs)
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:37 AM   #811
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I will pray too, seem to be lots of my friends have friends aho have recovered, So stay hopeful.

Stay strong everyone, Sold my rings and bought a new sewing machine...lol
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:49 AM   #812
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Thank you ladies Every prayer is appreciated. We have people all over the world praying for her.


Sharon, what a cool idea. Now you can make things to make you smile, great way to turn a negitave into a positive!
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Old 01-12-2012, 01:21 PM   #813
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Hi Ladies,

I'm asking for prayer for my neice, she is 38 and was diagnosed with breast cancer last week. It's the size of a baseball and it has also gone to her lymph nodes. She had scans yesterday and will be going to the U of M cancer center to get the results on Monday, and to also see if it has spread to the rest of her body.
I will be sending prayers her way, I have a long history with the U of M cancer center , They have wonderful doctors and other staff to help in many ways . she might want to talk to Kara M. there too, Because of such an outporing of kindness they showed to me I always take in a stack of cards for the cancer center when I go in. also a good site is National nonprofit organization devoted to hereditary breast and ovarian cancer - FORCE - Facing Our Risk of Cancer Empowered they have a local group too. this site saved my life and now have life long friends.keep us posted
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Old 01-13-2012, 03:39 AM   #814
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Mary I will be praying.... a friend was just diagnosed also. Unbelievable how many deal with this disease.
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Old 01-13-2012, 08:06 AM   #815
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i just spotted this thread having returned to SCS after a long break ...i was i suspect being "cyber stalked" ..anyways after 19 years of marriage and 3 kids he left the military and thats when things hit the wall ....i had 5 years of him not happy in several jobs ...bored in one so i encouraged him to do extra activities ( he did 4 out of 5 weekday evenings) then he got a fabulous very well paid job ...i will never know where all the money went ...but when he finally left he had raided the morgage and left the joint account overdrawn by 5000 ....ah well i am a realist and honestly my heart was not broken altho i loved him i supose that means i was not in love ..anyway he moved in with his girlfriend and her boyfriend ..yep you read that right .Straight away the abuse started and he (ok she) involved the kids ....my 14 year old girl was shocked when on a weekend visit all 3 adults shared the bedroom so when she said she didnt want to go again and explained to him why he stopped speaking to her (its over 2 years now ) Then he took my twin sons with promises of lots of pocket money and late nights (they had been spoilt and treated when ever they visited so why would they want to stay with boring old mom ) Anyway i had no contact with the boys for over 6 months ...until March 2010 when he decided that he needed a break so it was ok for the boys to contact me ...i had them on visits every other weekend which went so well . The boys were getting fed up with the girlfriend and in Sept they wanted to come for an extra weekend ...only one ended up coming as they were told if they came he would no longer take them to big soccer matches (the sporty one stayed ) when i took the other son back at the end of the weekend by the time i had driven home (45 mins) he had thrown my son out and i had to collect him ....fast forward to now ...my son and daughter are now both ignored by him ..the other son is out of contact with us and the husband (still no divorce as he is ignoring attorneys ) is on police bail as he has stolen all his moms money and left her vastly in debt (she is in a home with Alzheimers ) and it looks like he will be charged with theft/fraud very soon and i am sorting out mum in laws bank accounts with the police there is not even enough money left to bury her ....he seems to have got thu hundreds of thousands of pounds and have nothing to show for it so i am guessing gambling ....all a bit of a mess really !!!!! Excuse spelling and typos
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Old 01-13-2012, 08:27 AM   #816
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Wow, AllyB! Sorry for how it's affected the kids and you. Feel free to join us or just peek in; I just peeked in before finally starting to speak up more. It's helped me tons to know that unfortunately, I'm not the only one going through this. ((hugs)) to you.
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Old 01-13-2012, 08:40 AM   #817
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Thank you , it helps that i have that weird military sense of humour .......i can actually accept that he traded me in for a new model ( all be it one who has been married 4 times and already had a boyfriend) but what he has done to the kids has been awful ......and then his mom .... the girlfriend is one of those types who has to make a drama out of anything and needs to be at the centre of a malstrum .I was ok to go with out a fuss ..still onward and upward maybe this year will be the year i get my divorce and my other boy back !!
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Old 01-14-2012, 04:54 AM   #818
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Hello AllyB!

I am so glad you shared. You have been through so much! I am sorry for what you have been through. You still seem to have strength and spark!
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Old 01-14-2012, 07:01 AM   #819
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Thanks Karen , well i just keep swimming as Dorey say in Finding Nemo ......the thing that i still have trouble with tho is how can someone you thought you knew do such hideous things , not to me (i am fair game as the ex wife), i get that , but to his own mom and his kids ??
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Old 01-14-2012, 07:32 AM   #820
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AllyB I hope I am like you and can see the funny side of it and once more KARMA bites a bum.

Your kids can see what dad is like, mine play him but the comment from DD2 this week was amazing.

"Dad you see us for less than 24 hours in a year, don;t you think maybe I know someone I live with better than you." about her elder sister playing us up.
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Old 01-14-2012, 07:35 AM   #821
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Wow AbbyB. You have been through alot. I can't imagine what would make a person do the things your husband has done, other than just plain o self centeredness. They don't think about what effect their actions have on others because they aren't thinking about anybody but themselves. There will come a day of reckoning for him though when he looks at his life and doesn't like what he sees. No telling how he will respond to that reality. Keep hanging in there and I hope your other son finds his way back to you real soon too.

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Old 01-16-2012, 09:10 AM   #822
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Update on my niece from her sister: I just got off the phone with Holly and so far today the news has been good. We already knew that the tumor was extremely large and the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes. She does have Stage III breast cancer (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma). The good news is that the pet scan and cat scan were clear, not showing any cancer spreading to the rest of her body! Thank God! Th...e surgeon that she met with this morning said that the prognosis is good. The tumor is not attached which will make it easier to be removed. This afternoon her team of doctors are meeting to determine the best treatment plan. Thanks so much for all of your prayers, love and support!

Please continue with the prayers.
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Old 01-16-2012, 04:54 PM   #823
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Mary, that is such good news!
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Old 01-16-2012, 06:24 PM   #824
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Glad to hear, Mary!
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Old 01-17-2012, 04:58 PM   #825
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Glad to hear the news Mary...continued prayer and hugs!

Ok, no more lurking...

Well, this whole process of divorce and custody battle is finally settling down for me. It started about 2 years ago after almost 20 years. After an ugly divorce, having to move to a domestic violence shelter with not one but two teenagers, and finally getting custody of our teen daughter (son turned 1, moving across country, finding a job and place to live for dd and I...I'm finally on the upswing! OMG it's been banana's!! I've been here for 5mos, although my mom and married sister are here I am lonely without friends...this is my new struggle. Anyways...

Those of you currently going through divorce/major breakup...hang in there!!! It does get better!! I'll take lonely with peace of mind over what I went through any day of the week!

Prayers and Hugs

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Old 01-17-2012, 06:38 PM   #826
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Michelle, thanks for joining in! It helps to feel you're not alone even when you literally are, so speak up anytime you need encouragement or a cyber hug. Sounds like you've had quite a time and glad you're doing well enough now to share. Take care!
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Old 01-18-2012, 02:32 PM   #827
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Oh Michelle, I am sorry for all you have been through. When I am lonely I remember what it was like, and am thankful for where I am now.

I am so glad you posted and are joining us! We are here to chat with, share the ups and downs with. Any step forward or backward is ok. It is a process.

Hugs!
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Old 01-18-2012, 06:23 PM   #828
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Right, talk about steps backwards... I've been so strong and positive for so long. Now there's been a lot of contact and phone calls while we finalize getting me a vehicle (I totaled my van a month ago). I was so proud of how I've been this last week. Well today I go to the store to get floor mats for the van and milk, and walking into the stores, I'm bombarded by all the Valenetine's things. We never really celebrated it because, well that's how he is, cheap and it was a made up holiday, blah, blah, blah, but anyway our first date was on Feb 16. So Vday always reminded me of that, and now I've been crying all day since. And of course being strong for so long means I have a bad low. I just hope it passes quickly.

So glad I can come here to vent and cry and then go look in the gallery for inspiration.
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Old 01-20-2012, 09:16 AM   #829
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Laurie, your allowed to cry, it's normal and we all do it.

One day someone will come along who deserves you.
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Old 01-21-2012, 11:09 AM   #830
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Laurie,
Those first couple V-Days were hard for me too. I would get a pang in my gut just thinking about it.

Christmas hit me hard this year. Came out of nowhere. I was weepy for 2 weeks.

While we are better off, there still are certain things that we feel the loss of.
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Old 01-28-2012, 08:15 AM   #831
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Michelle, Laurie and all! Happy Weekend!

How are you all doing? Other than wishing I felt better, things are humming along...we are almost to February. The 14th is only one day, and other than my DD's and Dad, I plan to ignore it!
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Old 01-28-2012, 12:53 PM   #832
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Afternoon! Trying to get the ambition to take down the Christmas Tree! In my defense, we went to do it last weekend, but it was supposed to snow, so I decided to keep it up to see what it looks like with snow outside. Well it didn't snow much, and now I need to retape/duct tape the tree box, which I'm not in the mood to do. But maybe I'll feel more like getting it over with once the decorations are all off the tree.

Yep, I'm telling myself the 14th is just another day. We have plans to attend an Encouraging Single Mother's group meeting that night. It's at a church nearby and they feed the family too. Then the kids go to the gym for activities while the mother's talk. So it should end up okay.
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Old 01-28-2012, 01:16 PM   #833
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Laurie, I did the same thing. I waited until we had a snowfall or two. It was lovely at night with the lights on, snow coming down.

It is one honking big job. I really don't like doing. Once I got going though it only took about 2 hours. But then another 2 hours getting all the stuff out that I had put away so I could put the tree up, rearranging, cleaning, etc...

It is winter, take your time. It really doesn't matter ...some ppl get it down right away. But I know a family that left theirs up til Valentine's Day, then decorated for VDay. Then Easter, etc...

Anyway, after I got done I was sweaty and stinky and had myself a lovely bath and did a few extra things....a bit of a home spa kind of time. Be sure to treat yourself!
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Old 01-28-2012, 01:40 PM   #834
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I didn't even put up a tree this year, just because I didn't want to do all the work to take it down. Me bad? But I guess you can't do that if you have small kids still at home. I rationalized it by the fact that my living room is decorated in red & green all year long and I collect angels and they are everywhere so it always looks like Christmas. I did miss the lights and stuff but there is always next year.
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Old 01-28-2012, 01:56 PM   #835
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Renee, I would have preferred not to also. It was for my 20 something daughters and my 83 year old Dad. Only because we would be all together.
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Old 01-28-2012, 05:23 PM   #836
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Four kids here, youngest is 6 so we won't be skipping a tree for a while. The 11yo suggested just taking the ornaments off and putting Vday stuff on it and the of course for Easter... we have two strings of egg lights. Wonder what he'd say if he saw the string of American Flag lights in the closet?!
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Old 01-28-2012, 05:37 PM   #837
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Originally Posted by laurlynn View Post
Four kids here, youngest is 6 so we won't be skipping a tree for a while. The 11yo suggested just taking the ornaments off and putting Vday stuff on it and the of course for Easter... we have two strings of egg lights. Wonder what he'd say if he saw the string of American Flag lights in the closet?!
See. they really do not care...put hearts on, then eggs...it does not even mean you have to change the lights...clear lights with whatever you provide for ornaments is all they care about.
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Old 01-29-2012, 06:13 AM   #838
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If you lot all send me your address via a PM I will send you all a valentine from UK, I'm not going to make one, as that would give the game away, but your kids and family will wonder...lol
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Old 01-29-2012, 06:19 AM   #839
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Sharron, oh how fun! Thanks!
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Old 01-31-2012, 09:31 PM   #840
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I'm bracing for more "woe is me" talk tomorrow night. He wants to know if he should watch the girls tomorrow night...ds1 has Confirmation class and ds2 has First Communion class with a parent. So while I'm in class, the girls go to a fun class, then the last hour they go to the supervised homework room, where they can do homework, read, color, whatever until I'm done (choir parents and other class parents send kids here). Last week we did this, the girls had fun, so it's set for 4 wks. Now he comes in and wants to "save the day", well they're fine, no need to change our plans/routine for the next 4 wks. He will play the "how can I keep him from his kids" card...I can just tell. We've been down this road before when I've made a decision and then he steps in to change the plans. Then next week he'll be too busy at "work" or whatever comes up. *sigh*

Knock on wood that there won't be a blow out...I'll let you know.
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