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Old 12-10-2011, 07:29 AM   #761
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My son is 36 years old and still trying to get the approval of his Dad. My daughter-in-law can't stand him (FIL) or his current wife. It's really sad, because my son works for his Dad and Step-mother. They live 20 minutes away from 4 beautiful grandkids and don't see them unless the grandkids are brought to them.

My daughter has finally accepted that he will never be proud of her, or change his ways. It still hurts her, but she will not jump through any hoops for him or his wife anymore.

My DH says you can't change character, you can change behavior, and habits, but character will stay the same.
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Old 12-13-2011, 07:03 AM   #762
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Mary, too bad it has to be so hard on the kids, not matter what the age.

Love the quote, it is so true!
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Old 12-13-2011, 07:06 AM   #763
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Ouch!!! Saw the inlaws for the first time yesterday at ds1's basketball game; I can now see where the sils get their "attitude" from! Fil at least shyly looked at me and said "hi", mil couldn't wait to cruise past me to say "good game" to ds. Not even a glance, or a simple "hi" or anything... even the kids noticed. Again, I'm not the one having the extra marital affair but am treated like trash. Oh well, at least another "first" is out of the way.
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Old 12-13-2011, 07:15 AM   #764
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Ouch!!! Saw the inlaws for the first time yesterday at ds1's basketball game; I can now see where the sils get their "attitude" from! Fil at least shyly looked at me and said "hi", mil couldn't wait to cruise past me to say "good game" to ds. Not even a glance, or a simple "hi" or anything... even the kids noticed. Again, I'm not the one having the extra marital affair but am treated like trash. Oh well, at least another "first" is out of the way.
I'm so sorry they are treating you so badly, when it's their son that is behaving badly. The sad part about divorce is that families feel they have to choose sides, and the kids are the ones that this impacts the most.

I was very lucky, most of my in-laws continued to treat me like a member of the family, in fact, they still do. His sister and I never got along well (she is a very hateful person), so I was overjoyed that I didn't have to be around her anymore... LOL

Hold you head high, and remember... Those that mind, don't matter, those that matter, don't mind.
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Old 12-14-2011, 03:10 AM   #765
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Laurie...I found that blood is usually thinker than water....the X's family treated me horrible...for quite a while..now they see that the accusations were not lies... His family might be in denial yet..not that that is an excuse, but they cannot see the woods for the trees.....I am truly sorry they are treating you like this.... it has been 6 years since the divorce started here and the x's family treat me pretty well...most of them have since my remarriage...I still have their neice and nephews that they try to maintain a relationship with so to get to my kids they have to go through me... keep your head high...you are not the fault ...smile a little bigger and brighter and stand firm and tall...even if you want to shrivel away...never let them see it! Hang in there and know I am thinking about you! Taishea
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Old 12-16-2011, 09:12 AM   #766
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The girls are making a Naughy/Nice list for Santa, and ironically want to put their Dad on the Nice list...
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Old 12-18-2011, 07:32 PM   #767
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Just sending out photo cards this year, got them free with a $20 Shutterfly coupon from the kids school picture order. Deciding if I should send one to the in-laws or not. I intended to, after all it's just a pic of the kids but it does have my name on it also... but after mil dissed me so obviously at ds's basketball game last week, I lean towards no (even though fil did manage to say "Hi" at least).
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Old 12-18-2011, 10:01 PM   #768
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Anyone ever confront the party that the ex cheated with? by phone or mail or email or text, maybe even in person? Just thinking of what happens on tv and movies and wondering what a real life experience might have been like...
Raising hand waving wildly. I conducted myself with such class that his boss was standing right next to me and didn't throw me off of government property.

I went into his office and asked for the little girl (22 at the time). I had never seen the receptionist there before in my life but when I asked for Elizabeth, she knew exactly who I was and what I was there for so she called the boss first and then called Elizabeth.

She came up and we were right at the reception area so I asked her to follow me to the corner, I introduced myself, and then I took out a photograph of my family and told her the names and ages of everybody in the picture. And then I told her that I wanted their images seared into her head and the lives that she hurts every time and the next time that she slept with my husband. I then told her that she can have my leftovers, wished her a pleasant day, and left the building.
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Old 12-19-2011, 04:47 AM   #769
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Raising hand waving wildly. I conducted myself with such class that his boss was standing right next to me and didn't throw me off of government property.

I went into his office and asked for the little girl (22 at the time). I had never seen the receptionist there before in my life but when I asked for Elizabeth, she knew exactly who I was and what I was there for so she called the boss first and then called Elizabeth.

She came up and we were right at the reception area so I asked her to follow me to the corner, I introduced myself, and then I took out a photograph of my family and told her the names and ages of everybody in the picture. And then I told her that I wanted their images seared into her head and the lives that she hurts every time and the next time that she slept with my husband. I then told her that she can have my leftovers, wished her a pleasant day, and left the building.
WOW, good job at confronting her !!!
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Old 12-19-2011, 06:55 AM   #770
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Raising hand waving wildly. I conducted myself with such class that his boss was standing right next to me and didn't throw me off of government property.

I went into his office and asked for the little girl (22 at the time). I had never seen the receptionist there before in my life but when I asked for Elizabeth, she knew exactly who I was and what I was there for so she called the boss first and then called Elizabeth.

She came up and we were right at the reception area so I asked her to follow me to the corner, I introduced myself, and then I took out a photograph of my family and told her the names and ages of everybody in the picture. And then I told her that I wanted their images seared into her head and the lives that she hurts every time and the next time that she slept with my husband. I then told her that she can have my leftovers, wished her a pleasant day, and left the building.
I have not spoken to HER, I did sort of know her before.
However I think she got a shock when she realised she has taken on broken goods, if it were a car you would have given him back as not in working order..

However she lost her job $20,000, he lost his $75,000 a year job and now are both on unemployment. So I can see the funny side.
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Old 12-19-2011, 07:11 AM   #771
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I have not spoken to HER, I did sort of know her before.
However I think she got a shock when she realised she has taken on broken goods, if it were a car you would have given him back as not in working order..

However she lost her job $20,000, he lost his $75,000 a year job and now are both on unemployment. So I can see the funny side.
Karam, ya gotta love it.
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Old 12-19-2011, 10:25 AM   #772
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Raising hand waving wildly. I conducted myself with such class that his boss was standing right next to me and didn't throw me off of government property.

I went into his office and asked for the little girl (22 at the time). I had never seen the receptionist there before in my life but when I asked for Elizabeth, she knew exactly who I was and what I was there for so she called the boss first and then called Elizabeth.

She came up and we were right at the reception area so I asked her to follow me to the corner, I introduced myself, and then I took out a photograph of my family and told her the names and ages of everybody in the picture. And then I told her that I wanted their images seared into her head and the lives that she hurts every time and the next time that she slept with my husband. I then told her that she can have my leftovers, wished her a pleasant day, and left the building.
I still haven't, although I envision confronting her at some point. Her birthday is Thursday and our girls have their dance parties that night also, waiting to see who he's going to choose or will he squeeze everything in. I also have visions of posting something on FB that day for a short period and then deleting it, just to see if his family notices, but I probably will not actually do it. It's nice to dream about it though.
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Old 12-19-2011, 10:43 AM   #773
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Our state has a political issue right now, the Majority Leader has stepped down from that position but will still represent her area. Turns out she had inappropriate sexual encounters with some legal aides. The news reporters are going on and on about the inappropriate behavior, and actions like this cause mis-trust with the co-workers and she should step down from her other position, not just choose not to run again next term. It reminds me of "dh" and his affair, not just a co-worker though, she is his direct report employee, as in he will be writing her yearly review soon. I just wonder if they are listening to what's being said in the news.
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Old 12-20-2011, 03:32 AM   #774
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Just think you have something she doesn't his kids, by not being mean he can't blaim you for anything, I emailed my ex some facts about his new girlfriend and he kept them as it was slander or so he told me.. Pity now everything in said emails has happened. Bet he has deleted them as he hates me being able to say I told you so.

My xmas will be quiet this year as the kids won't be seeing him as he lives 125 miles away or a 3 hour drive or 5 hour train journey, I offered to pay for his ticket but he still won't come visit. The kids know I was willing to pay as it was them that told him.

As someone said to me on facebook, let it all drop.
Because if you feed yourself poision, you can wait all you like but it won't harm him at all.
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Old 12-20-2011, 05:59 AM   #775
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Just think you have something she doesn't his kids, by not being mean he can't blaim you for anything.

Because if you feed yourself poision, you can wait all you like but it won't harm him at all.
These are both so true, I'm finding out. I was talking with him yesterday and a couple things I wanted to say, but ds2 was already home from school so luckily I bit my tongue so he wouldn't hear it. Glad I did because it would have just started another lashing at me. Like you said, it wouldn't harm him at all, probably harm me more in the long run, and I'm slowly realizing this.

And he's still giving the kids a choice of visiting or not, and ds1 has stayed home 2 of the last 3 weekends.
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Old 12-20-2011, 08:03 AM   #776
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You handled it with such class and dignity! Way to go!!!


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Raising hand waving wildly. I conducted myself with such class that his boss was standing right next to me and didn't throw me off of government property.

I went into his office and asked for the little girl (22 at the time). I had never seen the receptionist there before in my life but when I asked for Elizabeth, she knew exactly who I was and what I was there for so she called the boss first and then called Elizabeth.

She came up and we were right at the reception area so I asked her to follow me to the corner, I introduced myself, and then I took out a photograph of my family and told her the names and ages of everybody in the picture. And then I told her that I wanted their images seared into her head and the lives that she hurts every time and the next time that she slept with my husband. I then told her that she can have my leftovers, wished her a pleasant day, and left the building.
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Old 12-20-2011, 08:05 AM   #777
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Everything in life revolves around this:

What goes around, comes around. Sometimes you get to see it and sometimes you don't. Just had something come about between two people that hurt me tremendously almost 9 years ago and it came back around to them this year. I know I shouldn't gloat or be happy, but honestly it is hard not to!

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I have not spoken to HER, I did sort of know her before.
However I think she got a shock when she realised she has taken on broken goods, if it were a car you would have given him back as not in working order..

However she lost her job $20,000, he lost his $75,000 a year job and now are both on unemployment. So I can see the funny side.
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Old 12-20-2011, 09:21 AM   #778
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Like Mary says, karma shows up eventually!
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Old 12-22-2011, 01:37 PM   #779
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The kids soon get bored with sitting in at dads and wayching the paint dry.

As my DD said, i love her, provide for her and never let her go without, her dad had to be begged for 5 to go shopping so kids to know, who is on their side, even if they play us.
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Old 12-22-2011, 09:26 PM   #780
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The kids soon get bored with sitting in at dads and wayching the paint dry.

As my DD said, i love her, provide for her and never let her go without, her dad had to be begged for 5 to go shopping so kids to know, who is on their side, even if they play us.
Thanks for reminding me of this. The kids are at his place tonight, celebrating Christmas. He took them after the girls' dance party, which of course he didn't go to. Anyway, I can wrap Santa presents while they are gone and get ready for company on Saturday, then the kids are here for the weekend... it's all good, I'm gonna get through this week just fine.

Side note: Ironic for him to take the kids tonight, one right after school, because today is her birthday...hmmm, makes me wonder, but I'm better for not knowing. I think my "anger" if finally easing a bit, or maybe it's just the holidays!
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Old 12-23-2011, 06:15 AM   #781
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Just thinking of you all. I know the holidays are so hard--I think when people behave badly, there's such a drive to want to justify their selfish choices. And there's all the sadness and sense of loss. I got a card from my in-laws this week saying they'd always think of me as their daughter. I sobbed for 2 hours. I miss her and STBX's family so much.

I do feel grateful that STBX has NOT pulled any of this, although admittedly we just share custody of the dog we adopted together. I also wanted to let you all know that 42 years ago, when I went through this as a kid with my parents, they handled it as well as two parents possibly could. There are people who do find ways to put the kids first and make that happen.

Just (((HUGS))) to everyone. May the peace of the season bring you hope, and please know that the parent who does make those choices of kindness, steady reliability, and a safe, caring home devoid of nasty remarks gives their children the greatest of gifts. As much as the kids may not have the perspective to acknowledge it when they're going through so much themselves, in time, I think they will understand the magnitude of that gift--and the strength and love it took to provide it to them.
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Old 12-23-2011, 03:37 PM   #782
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Thanks and ((hugs)) to you too, Jane! I really miss my in-laws too, well fil mostly and a little bit of mil. He would call at least once a week just to share the silliest things. I'd cry after he'd call, knowing what was going on here and that it would change when they found out. I'm still hopeful that someday we can have somewhat of a relationship, since the kids are still young. They do like to come from out of town to the kids events, probably more so than their dad, so it would be nice to sit in the same row near each other rather than across the gym.
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Old 12-23-2011, 03:38 PM   #783
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Happy holidays to all! It will be a busy weekend for all, but I'm sure we'll be thinking of each other.
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Old 12-23-2011, 06:58 PM   #784
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Happy Christmas weekend to all of my old friends from this thread Miss you, ladies!!! I hope all is well with you and send you my love...
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Old 12-23-2011, 07:39 PM   #785
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Anna! Miss you too...Merry Christmas..Thought of you today when I made out my Christmas cards and ran across the one you made me last year....mine are so late this year...might have to send out some next week...Taishea
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Old 12-24-2011, 05:15 AM   #786
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Hello Anna! Thanks for stopping in, miss you too!
I hope the coming couple of days are happy and relaxing for everyone. I am not sure how it sneaks up on us every year.

Jane, your post is beautiful. Ditto, especially your last paragraph to everyone with children. I could not have said it any better.

Laurie, I am sorry about the inlaws.I sure hope they come to realize it is ok to have a relationship with you and sit together in the bleachers.

In the bumps and bruises of life, all we can do is live well and be as happy as we can.
Hugs,
Merry Christmas!
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Last edited by hedgiemama; 12-24-2011 at 05:32 AM.. Reason: said Merry Christmas too many times!
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Old 12-24-2011, 05:56 AM   #787
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Merry Christmas, ladies. May your weekend be calm, and may you feel the peace of the season.

Anna, so good to hear from you. Hugs.
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Old 12-24-2011, 08:10 AM   #788
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Merry Christmas, ladies!

I hope all of you are enjoying the holiday.

Things here are lovely! Money is a bit tight, so I went minimalist with gifts. A few girlfriends and I got together to make Christmas cookies and had a good time. I'm spending the holiday with the guy I've been seeing, having a nice, relaxed time. I was checking out a little kitty Santa had at Target, but figured that my furry ones deserved a good Christmas too and they wouldn't find the kitty hat as amusing as I would. I still have reindeer antlers (for me), so all is not lost when it comes to ridiculous costumes.

*hugs* to those of you who miss good relationships with your former in-laws. When I realized that my Christmases since the divorce have been happy and stress-free, I also realized that all my bad Christmas memories are related to antics of my ex or his family. lol
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Old 12-25-2011, 02:16 PM   #789
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Ok, it's over now, meal cooked, eaten and washed up.

So hoping all your Christmas seem better in the light of being in the past.

May 2012 be the best one ever, for all of you.
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Old 12-27-2011, 07:44 PM   #790
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Ugh, had to call the dad to come make the kids supper tonight. The flu is going around and the kids took care of two meals on their own today but wanted him to get the kids something healthy tonight. (I just couldn't stand up long enough to do anything. The youngest was throwing up yesterday, today was my turn.) If I'd known ds2 could do the pancakes so well on his own, I never would have called him. I dialed it three times before I finally let it go through All he says is thanks for calling me to help...spew, it killed me to do so!!!!
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Old 12-28-2011, 05:04 AM   #791
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Ugh, had to call the dad to come make the kids supper tonight. The flu is going around and the kids took care of two meals on their own today but wanted him to get the kids something healthy tonight. (I just couldn't stand up long enough to do anything. The youngest was throwing up yesterday, today was my turn.) If I'd known ds2 could do the pancakes so well on his own, I never would have called him. I dialed it three times before I finally let it go through All he says is thanks for calling me to help...spew, it killed me to do so!!!!
So sorry you're sick, sending up prayers for healing. I know how hard it was to ask him, or anyone for help. Talk to friends, or neighbors and set up a plan if this happens in the future, then you won't have to ask him for any help.
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Old 12-30-2011, 08:44 AM   #792
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I only ever throw up for 2 hours if ill, feed them Real Coke-cola, not only does it give you sugar for energy, but it washes out your insides, so when you sick up the bug comes out too.

As to not having to ask the ex well....
This is when you teach the kids to cook.

Mine can make basic things, peel veg and put pies in the oven.
I make them read the instructions and tell me what they read.
We also like beans on toast.. had to laugh MIL has never eat that way, yet in UK we love it as a quick tea...

Also my slow cooker.. crock pot... saves the day, I plug it in fill it with meat and veg and walk away.

Hope your well soon,
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Old 12-30-2011, 12:01 PM   #793
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It made the rounds, so all 5 of us had it. Turns out he also ended up getting it from the hour he was here, sounds pretty bad too compared to what we had. Makes me laugh because he was so sure it was food poisoning. So now when the kids go there for the weekend will depend on how he feels, understandably, because I wouldn't want the kids to get it back!

And I need to give the kids more credit for what they can do...they grow up so fast.
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Old 12-30-2011, 12:02 PM   #794
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Holiday weekend again...Happy and safe New Year to all!
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Old 01-01-2012, 03:57 PM   #795
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Happy New Year Ladies!
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Old 01-02-2012, 03:17 PM   #796
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2012...

The best one yet.. promise.
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Old 01-02-2012, 05:16 PM   #797
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Happy New Year Ladies! I finished off 2011 by changing my name back to my maiden name and paying off my mortgage. I am 100% debt free. I also bought my dress for my daughter's wedding and I am going to be hot, hot, hot especially since I have lost 40 pounds this year. I am thinking 2012 is going to be a very good year.
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Old 01-02-2012, 07:46 PM   #798
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Happy New Year Ladies! I finished off 2011 by changing my name back to my maiden name and paying off my mortgage. I am 100% debt free. I also bought my dress for my daughter's wedding and I am going to be hot, hot, hot especially since I have lost 40 pounds this year. I am thinking 2012 is going to be a very good year.
Congrats to you! Sounds like you are off to a great start to the new year!
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Old 01-04-2012, 05:43 AM   #799
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Happy New Year Ladies!!!

Things have been crazy here, both of us have been sick with colds. We are buying a house, so you have all the crazy stuff that goes with that, and my MIL has decided that she doesn't want to pay for assisted living anymore and is moving to Georgia to live with her Granddaughter. She is leaving this weekend, so we are sorting and packing her things up. This is very emotional for my DH and I, we are very close to her, but are also realistic that we just can't take care of all of her physical needs. My BIL lives up in GA near the granddaughter, so he can keep an eye on things.

Then a few weeks after she leaves, we will be busy with the closing and getting the new house painted and ready to move in.
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Old 01-04-2012, 11:11 AM   #800
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Sad that she's leaving but hopefully, she'll be happy with the move. Hope you like your new home...it will be worth it after things settle.
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